1/5/08

Finding Your Soul Mate

When the Cullens each found their soul mates…

AN- I came upon the idea what would it be like, in their POVs, when the Cullens each found their soulmates, and I took off. I decided to start with Rosalie because I already had a specific idea of what I wanted it to be. So this will be a series which means Carlisle and (maybe) Alice get to tell their stories too. Eventually.

Enjoy!

2/23/08- I've gone through and made some changes and added a thing here and there. I took out the whole car thing and the location issues. I also fixed some grammatical errors and sentences to make it flow better.

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is a genius. It's her characters and plot and all. I claim nothing except my interpretation to the story.

Rosalie's story

I was depressed. Again.

It wouldn't go away this depression. I couldn't find a reason to live.

If I could, I would be crying right now, sobbing dreadfully. If I could, I would have lines of worry and anguish in my perfect face. If I could, I would have… no wait, I already have the lavender circles under my eyes. Although at this point, they were a deep purple, signifying my woes. I was miserable. It may not have shown physically, but emotionally…well that's another matter.

Why the depression? That's easy. Because I'm no longer human and I never will be. I will never have a "normal" life. I will never age. I will never have a human husband to love and adore me. And I will never have children of my own. No little one who resembles me and my husband. No precious babe to hold in my soft, human arms and to sing to sleep. All this is lost to me. For an eternity. Forever. Gone.

Hence my depression. No matter what I do, I cannot get over this. I wanted it all so badly, and it was in my grasp! But now I'll never get it. Any of it. No happy ending.

I was sinking deeper and deeper into my state of misery and regret. What I hated about it most, though, was what it was doing to my family. The way Esme looked at me broke my heart. She, as well as the others, was trying so hard. We would go out and shop and then hunt together, but it was to no avail. Carlisle was doing his best. He would do little things to try to cheer me up. But he was also busy at the hospital, so his efforts failed as well. As for Edward, he alone knew exactly what was in my head and what I was going through. He used this to try and help, using his dark sense of humor in an attempt to make me happy, but, like the others, it didn't work. I couldn't shake it. And eventually, it became difficult to look them in the eyes. I had been with them long enough now for it to truly hurt. I know they cared for me, and I did for them. But it wasn't enough. They watched me struggle through each day and night.

Oh the night. That was the hardest and most painful. When there were barely any distractions as in the day. It got to the point where all I would do, when the moon was high, was isolate myself in my room and do almost nothing. I was overcome by the sadness. I wanted my human life back. I wanted this damned eternity to go away. I wanted it to be a nightmare, only to wake up the next day as a human. But it wasn't.

On one particular night, I was completely focused on a specific memory of my too-short human life. I thought only about my friend, Vera, and her family, especially her little boy. Oh, that darling, precious child! He had the sweetest face, with rosy cheeks and tiny dimples that accentuated them. His eyes were a bright blue that opened wide in surprise when you tickled him. His toothless grin melted your heart every time, and his head was covered in dark brown little spiral curls that were soft to the touch. I would squeeze his chubby little thighs and kiss his little tummy so that he produced the sweetest laughter. He was all anyone could ever want. I was envious to no ends of Vera. She had the perfect family: a husband who loved and adored her, and the most angelic little baby. And I wanted it all. But I would never get it. I almost went over the edge that night. I knew that if I didn't just leave soon, I would crack.

Then, one day all too soon, it became too much, just like I knew it would. I couldn't stand still, I couldn't be here. I needed to go. I didn't care where. I just needed to leave. Even though I needed my family desperately, I couldn't do this to them anymore. I just needed to escape, at least for a short while.

"You're leaving?" Esme said dejectedly.

"I have to."

"But why? Oh Rose, please don't go. We need you."

"Rosalie," Carlisle said, "You are a part of this family. We do need you."

"I understand, I know," I replied. "But I can't look at you all without seeing the damage I'm causing. I don't want to keep doing that to you. I just need to get away for awhile."

