Second Time Around
x
Sam fingered the amulet; lately he had taken to keeping it in the pocket of his jacket, its rough texture soothing him as he rubbed his thumb over it.
Since he had pulled it out of the trash-can after their disastrous visit to Heaven; he had hidden it away in a variety of places, hoping that Dean would make some mention of it and he might be able to hand it back to him; but Dean never had.
His brother had never spoken of it again.
X
Sam sighed; he had been shattered when Dean had thrown the necklace away; he hadn't been expecting it and it had left him feeling as if he had been sucker-punched to the gut.
From what Dean had glimpsed of his memories, it had seemed that he had only been happy when he had been far away from his family, but those moments had been just three of the many. Sam had a boatload of other happy memories and all of them included Dean.
He hadn't had any control over what his brother was seeing; Zachariah or who for him, had obviously selected the memories that would upset Dean most; after all the whole idea was to stir up bad blood between him and his brother to get them to go along with the Apocalypse crap.
X
He had often been tempted to bring up the subject of the amulet himself, but each time his courage had failed him; he knew that if Dean refused to take it back, it would hurt him even more than when he had trashed it, and he just didn't need that.
It was strange, he pondered how he and Dean lived and died for each other and yet they could hurt one another so easily; maybe the fact that they loved each other made the bad moments ache even more
X
"Sam," Dean's voice pulled him from his reverie. "I can hear the little wheels turning inside that overgrown skull of yours. What world shattering problem are you trying to resolve now?"
Sam huffed softly and gave his brother a wistful half-smile.
"Nothing. I was just day-dreaming."
"No, you weren't! That was a 'Sam's really worried about something expression'," Dean insisted.
X
"Oh, come on, Dean!" Sam snorted. "Now you pretend to know what I'm thinking about by my expression! If I tell you I was going over the programming of Casa Erotica from last night, there's no way you would know if I'm telling the truth or not," he scoffed.
"Now that, my dear brother, is where you're wrong," Dean answered with complete certainty. "When you're daydreaming about porn, the end of your nose twitches."
"No, it doesn't...," Sam bitched back before catching sight of Dean's ear to ear grin and stopping, knowing he'd been duped.
"Ah, Sammy; you're just way too easy. You fall for everything!" Dean smirked, satisfied with himself.
X
If Dean hadn't been driving Sam would have adequately compensated him for his baiting, but he was nothing if not patient and he always got his own back on his brother sooner or later, so he settled for an eye-roll!
Well at least Dean hadn't guessed what he was really thinking about, he thought relieved, for if Dean had brought up the subject of the amulet, he honestly wouldn't have known what to say.
His fingers nervously increased their rubbing on the little horned charm.
X
But Dean hadn't finished his interrogation. "Okay, you weren't thinking porn but something was going through your freaky brain."
"Dean, really! Can we get off the subject of what I might or might not be thinking about. What's with you today anyway?" Sam exhaled in disbelief. "You must really be low on ideas to harp on at me like this!"
X
Up until that moment, Sam believed that Dean had only been mindlessly baiting him, but he too prided himself as a reader of his big brother's thoughts, and Dean seemed to be nervous, now that he was really paying attention.
"I could ask you the same thing, Dean. What are you thinking about?"
Dean hesitated a moment as if he was seriously considering answering Sam's question.
He cleared his throat, a sure sign that he was uncomfortable; a very rare occurrence for Dean Winchester Sam reckoned, for his brother was nothing if not unflappable.
X
"Uh, Sammy. I..em... was looking for cash for the drink dispenser at the motel last night and I patted your pockets to see if you had any loose change and I well.. felt …. something strange in your right pocket and I peeked.
Sam felt an icy chill run down his spine. Dean had rummaged in his pockets and he must have seen the amulet.
Sam didn't know what to say. Was Dean pissed or what? So he didn't say anything. He just waited; waited for Dean's verdict.
X
Suddenly, it came to Sam that his usually garrulous big brother didn't know what to say either. Well one of them would have to make the first move.
"Dean." "Sam."
As many other times before the words came out in synch.
X
"Dean, it's okay. You don't have to say anything..." Sam began.
"No, Sam. I want to. You picked it out of the trash can. Why did you do that, Sammy?"
"I just couldn't leave it there Dean. I... just couldn't." Sam said hoarsely.
Dean nodded. "I'm glad you did, Sam. I should never have thrown it away, no matter what. It was a sign of all that we've been to each other through the years, and just because I was pissed at you for some crap that the dick angels showed me, didn't mean that I should have done what I did."
x
Sam could feel his thumb rubbing ever more rapidly over the charm in his pocket, uncertain, even at Dean's conciliatory words whether he should pull it out or not.
After all Dean hadn't said that he wanted it back, just that he had done right in retrieving it from the bin.
X
"So you've kept it hidden away these two years," Dean asked.
"Yeah, I hid it at Bobby's when .. the whole Lucifer crap went down, and after I got my soul back I kept it in my duffel."
"So now that I know, you don't have to hide it away, Sammy. You can wear it if you want. It won't bother me."
x
Sam shifted uncomfortably. "You know I can't do that, Dean. It doesn't belong to me."
"I threw it away and you salvaged it, so technically it's yours now. " Dean replied quietly.
""Technically, " Sam agreed. "But it doesn't belong round my neck, so I'll just keep it where it is. Unless of course you want to take it off my hands?"
"Yeah, I suppose I could, " Dean answered carefully. "It's bound give you bother in your pocket."
X
Sam gave the charm one last rub. Maybe all the damn rubbing had brought him luck!
He pulled it out and handed it to his brother. It dangled between them for a moment, before Dean's hand closed over it and he settled it around his neck.
x
They both knew they were underplaying the whole thing, but the amulet had such an emotion-packed history that neither wanted to let their feelings come to the fore, or the mother of all chick flick moment would ensue.
But Sam was 'Sammy' and he couldn't let the moment pass without a touch to his brother's shoulder.
He wanted Dean to know how much it meant to him that he had taken back his gift, and as his big brother's eyes met his he saw that Dean was every bit as happy to have received it for the second time as he had been all those years ago in the crummy motel room.
They didn't need words. They never had. Their eyes said it all; love, brotherhood, eternity; it was all laid bare for the other so see and understand, and it was.
X
The Impala roared in pleasure as Dean's foot pressed down on the accelerator and she glided onwards towards her destiny.
X
The enD