A/N: I do not own these characters, but I enjoy capitalizing on their obvious sexual tension. Takes place after season 3 and before season 4.
Patty was going to be up all night again. She had pages upon pages laid out on the coffee table like a mosaic, an organized web of chaos, as she panned through them looking for a witness. The trouble with this case was that everyone who was involved, as far as she knew, was dead. She would have to get creative, which for Patty Hewes, was never a problem. Besides, this was personal.
She sat curled up on the couch in a burgundy sweater and grey yoga pants, massaging her temple with one hand, petting Corey with the other. This had become her routine: get home from the office no earlier than 10:30, throw together something to eat, and crash onto the couch for hours more work. It was quiet, save for the softly playing melodies of the occasional opera ballad. But tonight, her head was still throbbing from the day's twists and turns, and she cherished the silence.
As she poured herself another glass of bourbon, there was a knock at the door. Great. Who the hell would disturb me at 3 a.m.? She froze at the thought. There was only one person brave or bold enough to come to her this late, only one person who knew she would be awake anyway, and who had to know she would never turn her away.
Knocking again, this time louder. Patty downed the bourbon in one gulp and hurried to the door, heart pounding. What if something was wrong? She couldn't imagine what it could be, but she had been through enough by now to expect the unexpected.
She briefly glanced through the peephole to confirm her suspicions before opening the door. There stood Ellen Parsons in one of her classic black shift dresses, black stockings and black trench coat. Her golden brown mane was disheveled, and her smoky eye shadow streaked down her face. The smell of cigarettes and tequila hit Patty's nose only seconds later. Ellen was drunk.
"It's nearly 3 a.m., are you alright?" Patty was determined not to give in right away. As close as they had become, she still had a few walls up. Ellen did not respond. She stared into Patty's eyes with a look she could not fully interpret. There seemed to be hurt, anger, fear, but also exasperation, pleading.
"Ellen? Talk!" Ellen blinked at the harshness in Patty's voice and two tears rolled down her cheeks. Damnit, Patty thought. "Alright, come in." Ellen took a step, stumbled and fell into the doorframe, barely catching herself. Patty instinctively reached out to help her, gripping Ellen's wrist. To her surprise, Ellen shook her off, righted herself, and began to laugh manically.
"Ellen, what on God's earth is the matter with you? You're completely trashed."
"I'm not tras-shed," the young woman defiantly slurred. "Whaddayou think, I'm some stupid kid?"
"No, but you are drunk. And upset. Now get inside, sit down, and tell me what happened."
Ellen sniffled, kicked off her heels and stumbled once again, rejecting Patty's efforts to help. She managed her way over to the couch and plopped down in the center, forcing Patty to sit close on her left side. This time, Ellen did not shy away. Instead, she looked up at her, again with that look that was so difficult to read. She parted her lips to begin to speak. Patty, whose heart was doing a gymnastics routine in her chest, waited to be the sympathetic ear or the recipient of a rant, and instead got a sour whiff of tequila as Ellen belched in her face.
Ellen immediately threw both hands in front of her mouth and turned bright red as she made an embarrassed little squeak before laughing, then crying, then laughing and crying at the same time. "Oh my God, Patt-..God. I'm so-..."
"It's alright Ellen."
"That was dis..dis-gusting! I'm..ma..ma -mess."
"Why don't you just tell me why you're here and I'll let your little gastrointestinal faux pas slide."
"Ohk-k."
Ellen took a deep breath and leaned back against the couch. She began absently stroking Corey's fur while darting her eyes back and forth, seemingly searching for words.
"Um...I..."
"Ellen!"
"I'm con..confused. Scared. I don't... I...I mean, Frobisher's locked up. And so is Wes. And I just feel like even though this is what I wanted, every time I take two steps forward it feels like I'm taking three steps back. I loved David so much, and I want justice for him, but I feel like if I don't let…let go I'll end up losing anyone else I may love."
Now Patty was confused.
"...So...you love Wes?"
"No!...no. I cared about him, but it was mostly out of con..convenience. Someone I thought understood what I was going through. And a physical...comfort."
Patty blushed slightly at the thought of Ellen taking "physical comfort" in someone. Then her stomach began to cramp.
"Anyway, it was his choice to turn himself in. He's no innocent. He lied, and he needed to get the demons off his back just as much as he wanted to help me."
"Right. So then Ellen, I'm sorry, but I really don't understand what it is you're..."
"You."
"What?"
"You Patty. What hurts most is you."
"How? I don't...I thought you had forgiven me for..."
"I have forgiven you."
"So then how am I..."
"You have to let it go."
"Excuse me?"
"You and I both know that Frobisher won't be charged with David's murder. He's got the toughest defense attorneys in the world. They'll charge Wes for Rick Messer, and maybe all the other bodies that have piled up in this. Frobisher may get a few years probation, or he may not even go to trial. Wes has the blood on his hands and it's his word against Frobisher's. Everyone else is gone."
"I thought you'd be too busy starting your new firm to be keeping tabs on all of this. I should never underestimate you."
"Patty. You have to stop."
"Stop what?"
"Stop looking for a way to nail Frobisher. It's not going to happen."
"Ellen, what even makes you think I am taking the time to involve myself with this case? I'm buried up to my neck in the Charles Zenick scandal right now. I have absolutely no time for..."
"Oh, so you don't care then? You don't give two shits about it then, is that it?"
Patty could tell by the gleam in Ellen's eye that she didn't really believe that. She was pushing her, and it was working.
"Of course I care. You know I do."
"No, Patty, I don't know shit! I don't know if you keep me around just because you feel guilty, or you still don't trust me, or..."
"Ellen, shut up!" Patty fumed.
