Hi everyone!! I have not posted in such a long time. Okay, this story is almost a sequel to "Reflections of a locked room" though it has nothing to do with it, exept the same feelings, RLR is not required reading for this. This story surprised me, I usually hate stories where one of the main characters is original and is female...but I had to, clara is a character from one of my other stories that has not yet made it onto paper. This story can get rather blunt as well, it's a style of writing I'm hoping to break.
Gundam wing does not belong to me....blah blah...
okay here goes...



"Hi, is your sister around?" Worry tightened my muscles as I ran through the people who would call here. I didn't like people I didn't know calling...but this woman must obviously know Catherine, and know her well to know that she only lived with me.
"Yes, I'll get her" I replied setting the phone on the table and going to look for her. I found her in the kitchen, preparing a meal. "There's a woman on the phone for you, she didn't give her name." I said in a slightly bored tone, I didn't want to sound worried...that would worry Catherine.
"Thanks." She said, edging her way out of the tiny kitchen. I stepped over to the stove and pretended to be very interested in dinner while I casually listened in on the conversation.
"You do? Oh that's wonderful! Yeah, I'll tell him...thanks so much, okay...alright, bye!" I heard the phone being put back on the receiver and picked up the spoon, casually stirring at the pot before I had even looked at what was in it.
"What was that all about?" I asked turning my attention out the window
"You were listening to my conversation...weren't you?" she asked, a smile creeping onto her lips.
"Why would you say something like that?" I scoffed and tried to look innocent.
"Because you're stirring a pot full of water." She said calmly before breaking into the giggles she had tried to hold back ever since she had walked in. I didn't even give her the pleasure of a tiny faked smile; I calmly removed the spoon from the water and stepped up to her.
"Now what was that all about?" I asked. She looked up at me, I must have looked a bit worried myself, I could see it in her expression. She smiled a little and set her hands on my shoulders.
"You see I have this friend...she needs me to do a favor for her, or more accurately, she needs me to get you to do a favor for her." Catherine's grip on my shoulders tightened a little. I raised an eyebrow.
"What kind of favor?" I asked
"Oh see, she runs this little school out of state...there doing this play and they need a male lead, I sort of said you would do it."
"Have they such little talent among the males at that school that they would rely on outside assistance?"
"Well you see...there are no males, period."
"Okay let's see...you want me to go and act with a bunch of girls who can't stand the very thought of dressing up like guys for the sake of acting?"
"So you'll do it?"
"There are no guys there."
"Yeah"
"NO!"
"Please?"
"It didn't sound like you were doing her a favor to me! It sounded like she was doing you a favor!"
"Are you implying that I'd set you up for reasons of my own?"
"Yeah...you want me straight don't you?" she looked down and then back up at me unleashing her secret weapon, "Catherine...don't give me that...no not the eye thing! Please, you know I can't stand it when you do that!"

I gave in.

