An Odd Resignation
Edward Elric walked down the long hallway to the fuhrer's office. It seemed to have grown significantly longer since the last time he had seen it. Staring down at the object in his hand, he felt an odd, hollow feeling.
"I'm just hungry; that's all," he told himself. "The sooner I get done talking with this idiot, the better." Except that he didn't think he could've eaten anything at all right then. Even the thought of Winry's apple pie made his stomach clench uncomfortably.
He stuffed it back in his pocket, finally reaching the great oaken door. He knocked once.
"Come in."
Slowly, he pushed open the door and stepped inside.
"The door won't hurt you, you know, and neither will I, no matter how much I'd like to sometimes," Fuhrer Mustang smiled.
"Where's Riza?" asked Ed, seating himself in one of the overstuffed blue armchairs. "I thought she'd walk me to your office or something."
"The Colonel is currently occupied with other matters. And besides, you knew the way, so there was no need to take up her time."
"Speaking of Riza-"
"The Colonel."
"Speaking of the Colonel, are you gonna marry her sometime or should I take out another loan?"
"I can take care of my own affairs, Fullmetal." Seeing the strange look that flashed across Ed's face, he asked, "What's wrong?"
"You… called me Fullmetal."
"Yes. I did."
"But I can't do alchemy!"
"About that… I've been meaning to say… I'm… sorry you had to go through that."
"Why would you be sorry?" He crossed his arms. "It wasn't your fault."
"It's just because, I… suppose that losing your ability to do alchemy is a bit like my losing my sight, only worse, since I got mine back."
"Losing your sight wasn't your fault. Losing my brother's body was mine, because I was stupid and reckless. I deserved this."
"You didn't 'deserve' any of this! You were a little kid who missed his mother, and only wanted to get her back. You just happened to be a pretty powerful little kid who could do some pretty destructive alchemy."
"Would you stop saying that this wasn't my fault?" He stood up from his chair. "Everyone always says that I shouldn't blame myself! How many times do I have to tell you? I knew exactly what I was doing!" He slammed his hand on the desk. "I knew it was illegal; I knew the law of equivalent exchange; I was just too arrogant to think about Al and that he might be the one to pay for it! Stop acting like I'm innocent, because I'm not and we both know it!"
As the hits echoed around the quiet room, the two men lived through one of the most uncomfortable silences that they could remember.
"Ok," Mustang spoke at last. Why couldn't Riza be the one talking to Ed right now? She was so much better at this… "So you were responsible."
"Yes. I was responsible. But now Al thinks he's somehow in my debt for what I did to help him, even though I'm the one who put him in that position in the first place!"
"You may have put him in that position," Tread carefully… "But, look at it this way: you could've just given up."
"How can you talk about giving up? I would never have given up!"
"Anyone other than you could have given up, and Al realizes that." Probably. He probably realized that. Actually, scratch that, there was no way Al didn't realize that. Even a blind stranger from Xing who only saw Ed for two minutes could've realized that Ed wasn't one for giving up. "You saw it through to the end; you burned down your house; you became the youngest state alchemist in Amestrian history, just so you could research more. And when you got to the end, instead of even using your father to pay the toll to bring Al's body back, you decided to give up your alchemy to pay instead."
"It's the law of equivalent exchange, like I said. I wasn't going to use my dad as the toll because he wasn't the one who performed human transmutation. By trading my portal of truth for Al's body, I basically changed our original exchange to be my portal of truth for the… failed transmutation, instead of Al having to pay for it with his body."
Mustang sighed. "Equivalent exchange." Shaking his head, he continued, "Whatever your reasons for what you did, I'm glad you did it, and I respect you for it, Fullmetal."
As he sank back into his chair, Ed threw his hands in the air. "You're still calling me Fullmetal."
"Yes, as I have always done in the past and will continue to do in the future." He looked back down at some papers on his desk. "Is there a problem with my using your title?"
"It's just," he swallowed. "Like I said, you know I'm not an alchemist anymore. That's why I'm here. I'm resigning." Digging his watch out of his pocket, he tossed it onto the desk with a clank.
"You're not a state alchemist anymore, Fullmetal." Seeing the look on his face, he added, "And yes, I'm going to keep calling you that."
"But I'm not an alchemist at all!"
"Don't be an idiot, Elric; you're an alchemist. Didn't you learn anything from Mrs. Curtis?"
"What do you mean? What does Teacher have to do with anything?"
"All is one. One is all. You're part of the bigger flow of the universe. You know the concepts of alchemy. You live your life according to the law of equivalent exchange. You've used it to help others and did your best not to hurt others," he looked down, "which is more than I can say. You always have been and forever will be an alchemist."
"But I can't. Do. Alchemy. At all."
Roy smirked. "I didn't say that you were a particularly useful alchemist."
Returning his smirk, Ed said, "I guess that makes us even on rainy days, then, doesn't it?"
"Shut up, Fullmetal," the fuhrer smiled.
Ed continued to chuckle at his own joke for several minutes longer than Roy did. Of course, Roy didn't laugh at all, so it didn't take much.
After a while, Roy spoke. "Living without alchemy will take some getting used to."
"You think I don't know that?"
"Don't be stupid. I obviously realize that you knew the ramifications before you made the trade."
"Then why would you say something that we both obviously knew?"
Why had he said it? Because he wasn't sure what else to say? Because he felt sorry for the kid? "Because, when there's an elephant in the room, pretending it's not there won't work for very long."
Putting his head in his hands, Ed sighed. "Well, you were right."
"I'm often right. What was it about this time?"
"Do you have to be so obnoxious, Mustang?"
"I could say the same to you. What was I right about?"
"About the sight thing. It's like… losing my arm all over again, only this time it feels like both arms and there's no automail that can replace it."
Another awkward silence. Where was Riza when he needed her? After a minute, he cleared his throat. "If there's anything we can do, or if you ever need any assistance with anything, I and everyone at Central are here to help."
"I don't need help!" His eyes flashed as he raised his head from his hands.
"I'm sure you don't. But if you do, just remember that there's no shame in asking for it."
"I'll be fine." Standing up, he turned to walk to the door.
Roy thought for a minute. "Take this back. I don't need it."
Ed turned around again to see the fuhrer holding up the discarded state alchemist's pocket watch. "Are you sure? Isn't that… illegal or something?"
"Since when have you cared about what is or is not illegal?"
"Touché."
"And besides," he smirked, "it's not like you're going to do any harm by doing unauthorized alchemy."
"Oh, just shut up!" He snatched back his watch and turned back to the door. After taking a few steps, he turned around again. "Thanks."
"Don't mention it."
"I won't; don't worry." He raised his hand in a sort of half salute. "Fuhrer."
"Fullmetal."
He finally reached the door and stepped into the hall.
Then stepped back in. "Hey, Mustang, you said you'd help me with whatever I needed, right?"
"Of course."
"Then can I borrow 520 cens?"
"No. Try me tomorrow."
He walked back out the door. "Loser."
"Pipsqueak."
"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A PIPSQUEAK?!"
Ed wasn't a pipsqueak anymore, not by a long shot, but Roy just couldn't resist rubbing him the wrong way sometimes. The fuhrer just smiled and went back to his paperwork, leaving Amestris's youngest state alchemist to fume in the hallway.
And yes, I realize that Roy isn't technically the fuhrer at the end of FMA:B, but he totally should've been. As this is my first Fullmetal fanfic, comments and critiques are greatly welcome. I hope you enjoyed!
~JillianWatson1058