Ellen closed her mouth, breathing hard through her nose. Tears welled up in her eyes once again. Patty had not meant to yell, but on top of the exhaustion, the buzz she herself was feeling, and the emotions running rampant through her veins, she could not take listening to Ellen claim she didn't care. When she began to speak again, she purposely started in a deep whisper.
"You know damn well that I care. Perhaps more than I should. But the point is, I do not want you getting involved in it. I am doing what I can, and I will continue to do what I can to make sure Arthur Frobisher pays dearly for the pain he has caused you. You honestly think that I'm playing games with you? Or that I feel bad for you, and that's why I want you around? That's why I respect you enough to make your own decisions, ask you over for drinks, go to lunch with you in the middle of my busy day, call you in the middle of the fucking night! "
"Patty..."
Patty snapped, slashing her hands through the strategically laid papers on the coffee table, wading through them like water, sending them flying all over the room. She snatched one out of the air and thrust it at Ellen.
"Do you see this? What does it say at the top? Read it."
Ellen looked Patty in the eye and announced what the paper said without looking down.
"Frobisher Witnesses."
"That's right."
"I know. I saw it as soon as I sat down. I saw it before I even got here. I know what you're doing. And I want you to stop."
"Why! Why should I stop? We are so close to getting him."
Ellen's bloodshot eyes were beginning to droop.
"I don't want him. I don't care about him."
"How can you say that?"
"Patty, this is not about David anymore. It's about me and you."
"I..."
"David is gone. I miss him but he's gone. Forever. I've made peace with that. I know Frobisher was ultimately responsible, but there's been enough bloodshed and lives ruined in the process of trying to make him pay. And now you, on top of trying to help Zenick's victims and every other case you'll take on, are killing yourself, not sleeping, trying to help me. I don't need you to do this for me."
"I need to do this for you."
"Exactly! It's not for me, it's for you."
"No, Ellen, it's for you! I want you to be happy. I want you to be free to live your life without this hanging over it. I can give this to you. I want to give this to you."
"Locking someone up is not what I need from you."
"What then! What else can I do?"
Ellen, hazy-eyed and as drunk on their back-and-forth energy as she was on tequila, shifted even closer to Patty and put her hand on her knee. Patty gulped.
"Patty, let go. Let's just let go."
Her breathing was now catching up to the pace of her heart. Christ.
"Ellen, what are you..."
Ellen put her hand on Patty's cheek and stroked it gently. Patty closed her eyes. Ellen replaced her fingers with her lips and barely touched them to Patty's cheek. She trailed them up to her ear, where she kissed again.
Patty ran her fingers through Ellen's hair as Ellen nuzzled her face into Patty's neck, kissing it once before resting her head on Patty's shoulder. Patty thought about her dreams, thought about how she had only recently been able to grasp their meaning. I'm ready, she thought. But what if she had been wrong and Ellen simply admired her as a mentor, relied on her as a friend? What if it was just the alcohol, adrenaline, and loneliness leading her to make these moves? Get out of your head. Trust yourself. She reached for Ellen's shoulder to pull her up and felt the heaviness of what was now a sleeping body resisting her.
Patty sighed. She grabbed the blanket from the back of the couch and draped it over them both, shifting to allow Ellen to rest more comfortably on her chest. As she closed her eyes, she wondered what she would dream of tonight.
Patty stood at the end of the dock at the beach house, took a deep breath and jumped in. When she opened her eyes, she found herself underwater, looking up from beneath the surface. She began to swim upward, but the pressure was too strong. She was running out of air. Her arms were aching, muscles straining, until she finally broke through. She sucked the air deep into her lungs. It smelled sweet, like something was baking. She looked ahead and saw the hole in her wall again, but from the outside. She waded toward it and peered through. Inside, she saw Ellen sleeping on the couch. Smoke was billowing from the oven, filling the apartment. Patty began ripping at the wood and plaster, trying to get through, causing her fingernails to peel back and bleed. She kept going, but it was taking so long, she was afraid...
Ellen shifted on Patty's chest. Patty looked down at Ellen's face in wonder. How can this...? Am I still dreaming? Then she remembered the night before, Ellen drunk and yelling and...making a pass at her. For as nerve-wracking as it was then, the proposition of waking up with a sober Ellen on top of her, who might not remember why she was there or might regret what she had done, was all the more frightening. Patty tried not to move or breathe. But soon Ellen's eyes fluttered open. She looked around and seemed a bit taken aback for a moment. Oh no...please. Patty could not bear the thought of Ellen thinking she had taken advantage of her or something. Ellen put her hands on both sides of Patty's waist to lift herself up, and Patty tried not to hiss with pleasure. Inappropriate. Get a hold of yourself.
Ellen rubbed her eyes, smearing the eye shadow even more. Then she pinched the bridge of her nose, grimacing into what was no doubt the beginning of a nasty hangover.
"Would you like some water?" Patty had to ask.
"Please."
When she returned with the water, Ellen had not moved. Patty put the glass on the table, along with two aspirin, and sat back on the couch. Ellen took the aspirin with a sip of water and then looked at her. They stared at each other for what seemed like minutes.
"How's your head?" Stupid question.
"Not that bad." Ellen took another gulp of water, and then looked at Patty again. "I slept really well."
Patty was stunned.
"Good. That's good."
"You?"
"I slept fine."
"I must smell like a bar. I should shower."
"You can shower here if you like." Patty heard the words coming out of her mouth on autopilot. "You can borrow something to wear."
"Thanks. I don't really feel like braving the subway just yet."
"Where did you go last night anyway? You never told me."
"Just this pub, with Katie."
"Katie Connor? How is she?"
"Good. Engaged."
"Nice."
"Yeah. Then she started getting on me again about how she forgives me and how I need to forgive myself, start dating again, that whole thing."
"I see."
