This is the first part of a two part request written for Pen99 for the hightown funk challenge. A group on tumblr where everyone makes requests for something they would like to see VarricxHawke wise. Any and all hawkes are welcome. Male or Female.
It was one fight of many. However this one fight would change everything. Hawke had just defeated the Arishok. She was named champion of Kirkwall despite the fact she was a mage. Varric was bewildered. He was happy that his friend had won the day, but there was a way her eyes became aflame in the aftermath. For a brief, confusing moment Varric was not sure if who he was looking at was really his friend or someone else entirely. He pushes away the thought as the crowd cheers, rushing forth. He charges along with them, trying to keep ahead. His short legs fail him as the taller beings begin to rush by. He uses his height to push around and through their legs. Sometimes a lady would shout as he shoved their hips by. All so he could get to her faster.
As he finally makes a break through the crowd he tries to steady his feet. To make it look as if he was not in a rush to check on her and see if she was indeed, unharmed. Hawke did not appreciate people showing concern for her health when all it was only a few scratches.
"Varric!" He hears her shout his name. Relief washes over him.
He tries to wear his well known smile. The one that has earned him many patrons for his stories at the Hanged Man before HAwke and her crew ever came around. A smile he knew would show Hawke that he never doubted her abilities.
"What took you so long?" She asks glaring at the encircling figures that made the crowd. All cheering, showering Hawke in adorations. "Come on. I want to get out of here." She declares pushing an array strand of hair from her face.
Varric shrugs. "Right behind you Hawke. Are you sure you want to leave all of these fans behind?" He asks knowingly. He was teasing, Hawke knew this. Yet she gives him no response as she shoots another glare at the deafening crowd.
Fenris and Isabella took up the rear behind the others. Aveline and Varric stood right beside Hawke walking with her the whole way back to her house. Merrill and Anders were both silent in the middle as the group walks. Actually everyone was being oddly silent. It worries Varric. A part of him knew that it was probably just shock and insecurity that silences them in this moment. They all did just watch Hawke plunge her staff through the Arishok's body. Yet another part of him felt that they too had seen what Varric had only managed to catch a glimpse of.
"Alright we're here. I don't need you all to stay here and babysit me." Hawke growls as she opens her front door. Aveline, ever as courteous as always, shoves her way in the door after Hawke. Varric follows suit, choosing to believe that Hawke would enjoy his company much more than that of the angry ginger. He looks back towards the door only to see Isabella was walking away, Fenris and Anders staring at Hawke's back with a mix or worry and anger in their eyes of being shut out yet again. He almost felt bad for them as Merrill closes the door from outside of it.
"Hawke what was that?!" Aveline demands as she slams her fist against the wall beside the fireplace.
"What do you mean?" Hawke asks pretending to have no clue.
"What happened back there Hawke? I-it was almost like you weren't you."
"Of course I am me. Who else would I be?"
"Hawke," her voice sounds genuine as she frowns ever so slightly. "That wasn't you."
"Yes it was me. That was all me actually. He wanted to fight in single combat. I obliged him. It was either kill or be killed Aveline, and after what happened with the viscount. I was not about to let him do the same to me."
Aveline crosses her arms. Her brows furrow, making that mom face that meant she was about to begin another lecture.
Varric walks past the two women to take a seat in one of Hawke's much too tall chairs. With a whine Hawke's infamous mabari takes a rest towards the side of the chair. The ferelden dog had almost as much stories about him as Hawke had about her. The two were famous among the common folk and the upper nobles loved to spread gossip about the returned Amell and her peculiar Ferelden ways.
"Hawke I am worried about you. After what all has happened to you I am allowed to express my concerns."
"And you have expressed them, but your concern is unnecessary. I am fine. I was strong enough to win. I am strong enough to live."
Varric follows Aveline's eyes to the dark door they wander on. "Have you gone in there?"
"No." Hawke grits her teeth. "There is nothing in there that I need. Why would I go in there."
"For closure." Aveline presses.
"She is gone. I see no comfort that will come from rummaging through her things. I'll leave them there for when Carver comes back. He will have to take leave from the wardens eventually to retrieve his share from mother's will." Hawke states. Varric knew she was deflecting. Using their mother's will as a way to get her brother back home. Back to somewhere that she could keep an eye on him. She was worried. Varric could not blame her.
