The Best Time
Summary: In which the underappreciated Times of Day congregate to discuss perfectly important matters, thank you very much. AU, crack
Disclaimer: Do not own. Wish I did. D:
Note: ALL Times are present. Yes, I mean all 21 of them, including the ones who died/never appeared in the series, with exception to Saturday's old Dusk. You'll see why it's AU.
When everyone was seated, Saturday's Noon—self-styled President of the Centennial Meeting of the Times of Day—banged a large, antique hammer on a likewise antique table.
"Attention! The Centennial Meeting of the Times of Day of the various Trustees, or so known as the Morrow Days of the House, the Epicentre of the Universe, has come to order. The topic of discussion for this century is: the best Time amongst us, and why we were all eventually neglected."
A mixture of grumbles, sighs, cheers, snorts and glares met this announcement. Seated around the table were the Dawns, Noons and Dusks for all the Trustees. As the topic was revealed, the majority of the Dusks sat up straighter in their seats, and the Dawns groaned and proceeded to zone out from the discussion. There was a mixed reaction amongst the Noons: some looked politely curious, some downright annoyed and others wore strange, mocking smiles.
"Now," said Saturday's Noon, "does anyone have anything to say on the subject?"
Monday's newly appointed Noon cleared his throat. "I have been loyal to Lord Arthur since he first stepped into the House," he said quietly. At this, several of Friday and Saturday's Times made noises of outrage, which were promptly ignored. "And as a result," Noon continued, "the fans love me the most. I am popular, nice, good, good-looking—"
"Good-looking? You're barely six feet tall!" scoffed Friday's Noon.
"Excuse me," said Sunday's Dusk, "you're one to talk."
Friday's Noon frowned behind his monocle. "What does that mean?"
"My brother has been rather interested in the Secondary Realms lately," said Sunday's Noon with a glare at his brother. "He's been picking up the casual speech of mortals ... puns and idions—"
"Idioms," corrected Dusk.
Noon scowled. "Ignore him and carry on."
"As I was saying," said Friday's Noon carefully, turning back to Monday's Noon, "you are but a lower Superior Denizen. You cannot compare to the higher Times, such as I."
Monday's Noon seemed unconcerned. "I do not think you understand me, Friday's Noon. The main thing is that I am on the so-called good side, or the side of the Rightful Heir. Good-looking is a bonus."
"But I have a monocle!" protested Friday's Noon.
Monday's Noon frowned, tilting his head to one side and considering why a monocle would change things. Eventually, he was unable to come up with a reason. "So?"
"Monocles are cool," said Noon, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
"Personally, my monocle is much cooler than yours," said Saturday's Dusk.
"You copied my style!" accused Friday's Noon. "I was seen wearing it first!"
"But I look better!"
"It does not matter who's monocle is better," interrupted Monday's Noon, "because I am on the good side."
"We are also good," chorused Thursday's Dawn, Noon and Dusk in indignation.
"In fact," said Dawn, "we appear in the other Books much more than any of you."
"But we are not as popular," said Dusk sadly.
"You have more lines than me," said Noon, scowling at Dusk.
"That is because Dusks are generally superior," said Saturday's Dusk with a smirk.
At this, all the Dusks nodded in agreement. All the Noons turned to glare at their brothers.
"But that does not change the fact that I am the most popular, even after the promotion," said Monday's Noon smugly. "So now that we have addressed the matter of the best Time amongst us, let us move on to why we were all eventually neglected."
"Wait!" cried Saturday's Noon. "I am the President of the meeting!"
"Can I be the Vice-president?" asked Monday's Noon.
Saturday's new Dusk raised his eyebrow. "I thought we agreed in our first Centennial Meeting that I was the Vice-president."
"Times change," said Sunday's Dusk, "pun intended. You were not even at the first Meeting. Wasn't it Saturday's old Dusk who came?"
"Ah, yes." Saturday's Dusk averted his eyes. "There could only be one Dusk at the Meeting, so we had to, ah, battle it out."
"Did he die?" asked Thursday's Dusk enthusiastically.
Saturday's Dusk frowned and said, "How is one supposed to die in a game of scissors-paper-rock?"
A stunned silence met his words.
"So am I right in assuming," said Monday's Dusk warily, "that the two of you have been using the scissors-paper-rock method in choosing who to attend this Meeting?"