"Yeah, so, that got me thinking about why I'm not seeing anyone, what's stopping me, what I really want. And it all just felt so...complicated."
"Well, that I can completely understand." Patty swallowed hard. "And how do you feel now?"
Ellen looked at Patty and slowly smiled. Patty smiled back.
"I guess it depends."
Patty didn't quite know how to respond to that, so she continued to smile and said nothing.
"Ok, so, shower."
"Upstairs, to the left. There are towels in there, and I'll put jeans and a t-shirt on the bed for you in the guest room."
"Thanks Patty."
Patty moved to get up, but was stopped by Ellen's hand grabbing hers. She turned to look at Ellen. Her face communicated gratitude, and perhaps longing, but Patty was not prepared to make a move yet. For as sure of herself as she always was, in this situation, she felt she could not take the lead. True, she had dropped a million hints here and there, not so subtly sending gifts, dropping by unexpectedly, calling and inviting Ellen over just to enjoy her company. They had exchanged looks. They had spoken in code. But this was on a whole new level, and Patty wanted to be sure. She did not like to be wrong.
Ellen squeezed her hand gently and let go, then followed Patty upstairs. As Ellen showered, Patty changed, then went into the guest room and laid out a pair of jeans that were a size too small for her along with a black long-sleeved t-shirt. She thought about giving her a bra and underwear. For some reason, it made her feel odd, the thought of Ellen seeing her undergarments. Not necessarily uncomfortable, just...anxious.
She must have been deliberating too long, because she was caught off guard when Ellen walked through the door, hair wet, body wrapped only in a towel. Patty looked up at her and immediately blushed, but did not look away.
Ellen smirked and moved toward Patty. She stood right in front of her, inches away. Drops of water from Ellen's hair hit Patty's toes and made them tingle. They grinned at one another, breathing in each other's scent, just appreciating the closeness, yet neither one made a move. Ellen reached down next to Patty and picked up the jeans.
"Thanks for the clothes. Do I smell better now?"
"No longer like an ashtray, so yes. I'd say an improvement."
Patty moved towards the door to give Ellen her privacy.
"Am I supposed to wear these without underwear?"
Patty had to laugh at herself.
"I wasn't sure you'd want to wear mine."
"I don't care. Do you?"
"Not at all."
Patty returned a few seconds later with a wad of black, which she promptly handed to Ellen.
"Here you go."
"Thanks."
Ellen looked down at the panties. Now she was the one blushing.
"So, Patty Hewes wears silk."
"Was that always a burning question in your brain, Ellen?"
"Ha…um, well..."
Patty turned around and left the room. She had, not surprisingly, regained control. And she liked it.
When Ellen finished dressing, she came downstairs to find Patty sitting at the kitchen counter, eating a muffin and drinking coffee. She poured herself a cup and sat down on the stool across from her. Patty did not look up from the paper, and Ellen took that moment to imagine what a life being Patty Hewes' significant other would feel like. Being with someone completely engrossed in their work, who loved what they did and did not apologize for their ambition or need to sometimes put that work before anyone else would probably not work for most people. Ellen, however, had begun to realize it was exactly what she needed. She looked at Patty, who pushed her blonde tousled hair gently behind her ears and pushed her glasses higher up on her nose. She wore a white button down shirt and jeans, minimal makeup. Ellen thought she never looked sexier.
"Frobisher's finally getting out on bail."
"I told you I don't care about that."
"You don't think he'll try to retaliate for this? His movie career is ruined."
"That would be foolish. We had nothing to do with locking him up. And why bring more attention to himself? If he knows what's good for him he'll lay low, disappear. He's not our problem anymore."
"Mmm. Well, if you say so." Patty took off her glasses and looked up from the paper, smiling at Ellen with just her eyes. Ellen was not so sure Patty would drop this, but she sure as hell didn't want to talk about it. In fact, she didn't feel like talking at all.
"Well, I think I'm going to head out. I have a lot of work to do. I'm sure you do too."
Patty looked a bit disappointed but nodded in agreement.
She followed Ellen to the door. When they got there, Ellen turned around and they stood again for what seemed like forever, just memorizing what each other's faces looked like.
"Thank you for everything. I'll get these clothes back to you next time I see you."
"Which I hope will be soon."
"Yeah, just give me a call."
"I will. Bye Ellen."
"Bye."
Ellen turned around and reached for the doorknob, but was stopped as Patty put her hand on her shoulder, turned her around, and hugged her tightly. As she wrapped her arms around Patty's waist, Ellen realized they had only briefly hugged once before. Maybe that was why Patty wasn't trying to rush into things. They felt so close in many ways, having been through so much, and the feelings were obviously mutual. But physically there was still so much space between them that needed to be bridged. Now that they knew...sort of...how the other felt, they could take their time, rather than impulsively jumping each other's bones. It could build, slowly. The thought made Ellen wet in Patty's silk panties.
Patty pulled back and looked into Ellen's eyes. She must have seen the slight gloss they had to them, because her blush returned and the corners of her mouth teased up, making her cheekbones pop out and her eyes squint into their adorable cat-like shapes. Ellen loved the fine lines around Patty's eyes, smile lines. For as serious and lethal of a woman as Patty could be, she smiled a lot, and Ellen loved that you could read happiness around her eyes. She hoped she would get to contribute to them.
Patty lightly kissed Ellen on the cheek. She lingered there for a moment, her hot breath tempting Ellen to go for more, but she resisted. When Patty let her go, Ellen quickly returned the kiss on the cheek before turning and walking out the door.
Patty hadn't heard from Ellen all week, which was fine because she really was swamped. Not only was the Zenick case a nightmare, but she also had to begin the painful process of trying to replace Tom. She missed him and deeply regretted that he didn't feel he could have come to her when Tobin wiped out his finances. On top of that guilt, she knew it would take years to build up the kind of trust she had with him with anyone else. So despite some generally incompetent lackeys around the office, for the first time in a long time, Patty was totally on her own.
