A/N: More John Donne. Neither the poem, nor the characters belong to me. It's a quickie, and it's not beta'd. Forgive me.
Air and Angels
Fifth Year
"Lily! Hey Lily!" The impatient voice of James Potter jerked the young witch out of her thoughts. She turned to face the tall, dark haired boy, her green eyes narrowing in irritation.
"What do you want James?" Lily brushed a strand of hair from her face, hitching her book bag up on her shoulder. It was almost time for class and the chill November air made her shiver.
James and Sirius exchanged a look, twin smiles of pure devilment coming over their faces. Lily paled – she knew that look. "Catch, bookworm!" Sirius tossed a purple covered something in her direction – she dodged out of its way, her bag slipping off her shoulder and spilling its contents on the ground. She looked down and let out a cry, a hand rising to her throat. It was her diary.
"I'm going to kill you both!" She balled up her fists and shook, a deep blush spreading across her face.
"Aw, did the little witch not want us to know who she fancied?" Sirius snickered, kicking her papers and sending then flying.
Lily growled, her hands shaping into claws, when she froze, mortified. By kicking the papers Sirius had unearthed her…feminine products. All of them.
"Er…" Sirius prodded one with the toe of his boot, nudging James in the side to get his attention. "What's this mate?"
Lily let out an embarrassed sob, her personal possessions now the focus of her arriving classmates. With an articulate scream she knelt and began scooping things back up into her bag, James and Sirius' laughter ringing in her ears. Her hands shook with fury and she was blinded by tears.
As she reached for the last of her papers, her fingers bumped into a pale, long fingered hand. The hand scooped up her notes, tapping them once against the ground, the mate of the pale hand coming up to straighten the tops and unbend the top page.
Lily looked up and blinked, tears spilling down her face. Severus Snape rose quickly, holding out her notes with a sneer, sniffing slightly. She snatched the papers from his hand and dashed her hand across her eyes, hating that she was crying but unable to stop.
"Aw, the poor ickle Lily-poo," Sirius was laughing so hard he was doubled over, his arms wrapped around his sides. James stood next to him, his head thrown back and his eyes screwed shut, one hand clasped on Sirius' shoulder to keep him from falling over.
Lily saw red.
qpqp
"Lily?"
The red headed witch spun, her wand slipping out of her sleeve and pointing steadily at the person entering the room.
"Severus?" Lily lowered her wand, squinting at the dark figure.
Severus Snape inched in to the Charms classroom, his hands buried nervously into his robes. "Are you –," he made an impatient gesture, scowling blackly. "I had hoped that the professor would deliver a more moderate punishment than for you to clean the desks by hand."
Lily sighed, blowing her bangs from her eyes as she sat back on her heels. "Well," she smiled wryly at the Slytherin boy. "I did sent those two twits to the Hospital Wing, now didn't I?"
Severus' smile was fleeting, but true. "I – also wished to convey my sincere apologies for – for not –,"
"Standing up for a lowly Gryffindor Mudblood?" Lily's smile dimmed and she shook her head. "Severus…" she sighed again and rubbed absently at her thigh. "It's alright. I get it."
"I –," the Slytherin took a hesitant step forward, a pained expression on his face.
"It's alright, Severus." Lily's eyes became hard. She sniffed and turned back to the desk next to her, picking up a brush and dipping it into the bucket nearby. "Go on back to the dungeons. I gotta get to work if I'm to get any sleep tonight."
"Scourgify." The spell hit the desks and quickly passed over them, leaving them gleaming softly in the dim light of the room.
Lily let out a grunt and fell backwards, tipping over the water bucket in the process, soaking her robes. "Woah!" She scowled as the water made itself known to her backside, glancing up at Severus through her bangs.
The Slytherin boy looked mortified, a pale flush rising to his cheeks. "I – shite." The pale face ducked, letting greasy hair fall forward, hiding his expression. "Sorry."
