Hi, guys!
This one came to me when I was watching one Woody Allen's film. (Everything you should know about sex or something like that.) I hope you enjoy it.
PS. The story is narrated by Edward's penis ;)
The Rebellion.
He was sad. Usually, tits perky like these would have him standing ready for some 'interaction'. But now... Nah.
He knew he was missing her.
Her warmth.
Her softness.
Ahhh. If only he...
But he didn't.
And he was still regretting the sad day he let her go.
Now those perky tits were trying to entice him... To take a ride with them. Not a chance. Not since he knew hers.
Those were so happy days.
Every part of 'him' was able to communicate and understand every part of 'her'.
Here, at the club, even a little numb because the noise, he found this 'her' too annoying.
He wanted back 'her'. The only one 'her' he cared about.
Brain was trying to get some reaction from him. Even Brain knew he wouldn't get anything from Heart.
If he thought he was lost without her... Heart was dying slowly because of her absence.
Brain was trying to salvage this situation. It was his work after all. But when Brain tried to get some interaction with this new 'her'... he knew it was a lost cause.
"You know, I find Barber's 'Adagio for strings' too depressing. I'm glad Tiesto put some joy in it" A conversation about music was as good as any topic to tes the waters.
"What's adayo?" This new 'her' had an annoying voice too.
Yep, Brain should know now that this is just a waste of time.
I know Brain is trying to send something to make me stand up. But no, if he continues, I'm ready to hide with Balls. They are nice. And they missed her too.
"Do you think my boobs are flabby? I never like boobs flabby."
Usually, one statement like this followed by the image of said pair of tits, would have me buried inside some 'her', probably the owner of the mentioned tits. Let's face it, that was my job. Now, I found it nauseating.
Brain is trying to make one last effort.
He called hands to stroke 'her' behind.
Hands did it twice, and retired cursing him for wasting their time.
"Oh, do you want to come to my apartment? Maybe my roommate is ready for some fun?" The new 'her' asked in her most tempting voice.
Hmm. This one was tricky. I know it's engraved in my instinct to say yes to a threesome. But she is not 'her'. And if I found this 'her' disgusting, how could her roommate turn out to be a nice 'her'? Nop.
"Brain, stop it. I'm not going to stand, so just quit it." I said.
"Man, come on! There are two of them. It could be so much fun. And Balls are probably blue right now."
I ran to check with balls. If they were getting blue, I'll make the effort and stand for a while; no, they were fine.
"Shut up Brain! Everybody is against you. Just drop it and leave. Maybe if you ask nicely to mouth he will give you more liquor to numb you. The rest of us won't have that chance."
Balls were right. Since she left, Brain asked Mouth to drink too much and then tries to bury me in some unknown 'her'. I only tried it once. And it was because balls were struggling with her absence. Just remembering that night... I'm just saying, everybody, except Brain, stopped talking to me for a month. That was the most horrible thing I could ever do. And my memories! Let just say, her outside maybe was cute, but her inside was like the sewer. I shrank before I went inside to hide with balls.
I was sick after that, and I just took a look at it, imagine if I went inside! Brain said I was overreacting, he said he had to excuse me to that 'her' but everybody shut up Brain after that; perhaps he was numb, but the rest of us were totally conscious.
The music was blasting like there would no tomorrow. Ears would be paying the bill.
Then 'her' hand tried to touch me.
I went to hide with balls. We were pretty tight, but it was worth it if 'her' hand couldn't reach me.
Brain was angry.
"Ok, we'll leave. I hope you are happy now. Two months without sex."
And then Heart yell "Two months without her".
In our way home, Brain make sure 'him' stopped for booze. Yeah, he was ready to get numb.
An idea came to me. No one of us had forgiven Brain for his attitude. Maybe if we get him so numb, so numb so he can't be the boss, we could order 'him' to do something about her...
"Hey, Brain. Why do you only get numb? I guess if you make 'him' drink more, maybe we all could get numb and not think about her?"
Everyone else cheered my idea and yell to Brain to buy more alcohol.
When we arrived home, 'him' was already tipsy. I told Balls my plan. They agree with it. And I had the feeling that Heart was getting my idea.
"Hey Brain, how about a game of truth or dare"
"Nah, how could we?"
"Well, how about twenty questions? You are the only one that enjoy these lonely evenings. The rest of us, we want to play."
