(Set some time after unteathered, while Bobby is on suspension)

Law and Order Criminal Intent and all characters are property of Dick Wolf and others. I don't own them, wouldn't want to, too much trouble.

The Look

There are some looks you never forget.

For example. I'll always remember the look on my father's face, right before he walked out on us for the last time. Anger, disgust (maybe even for himself?), and a little bit of regret. Or the look on my mother's face right before she died. Haunted, then, finally, peaceful.

Sometimes, I like the look I get from a suspect, right before they confess. Disbelief, sadness, rage. Occasionally, (albeit rarely) I can even muster up sympathy when I see that look. But, the faces get cloudy with time, and the looks, well, they're always the same. Predictable. I can recall them if I need to. Not that I ever need to.

But tonight, the look on her face, that look will be seared in my mind, forever. As if her final look to me was burned into my memory with a hot iron. I won't ever be able to get rid of it. I'll see it every day, every night. It will haunt me long after this day, this night, this month, this year will end. However this turns out. If she forgives me or not. If we ever speak again or not. If I can somehow rebuild our partnership,(with time?) Our friendship (doubtful), it will never leave me.

Agonizing over her last look at me will make it harder for me to ever recall the looks I have come to cherish. Oh, and there are so many of them.

Her amused look; which she saves for when I've cornered some suspect and caught them in a lie. Her eyes light up, her mouth smirks upwards and I can see her holding in a laugh. That's usually coupled with the "Do you believe this guy" look. That's the one where she glances over at me and raises her eyebrows when our eyes meet. She knows he's lying. That's a good one.

The Exasperated look. Now, that has never been one of my favorites, as it's usually because of me. She shakes her head a bit and rolls her eyes at whoever may be in the room, including our captain. At that look, I can see, she needs some convincing.

The Stare down. Only Eames could stare down a 6 foot 3 inch detective. Her eyes drill holes into mine, and she's wordlessly saying "You're out of line Goren, so cut it out.". I'm a little afraid of that look.

The Tired look. Usually reserved for late nights or early mornings when we are working non-stop on some case. She will look up at me, halfheartedly smiling, with makeup smudges under her eyes and I can see that she is fading. I like this look because most of her makeup has worn off, and she's still beautiful. Not that I would ever tell her or I'd get the "quit staring or else look". Trust me, you don't want to be on the receiving end of that one.

The "we are defintiely on the same page look". That's the one where we look over at each other at the same time and her eyes are saying to me "I know, I know". It's our wordless communication. Our telepathy. Some think it's strange that we can read each other's mind. I think it's a gift.

But my favorite, my absolute favorite is the vulnerable look. I have rarely been privileged to see that one. But every now and then, it comes out. Like right after she gave birth to her nephew. Or in the hospital after Jo Gage. Or when we reopened her late husbands case. Her eyes mist over a little and her lips quiver a tiny bit. I love that look, because I know she needs me, and I know she only reserves that look for those close to her heart.

Now I stand here and realize that not only will I probably never see those looks again, but I'll never see any of the others that I have yet to see but have so often dreamed about. Those that are in my imagination only, and will remain there for eternity, unrealized.

Because tonight, I hurt her. So badly that this time nothing could mask her feelings. I said terrible, terrible things to her, that are unforgivable. Her eyes clouded over with a look of disbelief, then her face crumpled right before me. I put that look on her face.

I never saw that look before, ever, and now, that's the look that I'll remember forever. Long after the others have faded.

End