The Bridge
Disclaimer: I own nothing except my obsessions with crappy angst and sexy Jagan.
Pairing: James/Logan
Rating: M (cause I don't have money to pay a therapist.)
Warnings: Violence, character death, language
A/N: Ok this was not supposed to be my first BTR story, my first BTR story was supposed to be a Jagan romance/drama and not this angsty depressing piece of ARGH!You shouldn't even read this and I'll even tell you why. I AM A THIEF!A shameless little thief, I stole a scene from my favorite apocalyptic manga and trapped the boys in it. God, I even stole lines! So yeah, this is an angsty AU, where the boys are possessed by two sad screwed up manga characters. So if I haven't persuaded you to stop reading and you can actually stomach this please review. And if you recognize the original source I used as a setting well, you are just as screwed as I am and I send you my love.
The sounds made of by the few passing cars were muffled from the river waves hitting from below from the great air suspended bridge, it was well past midnight when Logan finished his shift in the hospital and had walked up to the place where he had chosen to meet him. He had opted to walk, secretly hoping that taking the long route would break his conviction as he submerged through the city bursting full of life, he hoped that the cars and the neon lights and the people that passed by him would somehow wake him from this nightmare . But no, it wasn't meant to be, because even though his body was in pain from the endless hours of work, even though his mind was screaming at him to run and not look back, his legs still carried him up to the middle of the pedestrian crossing obeying only his wounded heart that demanded closure.
He was holding at the railing looking in the horizon at the beautiful city he had run to in a futile attempt to get away, he marveled at the city that he had hoped to build some semblance of a normal life, blaming her when he failed miserably because the memories were too powerful, the guilt too big, James didn't need to be physically there to keep him trapped and locked in the darkness. Logan's soul had been marked ever since that day and no amount of distance or time would erase that.
He glanced at his wrist watch twenty minutes late, maybe James wasn't coming, and the realization shoot in him, burning anger that woke Logan up and made him feel alive. It had taken all of his remaining strength to face him, to ask Kendal for the phone number, to text the message with the place and the time that would play host to their confrontation. And when he received a simple text of "ok" from James relief had washed over him. Finally he had a shot for freedom.
Apparently James was as big of a coward as he was Logan thought, he shouldn't find it ironic, but he did. James was enough of a monster to do the unspeakable but not brave enough to face the consequences. Logan angrily reached for one of his pockets and picked out a cigarette placing it in his mouth, an addiction he had chosen in order to punish himself even more; he was reaching for his lighter when the bright yellow lights hit his face.
The long black limo stopped a few meters away from Logan catching him red handed, with the unlit cigarette tucked on his lips. James got out of the back door engulfed in a black suit and a grey coat, with black leather gloves and a white scarf draped around his neck; he looked like some sort of hit man instead of a movie star. Hazel eyes locked in black ones. James banged the hood of the car once and the limo took off, he started walking up to Logan arrogantly, who in an attempt to escape James's stare focused only on the little red lighter grasped in his palm, trying to produce a fire that kept desperately dying because of the cold night breeze. He felt a sharp pain when James forcefully grabbed his hand lifting it up with one arm and grabbing the lighter.
"Smoking's not good for you, Logie." James said with a large icy grin grabbing the cigarette from Logan's mouth and breaking it into two. Logan's breath was shaking; he felt the heat under James's leather clad hand. He jerked around freeing himself taking a few steps away, and immediately turning his head in the opposite of James looking back again onto the light up metropolis trying to find the courage.
James put his hands in his coat staring at Logan taking in his appearance, the unkempt hair, the scruffy slightly unshaved chin, the long dirty white coat, how he had lost weight, how he stared into oblivion. He marveled at his creation, this ghost of the boy full of wisdom, so shy and sensitive and immaculate. James had reduced him to this and it filled him full of pride. He silently thanked karma for his luck.
"So Logan, it's been ten years." Small talk, this was going to be James's torture tool this time.
"Yeah, ten years." Logan's voice was coming out hoarse; he was fighting tears back, knowing that even if he won the struggle to keep them in, they still served as proof of James's victory.
"What made you want to call me?" James said mockingly and that made Logan turn to face him, eyes burning full of rage heart pounding like a hammer, one hand quickly fell on his right pocket fingers caressing his protection charm.
"Shut up, James." He almost screamed it, James's grin became wider a full smile now, a beautiful wolf that had his prey fighting for dear life, James opened his mouth to mock again but Logan wouldn't have it.
