Note: If epilepsy/seizures is something that makes you uncomfortable in any way, do not read this story!
Note #2: I did a lot of research on epilepsy and seizures before beginning to write this. That being said, I myself do not have epilepsy and I do not know anyone who has epilepsy. So if anything written is inconsistent or false, please come let me know, and I will work to change it so that it is correct. If you have any questions about whether or not something is correct or not, please come ask me about it. Don't be afraid to talk to me about it even if it is correct. Researching it was not only so that I could write everything correctly, but I also plan to go to medical school, so it's also highly interesting to me.
Without further ado, enjoy!
Alec automatically got out of bed as quickly as possible when he heard Max cry out. He knew that no one else would hear Max, but he had trained himself long ago to wake up when Max called out, just as he always did just before he had a seizure. Max was eight now, but he'd been diagnosed with epilepsy at the age of three, and Alec had been the one to take care of him ever since. Most of the time, Alec was the only one Max would let touch him after a seizure. And the only time that ever changed was if Alec was gone for one reason or another. But even then, Max would ask for Alec no matter the situation.
Rushing into Max's room, Alec turned him onto his side as gently and quickly as possible. Sometimes Max would vomit during a seizure, sometimes he wouldn't, but keeping Max on his side was the safest option for a lot of reasons. If he did vomit, he wouldn't choke on it, but it also kept him from hurting himself while seizing. Alec moved to place Max's head on his lap, running his hand through Max's hair, knowing that it would comfort Max the most. When Max began convulsing, Alec didn't try to hold him down, he simply made sure that Max didn't fall off of his bed while seizing.
The convulsion part of Max's seizures generally lasted anywhere from two to four minutes, and this one was no different, ending after about three minutes. Max's convulsions slowed until they finally stopped, and Alec waited until Max relaxed back onto the bed of his own accord before quickly moving off of the bed to turn on the lamp and grab the book he knew was on Max's nightstand. As gently as he could, Alec moved to place Max on his lap, wrapping his arms around his little brother so that he could place his chin on Max's head and read the book.
Max almost immediately turned to hold onto Alec's shirt, pressing his face into Alec's chest. Alec knew this was likely because of how scared he was; most of the time, Max would see hallucinations when he seized, objects that weren't really there. And the majority of the time, Max's hallucinations would be demons, which generally scared Max even more than his seizures. They'd figured out long ago that if Alec read to him after a seizure, that would help calm him down, almost as though being able to focus on Alec's voice helped him hold onto reality, helped him hold onto his safety. So Max kept a book on his nightstand, and when they finished that book, he would pick out another and keep it in the very same place.
After several pages, Alec began to feel Max relax. He could never be entirely sure of how much Max had recovered from the seizure until Max spoke to him, the seizures usually impairing his speech and even his ability to walk for up to a few hours after it. But that was usually only on the worst of days; if he'd had multiple seizures that day, it would take him longer to recover from each of the next ones. After about half an hour of reading, Max spoke up, his speech slow but clear. "Alec?" he asked, his voice soft. "Will you stay with me tonight?"
It was nights like these that tore at Alec's heart the most. On nights like these, Max was terrified, and it was all Alec could do to keep his own emotions hidden. He simply moved to help Max lie down, placing the book on the nightstand and turning the lamp off before lying down beside of Max and pulling his little brother into his arms once more. Max reached for one of his hands, and Alec gave it a gentle squeeze, completely at a loss for any words that would comfort Max.
Alec tried to tamp down a wave of guilt. Epilepsy wasn't something Max had been born with, and Alec had always blamed himself for what had happened to cause it. When Alec had agreed to take Max out with him on a last-minute errand, he'd never imagined that they would be attacked by a demon. Alec knew that his thirteen-year-old self could have easily handled the demon and kept Max safe if they hadn't been at the top of a flight of stairs, just a few blocks from home. Alec had screamed at Max to stay right where he was, but when Max had tried to step away from the fight, Alec couldn't catch him in time to keep him from falling down those stairs.
At first, they had thought Max was going to be fine, but they'd called in Catarina Loss when Max had started seizing for the first time. His parents weren't aware that he'd heard when Catarina told them that head trauma could induce epilepsy. His parents weren't aware that he'd heard his mom crying, saying how she wished they hadn't let Alec take Max out with him that night. Alec could still see Max falling; he could still hear Max crying out for him. The only thing Alec could do to keep from allowing the tears to roll down his face was to hold Max tighter and move to kiss Max's forehead.
