When everything is Made to be Broken

by amy jonas

He loved this passionate, stubborn woman and he knew deep in his heart she loved him. She was worth fighting for; their relationship was worth fighting for.

When Everything Is Made to be Broken

BY: Amy Jonas

Email:

Category: Gen/Het

Rating: PG13

Disclaimer: Not mine. There. Are you happy? Amy weeps on Mike's shoulder

Key Words: Jimmy Bond, Yves Adele Harlow, angst/romance

A/N: This is part 3 of the My immortal trilogy but if you haven't read the other two stories (My Immortal and Somewhere in Between), don't worry, they're not needed to understand.

A/N: Thanks to the incredible MagsRose for her awesome beta. If not for her, I would have gone crazy long ago. And to Mike who listens and encourages. And to everyone in IRC for being the best.

Summary: He loved this passionate, stubborn woman and he knew deep in his heart she loved him. She was worth fighting for; their relationship was worth fighting for.

"Bye," Jimmy called over his shoulder to Frohike, "see you later." Not waiting for a reply, he impatiently threw open the bolts on the door. Too late; he heard the sound of metal scraping against metal and then heavy footsteps.

"Jimmy, wait. We need to talk."

"Tonight, ok? I'm gonna be late."

"We need to talk," Frohike repeated more firmly.

Jimmy threw the last bolt, the sound echoing his frustration. He knew his friends meant well but he was tired of their 'talks'; from Byers' calm logic to Langly's blunt sarcasm. He glanced at his watch; if he hurried he could still catch the Metro and be at the Monument by 8am. Despite the urge to flee, his deep respect for his friend and mentor made him pause and look at the older man. Worried lines cut into Frohike's face and in his hand was the latest edition of the paper.

"It's been six days," Frohike said, "with no word from her."

"She's probably in England or somewhere where she has to fly in." Jimmy responded; his tone defensive. "And she probably didn't see the paper right away."

"Jimmy, Yves was the one who left"

"To take care of some stuff," Jimmy interjected. "She'll be back."

"It's been four months." Frohike stressed the words. "How much longer are you going to hang out at the Mall waiting for her?" He held up the paper. "Assuming she read the paper. Assuming she read your article containing your message to meet her at the Washington Monument. Assumingâ€."

"I still have today," Jimmy said adamantly. When he couldn't reach her by phone or email, the paper had seemed the perfect way to contact Yves. So Jimmy had set aside his article and wrote telling her to meet him at the Monument. He would wait one week.

"And if she doesn't come?" Frohike asked. "What will you do then?"

"She'll come," he said softly. The uncertainty shadowing his voice startled him. He averted his gaze; focusing on some point over Frohike's head. Did he really believe she wouldn't come or was the guys' cynicism coloring his thinking? He would never admit it aloud but the past few days, late at night he had laid in bed; doubts and fears haunting his restless thoughts like a wraith until he fell sleep; exhausted. The next morning he would rush back to the Mall, a little less certain.

He replayed the night Yves had left in his head. That night they had worked through all their problemsâ€.except one. 'What about us?' He had pleaded desperately. 'I love you Yves, doesn't that count for anything?' Her eyes softened visibly. 'It does, Jimmy. It counts for so much. It's why I'm doing this.' He hadn't imagined the love in her voice or the longing in her eyes. What he saw was real. The fears and doubts vanished. They would be together soon; he just needed to be patient a little longer.

He looked Frohike squarely in the eyes. "She'll come."

Jimmy sat on the hard wooden bench; his spirits as low as the setting sun that created dark pockets of shadows where the lights couldn't reach. He checked his watch. He had been waiting for Yves for over twelve hours. He had been so sure she would come this last day. Sighing, he rubbed his eyes. He was tired. He would wait a few more hours. He would wait until midnight, he amended quickly, since really that was when the day ended.

He scanned the muted darkness for a sign of her but there was no one. The monument had closed to visitors at 8PM and since then Jimmy had been alone. Well, not entirely. There had been the security guard but he had eyed Jimmy carefully then returned to his rounds.

The guard. Jimmy stood up straighter, forgetting his exhaustion. In the article he had never told Yves which side of the monument he would be waiting at. Maybe she was waiting for him on the other side wondering where he was. He surged from the bench, the need to get to the other side so intense he nearly broke into a run. Relief flooded through him. Everything was going to be ok.

