A/N: The characters that I will use in this story were created by Nagaru Tanigawa and the plot is generally his too. Disappearance of Haruhi Suzumiya spoilers since this takes places within the events of the novel and anime movie. If you don't want it to be spoiled, stop reading now. Make sure to buy the DVD when it comes to North America or when it comes to your area of the world(The Blue Ray and DVD are already out in Japan, so you should already own it or in the process of buying it). Warning: Angst and very strong Kyon X Haruhi to follow.

Stages of Haruhi

Chapter 1: Denial

December 18, 2010 3 PM JST

This cannot be happening. I had today planned out perfectly, we were supposed to hammer out the details of the SOS Brigade Christmas Party and we were supposed to work out the details of the SOS Brigade Christmas Parade, and then go shopping for things we needed including the fabric for the reindeer costume. Then we would have rehearsed with Santa and her reindeer, and I would have made those two be ready for the parade in their sleep. It would have been the best thing we had ever done. Then….then. I don't want to think about it. This cannot be happening to me, my Brigade is supposed to be invulnerable. None of my minions can be hurt. I won't tolerate it!

"Suzumiya-san" Koizumi is saying to me. That's right, I have to be strong. I am their Chief. "My uncle said he'd take care of this. He will be in good hands."

I have to be strong for them. I cannot let Koizumi see me cry, even if he is my deputy. "I would expect no less of my Vice Commander," I tell him in a brave voice that I know I wouldn't believe if I were him. We walk over to where the others are waiting. Mikuru, Yuki, Taniguchi, Kunikada, Tsuruya and Okabe are there. Mikuru is still sobbing and Tsuruya is trying to comfort her. Taniguchi and Kunikada look dazed and this is the most silent Taniguchi has ever been. Yuki is as stone-faced as usual. That girl has got to stop keeping her emotions bottled up like this. Then again, I am one to talk aren't I? Okabe is mumbling something to himself. Probably something about handball. Koizumi and I took our seats a little further from the others.

"There are times where I want to pinch myself and see if this is all just a nightmare" Koizumi said. "Or I keep hoping Ashton Kutcher is going to come out here and tell us that we've all been "punk'd". I was also hoping somebody would come out and let us know that this was all a sick prank. But I know there was no way in which that was possible. I also want this all to be just a nightmare that I was having, but I know that I am fully awake.

"I'd give him a huge penalty if he was pulling a stunt like that." I tell him. "I don't see how anybody would think something like that is even remotely funny. And yes, it feels very unreal to me too." The reason why I wish this wasn't really happening is so I don't have to feel like this was somehow my fault. I also wonder if any of my subordinates or the others here are secretly looking at me with the eyes of judgment, as if they also believe that I was responsible for his injury. "I want to stay here with him. I'm his Chief, I should be here when he wakes up."

"Do you want us to be here with you?" he asks me.

"Great idea, Koizumi-kun. That way he'll be sure to have one of us there. You don't have to be here the whole time though. You three should rotate shifts so each of you can get rest. I won't have any of my subordinates risking their health by not getting enough sleep." He looks relieved at this pronouncement, as if I was taking a burden off his shoulders. "Make sure to tell Mikuru-chan and Yuki-chan that I mean business. I won't have them catching a flu bug because they didn't get enough rest. Tell them that Kyon-kun is mainly my responsibility not theirs." I am trying not to cry. Yes, I can do this. I can be strong for them.

"You can count on me." Koizumi tells me. Then he goes over to pull Mikuru and Yuki aside and tell them my directives. All things aside, I am a benevolent leader of the SOS Brigade. I just wonder why Kyon couldn't see it. The reason why I decided to have the Christmas party was to make sure that nobody was lonely for the holidays. I know Yuki lives alone, and I often wonder about her.

I think back to just before I felt like I was having the worst nightmare of my life. It had been a little after noontime when we had adjourned our meeting concerning the day's business: shop for decorations, and assemble Kyon's reindeer costume because Santa's granddaughter has to ride on something. It just has to be that way. Naturally, he had been somewhat reluctant to go along with this, but then I persuaded him that he had no other choice. Naturally, I had taken point because I am the fearless leader, and Kyon brought up the rear because I think he likes to walk slowly and think. He does seem to think to himself a lot. If only he'd let me into his head once in a while. I had reached nearly halfway down the stairwell when I suddenly heard something coming towards us, and then I had seen that Kyon was falling past us. On instinct, I had turned to where he had been, and I could have sworn that I saw a girl near where Kyon was but then wasn't. I had turned back to see if he was OK, and he was just laying there not moving. I had felt like I was almost frozen. Kyon…he couldn't be dead, right? Yuki had rushed off to call for an ambulance which probably had saved his life. Mikuru had already begun sobbing uncontrollably, and Koizumi had looked like a deer caught in headlights. By the time that ambulance had arrived, a crowd had gathered not far from where we were. Had they been curious as to who had been hurt or were they concerned like the Brigade? It hadn't been my fault, but I felt like the eyes of the world were upon me.

