Regret
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Inuyasha.
~oOo~
Columbine.
A simple flower, but with a deep - and now painful - meaning to the hanyou staring at it with sadness flowing off of him in waves.
Yes, he knew what it was. Kagome's love of flowers and constant pointing them out had given him a grudging knowledge of some of the more common ones, but this one...
Oh, he understood the meaning behind this one. He understood it all too well...
Head down, ears plastered flat to his scalp, Inuyasha simply stared at the flower wordlessly, along with the scrap of cloth with his brother's crest, his mind on one continuous loop.
They know... and they're all gone. They've left me, and it's all my fault.
For months he'd known he was playing a dangerous game sneaking off to see the undead miko, leaving the others alone and unguarded, and without the knowledge that they even were. After all, he was supposed to be watching out for them. He was just lucky that they hadn't been attacked while he was off doing things he shouldn't have been.
It wasn't like he didn't love Kagome, either, and really wanted to be with Kikyou – because he didn't. But the former miko had come to him and offered herself, and like he'd said before... only a fool would turn away a woman who'd offered herself. He'd been sat for it, too... but then he'd gone and done the ultimate stupid, and started sleeping with the revived woman he'd once loved.
Now, he was paying the price for it – the loss of the one he really did love... Kagome. Because he was completely aware that he would never regain her – she was gone for all time.
Was it really worth it? he wondered. Mostly, he'd been curious, when Kikyou had offered to pleasure him – he'd never thought to have something like that happen to him, since he was just a filthy hanyou and all. For Kikyou, the only reason she allowed it now that she was dead was because she was already considered impure, since in the shinto beliefs, death was a state of impurity.
But Kagome was still alive, and as such, he couldn't touch her – he would never be able to know her in that way, because it would defile her. And so he'd taken what he thought he could get, in Kikyou's offer.
He wasn't stupid, though. The flower Kagome had left for him said it all – if he hadn't done what he'd done, he could have had her. Now, he never would.
The pain that one bit of knowledge settled inside him brought him to his knees, and the hanyou's vision blurred at the edges as tears he'd never thought to shed began to fall as his new state really sank in.
Alone. I'm alone again... and I will always be alone.
~oOo~
On the way to the stream of water they'd camped by last night, Kagome stopped short as she caught sight of something surprising.
A bouquet of Asphodel laid neatly on a small tree stump next to the stream, bound together by a black ribbon, and Kagome knew immediately what they meant...
Regret... and grief.
Oh, Inuyasha, she thought, sadness thumping through her at what the flowers were saying. If only you'd thought it all through, things wouldn't have ended this way.
She looked out into the trees along the banks, knowing he was somewhere under them watching, and softly said, "Though it won't be with me, now, Inuyasha, I hope someday you find your way. Become happy, my friend."
Then she gathered the water she'd come for, and the bouquet, and left the stream...
And the hanyou she'd loved for so long, behind.
~oOo~
A/N: This little one shot is a sequel to Cuckoldry and Deserted Love, and was instigated by Glon Morski, who I have begun beta-ing for. She gave me the idea, and I ran with it.
So, props to you Glon!
Amber