A terrible thought entered his mind, forcing him to stop abruptly. What if Yves had the same thought? What if she was making her way to this side now? They would miss each other in the shadows, never knowing how close they had come to reuniting.

He should stay here. He forced himself to walk back to the bench; trying to ignore the fear hammering at his guts. It'll be ok, he thought. Yves will find him and once he told her about his screw up she'll smile and assure him he did everything perfectly. More than anything he wanted to hear her lilting English accent.

"Jimmy."

"Yves?" Jimmy's head snapped around. Time seemed to hold its breath as she walked out of the darkness toward him. In the past seven days he had spent countless hours imagining what this moment would be like.

Because it was still hot, she would be wearing a sundress. A red one because that color looked so good on her. The sides of her hair would be pined back while the rest fell in lazy curls down her back. Her eyes would glow with love while a smile graced her beautiful face. They would hug tightly before kissing like long lost lovers 'cause that's what they were. He imagined the feel of her body against his, touching her soft skin and breathing in her scent. They would both be breathless with excitement because they were together again. Sometimes in his fantasies they would talk and play tourist but usually they couldn't wait to be together. They would get a motel room and make love all night long.

She wasn't wearing a red sundress. She was wearing a tailored navy pant suit.

Her hair didn't fall down her back in lazy curls. It was pulled back into a severe looking bun.

This harsh contrast between his fantasy and reality stunned Jimmy for a moment. But it didn't matter; his Yves had come back to him. He couldn't wait to hold her in his arms; feel the warmth of her skin; kiss her soft lips.

Yves!" He went to her, intending to sweep her up in his arms when he stopped short. It was as if there was some sort of invisible barrier between them, one that chilled the late summer heat. He saw her face clearly then and a sense of dread curled around his guts. She gazed at him; her face emotionless and hard.

"Yves? What�" His confusion boiled up inside him. He knew he had idealized their reunion but he didn't understand this arctic cold between them.

"I came simply as a courtesy to you. It's over between us, Jimmy."

Over? He felt as if he had been slammed by the whole Giants defensive team. He couldn't catch his breath. She was turning away from him. She was leaving. He forced air into his lungs and grabbed her shoulders, spinning her to face him. "Yves, wait. Talk to me, please. What happened?"

Just for a moment he thought he saw a heartbreaking, haunted wariness in her beautiful brown eyes. Then just as swiftly, it was gone. Was it real or had he imagined it?

"Things change." She shrugged off his grip. "Goodbye."

"Yves, wait." He stepped in front of her, forcing her to stop. He watched helpless as she simply moved around him and continued her steady pace. His emotions and thoughts were in a tailspin. He had to do something; say something that would stop her. "I'll follow you," he shouted. "Where ever you go, I'll follow you until you talk to me."

She stopped and turned around. If Jimmy hadn't loved her so much; if they hadn't had hundreds of conversations sharing their thoughts and dreams; if he hadn't memorized her beautiful face and its subtle nuances he would have missed the shadow that flickered behind her eyes.

This time he knew it was real.

"Everything ok here?"

Jimmy turned to see a security guard approaching them. It was the same guard that had watched him hang around the monument night after night. He saw the recognition in the guards' eyes before turning his gaze to Yves.

"Just fine," Yves replied, "We were just leaving." She met Jimmy's gaze, her eyes telling him they would talk somewhere more private before turning to smile coyly at the guard. "Good night, officer."

As they walked across the grassy field, the chilly chasm between them returned. Jimmy tried not to let it bother him but this emotional distance hurt him deeply. He sneaked a look at the woman he loved more than anything. He ached to touch her; to reconnect with her but her aloofness didn't invite intimacy. Whatever had happened when she was gone had instigated this change. Right then Jimmy vowed he was going to fight for them and their relationship.

"This is your hotel room?" It was an obvious question that didn't require an answer. He just wanted to fill in the uncomfortable silence between them.

Yves unzipped a black leather case and removed her laptop; setting it on the table before powering it up.

Jimmy watched her tap the keys a moment before glancing around the room. It was filled with lots of antique furniture. It looked expensive and cold. He didn't see anything to indicate she was staying here except for the faint scent of Yves' perfume in the air.