Lily's scowl lasted for a moment before she began to laugh. Severus' shoulder's tensed and he glared blackly at her, spinning on his heel and storming from the room, ignoring Lily's cry to come back.
The redheaded witch sighed as Severus' form disappeared from the door. She looked down at the puddle surrounding her and let out another snort, rolling her eyes in the process. "Lovely. Now I get to clean this up too." She shook her head and hauled herself to her feet, shivering as her wet clothes stuck to her skin. "Perfectly lovely."
qpqp
Seventh Year
Severus watched Lily and James through the curtain of his hair, a scowl twisting his face as the green-eyed girl smiled happily at the Head Boy, her eyes shining. Lily. His hands curled under the table and he turned away from his plate, his appetite gone completely.
"Aren't they just sickening." Narcissa Black – soon to be Malfoy – sneered at the Gryffindors, her pale eyes raking over Lily's form. "She's nothing more than a mudblood slut – an ugly mudblood slut at that. The last thing any of the pureblood lines need is another redheaded family." She sniffed and flicked her hair over her shoulder, turning to Severus with a malicious smile. "Wouldn't you say, Sevvy dear?"
"Don't call me by that ridiculous name, Narcissa."
The blonde witch snickered, her eyes gleaming brightly. "Oh, is someone sulking because Potty-boy got the girl and the greasy worm got left dangling on the hook?" Laughter erupted around them and Severus growled softly.
He grabbed the witch by the upper arm and jerked her towards him, ignoring her squawk of indignation. "I'd be careful with what you say, cow. The only thing dear Lucius needs you for is breeding heirs – you won't see him in your bed but once a year you slut. You and I both know where his passion lies, so shut your mouth and I won't make you the laughing stock of society." Too quiet for those around them to hear, his threat did the trick. Narcissa nodded swiftly, pushing away from Severus violently, color high in her cheeks.
"I hate you," she hissed as she rose from the table, hastily twitching her robes back into place.
"I hate you too." Severus sneered at her, glaring blackly at her as she left the Hall. He turned back to his Housemates and growled, baring his teeth at them openly. No one dared to look him in the eye.
He turned back to the Gryffindor table in time to catch Lily staring at him, her mouth open slightly in shock. James followed her gaze and sneered, leaning forward to whisper something into the redhead's ear to make her blush. Severus shut his eyes and turned his head, not wanting to see the look of disgust on Lily's face. He quickly rose and stomped out of the hall, the small hairs at the back of his neck tingling, as though sensing Lily's gaze on his back as he disappeared through the doors. Lily. He turned his head to the side and wrapped his arms around his middle, accidentally brushing one of Lucius' "gifts" in the process. Lily.
Severus Snape did not cry – but he did go out and stand in the rain, tilting his head back to the skies and letting the cool water paint imaginary tear tracks on his skin.
qpqp
"Severus?"
The thin young man tensed, his shoulders hunching. "What do you want, Evans – or should I say Potter? Congratulations, by the way. The Potter line is old and respected – and filthy rich as well. You'll never have to work again –,"
"Severus shut up." A warm hand gripped his arm, making him jump. He spun, clutching his left arm to his chest tightly, staring at Lily with wide eyes.
"Don't touch me mudblood!"
"Severus!" Lily's hair and robes were slowly becoming soaked as she stared at the Slytherin. A rumble of thunder echoed in the sky, a flash of lightning lighting up Lily's face. "What's gotten into you?" Her gaze traveled to his arm, a line appearing between her brows for a moment before she gasped. "No! Oh Severus, no, tell me you didn't!" She reached out to him but he backed away hastily, snarling.
"How dare you." He let go of his arm and curled his hands into fists at his side. "You don't know anything!" He finally shrieked at her, just to wipe the horrified expression from her face. "You and your precious Potter think you know it all, don't you? But you don't! You don't! Yes," he hissed at her, spittle flying from his lips. "Yes I took the Dark Mark, yes I did."
