Hospital Conversations
"Hey, Carrots."
"Yeah?"
"Do you think Clawhauser is gay?"
"What? Why do you think that?"
"I don't know… he's just so… uh, flamboyant?"
"Oh, well, maybe. I don't know, you can't really tell if someone is gay based on their personality or appearance, Nick."
"I know that… do you think the Chief is gay?"
…
"Looking good in that gown, Rabbit."
"Shut up."
"No, I'm serious. You look like a sexy little marshmallow."
"What?"
"Or maybe a sexy little ghost? I don't know."
…
"Nick! Stop throwing pillows at me!"
"That's not me."
"You're the only one in here!"
"Then the place is haunted, duh."
…
"We should have some of this medicine at home, it's good stuff."
"That's called an addiction, Nick."
…
"Stop playing with the controls to your bed. You're going to hurt yourself."
"No, I'm not-Oh! Oh no! Carrots, I dropped the remote for the bed and I'm stuck in an uncomfortable position! Help!"
"Ugh, I told you so."
"Quit saying mean things and come get the remote!"
…
"I'm bored and there's nothing on TV."
"Just relax, Carrots."
"How can I relax when I should be out there making the world a better place?"
…
"I'm kind of craving a Bunny Espresso, we should-"
"No."
"But I-"
"No."
"That's not fair-"
"No."
…
"I won't give up, no I won't give in."
"No, no, no. That song died two years ago!"
"'Til I reach the end and then I'll start again."
"Carrots, be quiet!"
"No I won't leave, I wanna try everything."
"Ugh, stop singing!"
"I wanna try even though I could fail."
…
"Nick, wake up! A nurse is going to bring our food soon."
"How dare you call that slop food."
…
"Do you remember when I kicked your butt in Slither at the café?"
"I remember you cheating."
"Me cheating? Get real, Carrots."
…
"What are you reading?"
"One of the baby books your mother gave me."
"Pass me one."
"Here."
"Oh, nice! Pictures!"
"Nick, those aren't-"
"Never mind! Take the book back!"
"Ha, they're just pictures, Nick!"
"I'm blind."
…
"I love you, Nick."
"I love me too."
…
"What do you mean you don't want to know the sexes of the babies?"
"I feel like it sucks all the fun out of being pregnant."
"You're not the one who is pregnant!"
…
"Flash said he might come visit us while we're stuck in here."
"That's nice of him. When did he say he would visit?"
"Two days ago."
…
"I'm just saying that you have no real need for a tattoo."
"I do too!"
"Why do you need a tattoo, Nick?"
"To look cool. Why else would I get a tattoo?"
"Why don't you get a tattoo that means something special?"
"Like what?"
"How about a carrot for the nickname you gave me?"
"Never mind, I don't want to get a tattoo."
"You just begged me for a tattoo for an hour!"
"You're the one who killed the idea."
…
"Naturally, the cake would be carrot."
"Our wedding cake is not going to be carrot."
"Oh, it's going to be carrot, you just won't get to have any."
…
"Wait, are we fighting?"
"We aren't fighting, Nick! I'm just tired and frustrated right now!"
"Right, we're fighting."
…
"Nick?"
"Yeah?"
"Do you think I'm getting fat?"
"Abort mission!"
…
"What's wrong with you?"
"I'm tired, Carrots."
"Well then stop being tired."
…
"So… did your parents happen to bring any blueberries?"
…
"You know, if I really think about it, you're like an overgrown cat."
"What did you just say to me?"
…
"Ugh, you act like a child, Nick!"
"This is true."
…
"Oh. My. God."
"What?"
"Carrots… did you just sneeze?"
"Yeah, why?"
"That was by far the cutest thing I have ever heard."
"You've heard me sneeze before, Nick."
"Yes, but I've never cared until now!"
…
"If we split up, I would take the kids."
"Technically, my mother would take the kids, so then I get the kids."
"Oh, please! Your mother would take me and the kids."
"So then we become brother and sister."
"Why would you even say that?"
…
"Is it illegal if I steal a nurse's coffee?"
"I don't think so. Why?"
"No reason."
"Nick, what did you do?"
"Okay, before you yell, I was very thirsty."
…
"We aren't paying for the medical bills, are we?"
"No, the Chief said he would handle it."
"Okay, cool, because I wasn't going to pay for them anyway."
"Then what were you going to do? Run away?"
"No, I was hoping you would pay for them."
…
"You see, Carrots, you are what I like to call 'impulsive.'"
…
"What are you doing, Rabbit?"
"Playing a game on my phone."
"That reminds me, I don't really like your new phone case."
"Well, I think your tie is ugly."
"You take that back right now!"
…
"Carrots, can I borrow ten dollars?"
"For what?"
"I don't know, but trust me, I really need it."