He glanced at Yves again. That was weird because during the walk here he hadn't smelled anything except her natural scent. "How long have you been here?"

She looked at him with cool indifference. "Three days."

Three days. He was afraid to ask the next question but he also afraid not to. "Didâ€did you know I was waiting for you?"

Instead of answering, she took something else out of the case. It was a copy of The Lone Gunmen folded in half so an article was showing. It was his article containing his message to her. He turned away and stared out the window at the panoramic view of the city; the Washington Monument rising majestically in the distance. She had been here for three days while he waited for her at the monument; afraid to leave because he might miss her and the whole time she had been three miles away. What hurt the most was that she knew he had been waiting for her.

The monument blurred and he blinked his eyes wishing he could blink away the pain in his heart just as easily. He turned from the window unable to look at the monument anymore. It reminded him of all the broken fantasies of their reunion. How could she just stand there, so still and cold and emotionless? He wantedâ€he wanted to run away from this severe looking woman that stared at him with such apathy. He wanted to hold her in his arms; feel the silken warmth of her skin and taste her full red lips. He wanted this all to be some terrible dream. He wanted to know why.

She dropped the paper next to the laptop then tapped a few more keys. It looked like she was initiating a search. "I was in town on business and had no intention of meeting you." Her fingers continued to tap the keys, her blood red nails clicking the buttons before her slender fingers. "The only reason I did was because I realized if I didn't you would look for me. I decided to save us both that unpleasant inconvenience."

Unpleasant inconvenience? Jimmy felt as if he was going to be sick. He was confused and shocked. He didn't understand. God he didn't understand. Then something slipped into his thoughts. He should have seen it right away. The whole time Yves talked, she never once looked up from her laptop. That wasn't Yves. She could hack low-level security databases and carry on conversations with just an occasional glance at the monitor.

Jimmy moved closer until he was standing behind her. Laying his hand on her shoulder, he could feel her muscles tense.

"Just go, Jimmy." The same emotionless tone but Jimmy sensed if she was facing him, he would see the same haunted look that had rippled behind her eyes at the Monument.

He had been so stupid. While he had been dreaming of her returning to him; entertaining his fantasies he had forgotten why she left. No. Not forgotten. He had conveniently changed it so she was taking care of some business. In a way, she had. But for her; it was so much more.

Gently, he turned her around to face him, almost surprised she let him. The cold stranger stood before him but so was his Yves; his beautiful strong Yves. "I'm so sorry," he whispered. He started to take her into his arms to comfort her but she pulled away.

"I'm not." Her voice was painfully hard. "It was something that had to be done.

"It must have been hard." As soon as Jimmy said the words he wished he could take them back. Of course it had been hard. The man was a monster but he was still her father. "Do you want to talk about it?" Her face clouded and he understood the internal conflict within her. "You don't have to protect me, Yves, and you don't have to shoulder this by yourself," Jimmy said gently. "Let me help you for a change. Please. I want to."

His sincerity touched her as it always did. Despite everything he's seen there was a part of him that was still innocent. She wanted to shield and protect that part of him. She didn't want to expose him to any of the ugliness of that day; when the veil had been lifted from her eyes showing her who she really was. And if she was honest with herself, there was a part of her that didn't want him to know the truth.

She sighed inwardly; maybe the truth would convince him that it was over.

"I tracked him to Iran; the place of his birth." She paused then asked, "Did you know that for centuries it was illegal for a woman to walk outside her own home without a male relative escorting her? That she had to be covered from head to foot and if she was caught talking to a male who was not a relative, it was cause for severe punishment; usually the woman being stoned to death?"

She didn't wait for him to respond. "The political culture has changed in the in the past century but it is still very much a patriarchal society. Women still have very few rights and are still arrested and stoned for things a western woman wouldn't think twice about doing."

Jimmy couldn't help it. "That's stupid. Women should do whatever they want."

Yves' smile was short lived. "I entered the county disguised as a man; the only way I could move about freely without suspicion." She didn't tell him what the punishment for that would have been if she had been caught but by his expression she didn't have to. She didn't tell him what they would have done to her before they meted out that final punishment and this time she hoped he didn't reach the correct conclusion. She had heard about women who had been raped, tortured and mutilated before their sentencing was carried out.