I snap back to the here and now as Yuki and Mikuru gather to where I am and Koizumi is also with us. The waiting room itself had a certain naturally antiseptic feeling to it with really uncomfortable cahirs and the baited breath of all of us who were waiting for news. The two girls tell me that they will help in watching over Kyon if and when they give us the chance to see him. Just as if this were following some sort of cosmic script, a doctor walks through to the waiting room and starts to speak to Okabe and the rest of us.

December 18, 2010 6PM JST

It still feels so unreal. It is almost like a nightmare actually. One of my Brigade members is in a coma, and there's nothing that I can do about it. At least I know that Koizumi's uncle had a friend that was able to arrange for a private room in one of the hospitals in Kobe. Kyon's mother had been able to show up so Okabe could leave and not mumble about how he wouldn't have been injured playing handball. Well, I know I am not responsible for it either. It's Kyon own fault for being so careless. But I still feel horrible regardless. He is after all one of my minions….no, that's not correct. He is an important subordinate of mine, and he at moments reminds me of John Smith who made me believe that I can find the special beings that I want to find. He has shown that he is crucial to the SOS Brigade on a few occasions as well, the first being that he helped give me the idea for the club in the first place. He had also helped by retrieving that heater last month. Yes, he was great at doing the labor that I did not bother with, and he would have made a great reindeer. No, he will be a great reindeer because he's going to be OK. He is going to wake up soon, he has to. He'll get a double penalty if he doesn't.

Koizumi and I are going to start our watch over Kyon. He was able to talk the hospital through his connections to let me have a great degree of latitude in visiting him. I am going to have to reward him for being an excellent Vice Commander after this is all over. I would have been a complete mess if I was barred from seeing him. As far as things are now, I think I'm fine. Yeah, I am feeling fine. I'm not going to let Kyon's condition at the moment bring me down. I am Haruhi Suzumiya after all, Chief of the divine and just SOS Brigade, force for all that is good and interesting in the world. Nope, nothing is going to bring me down. Still, why the hell did he pick today to get hurt, the big klutz.

"How are you doing, Haru-nyon? That must have been a megassa frightening sight, nyoro." Tsuruya says to me. I see that Mikuru is still nearby, looking like she has run out of tears and somehow she will find a way to rival the sea in the amount of tears she can cry. Yuki, Kunikada and Taniguchi are nowhere that I can see. I can guess that those two guys got sick of waiting around here, and I don't blame them. Yuki probably went home to sleep because she drew the graveyard shift. Yeah, I still think she shouldn't be so withdrawn.

"I think I feel fine, Tsuru-chan although it was horrible seeing him fall past us and then…" I pause for a moment, as if I can't find the words. Then I regain my composure. "You know what? I won't forgive that big baka if he doesn't wake up really soon. He shouldn't go around scaring me….I mean us like that." She lets out a laugh that sounds half-hearted and as if that was her response to anything uncomfortable.

"You do know that we're all hoping for him to pull through soon right?" she says. She then looks in Mikuru's direction. "Would you mind if I took her home for now? She might need to get away from here for at least a few hours."

"As long as she and Yuki-chan and Koizumi-kun work out when they're going to be here for Kyon-kun, I am OK with that." I say.

"Even now, you are megas organized. You are a good leader, nyoro. I'll take good care of Mikuru-chan, don't you worry," she says. Then she waves me goodbye, and she walks away with her motioning for Mikuru to follow. I nod in silent approval, and then she goes.

Now it's down to myself and Koizumi and soon I will be able to watch over Kyon personally. If he pops up, and says that I'm on Candid Camera as soon as I go into his private hospital room, then I am going to deck him. It's so not funny what you're putting all of you through. It would be preferable though to what we have to deal with now. Kyon is in a coma, and I can't tell him that I am missing him already. Even if he has a dumb ponytail fetish and I had that strange dream back in May, I was still his boss. And I am still his friend, even if he won't admit it.

Chapter End

Small aside: Please make sure to send me a review. I hope that I have the right feel for Haruhi's character during Disappearence with her still being bossy and outrageous but also with a growing sense of others feelings and signs of friendship with her and Yuki that are a factor in the later novels.