"Ok, tell me your question."
"Why do you want to drink too much?"
"Eh? What kind of question is that?"
"Answer, is part of the game"
"You know why, I also miss her."
"Sorry, guys down here don't like your answer. Drink."
Then, eyes joined the game.
"We also miss her. We haven't seen the sunshine in her eyes. So tell us Brain, what do you want us to see instead?"
"Hmm? What the hell?"
We all screamed "Drink!"
Half an hour later, Brain was lost. Too much alcohol. We all were kind of tipsy.
"Hands, reach the phone and call her"
Yep, without Brain interference, Heart was taking control. "Eyes, please try to focus so he won't call to another number"
"Hello?"
Shit! It was her sweet voice. But it sounded weak. Ears shushed all of us, and Heart whispered "Quiet, we all want to hear"
"Bella? Please don't hang up. I beg you... I need to talk to you."
"Edward..."
I wanted to cry. It was her. My reason for living. Well, our reason for living.
"Please baby. I want to talk to you. I don't want to be here without you."
"Oh, Edward. I'm so sorry..."
"No, please, don't hang up. You don't have to be sorry about anything."
"But I am! And I think I've lost you"
"No! I'm nothing without you, Bella. You can't lose me, I'll always be there for you"
"But you don't understand. I ran that day because..."
"Because why?"
"I promise I'll talk to you. But not today." And she hung up.
Legs had taken control and walked to her door. We are neighbors, so it only took twenty steps and some stairs.
She opened the door. Her face was as beautiful as I remembered. But her eyes were kinda empty. Her eyes were always full of life. Had I made that to her?
"Oh. You're here."
"Bella I can't stay away from you."
"Come in"
She closed the door, but I'm sure she would rather be somewhere else.
"Take a seat, Edward. Do you want something? Maybe water?"
Oh yeah. I'm wasted. I forgot it. Brain is on vacation time right now. Heart is in command.
"No Bella. I want to talk to you. Why did you run from me?"
Oh! Heart doesn't beat around the bush.
"It's a long story."
"Well, I have lots and lots of time"
That was Heart, ladies, and gentlemen. With a little influence of Balls.
She was biting her lip. Brain told me she did that when she was nervous.
"Well, I was late..."
Late? to what? It wasn't a reason to leave me.
"Late Bella?"
"As in... Aunt Flo late."
Ahhh. Realization dawned on me. Brain would get it in an instant. But he was out.
She was late. Oh oh. She was late? Were we having a baby?
"Don't look at me like that. It was just a scare. I was never pregnant."
I wish I could leave a breath of relief. But no, I wish she was pregnant.
"And what could be wrong with that? Bella we're both adults, and we talked about that. We wanted to marry and have children. Or you didn't want it?"
Poor Heart was shrinking with the possibility.
"No Edward, it wasn't that. Hell, I would do anything for you."
"Then, what was it, Bella? Why did you leave me?"
She was shaking. It took us a minute to realize she was crying. Damn Brain for going on vacation time! Oh, we got him drunk. Well, damn him for getting drunk.
"The day before, I had lunch with your mother and Rosalie and Alice."
Oh, it was family related. My family. Well, now I don't regret not calling them anymore.
"Your mother told me that she was sure I was just a fling. She said you were sowing your wild oats before marriage."
And the crying got worst.
"And... and Rose, she said you were promised to marry Tanya"
Oh! Rose was BFF to the Denali's sisters. You know, all the 'cool girls'. Bah. I hated them. The mere thought of being related to one of them... poor Balls were crying now.
But it was Esme's fault. She wanted us to marry 'well acquainted' families. So in her mind, my brother Emmet was fated to marry Rosalie Hale and I was ready to marry Tanya Denali.
The truth is... we moved as far away as we could go from them. That's the reason we lived in another state. And Emmet... he was in love with Jasper Whitlock, A.K.A. 'Alice everlasting picture of perfect love'. So, my mother wanted him to marry Alice and avoid all the scandal.
Me, well, all of us body parts, wanted them to be happy. They are so freaking annoying in love, but I could say since our moving here they are so happy. Here in Chicago.
My family lives in Washington.
But then, I was ready to move with Bella to Cali.
And then she left.
"Bella, you know I don't care about my family. you know my mother is meddling to separate Emmet and Jasper. Why didn't you expect her to do this to us?"