"Hawke are you sure you don't need to take a poultice? Or would you rather me fetch a healing mage from the gallows?" Varric inquires as he points to the line of blood that was falling down her arm. Hawke reaches for her face and Varric takes notice of the now dried up blood that was on it. Right on top of the blue tattoo that had been there for as long as Varric had known her.
"Andraste's knickers Hawke. You are bleeding. Why didn't you say so when Anders was here?"
"I don't need to be healed. It is just a scratch." Hawke reassures. Varric does not miss the fact that she pushed her sleeve down a little farther on her arm. There was no point in hiding the blood after they had already seen it. Varric ponders on her game.
Aveline's face was growing redder by the minute. Now was the time for intervention before words were shared and the two grew bitter at each other from well-meant concern that was ill-conveyed.
"Alright. If Hawke does not need Blondie then she does not need him. However I am sure we all could use some food. It is growing late and I don't know about you two but I have had nothing to eat since before the situation with the Arishok and Hawke arose."
Aveline shakes her head and rest her hands back on the pommel of her sword. "I have to go. After seeing that fight I am unsure of when I will next be able to eat."
"Even more of a reason to join us." Varric replies.
"I'm sorry, but" she glances at Hawke. "I think it would be best for me to take my leave now before I share the rest of what is on my mind."
"Perhaps it would me." Hawke agrees. Aveline rolls her eyes before she turns and leaves.
"Looks like it's two for dinner." A whine call his attention. "Sorry, three." Varric corrects patting their head.
Hawke frowns at the door. Clearly she liked how that whole conversation went even less than Varric did. He pats her arm. "Come on Hawke. Don't worry she'll be back around. You know she can't stand the thought of you getting into trouble without her." Varric reassures with a small smile. "Now what would you like to eat?"
Hawke shakes her head as she carefully pulls her arm free from his touch. "I am not hungry Varric. I'm just tired. Her eyes travel up the stairs towards her door. "Very, very tired."
"I'll let you rest then, but I will be here if you need me Hawke. You only ever have to ask." He adds. She nods in understanding. He could tell by the way she walks up that she was weary and worn. That fight took much more form her then she would be willing to admit openly. He was use to her not sharing out loud the things that they needed to know about her and her health. That knowledge is the reason why he chooses not to leave. No for the night he would stay close by just in case/ He doubted very much that she would need him at all, but Varric felt better if at least one of them was here for her. He begins to cook himself and Hawke's mabari some dinner. Afterwards he opens up a chest to take out the extra blanket and pillow that was stored within it.
It was late when he hears noise from her room. At first he was unsure if it was her or his imagination finally tearing free from his books. He was in the middle of jotting down notes on the fight between the arishok and Hawke when he heard the beginnings of a conversation. The red hue coming out from the top of her doorway calls his attention even more.
"Either I'm dreaming or that's a very bad sign." He sets his book aside. When he stands he throws his legs to the left to avoid landing on the war dog. When no whine or growl meets his sudden action he takes that as his cue to continue moving.
Carefully but with what speed he could muster without alarming the possible occupants that may be holding Hawke inside of her room. Varric was moving with the assumption that there was infiltrators in Hawke's humble abode. He was unaware that it was actually much worse.
"I can give you my strength but you know what I want." A deep guttural voice states.
"And I told you. I am in charge. I won't give you my body. We can share it however. You take over when I need your strength, but then I get my body back." That was Hawke's voice. "I will decide when you come out." Varric was at her door now. Slowly he pushes it open. Just enough so he could peer in. There was Hawke. She had her arms crossed and her back to Varric. Her white hair let down. From her clothes Varric could tell she had just risen out of bed.
The visitor growls. "We will continue this talk when we are alone." That sounded as if he was leaving. He must've seen the door open. Shit, Varric thinks before deciding that he better play it off as if he had just woken up and was not listening in.
He stands straight and reaches for Bianca on his back. His hands grasp nothing and he curses. He must have left her downstairs in his rush to get to Hawke. Now he was thankful that it was no group of bandits for he was ill-equipped to deal with them without Bianca.
"Hawke?" Varric tries to sound sleep groggy as he opens Hawke's bedroom door. Hawke twists around with her staff in hand.
