A/N: Well, after all of the formality of the first three fics in this series, then a departure into a sweet family moment in the fourth, it was nice to get a more conversational piece here with Amani. This is quite literally written as a monologue of Amani talking to Veronica. This is why the spoilers are stated as they are above. The fact that Amani's gone more conversational than the other pieces is fascinating to me, because it felt a bit easier to write for him. I'm not entirely sure how that happened, but I won't look a gift horse [or muse] in the mouth. Trust me!
Dedication: Glen Mazzara, for creating the characters; Omid Abtahi, for bringing the character to life; and my muses, for always keeping me on my toes.
Series: Part 5 of the Adsum, Domine series
Please see profile for Disclaimers.
Time can have a strange effect on the way you view your life. Not always, of course, because it's a constant, like gravity. But sometimes, things occur in the universe that make it feel like time has slowed to a complete standstill or sped up into a dizzying blur.
These past two years - how close is it to three now? - that I've known Damien vacillate between those two extremes. Time in the field, in the midst of so much war and devastation warps your sense of self and surroundings until you either learn to compartmentalize or lose your sanity entirely. But through it all, no matter how horrific the situation, Damien's always been there to help ground me in myself. I'd like to think that I've done the same for him over the years.
Ever since Damascus, he's been different. It's caused subtle changes to our friendship that shouldn't be an issue in and of themselves, but in tandem, they could be worrying. I don't know, maybe I've changed, too. That was some crazy shit that went down, up to and including losing our jobs and being banned from entering Syria. And that was just the start of the shit storm that's howling around Damien.
I wish I knew what to do to help him grieve Kelly's death. They may have been broken up or on a break, or however they wanted to describe it, but I know they loved each other. He can try to deny it all he wants, but I'm not stupid. And neither was Kelly. She got banned from Syria, too. Not that it matters anymore now, but she wasn't even on assignment with him then. She just took the punishment in stride because the story was what needed to come first. Just like with Damien. And then, when she died in that freak accident? I don't know, man. It just changed him, you know? As if he wasn't already reeling from the whole Damascus thing, then he barely got back to the States and his on again-off again girlfriend winds up dead.
You know, back when we first met and got assigned to work together, he warned me about getting too close. Said that his whole life was wrapped up in this blanket of loss and agony. I didn't believe him, of course. I mean, who would, right? He just… I don't know. I guess I thought he was taking the devastation of what he photographed and holding it in, keeping it too close to home.
But he's not all sturm und drang, you know? He's a good guy and one helluva friend to have in your corner when you need one. No matter how crazy the world gets, how dangerous and deadly, I know I'm gonna be okay if he's around. When he wants to cut loose, you better join in or get the hell outta the way because nobody can stop him.
There's nobody else I'd want in my corner, and I'll fight to the death to protect him. He's my friend and I will make sure he never feels like nobody's there for him. Kelly was like that, too, even when they had their issues. Now that she's gone, Simone's kind of stepped into her place, but it hasn't gelled like it did when it was Damien, Kelly, and me. Maybe it's because it's only been a couple of weeks since Kelly died, and Simone wasn't around a whole lot before when they were dating.
And then all of this weird Antichrist stuff that she was researching before she died kind of unnerved all of us: Damien, Simone, and me. I mean, Simone's mom employed a Yoruban high priest to cleanse Kelly's spirit or some such shit. Who does that kind of thing? I didn't even know that their family followed that belief system. Then again, I really don't know a whole lot about their family beyond what Kelly and Simone have shared. And the Baptiste sisters are the kind of people that keep things close to the vest. They're a lot like Damien in that respect. No wonder he's always gotten along so well with them. Cut from the same sort of cloth and all that.
And it all cycles back to Damien, doesn't it? All of us are here because of some connection to Damien. If I ever lost him, I'd be hard-pressed to find another person to fill that slot in my life. He's become more than just a friend over these past years. He's like a brother, and after growing up with only sisters, I really need someone like him in my life. I really need to tell him what he means to me, but I don't want to add to his already overfull plate, you know?
When the time is right, it'll happen.