"But you will come back," Edward said with an amount of certainty, but I could still hear the smallest hint of doubt. He could read my thoughts, but he couldn't see the future. "We want you to come back."

"I…I will. I promise. To the best of my ability, I promise. I'll come back. I just need to get out."

Carlisle looked at me with such a genuine compassion that almost broke my heart. "Please Rose. Just be careful. And remember…you're still relatively new. Just be extra careful if you get close to humans. That is, unless…"

"Oh I know Carlisle. I have no intention to harm a human. I wouldn't do that to you," I said hurriedly. I didn't want any of them thinking that I was running off to go against our "vegetarian" lifestyle. I didn't want to hurt a human. Sure I envied them, but I would never destroy their precious life. And I couldn't disappoint Carlisle like that.

As soon as I had said that, I immediately noticed Edward's reaction, small but noticeable, and I instantly regretted saying that. I knew that some years earlier, he had gone off on his own for awhile, living a different lifestyle. A normal vampire lifestyle, that is. But he had returned to Carlisle's way after a time. He called them his rebellious years. But I still felt horrible for the way I said that, making him feel guilty for his past actions and me acting like I was better than him. Another example of how I was hurting my family.

I directed my thoughts to Edward. 'I'm so sorry Edward. I didn't mean to say it that way. I wasn't trying to…'

"Rosalie," he said aloud, "it is ok, I know. You don't need to apologize."

"But that's the problem! I'm hurting you, all of you! As unintentional as it is, I'm still hurting you. And I don't want to keep doing that. That's why I need to go, if only for a time. I'm so sorry."

And with that, I looked at each of them one last time, then turned and flew out the door.

I didn't look back. I just ran.

My biggest worry was the same as Carlisle's. Sure I had made that promise, but sometimes there's nothing you can do when instinct takes over. I would have to be extremely cautious, being only several years into this life. I was getting better, but this was something that came with time. I was extremely vain in most ways, but I truly cared about others, and not just vampires. I didn't always just think of myself.

I ran all night, nonstop. I didn't know where I was going really, but I followed the slope of the land as it started to elevate and become more wooded. This was ideal, because all the trees would make it easier to hide from the sunlight. I followed the growing thickness of green, wanting to go in as deep as possible. I wanted to be alone in solitude. I knew this would be the best place. I just flew past the trees and wildlife and let myself go.

Time passed, and the sun went down slowly. It was then that my senses lit up and my instincts kicked in. I could smell my prey already, not holding back in the least. I soon discovered that the area was populated with bears, grizzly bears to be specific. They made a good feast, satiating my thirst a good lot.

It was like that that I spent the next few weeks. Just being free. It was exhilarating, until my depression, which never truly left, started to creep back upon me. I fought so hard. Nothing would help, not even running. I just didn't know what to do with myself. And, I thought, if I was like this now, how was I supposed to spend my eternity? I had nothing to live for, even though technically I'm not alive.

So I did nothing. I would just stare up at the full moon and sob to myself. At this point, I didn't care if I was wallowing in self-pity. Someone should feel sorry for me. I mean, just look at me! Someone so beautiful should have something or someone to live for. They shouldn't be like this. So it sounds vain to say so, I know. But it's the truth and I'll gladly admit it.

Time evaded me for days at a time, until one day, I decided to venture near humans. I wouldn't get too close, but I wanted to watch them. So I ventured near civilization and wandered upon a park. Seeing as it was summertime, there was a small gathering there. People were having a picnic of some sorts, or so it seemed, since my human memories of such things had fled me. There were many humans socializing and playing with one another. Children were running around, playing their little games as their parents watched on with a careful eye. But what really caught my eye was this one woman. She looked very young, about 17 or 18. She was sitting on a white blanket in the shade of a large oak tree, slightly away from the throng of people. She was slender, with long, white-blond hair, ivory skin, and pale blue eyes. Her hair fell in soft curls down her back and onto the blanket. She was weraing a simple pink frock that seemed to bring color to her cheeks. And in her arms was a baby who could not have been older than a year. This babe had dark curls on his little head and dimples from his smile, and the same ice blue eyes as his mother.