"I just know this is gonna be horrible." I whined loading my stuff into the back of the car, I had to stay for half a year,half a year's not bad. Quatre had come to send me off; Catherine had made certain this would be the last time I saw him for the next half a year. During our touching goodbye scene, I managed to slip the school address into his back pocket. Our goodbye was quite sweet, but I'm fairly certain that Catherine enjoyed it much less than we did. It took twenty minutes to prove that I wasn't going to fall in love with a girl at this school but by the time I was ready to go I'm sure she was pretty convinced. The ride up was long, and quite awkward...after a display such as my goodbye,I don't think she really wanted to talk to me much. We arrived at the school late in the afternoon; she helped me get my stuff to my room and stayed for lunch. The next day I was expected at classes, but I slept through my alarm. I woke up and dressed franticly, pulling my hands through my hair and praying that I looked presentable, I stopped in the doorway and messed up my hair again,there was no reason to look presentable! I clutched my schedule as I made a mad dash towards my first class. I burst through the door and the color drained from my face. Roughly 20 girls in spandex stood in the mirrored room and every eye was on me. I was so glad I had something to hide behind at times like this. The teacher walked up to me.
"Are you Trowa Barton?" she asked carefully. I nodded and she pointed to a spot on the bar, they never told me that I was going to have to dance...I really sucked. When the class ended a girl approached me and held out her hand. She was rather pretty, honey colored hair and brown eyes.
"I'm Clara" she said as I took her hand, her grip was firm and business-like.
"Trowa" I responded nodding
"They set it up so you have all the classes I do, so I can show you around. I'm also the female lead in the play." I raised an eyebrow, I was glad that she wasn't that friendly...it made things so much easier.
"Clara, come on, were gonna be late" a group of girls walked up behind her and practically dragged her away.
"Like were gonna let you get all the attention!" one of the girls giggled as the walked away. I laughed silently...I wasn't beaten yet. The classes dragged on, but none were as bad as dance. I received a letter at lunch, it was on Winner stationary! As badly as I wanted to tear it open I restrained myself and opened it carefully, but I guess I still looked quite eager.
"You got a girlfriend Trowa?" I didn't even notice Clara silently reading over my shoulder. I turned to give her a cold gaze.
"No." I replied turning back to my letter.
"A boyfriend?" Another girl asked smiling evilly. I just turned towards her and gave her my best "I don't know what your talking about" gaze.
"I think he's blushing!"
"Pity...now how are we going to have any fun?"
"Yeah...the first guy here ever and he's GAY!" several girls sighed in exasperation as I excused myself and retreated back to my room to sit out the rest of lunch alone.

Dear Trowa,
I hope you're well. I know that it's a little early to be sending you a letter, but I just got home from sending yo u off and I already miss you more than words can say! I hope you're fairing well, and getting adjusted to your life there. I also hope that the girls there aren't too tempting and that you'll...return to me. It hurts me to say it but I'm scared that things won't be the same way when you return. If you have access to a phone...will you call me? I don't think I can survive an entire half a year without seeing you. I might have to sneak into that school. Well...please write me soon, I miss you.
Love forever,
Quatre R. Winner

P.S. sorry about the ink smearing, tears do that sometimes...

There it was, penned out in Quatre's beautiful handwriting...he didn't trust me. I let the letter flutter to the floor and walked to class with a heavy heart.
"Are you alright Trowa?" a few girls asked, I responded by covering my sadness with a bored look.
"I'm fine." I stated taking my seat. I felt a pair of long slender hands run across my shoulders.
"My hopes your letter brought good news." Clara sat down next to me. "So did it?"
"Did it what?" I asked
"Did it make you happy?"
"That's none of your business."
"You really are gay, aren't you?"
"Yes"
"Damn..." I smiled a little as half the girls in the room cursed, I was eating this up.

Quatre-
I've missed you too. Don't worry, I would never leave you. The fact that I'm gay has spread around this dump like wildfire, I presume that I'll only have to deal with a few of the more persistent girls. One in particular, you'll have to meet her, Clara. She's doing the play with me and has become my one sided best friend, I haven't given much response to her efforts though. They're making me dance...imagine that, me doing ballet J that's just sick. (I know what you're doing; shut up...I don't like being laughed at, even when I can't hear it.) The rest of my classes are going well, fairly challenging. I miss you...so much. You're on my mind constantly, you'll probably be receiving a phone call from me soon, as soon as I can take possession of the single vid-phone so I can see your face. There's always a crowd of girls near it though, so if that bothers you I'll have to call very late or very early. (There are crowds of girls everywhere!) All my love, I hope to see you soon.
Trowa

P.S. sorry about the ink, I wrote this in the...shower. (Don't say anything! I'm NOT crying...)