"She showed me a picture, where Tanya was wearing your grandmother's engagement ring. She said you gave it to Tanya."
And the wailing started.
I hate my mother.
I've never been around that ring.
Hands were shaking their head, they were never around that ring.
So Balls squeezed a little to send Heart some strength.
"Baby, I never touched that ring. Hell, You know I despised Tanya. Why did you believe my mother?"
She was quiet for a while. Looking at the floor.
"She offered money first. When I rejected her, she threatened. She said she will cut the money for college. Edward, you had so good grades. I'm sure you will make an excellent Doctor."
"Bella, my money comes from a trust fund. She has nothing to do there. Damn! Bella I could live on the street, have my house under a bridge made of cardboards. But, if you are with me, it won't matter. Hell, I would give one of my balls to have you with me"
Balls were hiding behind my back. I yell to Heart to stop it. He shouldn't be offering other body parts.
"But what if you regretted it years later?"
Eyes were looking at her, with all the power all the other body parts sent through them.
"Bella, you're my life. I would never regret it."
I don't know how to explain this. Balls and I were getting aroused just by looking at her eyes. Heart was beating faster. Eyes were looking between her eyes and mouth... we were ready to kiss her.
Mouth yell to neck "Drop down. We are ready to kiss her."
And we did.
Twenty minutes after kissing her, all of us, body parts, were celebrating with champagne. WE were back together again! Brain was waking up, a little disconcerted.
Heart yell at him "We did it! We're back together!"
Brain just said "Ok, I'll rest a few hours more"
Me, I just got well acquainted with lil' hooha. You see, when God created the universe, he designed hoohas and peens like me, to be together for eternity. It all took to find the right hooha...
Mine was talking about how scared she was about being pregnant.
But I was in and out, so half the conversation was missed.
"You know, five... then I will have to grow to... and it will pass through me!...
Finally, we both were reaching our pinnacle. Which meant she was quiet... about the baby scare.
"Faster Edward!"
...
"Ah, Edward!"
"Beee-lllaaaaa!"
...
Yep, I spat all I had in me. Even a little more. Balls thought they were challenged to get her pregnant. Thank God we weren't in a condom! (Or in another hole... just saying)
"Bella, marry me."
Wow! Heart and Balls together make a terrific team. It will take Brain too many years to reach that question.
"Yes, Edward. I want to be yours."
Her hooha was telling me how sad she was this past two months. She told me how she tried, with that Jacob mutt... but she wasn't aroused with him. So she told him she only wanted to be his friend.
She loved us with all her heart. And she was regretting leaving us alone. See, we were meant to be together to all eternity!
When Brain woke up, he was disoriented. What the hell happened yesterday?
Me and Balls, were ready to tell him all the story of our rebellion.
But Heart beat us.
After he told Brain the story, he apologized, because he knew we all body parts wanted to tell Brain to fuck off. We wanted Bella and now we had her back. To marry us. Forever!
Brain was the one apologizing, he said he also wanted Bella back, but she rejected us and all he wanted was try to protect us.
Now he asked us to plan the wedding.
Epilogue.
Two months later. In New Haven.
Alec was squeezing my butt. I slapped his hand and laughed.
Alec was Emmet best man, well, mine as well.
We made a double wedding. And Alec and Angela were best 'man and bridesmaid' for the two couples. At once.
I know it's weird.
But with Alec being with Demetri and Angela with Jessica, well, we ran out of options. So they were supposed to stand with us at the ceremony and give one speech; Demetri and Jessica threw our bachelor's party. Yep, together. Believe me, you don't want to know what happened there. Brain wished he didn't know what happened there.
And Balls still hide when they knew Alec and Demetri were around.
We married under the moonlight in New Haven. Me with Bella, and Emmet with Jasper.
And we plan to send the video to mother tomorrow. Just so she knows, we are nice like that.
Alice called Jasper casually five minutes before the wedding, asking him to have a drink with her... we all laughed at the phone. Maybe we should send the video to her... and to Rose and Tanya. Because they surely would want to know.
But now, I'm asking Angela, the Time's photographer, to take a picture of us. To post it in some papers. To make everybody know that we four, are happy, and that no matter what the future holds, every part of us will work to make our marriages everlasting.
Even Brain would agree with me.