"YOU ASK, YOU FUCKING ASK!" And this time Logan was screaming, he run toward James stopping close enough to smell James's warm breath. A mixture of mint and alcohol, it came warm falling on Logan's flustered face.
"Why James? How? How could you?" Now James dropped the smile, the fire of hunger in his hazel eyes slowly overtaken by one of sadness.
"How could I what Logan?" Logan lowered his head down and closed his eyes, the pain in his chest griping, his breathing parting refusing to settle and allow him to speak.
"Say it Logan." James hand went under Logan's chin lifting his head up and Logan opened his mouth trying to form the words.
"SAY IT DAMN YOU" James's face constricted in anger and pain.
"How could you kill her..."Logan whispered with a broken tone.
Ten years ago, Camille Roberts was found struggled in Palm Woods Park, Logan never saw the body, which was worse because his fantasies had became an inferno that engulfed him. Skin drained of color, lips parted so her last breath would leave, eyes dead, hair mangled. When they told him he didn't believe it. He kicked and screamed and pounded at Kendal calling them all liars Kendal was unmoving crying on the top of Logan's head refusing to let go his long arms wrapped around Logan's waist, he heard the chokes of Katie Ms. Knight rocking her and trying to sooth her daughter, Carlos was the bravest silent tears falling down his eyes holding his screams. But when he saw James leaning across a wall for support, expression blank he could swear that he saw him flash smile, so malicious and cold that made Logan feint.
He was questioned at the hospital, trying to recuperate from the breakdown, he struggled not tell the cops of the smile he saw because that was the only proof he had and it wasn't enough even though they had no leads, no suspects. He tried and failed to confide on the others so he could have their support to confront James, who everyday asked Logan with a voice full of concern how was he holding. And every time James asked Logan felt raped by the memory of that smile eventually burying himself in silence. A few painful days was all it took to break him, Logan stormed out one morning when James hand brushed his own during a mournful breakfast at the kitchen table. He run away, the dreams he shared with his childhood friends had turned to nightmares.
The others took their separate ways soon after, when he saw Kendall and Carlos in Minnesota he thanked God that they were all safe away from James. He stayed behind, he was going to burry himself to work, acting in Camille's' place, Kendall informed him, a worrying expression in his face for the friend they left behind. Logan took off again, led by rage he reached the airport mind racing on how to take his revenge, but instead of boarding a plane for Hollywood he left for Boston. He was weak and disgusted with himself, he went to med school the fact that he was paying with the money he made from the band made him even sicker, the band that was James's dream, when James still had dreams that seemed so innocent and wide.
James who phoned him once, a year later to wish him happy birthday and had Logan hurl the phone onto a wall, James who was in every magazine and paper, and TV screen and movie theater so Logan would have little choice but to look at him. James who only thanked Logan and Camille at his acceptance speech bathed in those bright lights like a king applause making the theater shake. James who owned Logan every moment Logan dared to breath.
James who was now standing right in front of him with eyes only filled with Logan on top of a bridge between Heaven and Hell. But now it was time, for Logan to stop running. He stopped shaking when James begun to speak.
"For you. Because of you and only you." James said and his voice was full of love and dedication.
Oh, I knew that, Logan thought, smiling content back at James who stood unmoving, Logan slowly took out the scalpel from his pocket James gave him a nostalgic smile when he saw it, maybe the same one he gave him when they met as toddlers way back when, and Logan thrashed the scalpel into James's heart.
He fell on his embrace, Logan quickly put his hands around his shoulders, and they looked at each other hazel eyes in the black, black in the hazel.
"You know Logie..."James was slowly going cold in Logan's arms and Logan tilted franticly closer so he could bask on James's voice.
"...I didn't think you could do it..."Logan kissed the sweat covered forehead praying for time to die instead of his sinful love.
."...because...you're... too kind..."James forced his head up so his lips were inches away from Logan's.
"...I hope...you ...know...how...much..."He lifted himself further in, mouth grazing Logan's ear.
"I...you..."and James fell once more eyes closed an angel's smile on his face.
Logan was crying buried in James's neck, he didn't hear the stopping cars, he didn't see the people gathering around him, he didn't hear, their screaming questions. He was wrapped around James, and only he was real, only he was constant.
"You never...say...what...I...expect you...to say...do you?" Logan asked him, thanking James for the last mark he left him, the warm blood on his hands.
There we go. Even though I kind of hate it, and I'll probably delete it when you come at me with the pitchforks(even those are welcome), I still kind of cried. Yup, I 'm hopeless.I also lack a beta so if you could point out at my mistakes, it would be deeply appreciated.