"After three days I found him in a Mosque." She laughed unable to keep the bitterness from her voice. "I thought it ironic that a man with no faith; a man who worshiped only money and power would meet his end in a holy place. The Khutba or Friday prayer had been over for hours but he remained there. I should have been more suspicious."

"He was expecting you," Jimmy said quietly.

Yves nodded. "As I walked toward him, he turned and said, 'This Mosque is for men only. Women are not allowed, Lois. He watched calmly as I removed my disguise and took my pistol from my robes." Yves took a deep breath. "I was going to end his evil once and for all but I hesitated. I thought back to when I was ten. My father had a passion for guns and had a massive collection he kept in a room as big as the warehouse. I was curious but my mum would never let me go in that room. About a week after sheâ€died, my father took me in there. He said it was time for me to learn how to fire a gun. He never paid much attention to me before and I was nervous."

I don't remember what kind of firearm it was; only that it was huge. I could barely wrap my hands around it. It was difficult to control and had a fierce recoil. He made me practice for hours and by the end of the lesson I was biting my lip to keep from crying because my hands hurt so much. I remember how much I wanted to please him." She paused. "I wanted his approval."

"All kids want to please their parents when they're young," Jimmy said. "It's only natural. You can't beat yourself up for that."

She turned to look out at the city lights. She loved D.C. when it was lit up at night. It was so beautiful. "It was in his eyes. In the twist of his smile."

Jimmy stared at Yves' back, puzzled. "Yves, I don't"

"In that Mosque," Yves replied calmly, "when I killed my father, I became what he always wanted. I became just like him."

Jimmy was stunned by her words. "Yves."

"Goodbye Jimmy."

Jimmy wasn't sure what angered him more. The calm acceptance of her words or the way she dismissed him. He knew she was in pain; going through stuff he couldn't even imagine but he was tired of her using her past to push him away when it was convenient or hard. "Yves." Silence. "Dammit Yves, stop ignoring me." He grabbed her arm, turning her around to face him.

Her eyes flashed with surprised fury. "What do you think you are doing?" Her voice was low and dangerous.

They glared at each other. Jimmy saw the potential storm that would rage if he didn't back off. Maybe he should, a voice inside whispered. Maybe all this pain wasn't worth it. Just walk out the door and don't look back. He should do it.

But he wouldn't

He loved this passionate, stubborn woman and he knew deep in his heart she loved him. She was worth fighting for; their relationship was worth fighting for. At the Mall, he had made that very vow and he was determined to keep it.

"You are nothing like your father, Yves."

Yves' eyes widened at Jimmy's words. She had expected an emotional outburst that she would manipulate; using his anger that so obviously hovered below the surface to tear into him until he stormed out of the suite. This calm, firm tone surprised her; his words stunned her.

He continued speaking in that gentle tone, holding her gaze. "You are a good person, Yves. I knew it from that first case we were on together. The Poisoner of Alsace. After you knocked out Wilhelm you stayed and did that make up job so we could catch the Poisoner. And that time you helped us clear Spike Atherton's name and get him off Death Row. You were there for my sister when" his voice broke. "You helped her when I couldn't. And that little girl would be dead if you hadn't saved her from that kidnapper."

He cupped her cheek with his palm. She leaned into his touch, letting his warmth chase the cold away. His hand was trembling. "You are nothing like your father."

She sighed and stepped back, wishing his words were true. "I'm a killer, Jimmy." She let the hard edge in her voice return. "Those things don't change that."

He frowned, his eyes heavy with sorrow. "Yeah, I guess in some ways you are like him." She didn't think it would hurt so much to hear him agree with her but his words cleaved through her heart. "But unlike your father, you never took any gratification in it. And unlike you, your father never tortured himself over those deaths nor did he spend most of his life trying to atone for them. And unlike your dad, when you killed someone you did it to save innocent lives. You are not your father. You are you, Yves Harlow. A woman with a beautiful, kind heart."

She turned away from him, unable to look at him any longer. She was afraid if she did, the remaining protective barriers which were already cracking like thin ice on a warm day would completely shatter.

"You have to let go and forgive yourself." Jimmy's gentle, caring voice flowed over her, through her, touching her. "Otherwise your father will have won at that Mosque."

Yves had only cried once since she was a child. It had been at that ill-fated tango competition when Santavos had died. But this time the tears that streamed down her face were not for someone else. They were for a little girl who had tried so desperately to please a father who was not worth the effort. They were also for the woman who faced the devil alone and was almost destroyed by his malevolence.

