Note: erm, this is my first fanfic, so be nice. I wanted to do it from Kaidan's point of view, and his opinions on Shepard's relationships with the crew.
basically he's jealous, which is fair enough. anyway, enjoy:)
Jealousy
Kaidan didn't have a clue what to do.
Shepard was no longer his, so he didn't get to feel anything about the fact she was being extremely flirtatious with a certain lieutenant. Though he didn't get to feel anything, it didn't mean he didn't. And Kaidan felt jealous.
Back on the SR1, he'd always felt a little competition with Liara. But who wouldn't? She was beautiful and smart, and Shepard clearly enjoyed her company. And there was the whole mind melding thing... It gave the pair a certain closeness that he would never understand. They'd shared thoughts, feelings, memories. He could never compete with that. Of course, Shepard could tell him what she thought, and express feelings, but he'd never be able to look back upon a memory with her, and understand exactly what she had felt in that moment.
And Liara was clearly in love with Shepard. Maybe she'd moved on now, but after Shepard's death, Liara had become a wreck. She'd cried for days, only allowing Tali in her room, and according to Doctor Chakwas, she had taken heavy sleeping medication. It all seemed so different to him. Of course he'd cried. They all had. Shepard, their best friend, talented leader and outstanding soldier was gone. But once they'd got over the initial shock and heartbreak, he was more than happy to talk about her. Laugh about all the crazy times they'd shared. They'd all gone their separate ways though, without their 'immovable centre' to hold them together, and he'd dedicated himself to his career.
And his career had always been enough. Until Shepard of course. Then they'd met again on Horizon and she was with Cerberus. She was there, but he couldn't hold her. Couldn't tell her he loved her anymore. Couldn't do anything to her, because as far as he knew she was a clone, a replica a Cerberus puppet. He'd turned his back on her. Called her a traitor. Now he was with her again, he wished more than anything that he could change the past.
But Shepard had moved on. Or she was doing a good job of it. Everything seemed so awkward after Mars and the Citadel attack. They'd had words of course, but words didn't mean anything unless you could prove them. And she said everything was fine. But he still couldn't bring himself to have that conversation with her; the one which was so badly needed but so easily put off. What if she didn't feel anything? He hadn't been there for her during the suicide mission, but he'd heard enough rumours about the 'closeness' of her crew members, especially the handsome human he'd seen with her on Horizon. Not that it was said anything had gone on, but... Rumours were rumours after all.
And there was that thing with Garrus too. He'd always seen Garrus as a close friend, but maybe he'd had a thing for Shepard too. It wouldn't have surprised him. Not many people could deny being attracted to Shepard. They had a history too, a shared triumph, and he'd easily been able to look past the Cerberus thing. Shepard had saved his life more than once, and Shepard had been distraught after he'd nearly died as Archangel. The pair were extremely comfortable around each other, and so the rumours spread like wildlife about the nature of their relationship.
Finally there had been the drell assassin who had spoken to him whilst they'd both been in hospital. He was kind, and clearly regretted his past wrongdoings. They'd spoken about his son, and about their times together with the Commander. She got to know her crew, and Shepard had supported him when he'd had difficulty with the only family he had. Thane had died, during the coup attempt, and it had greatly saddened Kaidan. He'd given his life for a complete stranger, rather like his wife had nearly done all those years ago. Shepard was obviously incredibly upset also. He'd prayed for her, in those final moments, dedicating his last words to her. And a tear fell down her cheek, the first Kaidan had seen in a long time. To survive a suicide mission, but be lost to politics... It was all too familiar.
But all these 'relationships' were just rumours. Not like their relationship. But they'd danced around each other for so long, so naive and willing to follow regulations back then. An Alliance soldier, through and through. They'd finally got together, that night before Ilos. It was perfect. But he hit himself for remembering such a thing, for remembering a time when she'd cared.
He could see it now. Shepard and Vega... James was the type of man who'd hit on any attractive woman. And Shepard certainly was attractive. But it was different, he could tell. Kaidan caught the admiring looks James sent her on missions. He'd seen them in the garage, laughing and flirting and 'dancing.' Vega even gave her a nickname, one she pretended to hate, obviously. He was definitely interested in her, and though he didn't seem like her type, anything could happen. Maybe it was all one sided... Or maybe that was just wishful thinking. It wasn't like Shepard didn't flirt back. And he was pretty sure Vega had had heart failure when Shepard had invited him up to the Loft for a 'talk.'
No, Kaidan was definitely screwed. And it wasn't like he could remove his paranoia by asking her - she'd brush him off easily. She had a skill with words and a much better diplomat than most of the politicians he knew.
So he'd have to keep his feelings to himself, for now. Maybe next time they were on the Citadel, he'd ask her out for dinner or something. Clear the air.
But until then, he'd have to put up with those admiring glances from Vega, and irritating rumours about how Shepard was shagging everyone on the ship. He didn't know if he could put up with it for much longer though.