NB: JK Rowling owns Harry Potter - not me :)
She sat silently as the rain poured down soaking through her clothes, chilling her skin and hiding the tears that ran down her face. Sometimes she wished she could just run away, leave behind all the expectations and pressure – pressure to behave in a certain way, to be a certain person. Sometimes she felt like that by staying she was just betraying herself and leaving herself open to further hurt and insecurity.
There were days when the expectations became almost more than she could bare – when she felt that at any moment she would lose control and break down. The need to give in, to scream, to release the pent up emotions she buried deep inside was overpowering, but she could not allow herself to show weakness. She was not allowed to be scared and unsure – she had to be strong and certain, just like they expected.
Words came back to her, a memory from a book read long ago;
Sometimes you put up walls, not just to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down.
The tears fell steadily, draining away any will she had to control them. She was tired. Tired of trying to hide herself, tired of always being in complete control. She knew deep inside that no-one cared enough to want to break down her walls and save the broken girl within. The girl who didn't know who she was or what she wanted from life, who was scared because she felt so weak and cold and exhausted. Nobody cared for who she was inside. Each morning she put up her defences and became the person they expected, demanded she be. She put on a smile and tried to maintain her facade. She could not be falling apart.
Sometimes though, when she was alone, she would allow control to fall, allow herself to break down, to cry. When no-one could see her she could lose control for just a little while and she could wish.
Wish that just for once, someone wouldn't see the image that everyone else saw. That they would see through her mask and care.
She wished that just for once, she wasn't 'Hermione Granger' – the teachers' favourite, straight O student, Head Girl.
That just for once, someone – anyone - would care, and she could just be Hermione.