"Hey, you okay?" Sam asked. "You haven't been looking so good."
"I just have a headache, leave me alone." I say as I bury my face into the pillow trying to block everything out. The throbbing hasn't been this bad before, and all that matters is my head is clear. Stop thinking, stop thinking! You're just making it worse! I say this to myself and I just want to be left alone. I try to picture a white canvas, a clear slate as you might say to keep things less crazy in my head. But it's not working. Everything is too discombobulated and my thoughts feel like they're in a knot. The throbbing gets worse.
"Oh,you know what? Can you get me some aspirin from the car?" I can barely murmur from inside my pillow. "Yeah,sure." Sam gets up from his chair and heads out the door. Even if I want to be alone I also feel alone. Am I depressed? No, I can't be. I'm Dean fuckin Winchester! I take a deep breath and get up. I feel so dizzy, I need to get to the bathroom. I open the door and stand in front of the mirror. "I look like crap." I murmur. I also feel like crap, all my muscles are tight and I feel like sand is in my bones. What's taking Sam so long? I think. I need to sit down, so I sit on the toilet seat. But my mind is racing and I have to stand back up. I need air, I pace the floor thinking of every possible thing that I feel. Suddenly my body starts to shake and I get chills running up and down my body for a second. I get a weird taste in my mouth. I feel like throwing up from how gross it is, but before I can my legs give way and i'm falling to the ground. What is happening? Sam must have heard me fall because he busts into the bathroom, and has me lean against the wall. I can feel foamy stuff pouring out from the sides of my mouth but I can't do anything, I feel paralyzed as I start convulsing. He pulls out his phone and calls for the ambulance. "Dean, hold on we're gonna get you out of here." Cas where are you? It's the first thought before I black out.
My eyes feel so heavy, but I manage to open them barely to see Sammy sitting next to me in a chair. We must be in the hospital. He's sleeping with his head on the bed right next to my waist. His hair is over his face so I can't see it. It's very soft looking, I never noticed that before. I take my hand and put it on his shoulder and shake him awake. He's so tired looking with dark circles under his eyes. He must have been here all night.
"Hey." he says in a sleepy voice. "How are you feeling?"
"I'm fine, what happened?" I ask.
"You had a seizure and collapsed." How can I have had a seizure? I'm too young for that.
"They say you may have a brain tumor Dean... " my heart starts to race.
"This can't be happening Sammy, not now. This is not how it's supposed to happen, I cannot die like this-"
"You're not going to die Dean, everything will be okay I promise." Sam looks at me with those eyes that make him look like a kid again. And I can't leave him, I just won't!
One of the hot nurses comes in. "Hello Dean, are you feeling alright today?"
"I am now." I give her a once-over and a smirk to let her know i'm talking about her. But to be honest I feel like crap. But I don't say it. She tries not to smile but still blushes.
"Well that's good." she says and gives a little cough before continuing. "It's said that you had a seizure, have you been suffering from any other symptoms?"
"I've been getting these nasty headaches,fatigue, maybe even depression?"
"Well there is a possible chance you could have a brain tumor so we may have to take a CAT scan of your brain to make sure. The doctor should be here shortly. Is there anything else I can help you with?"
"I think i'll be good sweet cheeks….oh actually there is one thing. Can I get your number? In case I do come out alive?" She blushes again.
"Dean." Sam nudges me and gives me his bitchface. "What?" He tried to signal to me that now's not the time for flirting but I just brush it off.
For some reason this all still doesn't feel real. Like i'm stuck in a dream that I can't escape. But I don't have any other choice, if this is real i'm going to have to deal with it. I agree to do it and the process feels like forever. They sure don't make the waiting any less stressful. This is life or death right now and they decide to take their merry sweet time?
Sure enough I have a brain tumor, in fact it's really bad. "There is a possible chance you may lose part of your memory if we do the surgery, but at least it's better than dying." the doctor
says. Great, not only will I have to go through surgery but I may even forget Sam and Cas. I don't want to, but the doctor is right, it's better than dying.
"Lets just get it over with."
I go into surgery, but before then I have to talk to Sammy. "I won't forget you little brother." I tell him. "Dean, don't worry about me. Just come out alive okay?" I hug him just in case. They prep me for surgery and then knock me out with the oxygen mask. Slowly everything blurs out of focus, my eyes feel heavy. Then it all goes black.
I wake up and my head hurts, what even happened? Where am I? Ahospital? I can't remember anything. Who am I? I look down to find my wrist band the hospital gave me. Dean Winchester it says. It's coming back to me like a puzzle piece just appeared from my head. And who is this by my bedside? I tap them on the shoulder and quickly retreat my hand as if i'm terrified of them, but i'm not. I feel like I know them, like I have a close bond to them. He wakes up and rubs his eyes.
"Hey Dean, how are you feeling? Do you remember anything?"he asks.
"I'm afraid I don't know who you are?"
His face quickly changes from calm to concerned, like I broke his heart or something?
"I'm your brother, Sam."
Sam. I look in his eyes, trying to see if it will spark a memory. I still look confused at him.
"Here, maybe this will help." He digs into his pocket and pulls out a necklace with a pendant on it, handing it to me. I try hard to remember. Slowly and then all at once all the memories come flooding back. My little brother.
"Sammy?" I say, and before I know it he's hugging me tightly for what seems like forever. "Why am I in the hospital?" I ask. He pulls away to look at me. I can tell he's about to cry, but he's strong and holds it back.
"You were in surgery for a brain tumor." His face tightens and his jaw clenches still holding back the tears.
"Hey, i'm fine alright. Look at me, good as new." I try to give him that little smile that always let's him know it's gonna be okay. His face relaxes and gives one back.
"Sam, you called?" the strange man in a trench coat asked him. It seems like he came out of nowhere? "Yes, Cas I wanted to let you know that Dean is okay." "Well that's good news." he says in his raspy voice. To be honest it's kinda sexy... Woah woah woah, where did that come from? His gaze travels to me until we make eye contact. Then he tilts his head a little and I can't help but feel warm. Do I know him? If I do why is it that I can remember everything else but him? I try to look away, I just turn to Sam instead because there is no where else to look without looking like i'm purposely trying to avoid his gaze. "Hello Dean." he says. "Do you remember me?" I look back at him. Oh great. "No, who are you?" I say. I think it came out a bit stern. His face is no longer happy to see me but instead looks like I just stole candy from a kid. I know I hurt him because I can see it in his face, and tears are slowly forming in his eyes. He looks away and then at Sam as if he could fix it. But Sam just gives him a helpless look. "I'm sorry." it's the best I can do to comfort the poor guy.
"Were you someone, special?" I ask. He just looks at me and that's when the tears start running down his face. He tries to keep his voice steady as he says "I would say we had a more, profound bond."