Summary:: Clarissa Fray has lost a lot in her life, and it's not a subject that she likes to talk about. Clary lives with her mother and stepfather Luke in Portland, Oregon. Clary used to be a somewhat popular girl in her high school, albeit with a heart for music ranging from classical piano to heavy metal. Something happened to her a year ago, causing her to put up walls, and she doesn't give a damn about what people say. Will her experiences in life so far leave her completely broken to the world? Or will someone break down the walls, and help her to heal?
Setting:: This story is set in a totally human world.
Disclaimer:: The characters of Ashleigh and Mr. Vincent belong to me, the rest go to Cassandra Clare, author of The Mortal Instrument series, an amazing woman who knows how to write!
Music listened to while writing:: Mr. Brightside by The Killers, Somebody Told Me by The Killers, Down (cover) by Joseph Vincent, Love The Way You Lie (cover) by Joseph Vincent, Face Down by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, Damn Regret by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus.
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Chapter One:: Shouting, Someone Save Me
Not for the first time this week, the sky was gray and heavy droplets of rain fell from the sky. Clary sighed, shaking her head, and stood up from the window seat. Grabbing her outfit off the bed, she headed into the bathroom to change. Looking at the clothes in her hands she choose a lavender silk top, a gray cardigan with floral embellishments, a pair of skinny jeans, and a pair of black lace up ankle boots. Along with two rings, and a pair of purple and bronze antique earrings. Through everything she was still able to find some happiness in design.
Idly she wondered if this semester, the second semester of senior year, would be any better than the last. She had nothing in common with these self absorbed teenagers. Which even if she did, it probably wouldn't make much of a difference. People didn't understand why she put up walls, and the ones that ever seemed to have had an interest thought that her being standoffish was just being stuck up. No one really knew.
While Clary was at the bookstore in town last week, I overheard two women deep in conversation, mostly gossip, but something caught her attention as she sipped on her coffee. One of the women was saying that a family was moving into town, the Lightwoods she thought they said. They apparently had four kids. Clary vaguely wondered how in the world these women knew so much. Her mind replied with, well you know that all people do in this town is gossip. Then she realized that she was having an conversation with herself and quickly went back to the subject matter at hand. For a moment she wondered what they were like, the Lightwoods. As quickly as the thought came it diminished, she'd stopped having expectations of people awhile ago.
Shaking her head clear, Clary grabbed her black messenger bag off of the desk chair, stuffed some pens and notebooks inside, along with her iPod, wallet, and a book, The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde. She had only started it last night, but it seemed pretty good. She walked downstairs and grabbed her keys, locking the front door on her way out. As she got into her car she plugged in her iPod and started to play The Middle by Jimmy Eat World, mouthing the words as she drove. After stopping for coffee, she continued on her way to school. She parked her car and headed towards the entrance, one hand on the to-go cup of coffee and the other holding her book open. Of course, she just happened to walk into someone, tripping and stumbling all while mumbling an apology to whoever it was. Once Clary was safely inside, she turned around to see who it was. She saw a group of three teenagers talking, one of whom was turned toward her, staring deep into her eyes, the look on his face made her cringe, it was the stereotypical good looking teenager stare: Cocky and self-assured. Not enjoying the attention, she quickly turned around sipping her coffee on the way to her locker, they must me the people she had heard about last week. She guessed that she might have been wrong about them being different than the others, Clary thought sullenly.
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Morning classes had gone fine; Clary already knew the material so that made it easy to get by. As she headed outside to sit at the picnic table under the trees for lunch, she felt someone grab her arm. Clary was so startled that she jumped about a mile, as she turned around she realized that it was the same guy who had been looking at her this morning.
"Oh, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to startle you." He said, removing his hand from her arm.
"I-It's fine, excuse me." Clary stuttered out, as she swiftly made her way to the table by the trees. She pulled her lunch and iPod out of her bag, ready to return to her all too familiar routine, when someone sat down and cleared their throat. She looked up, one ear bud in ready to blast her music, when he said:
"I'm Jace, Jace Lightwood. I just moved here with my family. I didn't catch your name…"
"I didn't offer it. But it's Clarissa Fray." Clary told him. He seemed quite content to sit and talk, so she took out her ear bud and put it down. "Are you planning on staying here and eating?"
With an indifferent shrug of his shoulders he looked at her and cocked his head, a small smirk pulling up one side of his lips. "You don't like me much," He said it as a statement, not a question. Clary took note of that. "Do you?"
Clary stared at him. "No, not really." She replied starting to get annoyed.
"But you don't even know me." Jace countered, still smirking, noticing the look on Clarissa's face he added, "It's a valid point in my opinion."
"I know your type much better that you would think." She replied, her temper rising.