Friday night she finally decided to call Ellen. Although she really needed to stay up all night sifting through SEC proceedings, she couldn't stop thinking about her. And as eager as she was to see what the next step in their relationship would be, she also just needed a drink with a friend.
"Patty! I was wondering when you were going to call."
"Hello, El-... You know, you could have called me just as easily."
"Nope. I came to you last time. It's your turn."
"Oh, I see. Well, don't I feel like I'm back in high school."
Ouch.
"Is that a swipe at my age, Ms. Hewes?"
"Listen, Ellen. I have no issues with your age. You're the one who keeps bringing it up."
"Fine."
"...Are you? You haven't been drinking again, have you?"
"Wow, you make me sound like an alcoholic. As a matter of fact, I am drinking right now."
"I see. Well, care to join me for one or two more at my place? I could use the company."
"Zenick case not going well?"
"It's...I don't really want to talk about work. I don't think you do either."
"You're right. But, as much as I'd love to come over, I'm at Katie's right now. We're meeting some of the other bridesmaids to talk about the wedding and go dancing."
Patty's heart sank.
"Sounds like fun."
"It will be. Care to join?"
"Sorry Ellen, I left the disco in 1978."
"Well, now who's worried about age?"
"I don't think Katie and her friends would appreciate me tagging along anyhow."
"I don't care what anyone else thinks. I want you there. I want to see your moves."
Patty blushed.
"Maybe some other time. Have fun, Ellen. I bet you're an excellent dancer."
"See you later Patty."
Ellen hung up. Great. Patty poured another glass of bourbon and threw herself back into her work.
"Katie! Katie, I need you to do something for me!"
Ellen practically had to scream over the pounding music. That, and Katie was pretty far gone.
"What!"
"Take my phone and shoot a video of us dancing!"
"What! Ok!"
It took Katie a while to figure out how to manage her Long Island and the iPhone at the same time, but she finally got it. She shot a fifteen second video of Ellen, Lana and Tracey dancing before giving Ellen back her phone.
"Thanks Katie!"
"No problem! Who are you sending that to! Is he hot!"
Ellen smiled and hit send.
Patty was swimming once again toward the hole in her wall, getting there just in time to see Ellen get up off the couch and start fanning the smoke. "Patty!" She called. "Help!" It smelled like burning cupcakes. "I'm trying, Ellen, I'm coming!" Patty began ripping away at the hole again, but the metal grating in the middle was as far as she could get. She pulled at it with all her strength, but it wouldn't budge. Ellen ran over to the hole and tried to suck in fresh air from the outside. Tears were running down her face as she looked at Patty, begging her to break through. "Patty, please." "I'm sorry Ellen, I'm trying." Just then, a siren started blaring...
Patty woke up to a text message alert. She was sitting on the couch, still in her white pencil skirt and white-and-blue striped button-down shirt, heels on the floor, papers scattered everywhere, bourbon spilled over half of them.
"Shit!"
She wiped up the bourbon and separated the papers so they would dry. They were still mostly legible. She remembered the dream, Ellen screaming, the sirens, and shuddered. Then she remembered her phone.
One new video message. What could this possibly...She hit play.
Blaring hip hop music blasted from the phone and startled her for a second before she threw on her glasses and squinted to look at the video. It showed Ellen, in a black lace tank top, tight skinny jeans, and red Loubitain's, dancing with two other women. The lighting was not that great, but Patty could clearly see the flush on Ellen's cheeks and the sweat on her bare shoulders as she grinded against one of the woman's thighs before dipping down low to the ground and raising her ass slowly up the other woman's legs. She then turned and looked directly into the camera as she swayed her hips from side to side, raised her arms above her head and slid her fingers through her hair. She flashed a devilish smile at the camera before turning around, and the video was over.
Shit.
Patty could instantly feel the ache between her thighs. She set the phone down on the table and hit play again. She slid one hand up her skirt and dragged her fingers firmly across her silk panties. She grabbed her mound, grinding into her fingertips as she watched Ellen grind on the screen. When Ellen turned toward the camera and smiled, Patty let out a soft moan. Then the phone rang.
It was after 2 a.m., but this time, she really didn't care.
"Ellen."
"I didn't wake you, did I?"
"No."
"Good. Did you get my message?"
"Yes."
"Did you like it?" Ellen's voice was very low and gravelly.
Patty's clit throbbed.
"Yes."
"I thought you would. Just wanted to show you what you were missing."
Patty swallowed.
"Well, you can come over anytime and teach me how to do... whatever you were doing."
"Are you free tomorrow night?"
"Yes. I mean, I have work to do but, you can come over for a drink."
Ellen laughed. Patty remembered her dream and it made her feel sick.
"Actually, Ellen, why don't you come for dinner? Eight o'clock. I'll make something."
"Really? You'll cook for me? Can you cook?"
"I'll have you know that I'm an excellent cook. I give the Barefoot Contessa a run for her money."
"Well then, I'll be there. Goodnight Patty."
"Goodnight."
Patty hit play on the video again. She slid her fingers through her wetness, came within a few seconds, and fell back to sleep.
Ellen couldn't believe the unexpected turns her life had taken in the past six months, let alone the past few years. Patty had gone from boss, to foe, to friend. She believed in her enough to support her in her efforts to start her own law firm, no matter how small-scale and risky it may be. And now, she was making her dinner. Ellen tried not to think about it all too much as she stood outside Patty's door wearing a grey pencil skirt and black off the shoulder cashmere sweater, holding a bouquet of fresh cut daisies like the yellow ones from her dream. She took a deep breath and knocked. Patty answered, wearing the purple blouse and black skirt she had worn the first time Ellen saw her after she'd stopped working for her. She looked just as gorgeous now.