Dusk considered for a moment, and then nodded.
Everyone sighed. Sunday's Dawn, who had been sitting next to Saturday's Dusk, slowly edged away from him.
"Let us just move on," said Saturday's Noon hastily. "The current topic is: why were we all eventually neglected? Does anyone have anything to say on the subject?"
"Neglected!" cried Tuesday's Dawn suddenly, "Why, we didn't even exist! We were merged into one being and then split into another seven!"
"It was horrible!" added Tuesday's Noon earnestly.
Tuesday's Dusk glared at his brother. "Noon is a clean freak. He was awful to live with. I thank you for killing us," he said, nodding at Saturday's Dusk.
Dusk looked surprised. "It was my brother, not me," he said quickly, "but I'll take credit for it."
"But at least you kind of appeared!" said Sunday's Dawn. "You don't even know what gender Noon and I are! I was mentioned for one line!"
"I was ignored too," said Sunday's Noon emotionally. "All I did was hold a stupid net and try to stop the Keys from escaping. It was hard work, and who remembers it? No one! Dusk was the one who had all the screentime! He gets a cool name, too! Why would you want to be called the Sower or the Grower? The Reaper is so much better-sounding."
Sunday's Dusk smirked coolly. "Totally. I know I'm supposed to whine about my life, but it was awesome. Well, except the being-blasted-in-the-chest part. That kind of hurt."
"I was abandoned by my Mistress!" Friday's Dawn piped up sadly. "And then I was forced to cooperate with Lord Arthur. And everyone thinks I'm a girl, just because I'm Dawn!"
"None of you were demoted," said Monday's Dusk. "I had to wear black all day, command people who are terminally depressed, look up to my stuck-up little brother and serve that prick Ar-tor—"
"Arthur," corrected Monday's Noon.
"Shut up," snapped Dusk. "Not to mention, the Will is unbearable! All she does is whine! Whine about Ar-tor—"
"Arthur," corrected Noon again.
"Shut up," snapped Dusk again. "And whine about why Ar-tor—"
Noon opened his mouth to correct him. Dusk shot him a glare.
"Why Ar-ther," spat Dusk icily, "is always in the Secondary Realms, and ladidadida why won't he come back to the House. It's amazing I haven't committed suicide by now!"
"Do you think that's why the Architect made the Will?" asked Wednesday's Dawn thoughtfully. "Because She couldn't stand Herself?"
The majority of the Times laughed.
"Actually," said Saturday's Noon, "your Midnight Visitors are not terminally depressed. My Sorcerous Supernumeraries would out-depress them any day. My brother's always the one running errands." He mimicked Saturday's high-pitched voice. "'Oh Dusk, go kill Tuesday's Grotesques! Oh Dusk, go get the Fifth Key for me!' It was so annoying! And his Internal Auditors are so much stronger than my lot! Why? I'm superior!"
"I was never mentioned," sniffed Saturday's Dawn. "Never! And they think I'm Pravuil! My Secondary Realms time at dawn, not at midnight!"
Friday's Dusk raised his hand. "My Winged Servants of the Night can't speak. They're always going and making new gestures without me knowing. And they always go down to see the stupid Beast. I keep losing Servants that way."
"I barely said a word!" cried Monday's Dawn. "It was all Noon this, Dusk that, and Dawn? Nothing!"
"I'd rather barely appear than be overworked," said Wednesday's Dawn. "Ever since my Mistress ate Noon and Dusk, I've been terrified I was going to die. Actually, I do not know whether I die when I am eaten ... And then there was so much work! The paperwork for a day took me a week to finish. And there was so much more after that. At least I had help when Lord Arthur came."
"You're lucky your Mistress liked you," sulked Thursday's Noon. "We were beaten and bullied by Sir Thursday!"
"My tooth," cried Dawn.
Dusk patted her on the shoulder in a reassuring way. "There there, sister."
Wednesday's Dawn coughed. "But I think that, out of all of us, it is obvious who had it the worst."
All as one, the Times turned to the two seats next to her, where Wednesday's Noon and Dusk were trying their best to blend into the wall.
Dusk paled. "I do not wish to describe it."
"It was ten times more horrifying than anything any of you have experienced," said Noon stiffly.
