Title: Shianni
Rating: M
Mood: Dark
Warnings: Abuse, prostitution, and what would nowadays be considered underage drinking.
Author: sleepyowlet
Disclaimer: Dragon Age and everything in it belongs to BioWare. I'm not making money with this.
Babblerama: Inspired by zute's prompt. What a chilling song. Made even the fluff-owl go dark. Yes, I can write that kind of stuff too; I just usually don't like to. I was wondering who this could apply to – and it occurred to me that we have no real clue why Shianni seems to be an alcoholic.
Shianni
by owlet
Fifteen year old Shianni reached for the bottle of Brandy her mother kept in her bedroom. She'd seen her mother drink it to fall asleep – and after what she'd seen tonight she needed it too.
She had wondered for quite some time where her mother went every night and had followed her down to the harbour.
Wiping hot tears from her face she pulled the cork and took a mouthful of the amber liquid sloshing inside the bottle. It burned and made her eyes water, but now she could pretend that it was only the Brandy and not the ugly things she'd seen tonight.
Her mother was beautiful, but there was something brittle about her, something harsh and unlovely, and now she knew – and she wished she didn't. Wished she was still oblivious to the reasons why she came home wincing with every step she took, bruises on her arms and face. Sometimes with a split lip. And then first applied some elfroot salve to her injured body, then some Brandy to her fractured soul. For fractured it was, how could it not be.
She tried to suppress the images, but they rose inside her mind like spectres to haunt her.
Her mother with her dress pulled down to expose her white shoulders, red hair long and loose.
Filthy, brutish men calling out to her, grabbing her to drag her into even filthier alleyways.
The way the elven woman squeezed her eyes shut and bit her lip as rough hands pulled her dress even further down, cruelly pinched at delicate, rosy nipples and shoved her skirts up to...
No! No.
All a bad dream, no? Not true, couldn't be true, couldn't be what she allowed to be done to her...
Another swallow, and a sob crawled out of her chest, hurt more than the burn of the alcohol and turned into an animal sound as she tried to keep it inside.
The sneering, laughing faces of the bloody shems that abused her, the filthy remarks of those that waited for their turn...
Shianni had run, run, run back to the Alienage, bare feet slapping against flagstones, chilly and moist with dew, in a staccato rhythm, her breath unbearably loud in her ears.
She lifted the bottle to her mouth again and drank. The world became fuzzy around her, and she corked the Brandy and staggered to her bed, sobbing all the while.
She was blessedly unconscious shortly after she crawled into her bed.
...
Eighteen year old Shianni uncorked the bottle again. She had known it would only be a matter of time until her mother wouldn't return one night, and now it had happened.
They had never talked. Shianni pretended not to know what was going on, and her mother had never said anything about the Brandy being gone more quickly. Shianni's horror and revulsion had changed into ferocious, protective love towards her mum, she had done her chores without a word of protest ever since that night and had always made sure that there was always elfroot salve in the house for her mother to use.
She lay in her mother's bed because it smelled like her, the wonderful, beautiful woman who had sacrificed herself every night, had born the shame and the abuse, the bruises and insults without a word and had gone back every night. Shianni sobbed and cradled the bottle in her arms, the delicately embroidered bedspread pulled over her head; becoming a protective cocoon, her mother's womb that she desperately wanted to crawl back into.
She promised herself that she would never end up like her – that she'd rather starve and die than letting one of those filthy shems touch her.
...
Twenty year old Shianni emptied the bottle in one draught. How ironic, she had tried so hard to avoid that fate, but there it was – she had lost her virginity on the cold stone-floor of the Arl's manor, to his son, no less. She had scratched and she had screamed.
It had been no use, the shems hadn't listeded, hadn't cared, had only laughed at her like the sailors had laughed at her mother. Had said the same things.
It should have been her cousin's wedding day. The Elder had procured a match for her, her beautiful, innocent friend. Nobody had ever approached her; who wanted the daughter of a whore? A bitter truth, but she was rather glad. No way she would ever let a man touch her again. It had hurt so bad, how had her mother been able to do that? It had been hours and the bastard was dead, Kallian had left him lying in his blood and taken her home where she had hidden herself in Cyrion's house. She couldn't face anyone right now. Kallian had promised that she wouldn't tell anyone the whole truth about what Vaughn had done to her. The thought that he couldn't hurt her, couldn't hurt anyone again was soothing, but not enough.
She had ripped her bloodstained dress off her body and had tried to scrub herself clean, but she never would be, wouldn't she? She could never escape these memories, could just numb them somewhat for a while by swallowing more of that blessed, amber liquid that gave her dreamless sleep. He was still taunting her inside her head, she still could feel his hands on her breasts, his tongue on her cheek, his...
She threw the empty bottle at the wall and watched it shatter. The sunlight that sneaked through the cracks in closed shutters glinted mockingly on the shards.
She didn't know why that made her so angry but it did; so she sank down on the floor and sobbed in helpless rage.
...
Bann Shianni lifted a beautifully decorated goblet to her lips. The shems around her treated her with respect and easy smiles, especially the Bann of Rainesfere. But she knew what was behind those smiles, oh yes, she knew.
When Kallian had persuaded the royal couple to appoint her as Bann of the Alienage, she had ranted and raved and cursed at her – she had no desire to spend her time amongst these creatures who abused her kind with impunity.
But then Kallian had calmly asked her if she didn't want to protect others like her, if she didn't want to seek justice on their behalf, and Shianni had fallen silent.
Yes.
She did.
She would protect them as well as she could. She would do anything to make sure they didn't have to suffer her fate, she would be their shield and she would keep them safe, like her mother had her.
So Shianni carefully set down her goblet and smiled back.
Finally she understood her mother.