"Oh really?" Jace questioned, looking amused. "And what 'type' would that be exactly?"
"Your all the same. Cocky, self absorbed, thinking you can get anything you want, and you couldn't care less about someone else." Clary finished, glaring at Jace with an expression of both anger and sadness.
Jace looked at the girl sitting across from him, he honestly didn't know how to feel about her. But, he thought, he'd give her some benefit of the doubt. Something told him to take a chance on this beautiful girl in front of him. "Well I guess I'll just have to prove you wrong on that account."
Why is he still sitting here, going through these ridiculous questions when he would probably rather be with his siblings, she thought.
"So what is it you like to do around here Clarissa?" He asked, effectively changing the subject. Or so he thought.
"I am just going to cut to the chase here, what are you doing sitting here making polite chit chat with me, and what the hell was up with you this morning? Staring at me like I'm some conquest or someone that you feel you need to be Mr. Charming to." She asked while glaring at him.
He looked taken back, and then he seemed to take on some whole other emotion I couldn't describe before simply looking at me with no emotion. "I never thought of you as any of that, you just seemed so alone that I thought I would come and talk to you, why the hell is that such a problem?" Jace asked, still confused and now annoyed.
"It's none of your damn business!" She all but yelled at him. "And you know what take your pity somewhere else; it's not welcome or needed here." And with that Clary gathered up her things and went to sit in her car for the rest of the lunch period. She turned on Yiruma and let it calm her down, trying to stop the tears that were threatening to spill over. Even if he was just trying to be nice, she went off on him. Sometimes it's like she can't help it, she just get's so pissed off, and sometimes it comes out in all the wrong ways. Great, she thought to herself, now even he was sincere he'll probably never talk to her again. She probably looked like a lunatic. One part of her thought that was a good thing; all he or his siblings would ever do was hurt her and let her down if she let them in.
What Clary didn't see while storming off to her car, was Jace standing next to the picnic table, an almost helpless look on his face. She also didn't know that was the moment he decided to try and make her see him for who he really was; someone who would change her life for all the right reasons.
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Clary walked into her English class and sat down in her regular seat, second row near the window. She had an empty seat next to her, she liked it that way, one less person to deal with. She actually enjoyed this class, it was something she was good at, it was an easy 'a.' Class had just started when a blur of golden hair swept into her line of sight. She looked up from her bag, where she was getting out her notebook and literature book, to find the one and only Jace Lightwood taking the empty seat next to her.
"Here we meet again," Jace greeted her with a small smile, and tried to make some friendly small talk. "Are you any good in this class? I absolutely suck in English."
The moment after he said that their teacher, Mr. Vincent, called her name. "Miss Fray? I don't know if you've meet our newest student yet, but this is Jace Lightwood. Now they weren't as far as us in his last school and I'm going to need you to help him get caught up," Seeing her reaction to that task, Mr. Vincent added in a lower voice. "Chin up Clary, this is nothing to be disappointed about."
"I guess now we have to get to know each other," Jace whispered to her. "More time to prove you wrong about me."
Clary just stared at him, with a groan she turned away from him at tried to focus on the chapter they were reading.
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School was over and Clary was headed to her car. She dropped her keys and as she bent to pick them up a hand shot out and got them before she could. Clary looked up to see Jace standing next to her holding out her car keys, while a tall girl stood next to him. Jace handed her the keys, but grabbed her hand before she could pull away.
"Clarissa, please listen to me. None of what you said at lunch was true. That is in no way how I feel, and I would like to prove that to you and try to gain your trust," Jace looked her in the eyes the entire time, almost begging her to accept, and at seeing her look he added, "with time."
"Alright maybe we can work on it." She replied with uncertainty. She had no idea how to feel towards this guy. He was as good as a perfect stranger for the moment.
"Hello Clarissa! I'm Isabelle, Jace's sister. It's nice to meet you." The tall girl said to her, while holding out her hand.
Clary shook her hand and said. "You too, and it's just Clary." Jace looked at her quizzically.
"Well it was nice to meet you Clary, but I'm running late, maybe we could hang out one day and get to know each other. Got to go!" Isabelle said while grabbing the keys from her brother. Jace was still looking at Clary funny.
"What?" She finally asked, getting impatient with the staring.
"You said your name was Clarissa. Why'd you lie about your name to me?" He asked, the quizzical look still on his face. There was something else there that she could not make out.
"Well I really didn't care all that much for you, I'm still not sure I even do, hence the not telling you what most people call me. Clarissa is my name, everyone calls me Clary though."
"Huh, and now the truth comes out." Jace replied in a joking manner. "Well Clary, I've got to run. If I don't catch up to my idiot sister, she will most likely wreck my baby while trying to leave my ass here at school."
