Breathe Me

Contains a trigger warning for Self-Harm.

I will continue if people want me to, request are welcome :)

Callie's POV

I play with the sharp object between mij fingertips, while i trace the scars on my arm with the other. You see I could give you a metaphor just like John Green would do. I just use the sharp object it to hold it in my hands and rip my skin. But I don't give it the power to kill me, I'm the person who controls it. Do I light the cigarette or do I wanna live longer ?

I internally laugh about this, and shrug my shoulders. Funny how John Green can make his way into my 's easy to compare you're own life to Hazel Grace, I just dont have cancer but an addiction that slowly destroys me. The only difference is that I could do something about it and recover, Hazel has to wait and see if it helps. God I never should've read that stupid book. It's not that I hate it, but just the concept that someone will be there for you to wrap their arms around you while you're dying is stupid. We don't need someone when we're dying, we need someone right now, or I need someone right now.

I grab my bag and get up off the bathroom floor and push the door open with my foot. Class already started 5 minutes ago, nothing to worry about. A sigh escaped my lips when I look into the mirror, my eyes all red and puffy and my hair sticked to my face from the tears that had dried up.

The hallways were empty and the only sound that you could hear was the squeaking of shoes. Who really cared if you were having fun learning all those things they teach you. Learning is interesting and fun, but only if it's about something you are interested in. I turned around the corner and bounced back running into someone. 'I'm so so sorry' I said picking up her books and giving them back. 'It's okay, I wasn't paying attention' the girl said like she could care less. She was Beautiful, brown wavy hair down to her waist, green eyes and a warm husky voice. 'I need to go, but it would be easier if you would move out of my way' the girl said in a bitchy but friendly tone. ' euhm yeah, I'm sorry' I mumbled and stepped aside. People never intimidated me, but she was an exception I guess.

I sped up my Tempo when I made my way to the beach. Skipping class is harder when your foster mom is the Principal. But I couldn't go to class not today. I untied the laces of my shoes and took of my socks before I placed my feet into to the sand and made my way somewhere peacefully and out of sight of Lena's window. The view infront of me was beautiful, big white waves crashing into the coastline, Grey skies with a couple of White and Grey clouds. It felt comforting knowing that the weather agreed with my mood.

My feelings couldn't agree with each other,they were a mess. I wanted someone to hug me, hold me and make me feel safe. I wanted someone to be my friend,someone to share my secrets with. Someone who wouldn't judge me, someone who would understand, someone who gave me the feeling that I am not alone. I pulled my knees up to my chest and let my head rest between my knees.

'Are you okay there ?' I hear a familiar voice ask. 'yeah I'm fine ' I said looking up to Lena.

' Are you sure ? You don't look like you're fine' She said sitting down next to me, rubbing my back.

'yeah, it's just… I just needed a silent moment for myself, because I couldn't focus on anything. ' I answered truthfully

'okay' Lena answered sighing and saying nothing further.

She didn't say anything, it's like she knew what I meant. There was silence, a comfortable silence.

'How did you know I was here' I asked after a 5 minute silence

'I saw you walking when I looked through the window in my office. And so I came to check up on you, to see if you were okay '

'I'm fine' I said again resting my head on my knees looking to the view infront of my again.

'You seem to say that a lot Callie ' She said lifting my head up with her finger under my chin.

I just shrugged my shoulders and turned my head back to the Sea.

'Let's talk at home after diner, okay ?'

'yeah, sure' I said lifting my shoulders up and letting them fall back down.

'Come' Lena said standing up and stretching arm out to me.

I looked at here hesitantly,a sighed escaped my mouth before I grabbed her hand and lifted myself of the sand.

'you wanna make a deal' Lena proposed and layed her arm on my shoulder pulling me closer to her.

'hmm'

' You can go home, but only if you promise me to take some rest and go to bed. I will take care of the rest here in school '

I nodded my head 'okay' I said giving her a weak smile.

I closed the door behind me and made my way into the kitchen to take some aspirin out of the basket. My head felt like it could almost explode any minute or second. The cold water slowly filled the glass in my hand, I took the aspirin in my mouth and took slow sips of the water. I place the empty glass in the sink and made my way upstairs. The cold of the pillow on my skin felt releaving, it felt like it took my headache away just for 2 seconds. The best 2 seconds of the day I thought and laughed, how sad. I didn't even care to take of my shoes , I turned around to face the wall and pulled my knees up. Silent tears slowly rolled down my cheeks and softly hit my pillow. It's funny how I call things mine, my feelings,my headache, my pillow,my shoes.

I didn't even ask to have feelin-

'callie ?'