"Yves."

Through grief-drenched eyes she saw Jimmy standing before her, his face filled with love and compassion. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her against his chest. He held her as she sobbed; stroking her back; whispering over and over how much he loved her. That he would never leave her. That he would always stand by her side.

Yves didn't know how long she stood in his arms before the tears subsided. Jimmy made no move to let her go even though she knew he was aware she had stopped crying. She should say something but she was content to be in his embrace. She closed her eyes and listened to his soft rhythmic breathing while she considered what had happened at the Mosque. After so many years she thought she had inured herself to her father's subtle manipulation. She should haveâ€no. Her father had been a master at manipulation. She needed to stop blaming herself for her father's actions.

She pulled back a bit so she could better see Jimmy. "You are right. I do need to forgive myself." She touched his cheek. "How did you get to be such a smart man?"

"Might have something to do with the company I keep," he teased; his blue eyes dancing impishly.

Yves laughed softly; something she hadn't done in a long time. Somehow with Jimmy, it always felt natural. She gazed up at the smile playing across his lips. She had always loved his smile. It was open and honest. And sexy.

Her laughter quickly faded and she stared at his lips, unable to tear her gaze away. She wanted to kiss him then. She felt it deep inside her; a need as natural as breathing. She cupped his face between her hands; drawing him down to her. His merriment turned to awareness just before their lips met. His mouth was exquisitely gentle on hers; tender and comforting. But comfort wasn't what she wanted or needed. She slid her arms around his neck, molding her body against his. She opened her mouth to him, coaxing him to respond to her as a man to a woman.

He groaned; hesitated a heartbeat and then there was only heat and desire. She shivered as his hand whispered against her face then cupped the nape of her neck. His other hand circled her waist, pulling her closer. She thought of the night she left him. Her body had ached for his touch; his kiss but she had denied herself that pleasure until she could make it safe for them to be together.

They were safe now. She didn't have to deny herself anymore.

"Make love to me," she whispered.

"Yves." He uttered a low groan and started to reclaim her lips when he paused. She could feel his warm breath on her skin. Then slowly he pulled out of their embrace to look at her. Desire burned bright in his eyes but they also reflected a deep conflict within him. "I fantasized about this moment," he whispered, tenderly tracing her lips with his finger. "What it would be like to kiss you again. Touching your skin." He traced a path down her throat; his eyes never leaving hers. "All of your skin. I thought about how you would respond as we made love. The sounds you make. Your smell." His soft words seeped into her bloodstream, his touch heating her. "I wanted to show you how much I love you." He shook his head dropping his hand to his side. "But you've been through so much, especially in the past few months. And this isn't a fantasy." His voice became rough, filled with pain. "I couldn't bear it if in the morning you regretted it. Regretted Us."

"Jimmy, I have never regretted being with you." She smiled her assurance but the doubt in his eyes revealed something more serious.

"I want to believe you but you tell me you love me and then you take off," he said.

"You know why I left, Jimmy." Yves' tone was cool.

"I understand that. It's those other times like when we discussed marriage. Suddenly you had to go to Europe and you would be incommunicable."

"Incommunicado." Yves corrected absently, feeling a sting of guilt.

Jimmy nodded. "You were gone for three weeks and when you came back it was like we never had the discussion. I just figured you weren't ready and backed off. But it wasn't just that time. Anytime we came close to a true commitment you'd find a reason to leave. I thought if I was patient and let you know how much I loved youâ€." Jimmy shook his head, moved past her and sank into the antique couch. He sighed; suddenly exhausted. "I'm tired of being the only one fighting for us.

He's right, Yves thought. As much as she loved him, she continued to push him away whenever he was close to breaching the last of the barriers around her heart. Then she would return, picking up their relationship where it had left off. For all his patience, her actions were wearing him down emotionally. She realized if she continued this pattern, she might push him away for good.

Yves sat down next to him, taking his hand in hers, twining their fingers. He stared at their linked hands. "I'm sorry, Jimmy. " It was all she could think of to say.

He raised his eyes to hers. "You know I won't hurt you. I'd rather die than" he stopped when she winced at his words. He understood why she kept distancing herself. The few people she truly cared about had either betrayed her or died violently. He squeezed her hand gently. "I love you Yves and I want to help you but I guess this is something you have to work out yourself."