I sighed as I stuck the letter into the mail slot and sat down to lunch. Alone and silent, I sat staring across the lunchroom at Clara, she had an odd way of going about things. She was totally serious about some things and totally easygoing about others, it was quite odd...it seemed as if she had two different people inside her. I saw her laughing and joking with her friends' minutes after being totally cold at dance, dance was her passion I had gathered, and something she was quite serious about. I had to admit she was a beautiful dancer, she had offered to help me out with my pathetic excuse for dancing but I quickly declined. I didn't trust myself that much. Catherine had told me the first time that Clara was pointed out to us, that she had always imagined me marrying someone like that. I seriously doubted that I ever would, but the comment troubled me and left me feeling weak and heavy. I snuck off to the phone and checked around, amazingly there was no one in the hall. I turned my attention to the phone and punched in Quatre's number. The minute his face came onto the screen I melted, his surprised look, and then he was so happy to see me. I didn't even notice when Clara came up behind me and I quickly wiped my eyes when I saw the girls filling the hall again.
"Clara, I presume?" Quatre's voice quavered a little, I could tell Clara made him uneasy.
"Ah, so you're the object of Trowa's affection." She purred slipping her arm around my shoulders. Almost all the heads in the hall turned toward the screen. Suddenly I was surrounded by a group of girls all wanting to get a peek at Quatre.
"He's adorable Trowa!" someone squealed. I managed to claw my way to the screen for a quick goodbye before I escaped. I sighed deeply; Quatre was worried about me, and about us...I could tell. That night after school was the first play meeting, we discussed and I was going to have to commit a few hours after school each day. The more of the administration I saw, the more I knew I was not welcome and that the owner was merely doing Catherine a favor by letting me come here. I went into my room and shut the door, covering myself with my blanket up to my chin and then pulling it over my head and curling into a ball. I tried to imagine Quatre's arms around me, but it was so hard...covered with only a thin blanket. I fell into a light sleep and a troubling dream. Quatre was changing...until he was someone totally different, I tried to push his arms away but I gave in...he turned into Clara. When I awoke it was hard to breathe, I hugged my legs to my chest and tried not to move, I lay there for a minute realizing there was no one to lie to about the dream. No one but myself, so if I erased it from my mind...it would be gone forever. It made me feel a little better and I got out of bed, taking a deep breath. It was late, maybe ten or eleven...and for some reason, I felt like going to the dance room. I hated dancing, but I enjoyed the mindset...you really couldn't think of anything else when you were dancing, you had to worry so much about your body that you had no time to think about your problems. I pulled on a tank top and a pair of pants and walked down to the room, the lights were off in the hall but I could see light shining from under the door in the dance room. I opened the door softly, so not to startle its occupant. It was Clara; she had her eyes closed at the bar and was running through a warm up. I walked over to her and grasped her outstretched wrist, her eyes popped open, startled and she looked at me. I looked at her hand, on her thumb was a tarnished ring that resembled a piece of thin ribbon tied around her finger in a small bow.
"What's that?" I asked nodding towards the ring.
"It's from my mother...it's a promise" she said drawing back her hand.
"A promise?" I asked
"Yes...a promise never to forget her, she's dead." Her eyes fell to the floor.
"I'm sorry, when did she pass away?" I asked trying to keep sympathy at a low; I didn't want to sound emotional.
"A year ago." She said, I could tell this was very painful for her.
"Oh, that's tough. My parents both died when I was young." Her eyes met mine.
"Who raised you?" she was more interested than sad now.
"Mercenaries." I replied in a low calm voice. Her eyes narrowed as if in confusion, but I didn't feel like telling her the story of my life and getting sympathy. I lifted my hand and tucked a stay piece of her hair behind her ear. My hand continued down her cheek until it rested at the base of her jaw. I brought her face to mine in a gentle kiss. She looked a little bewildered, but wasn't prepared to stop it. Together we sank to the hard floor of the dance room, she held me as I cried...cried because I had given in, cried because I had broken my promise, cried because it was true, I was beaten.