I watched as the woman rocked him to sleep. I could hear the love in her voice she sang him the sweetest lullaby. My heart was aching more so than ever before. Because that girl could have been me. She even resembled me with her hair color and demeanor. And her child was so like Vera's boy, Henry. Had I been human, the tears would have been rolling down my cheeks. The picture was so serene and full of a motherly love that I couldn't bear it. She had all I wanted, and I was overcome with the same painful sadness, only this was so much worse than ever before, seeing it like this.

I turned and ran, needing to leave the scene. I just had to get away from the blinding pain as I ran through the forest, wondering what I was doing on this earth to have deserved this. My stone cold heart was being ripped from my chest.

I ran for what seemed like an eternity. When I stopped, it was twilight. But the sun had disappeared, covered by dark clouds. I slowed down as the rain started pouring. I didn't know where I was, but to me, it didn't matter. I had no reason for anything, no reason to be. I wanted to fade from the earth, from this existence. I had no purpose. I was giving up on all hope of a recovery from my sorrow, my pain.

It was then that I smelled the blood. Rain always seems to intensify smell, and I could surely smell blood. A tremor passed through my body, because this was no animal blood. It was human.

I almost started to panic. I stopped breathing and started running again, trying to get away from the scent. That was when I heard the screams. They were still far off, but I could hear them. Faint at first, but louder with every second that I ran towards them. They were horrifying. They were screams of agony. And I couldn't ignore them.

I tested the air, breathing through my nose tentatively, only to be hit hard with the scent of fresh blood. I immediately stopped breathing again. My mind turned over the possibilities. I could turn around and run away from the temptation, or I could help the person who was emitting the terrible shrieks. I had just fed several times over, but I knew my resistance was not very strong yet. But I couldn't leave them to die, when I could save their life. Remembering the mother and child, I sped off towards the smell and the screams. What I came upon was not what I expected in the least.

When I finally arrived at the scene, I was shocked. There was a young man lying on the ground, covered in blood from the gashes that covered his entire body. He lay there trembling. His screams had almost stopped, and he was moaning now, which I knew was a bad sign. But what I was seeing was his attacker. It was the largest grizzly bear I had ever seen, its claws were covered in the man's blood. It was about ready to finish him off.

Before I could even think, I took out the bear, but I did not spill his blood. If I had spilled the blood, I would have drunk it, opening my senses. And I know I wouldn't have been able to stop myself from drinking the human blood, even though it was already exposed. So I was careful not to bite the bear. Instead I broke all his bones and beat him until he was dead.

When I was done, I rushed back to the man, being careful to take no breath. He was covered in blood and shaking badly, his body covered in the wounds from the bear. Just by looking at him, I knew he was going to die if no one helped him. And then I looked at his blood-stained face and my heart melted.

It was so like little Henry's and his hair was dark and curly like Henry's also. He was young, no older than his early twenties, I guessed. It was then that he shifted and opened his eyes slightly. He gazed up at me through squinted eyes and whispered, "Help me. Angel, please help me!" and then fell into the unconscious. I was speechless and in awe at the feelings inside me. This man touched me in a way I had never known. My still heart felt alive. I knew what I was going to do in that instant, as crazy as it was.

I wanted him. It was probably the most selfish thing I had ever done, but I wanted this man more than anything. I couldn't let this man who reminded me of Henry die like this. Not when I wanted him with me. I was selfish. But I was going to take him to Carlisle so he could change him into a vampire. For me. So selfish...

First, I rid what was left of the bear carcass. I hid it away. His family, if he had one, would think that he had died. I felt bad for this, but he would die without my help any way. I was this man's only hope. And he was now mine. I gently managed to pick up his mangled body in my arms and dashed away.