"But Severus!" Lily shook her head, a sob catching in her throat. "Why? You were never like the others before…"
"Before your precious fiancé and Black almost let me die! Before him and that foul mouthed bastard of a Black humiliated me in front of everyone!" Severus turned away from her, crossing his arms across his chest as the skies really began to open up. "Go away mudblood. I don't want to talk to you."
"Now you listen here," Lily snarled, marching around in front of him. "I know you, Severus Snape, whether you think I do or not. Why? You're not like all the others, even if you like to pretend that you are. So why! Tell me why!"
"Because what Lucius Malfoy wants, Lucius Malfoy gets." Severus stared down at Lily, his shoulders slumping. "And Lucius Malfoy wanted me." He looked away from her puzzled eyes, thankful that it was the rain – not his tears – streaking down his face.
"But – I don't…what does Malfoy have to do…" she stared up at him for a long moment before the realization dawned on her. "You mean he's…" she gaped at him, a blush spreading across her face as she gestured helplessly.
"Bent." Severus spat the word out, watching her flinch out of the corner of his eye.
"But…" Her blush darkened as she looked down.
"Pureblood tradition. I am the second son. I will inherit nothing. Lucius Malfoy is the eldest son, and wanted me. His parents wanted an alliance with my family. My family was more than happy to make such," Severus swallowed thickly. "Influential friends." He shrugged and looked out over the lake, watching the lightning light up the clouds. "Lucius will marry Narcissa at the end of June. I will be in the Malfoy Manor the next night."
"Severus –," Lily reached out to touch him, but he jerked back out of her reach.
"Don't touch me." He breathed in heavily through his nose. "Please. I don't want you to be –," he snapped his mouth shut, turning away abruptly and striding towards the castle.
"Severus! Severus wait!" Lily jogged after him, halting him just before he slipped into the door. She turned him to face her, not letting him jerk away. "Can I help?"
Severus stared down at her silently, a small, disbelieving laugh working its way past the lump in his throat. "What?"
"Can I help?" Lily bit her lower lip and curled her hands into the sleeves of his robes, staring up into his dark eyes seriously. "Please – there has to be a way to – to get you out."
"There is no way to 'get me out', Lily." He mentally kicked himself when her eyes lit up at the use of her given name. "Please – let me go. Forget all about this. Return to your precious Potter and leave me."
"No." Lily's eyes turned dark and her grip tightened on his sleeves. "I did that once before and I'm not going to do it again. C'mon," her eyes narrowed and she pulled the taller boy into the castle. "Let's go talk to Dumbledore."
"Evans…"
"Shut it, Severus. And it's Lily – at least while we're alone. And if I ever hear you call me mudblood again…"
qpqp
"Are you alright?"
Severus grunted at the voice, craning his head around to look over his shoulder. "Lily leave."
Poppy tisked as Severus' abrupt movement opened up a number of his wounds. The medi-witch glanced at Lily, her eyes sad.
Lily eased in past the privacy curtain, her eyes going round as she took in the devastation that was Severus' back. "Malfoy did this to you?" She curled a hand around the bulge at her stomach, her face going pale.
"Dammit, Lily, get out." Severus slapped a hand down on the bed, gritting his teeth as the pain flared in his back.
"No." Lily grabbed a hold of the back of a chair and levered herself down into it. She met his eyes evenly, color slowly coming back into her cheeks. "I'll never leave you. I promise."
"Lily –," Severus closed his eyes and pretended that he didn't feel the hot press of tears behind his eyelids. "Don't. Please leave. I never wanted you to see –,"
"What he does to you?" Lily's mouth drew down into a line as she scooted forward – her chair scraping loudly on the floor. "Severus…" she reached out and curled a hand around his arm as Poppy slipped out of the curtained off area, giving them their privacy. "Let me help, please."