"Varric it is not what it looks like." She sounds definite. As if what was before him was not really there. What he saw was the source of the red glow. A demon of wrath if he was remembering correctly from the one he faced with her. A demon that was much smaller one they had killed or banished, or whatever happens to demons when Hawke met them. This one she was not engaged with. Not her conventional Hawke way at least. They had not but talking. Varric blinks and then the demon was gone.
Slowly Varric looks to Hawke. His eyes soften and his fear changes to a plea. "Hawke no." He begs. "Please tell me you are not thinking about dealing with a demon."
She looks away from him to stare back at the spot the wrath had been a moment before. "I'm not thinking. I've decided."
Varric shakes his head sadly. "Hawke I understand that you're angry but you can't go through with this. What about us, your friends? If you do this we would lose you. What would Carver say if he lost his sister to an abomination? Oh maker, the chantry."
"You would lose nothing. I will still be me. The demon would listen to me and if it doesn't then I am stronger. I can make it listen or I'll just dispel it. I won't become an abomination. I won't be Anders. I will have control, and the chantry. Well I don't see why they would ever have to know. Right Varric?"
He shakes his head. "Hawke," he begins again pinching the bridge of his nose. "l can not keep this a secret Edyiss. I won't. The others will have to know so we can all be ready just in case you're wrong."
"I'm not."
Varric sighs. "Hawke, why? Can you tell me that at least? Why do you feel as if you need this, it's," he corrects "power?"
Hawke clenches her fist. "Because it works! I wasn't strong enough to save mother. If I was stronger I could have gotten there faster! If I had been strong enough to kill the ogre before it touched her, Bethany would be alive! Carver wouldn't be a grey warden if I had been strong enough to destroy that damn door! Do you know what are strong enough to do that? Demons! They throw boulders at us. Varric if I had that sort of strength then I wouldn't lose anyone else." Varric slowly approaches Hawke. He understood why she was would say those things, but they were wrong. "Edyiss." He calls her name so she would look back down at him. Her eyes were so beautiful. "Please?" He asks. Hawke complies by taking a seat on her bed. Varric pulls himself up onto it next to her. "I want you to understand that there was absolutely nothing you could have done to prevent those misfortunes from happening and there is nothing you can do now to change them. I know you are upset." He presses his hand on top of her own. "I know you are hurt but please realize that you are powerful on your own. You defeated the Arishok in single combat!" Varric says following it with a hollow laugh. "You are enough. So please don't deal with that wrath demon. I need my friend. I need you, Edyiss, to remain who you are."
She laughs bitterly. Varric frowns. Was Hawke really so dead set on this? "You almost make it sound as if you love me Varric. Now we both know that's ridiculous. Especially since you are so obsessed with your dear Bianca."
Varric frowns trying to ignore the slight pang in his chest. He hops off the bed and glares at her. "There is more than one kind of love, Hawke. Of all people I expected you to understand that." He stops himself in her doorway. He takes one last long look at her. She was sitting pitifully on the bed. Her hair a mess. One knee pulled close to her chest as the other hung loosely off the bed. "If you don't love us at least love yourself Hawke."
"Varric, could you close the door on the way out?"
"Of course Hawke. I'll make sure to send Daisy by as well."
"Don't bother."
Varric wants to say that if he can't get through to her then maybe Daisy could. Yet he knows Hawke better than that. He knows the champion well enough to know it will only cause her to push them all farther away. He didn't want that. He just wanted her, happy and well. The Hawke that would not be so plagued by demons of wrath as she was now.
Slowly Varric shuts the door. He hears it click and felt his heart grow heavier. He heads home, writing Aveline as soon as he was in his own room. He decides to leave out the demon, but strongly suggests that the red head kept a close eye on their friend. He does the same, watching her even more closely than he had before. His tale of the champion grew in fame as Hawke's exploits went on. Life went on, even after the chantry mess caused by Anders. Hawke lived and he never felt it necessary to mention that night again. For Hawke seemed unchanged and if he was honest with himself he would admit to the hurt feelings that night brought with it. For as the years went by, Varric fell as well. He fell for the inquisition and what it offered. He fell for it's promises, and possibilities. He also fell for the one person it kept him from. Hawke wrote him not nearly as often as he would have liked her too, but the inquisition was still new. It was growing, maybe, eventually, it would even be safe enough for him to invite her to join. For he missed his champion, but her safety came first. As it had since Anders' mistake. He longed for her, but he needed to make sure that no more demons would plague her nights. Even if he had to dispel all of them himself, first.