Dear Trowa,
Now, where were we before we were so rudely interrupted? Oh yes, Clara...as you can tell she worries me. She's quite pretty, and seems rather attached to you. Please don't give up on me! You know no matter what happens I'll be waiting for you when you get back. I want you to spend the other half of the year with me; I found the nicest little place. It's quite pretty actually, on the beach someplace warm...I want the rest to be a surprise! I dreamed about you last night, but I couldn't reach you. I guess I just miss you too much! I'd actually like to see you dance...(and I'd like to take pictures, major blackmail op.!) Maybe you can teach me some at the beach house! I've made a deal with Catherine, I get to come and pick you up when you're times done there and take you to the beach. ("That is," she says "If you want to go") She really believes you'll go straight on me! But I have more trust in you than that. Love always.

Quatre R. Winner

PS since when do you write letters in the shower?

I folded the letter back up and stuck it under my bed in a little box. I took the box out and looked over its contents. A whole stack of pictures of Quatre, his diary from the war, the watch he had given me, all letters and cards he had ever sent me, a teacup, sheet music and dried flowers. I smiled wistfully as the sent of dust and flowers hit my nose, I went through the pictures once, I knew them all by heart. I lay on the hard floor of my room and tried to think of Quatre. I sat down and wrote him.

Quatre-
Come and get me now. I don't think I can take it. I miss you, and I just want things to be normal again. That's the only thing I want...I want to go to that beach house with you and I know I'll be happy because I'm always happy with you. I wish you were here too. Will you come and take me away from here...before something happens.

Trowa

PS since I've been away from you...

I jammed it in an envelope, trying not to think of how pathetic it was as I mailed it. At play practice that night I overheard a conversation between the director and Clara.
"Isn't there anything you can do?" Clara's voice was pleading,
"I'm sorry, Clara, you need to get the costume before the play or else I'll have to find someone else, you know there are plenty of girls who know this part as well as you." The director's voice was stern even though I knew she could tell that Clara was at the point of tears.
"But you know I can't afford it...Papa's job only pays for my tuition and mine only pays for boarding." She was crying now, the director shrugged and walked out. I trailed her down the hallway.
"How much is the costume?" I asked taking a firm grip on her shoulder; she was obviously scared of me.
"You're going to buy Clara's costume?"
"I'll do everything in my power."
"It's nearly two hundred dollars." She sighed,
"Do I turn the money in to you?" I asked.
"Yes." I took two hundreds out of my pocket, it was all I had from my last paycheck and I hadn't worked since I had come here. She shook her head, she thought I was crazy. I thought I was crazy too...I wasn't even going to stay for the play. Four more months was too much to take. I walked into the stage area; Clara was dancing out her opening scene. This time it was her turn to cry into me. I carried her to her bed once she fell asleep. The next morning she was standing near my bed when I woke up, she took my hand and led me outside into the schoolyard and into the woods.
"Where are we going?" I asked, but she didn't answer. Suddenly we came into a huge field of grass and wildflowers, tiny bugs buzzed at the tops of the grass and the golden sun shone on everything. She brought her lips to once and once again.
"I don't think I'll be able to do the play..."
"Don't worry about that." I whispered, a tear slid down her cheek and I brushed it away. She looked like Quatre when she cried. She pushed me down into the grass kissing me passionately. It was so easy...too easy, it should have been painful...but love's painful, and this wasn't love.
"I've never done anything like this before."
"To tell you the truth...I've never done anything quite like this either."
"Yeah, more suited to guys huh?"
"Hmm." She kissed me, she knew it wasn't love either, but it didn't really matter at a time like this.

Dear Trowa,
I'm coming to get you next Monday. Be ready to go, we'll just sneak out...unless you don't want to come with me. Catherine has discouraged my hopes. I can't wait to see you again, regardless of your feelings towards me now. I'll be there on Monday...I love you.
Quatre R. Winner

PS. We can write Catherine an "I told you so" letter from the shower at the beach house if you're up to it.

How could he possibly know that something happened with us? Perhaps it was my guilt confusing me. I did want to go with, but I couldn't help being worried about Clara and the play. Couldn't I just forget about it? Three months was plenty of time to train another lead male. It would be okay...Clara would never ever forgive me...but that was precisely my aim. I didn't want her staying in contact with me. I didn't want her coming back to me. I didn't want her.