"Hello, Ellen."
"Hi." She handed Patty the flowers.
"Thank you." Patty smelled them and stepped aside to let Ellen in. No hug? Ellen thought. Alright.
"It smells really good in here," she noted as they made their way to the kitchen. "What are you making?"
"Beer Can Chicken. I hope you like it."
"I'm sure I will."
"Would you care for a beer, Ellen?" Patty handed her a Bud Light. In a can. Ellen laughed.
"What? You think I only drink bourbon?"
"No, I mean...you just don't seem like..."
"There's a lot of things you don't know about me, Ellen."
Ellen stopped giggling, cracked open the beer and took a swig.
Patty smiled at her. "Sit."
Ellen took a seat on one of the bar stools as Patty began chopping vegetables for a salad.
"You had a lot of fun last night, I take it."
"Yeah, I did. What did you end up doing?"
"Oh you know, looking into Zenick's stocks and offshore accounts. Thrilling."
Ellen nodded.
"So those women you were dancing with. Katie's friends. Are they...?"
"Are they what?"
"Do they like women?"
Ellen blushed and laughed uncomfortably. "Um, not as far as I know. We were just drinking, having a good time."
"So when you drink do you tend to get up close and personal with whatever women happen to be around?"
Ellen's jaw dropped.
"Patty! Have you never danced with friends before?"
"Not like that."
"Well I wasn't dancing with them because I like them; I was dancing because I like to dance. And that's what we do."
"We meaning people your age?"
"Ok, Patty, I'm not going to do this. I thought I made things pretty clear by sending you that video and coming to dinner. So if you're going to insult me and bring up our ages and start putting the walls back up between us, I really don't want to..."
"I'm sorry, Ellen. You're right. I'm just..."
"Nervous."
Patty glared at her.
"It's ok. I'm nervous too."
"Well you certainly seem more sure of yourself after you've had a few drinks. Dancing like that, and with what you started the other night when you slept here, I wanted to make sure it was not just the alcohol that brings out your indiscretionary sapphic impulses."
Now Ellen glared.
"I never really had any 'sapphic impulses' until I met you."
Patty almost chopped her finger instead of the carrots.
"Really?"
"Really. I mean, I've found women attractive, but...what about you?"
"I dabbled in college."
Ellen choked on her beer.
"Wh-..you what?"
"Well, by dabbled, I mean I kissed my biology partner. A few times. She was an out lesbian, radical feminist, always trying to get me to go to protests and what not. I liked her. But I also had a boyfriend, who I did love, as I've told you. And at that time, being a lesbian could be a lot more damning to one's career than it is today. So once again, I chose ambition, forgot about Alice, and put those kinds of feelings on the back burner."
"And you never tried anything with any other woman all these years?"
"No one was ever worth the media frenzy it would undoubtedly stir. I wanted to be known for being a good lawyer, not 'that lesbian lawyer'. As it is, half the time I'm already 'that woman lawyer' and very often 'that bitch lawyer.' It's funny sometimes how far we haven't come."
Ellen felt flattered that she might be worth it, but still a little taken aback.
"So...you would never come out now?"
"I didn't say that. I think things are getting better, and while I wouldn't necessarily throw myself a coming out gala, I certainly wouldn't hide my relationship. I'd do that in order to protect the other person from the scum of the earth we seem to run into in our profession before I'd do it out of shame or fear of homophobic backlash."
"Ah."
"So you've never even kissed a woman then, Ellen?"
"No. Well, not on the lips." Now she really was starting to feel like she was back in high school.
"Hmm."
Ellen felt like she was amusing Patty. Maybe she really had kissed her biology partner, or maybe she was making it up, trying to make Ellen jealous. Either way, Patty had gained too much control, and Ellen didn't like it.
She reached out and put a hand on the arm Patty was using to cut vegetables. Patty stopped cutting and looked up at her. Ellen began tracing her fingernails up and down Patty's arm. Patty closed her eyes and dropped the knife.
"You may have some experience on me, Patty. But I know a thing or two."
She got up and sauntered around the counter to where Patty was standing, still tracing her forearm. She lightly pressed her body up against Patty's side and used her other hand to push her blonde locks behind her ear. Then she leaned in close, whispered.
"I do know you."
Ellen pulled away and opened the refrigerator, grabbing two more beers. When she turned back around and put them on the counter, she realized Patty had not moved.
"Patty? You ok?"
It's time to tear down the walls.
Patty turned around, grabbed Ellen by the waist, and pulled her into her. Ellen smiled widely. She reached up and cupped Patty's face with both hands, but Patty grabbed her wrists and pushed her back against the refrigerator door. Patty brought her face close to Ellen's. The younger woman was now panting. Their noses brushed up against each other, and Patty tipped her forehead onto Ellen's. Ellen tried to lean back so she could reach Patty's mouth, but Patty tilted away. Ellen tried to shimmy out of her grasp, but couldn't. Patty kissed Ellen's earlobe gently before sucking it between her teeth and biting down. Ellen gasped. Patty kissed her way from earlobe to the corner of Ellen's mouth before pausing. She pulled back just long enough to look into her eyes. Yes, Ellen wanted her.
She barely brushed her lips over Ellen's once, then twice, before letting Ellen fully engulf her lips in the kiss. Ellen kissed her hard, but with finesse. Passionate, eager, but tender. Ellen sucked in Patty's lower lip before biting down just as hard as Patty had nibbled her ear. The buzzer sounded, and Patty pulled away.
"Let's eat." Patty whispered, and returned to the cutting board. Ellen stood there with her eyes closed.
