so yeah. hope you like it.
disclaimer: I do not own LOTR, but Lavender and the 8th and anything else that you don't recognize as being otherwise I do. huzzah!
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We find our "heroes" in The 8th's living room, playing an obsessive game of Monopoly…
The 8th: Ooh, ooh, ooh! How much do I have to pay to buy The Shire?
…LOTR Monopoly, that is…
Lavender: Umm…oh, wait. That's one of mine…pay up! It's 18 dollars.
The 8th: Awww, man… (pouts)
Lavender: Yes! It looks like I'm going to win this time!
The 8th: No! That's…not…possible… I always win… (pouts even more than last time) Just roll the dice.
Lavender: Okay. (rolls dice) (throws dice) (time mysteriously slows down in an attempt to create suspense as the dice fly though the air) (dice land) YES! 10! FREE PARKING! (moves game piece) (grabs money in the middle greedily) Yay!
The 8th: Whaaaa… (pouts so much that mouth nearly falls off)
Lavender: Oh, suck it up, The 8th.
The 8th: Okay, fine. (rolls dice furiously) (throws dice so hard, they knock down the game pieces) (picks up game piece and proceeds to move it) Okay, let's see here…one, two, three, four, five, six, seven… oh my gosh.
Lavender: Holy Hobbits…
The 8th: YES! YES! YES! I…can't…believe it! I landed on Middle Earth! (the space where Boardwalk would be)
Lavender: (coughs awkwardly) So, you wanna buy it?
The 8th: What do you think? (finds 400 dollars in pile and gives it to Lavender)
Lavender: (reluctantly hands over property) (pouts) I don't want to play anymore…
The 8th: That's 'cause that was the last property for sale, and because you know I've already won.
Lavender: Yeah, yeah… you won…
The 8th: (gets up and begins a victory dance around the room) I won! I won! I won!…
Lavender: (collects all the play money) Stop dancing, and help me clean this up!
The 8th: (picks up the "Middle Earth" property card and cradles it in arms) (has a dreamy expression on face) That would be sooo cool…
Lavender: (looks up from cleaning) What would be cool?
The 8th: I wish we could actually go to Middle Earth!
…Suddenly, out of nowhere, a little blue man pops out of a flower-print teapot on the kitchen counter…
Lavender: (glances into kitchen) (does a double-take) (stares disbelievingly)
The 8th: What's wrong, Lavender?
Lavender: (shakes head as if to clear something from sight) (looks into kitchen again) (looks at The 8th) Oh, there's nothing wrong, it's just that there is a little blue man in your kitchen.
The 8th: WHAT! (runs into kitchen to look) WHOA! IT LOOKS LIKE A SMURF! (runs back into living room and grabs Lavender) C'mon, Lavender! Come see! (drags Lavender into kitchen points at little man) LOOK!
Blue Man: (in his language—he doesn't speak English) I am not a Smurf, you insolent little brat! (crosses arms and scowls)
Lavender: (to The 8t) It looks like he's trying to communicate with us… (to the little man, in a very LOUD voice) ARE…YOU…TRYING…TO…SPEAK…WITH…US…?
The 8th: (noticing how angry the little blue man is becoming) I don't think that you're helping the situation very much by doing that…
Lavender: Nonsense… (to the little blue man) CAN…YOU…UNDERSTAND…ME…?
Blue Man: WILL YOU JUST SHUT UP!
(crickets sound)
Lavender: Hey, where did those crickets come from? (looks around)
The 8th: Who knows? (shrugs)
Blue Man: WISH GRANTED! (disappears)
Together: What the…
(scene magically changes as Lavender and The 8th are transported to…Middle Earth!)
Lavender: (looks down at feet) Ewww… what am I standing in?
The 8th: (pinches nose closed with fingers) I think it's horse crap.
Lavender: Ugh… (steps out of pile and wipes feet on grass)
The 8th: (points) Look, a pony!
Lavender: (turns head to look) Where?
Bill the Pony: Neigh
The 8th: (points) Over there!
Bill the Pony: (eats some shrubs)
Lavender: Oh, now I see him!
The 8th: (turns away from Bill the Pony and sees a lake) (points) Look, a lake!
Lavender: (turns) (whistles respectfully) Wow… that's a big lake… (squints eyes and leans forward) Hey, look over on the other side of the lake…is that…
The 8th: (squints) …what I think it is…?
Together: PEOPLE!
Big, Scary Lake: (ripples in the middle)
…Lo and behold, Lavender and The 8th have stumbled upon… The Company of the Ring!
(to be continued...)
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please review!
love,
dark-hearted rose