Lord of the Rings - Remade Chapter 1 - Prologue: One Ring to Rule them All.. What? All? Am I confused or something?

Disclaimer: I don't own any of J.R.R. Tolkein's wonderful characters or ideas at all, although I wish I do. I also do not own any of Peter Jackson's ideas or any of the ideas in the LOTR movie.

a/n: I do bash some of J.R.R's characters, but let me remind you, I love the LOTR series and I really respect his hard work and his ingenious ideas on this story. Just to let all you guys know, k? And this parody is based on the movie chapter by chapter.Oh, and if any of you have done anything like this already, I have to say I honestly didn't copy off of you. And I am sorry if it sounds like I did, cuz all of the parody ideas were original, coming from me and a couple of friends who helped me.

music starts playing in the background

Galadriel: (Narrating)The world has changed. or is it just me?

I feel it in the water. or maybe it's just cold.

I feel it in the Earth. maybe it's just those rotten cabbages.

I smell it in the air. there again with those rotten cabbages!

Much that once was.. is now lost. for none now live who remember it.

Wait a tick, if I am narrating this story, and I remember it, it kinda offsets that last statement.

It began with the forging of the great rings (whispers to Peter Jackson) Is that how it really began? (continues) Three were given to the elves. (looks in the mirror, adjusts her hair) immortal, wisest, and fairest of all beings. Seven to the dwarf - lords: Great big uglies and too much into themselves.(receives a punch from a dwarf) *ow!* I mean. Great miners and craftsmen of the mountain halls. And nine.(mutters to self) or was it ten?... Umm. nine, right. (continues) nine rings were gifted to the race of men - the lower beings, I must point out - (receives punch from a man) *ow!* I mean. who above else, desire power.

For within these rings was bound the strength and will to govern each race. waitaminute. you mean to say that I could have the potential for extraordinary power? With my ring? Coooool.Ohhh right..

But the were all of them deceived.

For another ring was made. In the land of the Death Star. I mean Mordor, in the fires of Mount Doom, the Dark Lord Vader forged in secret a master lightsaber. oops hehe I mean Sauron and Master Ring. to control all others.

And into this ring, he poured his love, his happiness, and his will to be kind to all life. waitaminute. I thought this guy was evil! Ooh, misread the script (receives glare from Peter Jackson, continues) I mean his cruelty, his malice, and his will to dominate all life.

One ring to rule them all. - well duh -

Two by two. one by one. the free lands of Naboo, uh, Middle-Earth, fell to the power of the ring. But there were some who resisted.

A last alliance of Gungans and Men. uhh, Elves and *shudder* men marched against the armies of Mordor.

And on the slopes of Mount Doom, they fought for the freedom of the Universe. um, Middle-Earth.

Victory was near (says to Peter Jackson: who is victory? Recieves another glare that could curdle milk, continues)

But the power of the ring -oooh-aahh- could not be undone. It was in that moment when all hope had faded, and Ilsildur's father was dying, that Ilsildur took up his father's sword.

(switches to scene with Ilsildur, Elendil and Sauron)

Ilsildur: (Picks up sword) *Giggle!

Sauron: Okay, what.

Ilsildur: Oh, nothing.*mph*

Sauron: Oh, for pete's sake! What?

Ilsildur: *ahem* lalalalala.

Sauron: (In frustration stomps on sword and breaks it) Oh, fiddlesticks. WHAT IS IT?

Ilsildur: Okay, crabby man. Your fly's open.

Sauron: What? (looks down) I ain't got a goshdarned fly, you nitwit! (proceeds to choke Ilsildur)

Ilsildur: Argh! (In his fright, lifts up the broken shard of Narsil and cuts the ring off of Sauron's hand) Uhh, oops?

Sauron: (screams in pain, then disintegrates into tiny clouds of dust) POOF!

Ilsildur: Sauron. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (sobs, starts to grovel on ground)

Elendil: What. about. me. son? (Dies)

Ilsildur: Meh. (Takes the ring, Sauron's finger crumbles, all the orcs in the surrounding area proceed to die) Whee! Things go dead. I likes this ring. My preciousssssss.

(scene switches to Ilsildur on horseback riding down a forest path with army)

Galadriel: (Narrating)Uhh, righty-o then. Sauron, the, uhh, 'enemy?' of the free peoples of Middle-Earth, was defeated.The ring, now in the care of Ilsildur, had one chance to be destroyed. But the hearts of men. are easily corrupted. especially Ilsildur's.

Ilsildur: (Crying softly) Why did I have to kill nice master? *sniff* (All of the sudden, Mountain Orcs sweep down onto the company - Ilsildur runs down to the water's edge, then trips and falls onto a couple of arrows sticking out of the ground. Is then shoved into the water by Orcs, the ring falls from his hand, and is washed away)

Galadriel: Righty-o then. The ring of power. uhh, has a will of it's own? It betrayed Ilsildur to his death? Some things that should have not been forgotten were lost. History became legend. legend became myth. myth became fairy tale. fairy tale became moral. moral became 3 words. 3 words became triple word score on Scrabble. triple word score on sc (interrupted by Peter Jackson, who is now hyperventilating with anger)

Peter Jackson: Just shut up already! Read the script, please and thank you.

Galadriel: (looks hurt) Sure. And for two and a half thousand million years, the ring passed out of all knowledge. Except for mine, of course.(stops reading, long pause ensues)

PJ: Umm, Cate?

Cate Blanchett: Who? Whazza? Oh.(resumes as Galadriel)

Galadriel: Until, when chance came along, it ensnared a new bearer. Gollum. He went into the Misty Mountains, and resided there. Then, the ring abandoned Gollum, blablabla, Bilbo picked it up, blablabla. End of story, me go to sleep now, kay? (falls asleep) ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Oookay that was end of chappie 1. Story will get much better, though! R/R please and if you have any suggestions I would be glad to take them. Thanks!