Patty was determined to call the shots tonight. Ellen knew it was best to let her.
After dinner, Patty loaded the dishwasher while Ellen put a batch of cupcakes in the oven before they headed to the sofa, two glasses of bourbon in hand. They sat inches apart, facing one another, legs curled up and feet lightly touching. They played footsie as they talked.
"So was it really that good, or are you just trying to get in my pants?"
Ellen grinned at Patty's sudden brazenness.
"It was amazing."
"Thank you."
"And yes, I'm trying to get in your pants."
Patty grinned back. "Cute."
"Well, you've made me wait so long already."
"How long is that Ellen? Since just before dinner...?"
Patty wanted to know when Ellen's feelings for her started. She'd give her something.
"Uh...I'd say as far back as the Tobin case."
"Interesting." Patty suspected that wasn't the whole truth.
"How long have you been interested?"
Patty hesitated, but figured there was no use lying.
"Since your sister's wedding."
Ellen almost spit out her bourbon. This was getting to be a bad habit.
"What!"
"Ok, so I found you attractive from the beginning. But I didn't actually start to have feelings until...well, I guess it was that time you and David joined Phil and I for dinner."
"Patty...how could you?"
"How could I what? Develop feelings for a beautiful, brilliant woman whose work was impeccable and would do just about anything to please me? Trust me, it wasn't difficult."
"No!" Patty did not look phased, but Ellen was angry. "How could you... try to kill someone you have feelings for?"
Now Patty's face went grim. She was aiming to bring this up as she knew it would have to be discussed, but hearing the words come out of Ellen's mouth again was harder than she expected.
"Ellen, I've made some major mistakes in my life. I don't deny it. But that was by far worst one. I don't know what I would have done had you actually..."
Ellen still looked angry. She pulled her foot away from Patty's.
"I know this is very complicated, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't know I wanted you back then. I don't hand-select wardrobes from Bergdorf's for every new associate that walks through my door. But I also knew I couldn't have you, and that my feelings would not be returned."
"So that made it easier to try to have me knocked off?"
"For God's sake Ellen, listen to me!" She leaned toward Ellen, gripping her shoulder firmly. "You say you forgive me, but obviously it will always be there, and I'm not sure I will ever forgive myself. I can't go back and take it away. And everything else that happened...David, everything...I did not ever want that to happen to you, but it did. Then when you left the firm, almost a year went by, and I could not stop thinking about you. Not just because I felt awful about what I'd done, but because I missed you. I missed being able to talk to someone I felt actually understood me. This might sound strange, but I'd sit in your old office late at night and do my work just to feel closer to you. I sent you that purse because I desperately needed to...touch you, in some way. I never expected you to show up that night at Benvenuto, but when you did, when I looked at you...I knew."
"What did you know?" Ellen was softening.
"That I never wanted to lose you again. I almost lost you twice, all of my own doing. Ellen, I've never been so drawn to anyone, never put myself out there as much as I have to try to get you to..."
Ellen hiked up her skirt enough to climb onto Patty's lap, and straddled her. Patty inhaled sharply. Ellen ran her fingers through her hair.
"I'm not going anywhere."
Patty kissed her fiercely. She put her hands behind Ellen's head and pulled her closer, so that Ellen was sitting flush with her chest. She ran her tongue over Ellen's lower lip until her mouth opened, and then she thrust it inside. Ellen swirled her tongue around Patty's and began to gently ride her waist. Patty made stifled noises into Ellen's mouth.
"Is this what you wanted?" Ellen whispered as she grinded harder. "Is this what you've been wanting me to do?"
"Ellen, oh my God..." Patty's eyelids fluttered as she grabbed Ellen's ass and pulled her harder into her pelvis.
"That feels so good. So good." Ellen began to lick Patty's neck as she continued to ride her. She brought her hands to the buttons on Patty's shirt and quickly undid them before lifting it over her head. Patty did not resist.
Ellen threw the purple blouse to the floor and looked down at Patty's breasts, clad in a black silk and lace bra that matched the underwear she wore home soaked last week. She'd decided she'd never return them.
"Do you like it?" Patty teased.
Ellen did not respond with words, but instead cupped both breasts and squeezed them firmly. Patty threw her head back. Ellen rubbed her thumbs over Patty's erect nipples through the bra, and returned her mouth to her ear.
"I like it. But it's gotta go."
Before Patty knew it, Ellen was reaching behind her and unsnapping her bra, sliding the straps down her shoulders and tossing it to the floor. She looked down now at Patty's exposed breasts, perfectly round and larger than she'd expected with tight, pink nipples. Before Ellen enjoyed them, she lifted her own sweater over her head and watched as Patty's eyes greedily lit up. Patty lunged forward and quickly undid and removed Ellen's sheer black bra, shoved one breast completely into her mouth and began sloppily, hungrily sucking on her nipple. Ellen grabbed Patty's hair and continued to ride her.
"Don't stop. Mmm."
"I want you louder." Patty bit down on the nipple.
"Fuck! Yes!"
Patty moved her hands to the zipper on Ellen's pencil skirt, which she practically tore down before pushing Ellen back on the couch and pulling the skirt off. Ellen arched back against the couch in only her black panties, which were made entirely of see-through mesh. Patty gazed down at her body. She could see a strip of dark brown hair through the panties, and the sight made her even more wet. Ellen was looking up at her with a mix of admiration and lust on her face. Patty realized she was sitting before the younger woman, still in her skirt, but topless, and felt the slightest bit of apprehension. She felt exposed, vulnerable, things she had not felt since she sat before Ellen in a hotel room nearly two years ago with a gun pointed at her. She realized then that she and Ellen had been fucking each other for some time, playing a sado-masochistic game of cat and mouse, each taking turns as predator and prey. But now, in this moment, there was something new, something she wasn't sure she had ever really felt before. Ellen wanted nothing from her, but her. She truly cared about her, and Patty was both grateful and terrified.