"You can't help me with this." Severus opened his eyes once the press subsided. "Nor do I want your help. The last thing you need right now is to see me like this." He glared at her as best he could. "Now get back to that imbecile of a husband and leave me alone!"
"No." She raised an eyebrow at Severus' snarl, tightening her grip on his arm. "James and Sirius are gone to prepare something for the baby and won't be back for a week. I haven't seen you in ages, and I –," she caught her lower lip between her teeth and nibbled on it briefly. "I missed you."
Severus' gaze darkened as he swallowed thickly. "I missed you too." Her smile could have lit up the room. Severus felt his heart catch as he watched her eyes sparkle – enduring Poppy's ministrations silently when the medi-witch returned, just to hear Lily talk. Lily. They talked long into the evening, her hand warm on his arm, her thin fingers curled tightly against his skin. Lily.
qpqp
Severus Snape stared down at the tombstone, the pain in his chest no longer quiet so bright as it was a decade ago, but still sharp enough to rob him of his breath. Chilled fingers dropped a bouquet of obnoxiously bright flowers near her name, the dark lines blurring as the rain – not his tears – obscured his vision.
Next to Lily's grave was a fresh mound of dirt – tufts of grass were already beginning to sprout from it and the hordes of mourning flowers were already beginning to die. Severus sneered half-heartedly at it, and at the blond sitting on the bench nearby.
"Draco go home." Severus turned back to Lily, his arms snaking around his middle and gripping tight.
"No." The dead voice sent chills down the Potion Master's spine.
"Draco." Severus sighed and turned back to the stony-faced boy. "It will pass."
Draco glanced up, his pale eyes bloodshot and deep bruises marring the skin beneath them. "He said – he said he'd never leave me."
Severus studied the bowed head briefly before turning back to his Lily. "They never do. Not really."
qpqp
The death of Severus Snape was a quiet affair. Living quite past the point of ridiculousness in his own eyes, the sharp tongued Potions Master would have been quite surprised at the number of people that showed up to his funeral. That Neville Longbottom had dared approach his casket was something Draco Malfoy was sure the cranky old wizard was furious about. Where ever he was.
Draco sighed and shifted away from Pansy, a slight expression of distaste passing across his face. It was almost time for him to speak and the pug faced wench refused to let go of his arm.
Untangling himself from his wife – with a furious glance in her direction – he gripped the book in his hands tightly, making his way to the front of the room and facing the scattered occupants. Silence descended immediately.
"Thank you for coming today." Draco looked down at the book in his hands, flipping it open to a marked page. "In compliance with his wishes, Severus has asked me many years ago to read something at his funeral and to 'keep the circus at that'." There were a few muted laughs that were quickly hushed up.
Draco took a deep breath, his gaze flicking up at the crowd briefly before settling back on the book in his hands. "This, he told me," Draco licked his lips and let a sad smile slip across his face. "Is for her."
Air and Angels
TWICE or thrice had I loved thee,
Before I knew thy face or name ;
So in a voice, so in a shapeless flame
Angels affect us oft, and worshipp'd be.
Still when, to where thou wert, I came,
Some lovely glorious nothing did I see.
But since my soul, whose child love is,
Takes limbs of flesh, and else could nothing do,
More subtle than the parent is
Love must not be, but take a body too ;
And therefore what thou wert, and who,
I bid Love ask, and now
That it assume thy body, I allow,
And fix itself in thy lip, eye, and brow.
Whilst thus to ballast love I thought,
And so more steadily to have gone,
With wares which would sink admiration,
I saw I had love's pinnace overfraught ;
Thy every hair for love to work upon
Is much too much ; some fitter must be sought ;
For, nor in nothing, nor in things
Extreme, and scattering bright, can love inhere ;
Then as an angel face and wings
Of air, not pure as it, yet pure doth wear,
So thy love may be my love's sphere ;
Just such disparity
As is 'twixt air's and angels' purity,
'Twixt women's love, and men's, will ever be.
Fin.
(Air and Angels – by John Donne)