"In the precious free time we have, I've taken to reflection. My mind wanders back to that night we spent near the ocean and those last tender moments we had together. Everything I confessed, all the promises made, I hold to still. God, country and rank: none of these are enough to give me any courage as I spend another night, wet and freezing in the dirt. None hold any meaning when all I see, smell, breath, eat is slaughter and death.

Only you save me from those lonely moments of despair, only you are that lifeline back.

I fight for no god, no nation, and no increase of power. I fight to make a world that is worthy of you."

December 2004

Jared Cameron knows he's dead.

Well, he will be... when he gets home to his overbearing mother. So he takes another drink and procrastinates the inevitable (going home). Though he knows with every second longer he stays here (not home) the more dead he's going to be. He's sorta-almost-kinda drunk, so the "more dead" line makes sense.

It's New Year's Eve and as Jared looks around Seneca Littlesea's home at what he assumes are all of his classmates (though two are missing) he feels wrong. There's a strange tightness in his chest, like his heart keeps stopping and restarting. He quickly swallows; he knows he didn't drink nearly enough to cause the vomit to rise in his throat, yet it still keeps coming up.

As leftover pizza and lukewarm beer rises in his throat from his queasy stomach for the fifth time, Jared quickly excuses himself from his friends and all but tumbles out the back door into the wet snow. He has taken a few labored steps when he hears someone shouting; they're asking if he's alright. There's another voice, soft and teasing, obviously not meant for Jared's ears:

"Now we know why Jared doesn't drink - he's a total lightweight."

Though his classmate is almost twenty five feet away now, Jared still hears the comment. His blood feels like it's boiling and bubbling up inside him, and though Jared has never been a violent person he wants to turn around and rip the guy's face off.

Jared shakes his head quickly, trying to get rid of the new angry and scathing voice in his head. You're acting like Paul, that hot-tempered freak. Jared clenched his jaw, trying to calm down. He takes a deep breath, and just as he thinks he's good to go back inside, a shudder rips through his body and he collapses to his knees. His vision blurs as he crawls the few feet toward some tree cover.

God, no one better see me like this.

Jared had a reputation to uphold. It was true, he usually never drank; just showed up and joked around with his friends, making sure they got home alright. He was a great athlete, and though all of his buddies drank, he didn't want to risk getting caught. His mom's reaction would be worse than his coach; she'd be so disappointed in him. Was this his punishment for finally having a good time?

Jared pulled himself up, leaning against a tree for support. He heard people shouting inside the brightly lit house as his insides twisted painfully inside of him.

10!

Shit! No! He was supposed to be home way before midnight.

9!

How long had he been out here, panting and gasping for air like an asthmatic.

8!

Or maybe he lost track of time with his friends, yeah that made more sense.

7!

Nothing was making any fucking sense.

6!

He was so stupid. His parents were going to be so angry with him.

5!

Jared was angry too. Too angry.

4!

At all his friends pressuring him to drink.

3!

At his family for never letting him do anything fun.

2!

At himself, because he truly knew, this was all his fault.

1!

A violent vibration began to rip Jared's body apart. He wishes he were in bed. He wishes he was back with his friends inside, shouting happily with them. He wishes he was cuddled up to his little sister, watching the ball drop with her. He wishes he was out on the field, taking out his aggression on the opposing team. He wishes he was anywhere but here, sweating and gasping and snarling in the snow like a crazy person.

Happy New Years!

The shouting is so loud - too loud for the amount of distance he is away.

He can't worry about that now. Jared's body is on fire, bones are breaking and his body feels like it's simultaneously concaving in on itself and expanding outward. He screams as he hears the snapping. What's happening to him? He feels shifting and it feels like a flame is melting his bones back together, but they're in all the wrong spots. Soon his desperate screams turn into howls.

Jared is a wolf.

He wishes he was dead.

Kim Conweller is not ashamed to own footie pajamas; ashamed to have to wear them? She pulled on her hot collar miserably, yeah maybe. At least no one was around to witness her mega-fashion fail as she spent the unusually warm winter evening inside with her parents. It was New Years Eve and her parents had a roaring fire going, both of them in their own footie pajamas (which was much more embarrassing). They were all waiting for Kim's 19 year old brother Kyle to return home.

Kim's parents were oblivious, believing both their children to be perfect angels, and while Kim lived up to their expectations- mostly, (they would not like to know her thoughts on a certain Jared Cameron), her brother did not. Even Kim knew he was out partying tonight, it was New Years Eve for crying out loud. Kim herself could have been at Seneca's party with her best friends but that was very much not her scene, and her friends understood in a way that they still asked her to come to be nice, but already knew her answer.

Though at the moment with her mother's nails rapping against the glass side table and her father's furrowed brows- all anxiously awaiting her brother's return, she wished she were anywhere but here. Even at Seneca's party with the rest of the Quiluete Tribal School sophomore class. She knew Jared was there, he was always at those things (or so her best friends Juliet and Carmen told her - as they were always in attendance as well.)

As the clock ticked closer and closer to midnight, Kim got more and more anxious. She didn't know why, as though her brother was probably drunk, he always got home safe, and she wasn't worried about him. This anxiety was different; it was pressing and immediate. Like she had forgotten something but didn't know what.

Kim sent out a text to Juliet, asking how the party was going. (She didn't bother asking Carmen, she knew what that girl was doing - or rather who.)

Juliet: It's alright. Carmen ditched me but it's alright because Embry is here 3.

Kim: You sound like Carmen. Is Jared there?

Juliet: Ew, you know we're not like that. If I sound like anyone I sound like you. But yeah he's here, he looks kinda sick actually.

Juliet: You should come by to take care of him ;)

Kim quickly swallowed the lump building in her throat.

Kim: Please, I bet he has plenty of people doting on him already.

Jared was sick? That was a terrible way to end winter break. She hoped he was better by Monday. That was only three days away. Her anxiety grew as she put her phone down.

"I think I'm going to head up to bed, I'm not feeling too well." Kim stood up and kissed each parent on the cheek, hoping to make a quick getaway.

"Are you sure Kim? It's not even midnight yet." Her mother asked worriedly. Kim had to refrain from rolling her eyes at her mother's overprotective attitude.

"It is in New York mom. Goodnight." Who cared about celebrating when her parents were worried about her brother and Kim was worried about Jared?