"People either leave you or they die. Those are the only two endings possible with you."
"Patty?"
Patty looked down at Ellen who was now looking a little unsure of herself, given Patty's hesitation. She hated to make her feel that way.
"I'm sorry Ellen, I'm trying."
Ellen sat up and wrapped her arms around Patty's bare shoulders. Patty held her tightly and fought really hard to hold back the tears.
"What's wrong?"
"I'm...do you smell burning?"
Ellen sniffed the air.
"Shit! The cupcakes!"
Patty jumped up off the couch and ran to the kitchen. She quickly grabbed a towel and removed the charred lumps from the oven, setting them on the counter. Just enough smoke filled the kitchen, but not enough to set off the alarm.
Patty thought about her dreams. She remembered Ellen sending her cupcakes on her birthday last year. How unexpected that was. How special it made her feel.
She looked up to see Ellen standing across the room in only her underwear, looking straight at her, concern furrowing her brow.
"It's a big responsibility."
"Patty?"
Uncle Pete was gone. Phil, Michael, Tom. Ellen was the only one she had left. She wasn't sure she could let her get close enough to get hurt.
"Ellen...I want you to know...that I don't expect you to live this life."
"What?"
"You are...the closest thing I have to family. Everyone else is gone."
Ellen quickly walked to her, held her shoulders and looked her square in the eye.
"I can be that for you. I can be family."
Patty held Ellen's cheeks in her hands and gently kissed her lips.
"You were right. I am nervous."
Ellen wrapped her arms around Patty's neck and kissed her on the nose.
"That's ok. At least we're both running through the house half naked. That helps."
Patty tried to smile, but couldn't.
"I don't want to hurt you Ellen. Ever again."
"Then don't."
"I'm afraid I won't always be able to protect you."
Ellen took a step back and grabbed Patty's hands.
"We're both in this. It's what we do. It's all consuming, and it can be dangerous, but at the end of the day, neither of us would be happy doing anything else. So we'll just have to do our best to protect each other. That's all anyone can do, isn't it?"
Patty saw the tears welling up in Ellen's eyes again. She had to make a decision.
"I love you Patty Hewes. I trust you. Now you need to trust yourself."
Patty could not remember the last time she heard those words. It made her slightly dizzy. She knew Ellen was right. No matter who either of them was with, there would always be risks. But this wasn't really about the law, and Ellen knew that too. It was about letting go of the past, forgiving herself. For leaving her family before they could kill her spirit, for leaving the boy back in college, for inducing her own miscarriage, for sleeping with men like Daniel Purcell to try to feel something, for being a terrible mother, for never really loving Phil, for the million lies and half-truths she'd told Ellen. For all of that, and more. It was time to trust that when the walls came down, there would still be a good person, a person worth someone like Ellen's love, behind them.
"Patty?"
Patty slowly nodded and looked up. She wiped the tears from Ellen's cheeks with her thumbs, then trailed her thumbs to Ellen's lips, which she traced as she stepped in closer, whispered, "I love you," and kissed her.
Ellen and Patty barely made it up the stairs. By the time they got to the bed, Patty's skirt had been kicked over the railing, and Ellen's underwear just missed the lamp shade. Patty hovered over Ellen, pinning her arms above her head with her hands and her legs to the bed with her thighs. She began kissing Ellen everywhere but where she needed it most.
"P-please. You're t-torturing me."
"Am I?" She let go of Ellen's arms so she could lick the space between her belly button and her pelvic bone.
"Mmmm. Uh huh."
Patty couldn't wait any longer. She brought her fingers to Ellen's vulva and gently stroked them through her sopping wet folds, through slick brown hair and pinkish-purple lips. Ellen moaned loudly. Patty continued licking and sucking her stomach as she kindly slid two fingers inside and then less kindly began to move them in and out. There was plenty of love in what they were doing, but she liked it rough and could tell Ellen did too by the way her body was responding and the noise she was making. She pumped her fingers faster and faster until Ellen's body was writhing so hard she was practically bouncing off the bed. Patty shoved the rest of her fingers in and continued to fuck Ellen as she rose to kiss her lips, which unfortunately muffled some of her delicious sounds. Patty moved her mouth to Ellen's neck and licked in rhythm with her fingers. Then she began whispering again.
"You're so wet, Ellen. So wet and ready to come for me. I will make you come all the time, any time."
"Ah! Oh!"
"You're sweet, but you're a bad girl too, like me. It's the only way."
She bit Ellen's neck just enough to leave a mark, stopping short of drawing blood.
"Holy fuck!"
"We make the rules; get people to give us what we want. Give me what I want, Ellen." She pushed hard into Ellen's G-spot and used her thumb to rub her clit, and Ellen gave her what she wanted.
"Yes!"
Patty pulled her soaked hand from Ellen's cunt, shoved all five fingers in her mouth at once and licked them clean. Ellen watched her with eyes still half closed, breathing like she'd never get enough air again. Patty crawled up next to her and kissed her lightly on the cheek, then her chin, then once Ellen's breathing evened out, her lips.
"Wow."
"Mm."
"Patty, you're...you're..."
"Not bad for sixty two?"
Ellen rolled her eyes.
"Jesus, Patty."
Patty laughed softly.
"I guess it makes sense why you'd be so preoccupied with it. You were pretty thrown off by the age difference between Michael and Jill."
Patty stiffened a bit. "That's different. Michael was a child. You're not a child."
"Glad you recognize that. So stop obsessing."
"I'm not. It was a joke."
"Even so. You're hot, period."
Patty stretched out on her stomach next to Ellen and kissed her earlobe.