I ran faster and harder than I'd ever run before, which is saying something for a vampire, while carrying the man, who was not exactly lightweight. It took all of the determination and will-power I possesed and more to keep from drinking his blood. The fire in the back of my throat was raging every second of the way.

But I saw something in his face that kept me going. I could do this.

After running all night and into the next day, I finally made it home. As I neared the house, I shouted,

"Carlisle! Come quick!"

He was there in less than a heartbeat, his mouth falling open when he saw what was in front of him.

"Please," I said, "Save him. For me. I've never wanted anything more. I need him."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Just hurry please. I know he's dying quickly."

I carried him into the den and set him on the couch. Esme and Edward were already there, their eyes wide with surprise. Of course, Edward knew all that was going on in my mind and my reasons.

"Mauled by a bear, eh?" he chuckled.

"It's not funny," I spit back.

"Sorry, I know."

I watched then as Carlisle bit him, on the neck, at the wrists. In no less than a minute, the man's screams filled the house. I cringed, for it brought back the memories of my own pain. No vampire could ever forget the pain of transformation. It's the strongest human memory we had.

While he writhed and shrieked with pain, Carlisle cleaned the blood off of him to make it easier on the rest of us. As I watched on, Esme put her hands on my shoulders.

"It is good to have you back, Rose. We missed you so much."

"I know, and I'm sorry. It's good to be home."

She smiled and squeezed my shoulders gently.

"If he is what you need, then I'm happy for you."

"Thanks, Esme. I do need him. I just can't explain it."

"Sometimes, there is no explanation for these things. There doesn't need to be. Love is enough."

For three days, I sat with this man, whose name I had yet to learn, and held his hand while he screamed out. I soothed him, telling him that it would be okay, and that I was here with him and what he was becoming. Eventually his screams stopped and he stopped thrashing. I knew his transformation was nigh to finished. I lowered my head down against his chest to listen to his last heartbeat, a sound I will never forget.

It was then that he opened his eyes for the first time. I felt myself falling, and falling hard. Something inside me stirred, as if something wonderful was awakening. I could feel the pain evaporating with his smile. He reached up and touched my face with his fingers, an expression of wonder on his face. And then he spoke.

"My angel."

I was in love. I didn't even know his name, but I had found my reason to be. This existence would never make me happy, but I had finally found a way to go on, in this man. I was completely, totally in love.

He spoke again asking, "May I know the name of my savior?"

I giggled and replied, "Rosalie."

He stared at me. "Rosalie," he sighed. "Perfect."

I sighed as well and said, "And may I know the name of the man who has captured my heart?"

He grinned, showing off his dimples. "Emmett," he said.

There was no one but us. I forgot where I was and who was there. I only saw Emmett. He was everything I had ever wanted, if I had known myself well enough to know what I truly wanted, needed.

He spoke then. "You have saved me in every way possible and now you're giving me your heart as well. I don't know what I did to deserve this."

"You saved me."

"I saved you?" he said, looking confused, "But you saved me, from the bear. I was almost dead. How could I have possibly saved you?"

"You have saved my soul, Emmett. I was living without a reason, going on with out any sense of purpose. I was depressed, drowning in my sorrows, on the edge of losing myself, until I found you. You have given me hope once more. I may never like this way of life, but as long as I have you, I don't need anything else. You have saved me from losing myself."

"Oh, Rose," he murmured. "I love you. I want to stay with you. Forever."

"I love you too and I don't want you to ever leave me," I whispered in reply. I had never known anything so wonderful.

Suddenly I remembered where we were. I quickly looked around and noticed that my family had left the room to give us privacy. I was almost going to call them back, but I didn't want to, at least not yet. I just wanted to be with Emmett, and bask in the love that was radiating from him. I was glowing with happiness, something that I had long missed. And with that, we both leaned in for a kiss, setting fire to our love and our passion.

This was my eternity.

This was my reason and my hope.

Here, in this man, my Emmett, laid my destiny.

My forever.