An awkward silence filled the room for a whole minute before Saturday's Noon tactfully turned the subject away from Wednesday's Noon and Dusk. "Let us, ah, get back to the topic at hand. Why were we all eventually abandoned?"
"I don't understand it!" sobbed Monday's Noon. "I was a Superior Denizen, always loyal to Lord Arthur! And then I was ordered back to the Lower House to do boring paperwork until it got destroyed. And then he started relying on Thursday's incapable Times!" He shot the Marshals a cold glare.
Next to him, Monday's Dusk was looking surprised, but slightly impressed. "Who'd have thought Dusk—I mean, Noon would be so spiteful," he muttered to himself.
"It wasn't our fault!" protested Thursday's Noon. "But Dawn and I weren't mentioned much either. It was all Dusk. Dusk delivering the report, Dusk leading the army, Dusk running errands; I was forgotten!"
"Dusks are superior to Noons," said Saturday's Dusk again, smirking. "So essentially, Monday's Noon, you were demoted."
Noon glared furiously, while Monday's Dusk grinned in a self-satisfied way.
"That's not quite answering the question, is it?" asked Friday's Dawn. "In the end, we were all forgotten."
"Even me," sighed Thursday's Dusk sadly.
"Well, at least Noon and I know why we were forgotten," said Friday's Dusk, grinning. "I'd rather be neglected than punished. Or demoted," he laughed at Monday's Noon.
Friday's Noon nodded in agreement. "Rebelling against the Will, having a good experience and avoiding punishment. And I never even met the Heir prick. I think we're the luckiest of the lot."
The majority of the other Times pouted. "My monocle is still better," muttered Saturday's Dusk. Friday's Noon chose to ignore that.
"Maybe the Heir secretly hated all of us," said Monday's Dusk. "I know he hated me, for one."
"He did not hate you!" snapped Monday's Noon. "You just went against him."
"Isn't that dictatorship?" asked Tuesday's Dawn.
"Well," said Friday's Dawn, "aren't the Trustees all just dictators anyway?"
The majority of the Times turned to glare pointedly at him. Dawn conspicuously shifted his chair away from the table to avoid the glares. "Nothing. Carry on."
"Were we abandoned because we were not strong enough?" asked Thursday's Noon after some time.
"I thought we were plenty strong," said Monday's Noon. "Though Lord Arthur did grow much stronger than anyone else."
"So is that it?" snapped Monday's Dusk. "He abandoned us because he was stronger than us and wanted to do everything independently? So basically he hates working together?"
Thursday's Dawn shook her head. "I don't think that's it. He always gets General Turquoise Blue to help. Why not us?"
"He hates Denizens," sighed Sunday's Dusk, "and likes stealthily entering demesnes."
"We aren't stealthy enough for him?" sniffed Thursday's Dusk.
"Well," said Tuesday's Noon thoughtfully, "it's true we can't go on the Improbable Stair ... and he probably doesn't trust us. Not fully, at any rate. I think the only ones would be Thursday's Times and Monday's Noon.
At this, Monday's Noon grinned to himself and the Marshals exchanged pleased looks.
"But you were still forgotten," snapped Monday's Dusk.
"So," said Saturday's Noon, "as a summary, Monday's Noon is the best Time and the Heir hates us because—"
"He doesn't hate you!" sighed Monday's Noon, exasperated.
"Monday's Noon? The best? I'm definitely better than a lower Superior Denizen!" proclaimed Saturday's Dusk.
"My monocle is cooler!" sneered Friday's Noon.
"I appeared first!" announced Monday's Dusk.
"I was the most loyal!" said Thursday's Dusk.
"I'm the prettiest!" declared Wednesday's Dawn.
The noise began to become unbearable as almost all the Superior Denizens added their voice to the argument.
As they continued, Saturday's Noon rubbed his temples, feeling a headache coming on. "Meeting adjourned! See you all next century!" he yelled over the noise, then turned and fled the room.
A/N: Was it good? ^^ All 21 Times appeared, with some speaking more than others because I know their personalities better. Am I right in assuming that Monday's Dusk-turned-Noon is the most popular? If not, I apologise.
I had a lot of fun writing this xD Won't pester to review or anything. But reviews are very nice. And appreciated. 8D
-CC