"See you around Fray."
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Clary woke up panicked and blindly searching her bed for anything, for someone, it was late she knew that much. She looked down at her tank top which was now soaked and sticking to her skin, throwing the covers off she sat up cross-legged in the middle of her bed. Clary thought the dreams, nightmares, had gotten better. Apparently she was wrong. Unshed tears filled her eyes as she curled into her pillow, bringing her knees up to her chest.
(Flashback dream)
Simon and Clary were driving home on their way from a concert six hours away. Simon had surprised her with tickets to The Red jumpsuit Apparatus for her birthday which was next week. It was her seventeenth birthday, and Simon had made it one of the best. They had both agreed not to get a hotel room for the night, it was too much money, even though it was well after one o'clock. She looked at the map in her hand, they were about an hour and a half away from home. Looking over at Simon, a smile spread across her face. How could she have gotten so lucky? He reached for his drink, catching her eye he smiled back.
"Well beautiful girl, did you have a nice birthday?" He questioned her, looking back at the highway.
"I had an amazing seventeenth birthday! Thank you so so so much!" Clary leaned over the arm rest and kissed him on the cheek. "I love you, you know that right?"
"I do, do you realize how much I love you though?" He asked. Smiling at her, he took his free hand and laced it through hers.
"I think so." She replied, sighing contently. She knew they were both ready to crash so she decided to have an impromptu concert featuring the oh so talented Clary Fray.
She switched out the CD in the stereo and fliped to track number four, she looked over at Simon and sent him a cheeky smile. "Hey girl you know you drive me crazy, One look puts the rhythm in my hand, Still I'll never understand why you hang around, I see what's going down!" She sings to Simon at the top of her lungs, using a candy bar as a microphone. He just smiles and laughs at her.
"Cover up with make up in the mirror, Tell yourself it's never gonna happen again, You cry alone and then he swears he loves you!"
"Do you feel like a man, When you push her around? Do you feel better now, as she falls to the ground? Well I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's got to end, As your lies crumble down, a new life she has found." As she sings she realizes how true this song must be for so many girls, even though it's selfish, she's glad that she's not one of those girls.
"A pebble in the water makes a ripple effect, Every action in this world will bear a consequence, If you wait around forever you will surely drown, I see what's going down!" Simon sings with her.
"I see the way you go and say you're right again, Say you're right again, Heed my lecture! Do you feel like a man, When you push her around? Do you feel better now, as she falls to the ground? Well I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's got to end, As your lies crumble down, a new life she has found!" They sing the next few lines together.
"Face down in the dirt, She said "This doesn't hurt!", She said "I finally had enough! Face down in the dirt, She said "This doesn't hurt!", She said "I finally had enough!"
"One day she will tell you that she has had enough, It's coming around again. Do you feel like a man, When you push her around? Do you feel better now, as she falls to the ground? Well I'll tell you my friend, One day this world's got to end. As your lies crumble down, a new life she ha-." As she opens her eyes, she turns to smile at Simon, all she see's are headlights coming from outside his window, and Simon, Simon telling her that he loved her. Right before a pickup truck slammed into the drivers side of his car.
(End flashback)
Now Clary was outright bawling, she missed him so much. At times it was unbearable, the pain that ripped through her chest. He was her best friend and her first love. When she woke up in the hospital two days after the crash, no one would tell her what had happened, she ended up in the fetal position, rocking back and forth, screaming for him.
Everyone around her had expected her to mourn for a month and then move on. How could people be so heartless? Her parents tried therapists and counselors, pills and therapy. Anything the could think of. Nothing helped. No one understood what she was going through, what she felt all day long. Even her sleeping hours were plagued by memories, dreams, nightmares, almost every night. After awhile people just stopped caring. Clary became known as that girl. For the first few months people would whisper and stare, especially once it was summer and she was forced to wear sleeveless tops. Everyone saw the scars from the crash, and all those memories were re-opened. Almost a year later, and nothing had changed, she had just learned to try and live with the pain and memories.
Sighing, she got out of bed wiping some of the tears off of her face. Clary decided to go take a bath, thinking that might calm her down a little bit. It was what Simon had always told her to do when things were bad. To go and lay there and let herself float away from whatever place she was in, to a place that was happy and content. So that's what she did. Clary went and escaped from the memories and feelings.
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::Author's note::
This is a revised version of a story I started for Twilight. After reading the Mortal Instruments series, I thought I could make it work better with this. Feedback is always appreciated, and never turned down. Comments, thoughts, suggestions, send it my way. Don't be shy, click the little button. Thanks everyone!
Hope everyone enjoys…
::PlayingTheKeys14::
Facebook site for the stories (with updates, photos, questions, polls, and to be able to interact a bit more with those reading the story)::
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