"Jimmy, I"

Grief squeezed his heart. "Whatever you want to do." His breath hitched; he stood up quickly.

"Jimmy," Yves said, rising with him.

Jimmy tried to smile but it hurt too much inside. "Just know I'll be here for you."

"Jimmy Bond will you just stop," Yves exclaimed in exasperation; grabbing his arms so he couldn't leave "And let me fight for us?"

Jimmy froze, not daring to breath. "Whaâ€what are you saying, Yves?" His heart skipped a beat at her words but it was her beautiful brown eyes that filled him with hope.

"I'm saying," Yves inhaled slowly, meeting his eyes. "I've shared my tears with you as well as my past and most secret fears and thoughts. I've shown you the ugliness that has permeated my life. I thought I was sharing my life with you but I realize I was only sharing one side of me." Her heart pounded in her chest. She had never spoken with her emotions before but she was fighting for something she never understood until now. "I want you Jimmy Bond and I want to share my life with you; good and bad. Not just tonight or tomorrow but forever." She paused. "If you will give me the chance."

Tears rolled down Jimmy's face. He quickly wiped them away with the heel of his hand, nodding. "Yes." His voice choked with emotion. He took her in his arms, hugging her hard. "I want you too," he murmured in her ear.

She pulled back a little. "I love you," she whispered, pressing her lips against his. He kissed her back, tenderly at first but it became something more; deeper and passionate. She opened her mouth to his and he drew his tongue over her bottom lip. She sighed; a soft longing sound that went straight through him. She smiled up at him; meeting his gaze and then without a word, she took his hand and led him to the bedroom.

Yves lightly stroked his face, watching as a smile formed. She had forgotten how innocent he looked when he slept; so open and trusting. She wondered if subconsciously she had come to him hoping he would shatter her defenses and prove to her she hadn't become the evil she feared.

Something certainly had shattered. Her body still thrummed from the intensity of their lovemaking. The first time, Jimmy had explored her body with an aching slowness until they joined in a languid, sensuous rhythm. She smiled at the memory. She could still feel his hard, slick body moving against hers bringing her to ecstasy.

Heat flushed through her body. She glanced at the sleek lines of his back and shoulders. She shook her head. She still had work to do. Killing her father had only been the first step but what remained was infinitely easier.

Careful not to wake him, she climbed out of bed; finding their clothes in a messy pile. Taking Jimmy's shirt, she slipped it on. It was cool on her skin and came nearly to her knees. Glancing at him one last time, she went out to the living room. Her laptop was up and the search she had initiated was complete. She began typing in commands when she heard a sound.

"Yves?" She turned to see Jimmy padding from the bedroom wearing only his jeans. He raked a hand through his tousled hair, his muscles flexing. He gave her a lopsided smile. "What are you doing?"

She noted only curiosity in his expression as he glanced from her laptop to her. She still wanted to protect him but there was none of the accompanying fear that the knowledge would put him in danger. He was completely safe. She returned his smile and told him her plans. With her father gone, his lieutenants would be scrambling like rats on a sinking ship trying to carve out pieces of her father's empire for themselves. She would use them to cast suspicions amongst themselves and slowly feed them to the proper authorities.

He listened intently, moving closer to her as she talked. The scent of their explosive lovemaking blanketed the air between them. Something stirred in her belly. "I want to help. What do we do first?"

"The first step is ready for initiation," she replied. "Just press 'Enter' and then all we have to do is monitor things."

He pressed the appropriate button and they watched as reams of information scrolled across the screen. He looked at her, his hand slipping under her shirt; gliding his palm over her smooth skin. "Do we have to watch this thing or can weâ€you knowâ€do other things?"

She turned to him, running her hands over his muscled chest. She shivered as the shirt whispered against her thigh; his hand exploring higher. Heat spread like melted butter through her body. "No, " she whispered, "we can do other things."

He nibbled her ear. "I was thinking of watching SpongeBob," he murmured, "but I like your idea better." She moaned softly as his fingers rubbed her sensitized nipple.

It took a moment for his words to sink in. She looked up at him and smiled. "You're incorrigible."

"And you're beautiful," he murmured, gently lowering her to the couch.