"Alec?" Max asked again, his voice soft with sleep. "It wasn't a demon tonight," he continued, and Alec knew he was referring to his hallucinations. Alec reached up to wipe the hair out of Max's eyes, but he was also checking to see if Max was sweating. The fact that Max wasn't sweating tonight was a very good sign, but Alec couldn't ignore the fear in Max's voice. "It was you, but you were hurt," Max finished, and Alec hugged him even tighter, fully aware of the fact that there were tears evident in Max's voice.
Max's hallucinations were generally just objects, but they mostly always ended up being demons or even people. "I'm okay, Max," Alec said, trying to keep his voice as tight and controlled as possible. "It wasn't real; I promise you that. I'm gonna keep you safe." Alec smiled softly when Max moved even closer toward him. Somehow, being with Max like this made him feel safer as well, as though nothing would ever go wrong again. But he knew that wasn't true, he knew that wasn't reality.
"What if it ends up being real, Alec?" Max asked, causing Alec to start rubbing his back when he heard that the tears were obviously streaming down Max's face. He could feel the tears on his shirt, and all he could do was wish beyond belief that there was something he could do to stop them, that he hadn't been the one to cause them in the first place. "What if you get hurt?" Max's voice was almost desperate.
"Even if I got hurt, Max, which I won't," Alec idly wondered whether he was trying to convince Max or himself. Every time they went out on a mission, Max would be near tears, scared of what would happen if he seized while they were gone, scared of what would happen if Alec got hurt. "Jace and Izzy know how to take care of you. They would never let anything happen to you. Ever." Alec almost added the thought that they might be better at taking care of Max than he was, but that was a thought best left in his own mind.
When Max remained silent for several minutes, Alec thought he'd finally fallen asleep, but he knew it would be a while before he was able to fall asleep himself. Just before Alec fell asleep, however, Max's voice floated up toward him again. "I love you, Alec," was all that he said, but it was enough to finally draw the tears from Alec's eyes. He didn't move to wipe them away, he didn't want Max to know that they were there, so he simply kissed Max's forehead once more and allowed sleep to take them both.
Going out on a mission the next night was absolute torture for Alec. It had been a particularly bad day for Max. It simply depended on the day as to how many seizures Max would have; sometimes he only had one, but sometimes he had as many as six. Max had already had three, and Alec was fairly certain that he would have at least one more that night. But he had to go on the mission. Not only was it sanctioned, but he couldn't leave Jace and Isabelle alone. So he'd had to leave Max with a book and pray that he didn't seize. He knew his parents could take care of the seizure, but that wasn't the problem.
The problem was the fact that Alec absolutely did not want to deal with going to the mundane club; he didn't want to deal with having to constantly check his phone while also making sure Jace didn't do anything stupid, as he was generally prone to doing. He didn't want to think about Max's tear-soaked face or anything that made him feel as though he'd abandoned his little brother. "Did you get Max to eat?" he texted his mom.
When Alec had asked Catarina to teach him how to take care of Max, she'd done so without question. But even then, he'd spent countless hours on the internet and in the mundane library, searching for absolutely everything he could find about epilepsy. Low blood sugar was one thing that would trigger seizures, so Alec kept Max on a strict eating schedule. When Alec was away, it had become his habit to make sure whoever was with Max stuck to that schedule as well. Jace shot him a look that said he needed to pay attention to the mission, but that was almost the last thing Alec could do.
Dealing with the apparent mundane girl who seemed to have the Sight was essentially the icing on the cake for Alec that night. Just as Jace engaged with the girl who was screaming her head off as though they'd actually truly killed a mundane, Alec's phone began vibrating, and he had the sinking feeling that his mom wasn't telling him that she'd kept Max on schedule. "Look, I can't deal with this right now, Jace," he said when Jace tried to bring him into the situation at hand. "Finish the mission so that I can get back to Max." He waved his phone at Jace after looking at the text, knowing that Jace would understand that Max was seizing.
By the time Alec finally got home, Max was already asleep. His mom tried to stop Alec on the way to Max's room, but Alec easily moved away from her. Alec waved her off; the only thing he currently wanted was to be by Max's side. "We'll talk in the morning," he said, when she asked to speak with him. He tried to make his voice gentle, but the entire night had put him on edge in every way, and he couldn't help but try to get to Max as soon as possible. "I don't have the energy for anything else tonight, Mom; I'm sorry." Alec hated the way he hardly had the energy for anything these days.