"Thank you."
Ellen flipped Patty onto her back and straddled her once again.
"You recover quickly, I see."
Ellen just grinned down at her. Patty lay before her, eye makeup a little smeared, caked into the creases in the corners Ellen knew so well. Her pale skin was coated in salty, sticky sweat, her hair was slightly matted on one side, and her lips were very red. She was a far cry from the composed, stoic yet always sexy Patty Hewes she presented to her clients, her enemies, the world. But Ellen could still see that fierceness behind her glistening blue eyes, and it turned her on more than anything ever had.
Patty's smile slipped into a more serious, wanton parting of the lips as Ellen slowly lowered herself to Patty's ear. She traced its every nook and curve with her tongue, barely touching taste buds to skin, coating the fine hairs there with the moisture from her breath, before whispering.
"I'm going to lick you till you come so hard in my mouth, you won't be able to think of one clever thing to say."
Before Patty could respond, Ellen put two fingers over her lips, and then replaced them with her mouth, kissing her gently, letting all the little moments they'd shared over the past few years wash over them. She trailed her kisses down her chest as she dragged her fingernails up her arms, and Patty practically yelped. She made her way to one of her breasts, already hardened with pleasure, and sucked the taut little mound between her teeth before biting down.
"Damnit, fuck!"
Ellen froze for a moment, afraid she'd been too rough, until she felt Patty's fingers in her hair, first softly massaging her scalp, then tugging hard at her roots. Ellen took that as a sign she should continue. She licked and sucked her way down her toned stomach to the black silk panties Patty still had on, just like the ones she'd let her borrow. She sat up for a moment so she could slide them down, but before she could do it, she spotted Patty's glasses lying on the table next to the bed.
"Put those on," Ellen demanded.
"What?"
"Your glasses. Put them on."
"Really Ellen? You-..."
Ellen grabbed her mound and squeezed hard.
"Ah! Alright. My, you're bossy."
"I learned from the best."
Patty laughed as she reached for the glasses and put them on her face, sliding them down so she could peer over them.
"That'll work out nicely at your new office."
Ellen felt like she could come again just looking at Patty watch her over her rims. Her nipples grew harder, and Patty seemed to notice. She could feel herself losing control.
"You're not supposed to be speaking."
"Sorr-...oh!"
Ellen shoved the silk panties aside, not waiting to take them off, and ran her fingers through Patty's wetness. Patty stopped talking.
Ellen removed her hand so Patty could lift her pelvis toward the ceiling and allow Ellen to slide the bikini down her thighs, over her feet, and onto the floor. Ellen looked down at the soft mound of blonde and grey curls, neatly trimmed, and played with them for a moment before leaning down and burying her face in them.
"Ellen!"
"Shhh...you smell so good."
Ellen breathed in Patty's earthy aroma. It was like nothing she had ever smelled before, like the floor of the Amazon maybe. More than anything, she smelled like she knew a woman should smell, like Patty always smelled, but stronger.
"I..." Ellen kissed her labia between words. "...want" "...you" "...shaking."
"Mmmmah ah!"
Ellen peered up to watch Patty's face, eyes shut tightly behind her glasses, as she drove her tongue between the folds. She used her left hand to gently part Patty's lips further, and began licking her hard, red clit fast, up and down, then back and forth, all while tracing her nails over her stomach. Patty made noises that didn't even sound human, deep growls mixed with high-pitched squeaks she was sure no one would have ever expected to come from Patty Hewes. She couldn't believe she and she alone was privy to this side of the extraordinary woman, and continued to lick with a feeling of deep satisfaction. She never took her eyes off her former boss's face as she pushed her tongue firmly into her cunt, lapping up the sour-sweet liquid, swirling her tongue while dipping it in and out.
"Ellen...I'm...oh my god...yes..."
Ellen sucked hard one last time on Patty's clit before Patty soaked her chin with her juices. She licked her lips and then kissed each of Patty's thighs before returning to her face, still dripping with her come.
"You wanna taste yourself, Patty?"
She didn't wait for Patty to respond, and instead kissed her deeply, rolling her chin around Patty's while massaging her tongue with her own. Patty kissed her and reached around to scratch Ellen's back sharply, leaving marks. Ellen pulled away and shrieked with delight before settling into the soft space between Patty's arm and her chest. Patty took a second to catch her breath, and then spoke.
"Well, Ellen Parsons, you may have never been with a woman before, but you've certainly thought about it."
Ellen chuckled.
"Guess there's no stopping you after all."
"I'm afraid not. But that was...really...fantastic."
"Thanks. And you're right, I have thought about it."
Patty's eyes widened.
"I thought about pushing you up against the counter in the restroom that night I came to you about the purse. Taking you right then and there."
"I see."
"Mhmm...and many times on the couches downstairs, drinking bourbon...I often liked to imagine you were trying to get me drunk so you could have your way with me."
Patty laughed.
"You do a good enough job of getting drunk on your own."
Ellen pinched her ribs. Patty hissed, then smiled and nuzzled Ellen's neck.
"I thought about it before then too..."
Patty's ears perked up. "Really? I thought you said..."
"I lied. Because of..."
"I know."
"I was attracted to you. I just felt like admitting it would be betraying him, especially since..."
"It's alright, I respect that. But we can't help how we feel."
Ellen nodded and lightly kissed Patty's shoulder before kissing her on the lips and then sinking even deeper into her arms. They sat there for a while, silent, as Ellen stroked Patty's stomach and Patty played with the hair on Ellen's forearm.
"You know what I think?"
"What?" Ellen responded, sitting up just enough to meet Patty's eyes.
"I think I'm ready to remodel."
Ellen beamed at her, Patty smiled back, and they laid there kissing until way past 3 a.m.