Quatre-
I'll be anxiously awaiting your arrival.
Trowa

PS. Of course I'll be up to it!

I mailed it and I packed, I stood by the window all Monday morning. I saw his car pull up, but I didn't go out to see him. After a few hours I went back to my room, unpacking and going to play practice. The dress came in; I wrapped it and sent it to Clara with a bunch of wildflowers and grass from the field, tied with a brass colored ribbon. I called Quatre's house that night, his eyes were tearstained.
"What happened?" he asked rather angrily.
"There were complications."
"Trowa..."
"I'm sorry"
"So you still love me?" I melted at that. I only wanted to smile and hold him in my arms.
"I'll love you forever." I felt a set of fingernails dig into my shoulder...Clara.
"How could you?" She asked loudly and angrily in clear view of the vid-phone. Quatre's face suddenly turned icy cold.
"Complications huh?" he asked softly hanging up his end of the phone, the screen went blank.
"How could you?"
"I don't love you Clara." Tears fell down her face...I was the only one not hurting from my actions. She looked so much like Quatre when she cried.
"I love you Trowa" she said, her voice rough. The next month dragged on, I sent hundreds of letters to Quatre, but I was sure they were being burned, unread. Clara wouldn't speak to me. She got her costume...she was grateful, but it changed nothing. I received a letter from Quatre a week before the performance.

Dear Trowa,
I'm tired. Tired of me, tired of this. We need to work this out...so I'm coming. I'm going to take my car and I'm going to sit in it in front of that school for as long as it takes. A reminder, that running away from a fight is cowardly and running away from me is impossible. I'll be waiting, when you're ready...

Return to me,
Quatre R. Winner

Again I made my way one night to the dance room, knowing I would bump into her there. Before I even turned the knob the door opened.
"Trowa." She said
"Hi" I replied letting myself in, she set down her shoes on the floor and sat down, starting to put them back on.
"Have you come to practice?" she asked lacing up and standing.
"Yeah" I said my voice low. We started off with the opening scene and worked through it from there, it was cold and impersonal.
"You know, were going to have to work this out before the performance" she said softly staring intently at her feet as an excuse not to look at me.
"Clara...I don't know how." It wasn't a lie; I was totally lost to how I had suddenly lost the affection of the two people I loved the most in an instant.
"Do you love me?" she asked,
"Yes." My face was black as she searched it for answers. "You won't find them..."
"What?"
"Answers."
"Maybe I'm asking the wrong questions. Is it worth it to love me?"
"No"
"Would you die for me?"
"In an instant."
"Would you leave Quatre for me?"
"No." It was finally out. I was surprised to see her face break into a small wavering smile she was strong. She pressed something hard into my hand.
"It's a promise,return to him, promise me you will...make things right." I opened my hand as she ran out of the room, trying to smile as tears streamed down her face. It was her promise ring...I shut my eyes tightly...she was so much stronger than I was. I slipped the ring on my finger and walked the dark hallway towards my room; I stopped at the window near the front entrance...Quatre's car sat in front as he had promised. My brow furrowed, only a day before the performance and I had to confront him. I walked out to the car; he was sleeping under a thick blanket in the backseat. I pressed my hand to the window, the closest I had been to him for six months. He looked like an angel when he slept. I pressed my lips to the glass and walked back inside, thinking for just a moment that his eyes might have opened a little, but I kept walking. Back to my room and back to my stress. Opening night came dark and rainy. The auditorium was packed and I had to admit I was a little nervous. That first step in front of the audience was the toughest of all...like jumping out of a plane or something. I enjoyed it none the less. Both Clara and I danced beautifully and freely, because we were free. When I went out for curtain call the lights were on dimly in the house. I was sure I saw Quatre near the back...but I couldn't be sure, he looked so much like Clara when he cried.