Greetings guys, gals, and Non-binary pals!
So, vampire diaries. One of the vampire shows I grew up with.
I have avoided writing about this couple for years.
Here's the thing. I loved Delena, I did, I shipped them, I've made videos about them, I've read really awesome fanfic about them (around the airdate of season 1-3), I sorta shipped them through my fanfics, although in that case it was connected to, a still, active alternate universe series where Elena is a hybrid of witch whitelighter, has six other siblings, grew up in Smallville, where she meet a human Stefan, they got engaged, he got dead, and become a whitelighter, and she gets a family and moved to Texas, and is now currently in the Doctor Who universe with Damon.
Aside from all of that, I loved them as a couple, right until the mid way point of the series, A.K.A season four when Elena was adjusting to being a vampire and Damon was her sire.
That it was the stated reason why they even ended up as a couple at all was because of her dying and that damn sire bond. AND THE SHOW- IT WAS SO MUCH BETTER WITH STELENA AFTER ALL...
Anyhoo, since it's the Valentine's day fication thing that I usually do, might as well do a little something somthing.
WARNING: Only have extensive knowledge of vampire diaries from season 1-3, sorta bits of 4-5, and then I had to wing the rest of it, so don't torch me in the review section.
nighthawk
n. a recurring thought that only seems to strike you late at night—an overdue task, a nagging guilt, a looming and shapeless future—that circles high overhead during the day, that pecks at the back of your mind while you try to sleep, that you can successfully ignore for weeks, only to feel its presence hovering outside the window, waiting for you to finish your coffee, passing the time by quietly building a nest.
- From THE DICTIONARY OF OBSCURE SORROWS
Dear diary, Today's different. Thank god for that. It's the first day of the rest of my life, the first page of my diary, in so many years, and Stefan isn't here.
I watched with my friends, and Damon, as we all said goodbye to him. I told Damon I wanted to be left alone for a while.
When I was in the coma I was for several years, I was unconscious, most of the time. When I wasn't reliving my life before all of this happened. So much has happened since 2009. The bulk of my relationship with Stefan was in a span of a year and a few months. And part of those months they were separated. But they've chanced so much for me. If you were in my shoes wouldn't it have done the same to you?
Why did he have to have said those words to me? I was doing okay, not being with him any more. He was talking about Damon being the better man, the right man. From what he's done I know who was the right man, after all these years at last, too late. And he still loves me.
If only we had more time, a less frantic time, and place, I could have given him so much more than a hug.
I don't know why I wrote that. It's crazy. There's no reason for me to be upset and every reason for me to be happy, but...
Stefan, if you are with me, if you can read this, if only we have more time, I could have changed so much on what should have been.
Dear diary, it's been a while. I've had to adjust to going back to college again, and the year 2018. There were so many things she've had to deal with. The slang for one thing, so many people would use the terms 'lit' and 'fam' and 'bae'. And 'dank memes'. And I had to deal with overhearing that during her visit to UIC. It was a great university, and even if she had to move all the way to Chicago, I would gladly take it.
Damon had picked a nice apartment for two, for them to live in. I didn't mind, and I wasn't too keen on living in a dorm room again. I had made some new acquaintances, and after about two weeks, nothing life threatening has happened yet, but this is Chicago, I would only have to wait another day or two.
My goodness, the city is a different change of pace. While I'm writing in my diary, there's a man on his laptop, in one seat, another man on his really large phone in an different seat, and a teen with a phone in each hand, a bored look on her face. Moving around on the train is going to get some getting used to.
As the trip when on, and everyone in the carriage leaves, I am the only one left.
Until I can clearly hear his voice.
"Elena!"
I turned and of course it was no one there, I was tired, of course I am with auditory hallucinations. Maybe.
Heading to the apartment, enjoying the night with Damon, and then some, it's felt just a bit out of sync.
Dear diary, I did the test today, and I'm not pregnant.
I knew there was a small chance of that happening, with the birth control and the IUD. But when I started to feel sick in the morning, I just had to be sure.
If it turned out to be a boy, I would have named him Stefan.
"I'm so touched."
Those were his first words in a while. They are like an imprint. I could remember his words, but not mine.
"I thought your dream was to have a family, kids. The whole package."
It was like he was right there in the room with me. But he shouldn't be.
"Or maybe your dream was supposed to be with someone else."
I took out my phone and went to this recording app, just to be sure,
"Elena, I don't know how long I can stick around. I only get so few openings as it is."
I turned the recorder on, while I had told him that there wasn't out of the norm for them, given the various amount of stuff they had to do through their years.
"You should have been around 1942, World War two was something."
I remembered saying something about the possibility for a world war three.
"It could be a long way away, or in a few years. Too bad I didn't had the chance to vote in the election two years ago."
I still can't believe that reality show hack is in the oval office.
"Chicago is a nice place, when you have protection."
I smiled at him and I swear I had said. "It's a deal."
And everyday after that, I had started to see him more often.
Dear diary, I feel like the fog is lifting. I can remember so much now, no more short term memory loss for me. I'm adsorbing the Chicago culture like a sponge.
I've decided to see a therapist, Dr. Linda Martin, recommended by Bonnie, who I still managed to have contact with via Skype. I could tell her all my worries, my happy moments, in a way you've don't really provide. A sounding board. I haven't told Damon this, he really wouldn't understand. He's still adjusting to his life as a human, He started to work night shifts.
I'm also remembering things from the past. Like when Katherine was still alive, she wrote in one of my old diaries. She wrote:
Dear Diary: I love my life. Seriously, becoming Elena Gilbert is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I finally have everything I ever wanted. I'm young, healthy, gorgeous. Everyone loves me. But best of all, I'm a vampire again. So, rest in peace Elena. Thanks for giving me your perfect life. And, now that I've corrected the single worst decision you've ever made- falling in love with Damon Salvatore- I'm gonna win back the one thing I've always wanted.
It's been three weeks since I've remembered that passage, and it's like an earworm that can't be let go.
And soon afterwards, Stefan had to go and show up.
"I know Damon has his faults but, you've seen him change!"
"Yeah, for me. It couldn't be because of anything else, just me!"
"But you fell for him anyway, you started to feel something for him."
"Yeah, because I've missed you during those months and I was fighting for us, and you were barely there!"
"Damon has gotten better, he desecrated himself, for three years in order to see you again. Do you see-"
"I know, he told the first night I came back! It all feels different now, Stefan! He's trying, I know he does, but he killed my friend, when Katherine broke up with him, as me. He tried to killed my brother when I said it was always going to be you! "
"Why now, after all this time."
"You were wrong, all those years ago. You can be friends with someone and in love with them. Especially with our history."
I still felt the ghost of his kiss.