Catching Up
By Morganperidot
Buffy woke with a start from her first real deep sleep in a long time. She looked around the room and saw nothing out of the ordinary; no one was there. But she could feel the sturdy, solid presence of someone who wanted to be noticed.
She dressed in a t-shirt and jeans, pulled on her shoes, and headed out into the night with a stake grasped firmly in her hand. She walked toward the cemetery at a steady clip, not too fast or too slow, just at a comfortable pace. The sensation of being followed - of being watched - grew stronger with every step.
I know you, she thought, and a smile curled her lips.
At the edge of the cemetery a female vampire grabbed hold of her, and Buffy dispatched her quickly with a few punches, a kick, and perfect stake placement.
And then she turned around and saw him.
He stood with the soft, silver moonlight glistening on his black leather jacket, and for a moment Buffy was a teenager again, a high school girl with her first real crush on a creature of the night, a vampire with a soul. "Angel," she said.
"Buffy."
She dropped the stake and walked over to him, and then they were embracing. She held him as tightly as she could, tight enough to stop his breathing if he were a person who breathed. It felt so good to hold him. "Damn you," she said softly.
"You already did that."
Another smile curled her lips as she stepped back and looked at him. "You can joke about that?" she said.
"I sort of have to," he said. Before she could respond he added: "It's good to see you."
"And you," Buffy said. "You look fantastic."
Angel smiled. "Thanks."
"What brings you to Sunnydale?"
Angel held out his hand, and after picking up her stake Buffy grasped his hand with her free one. "Do you think you need that for me?" he asked, indicating the stake.
"I know you're not Angelus."
"But I was again."
"I know."
He led her into the graveyard, and they sat down together on a patch of grass. "You know about the whole thing where my soul was missing?"
"I know Cordelia was involved somehow."
"Not exactly her."
"And your son was involved."
"You know about Connor?"
"The Slayer sort of has to know everything."
"I heard about Spike," Angel said softly.
Buffy wasn't sure what he meant. Had he heard that Spike had a soul or that she had - slept with him?
"Both," Angel said.
"You read thoughts now?"
"I know you," he said, "even now. Though I can't say I can really imagine you with Spike."
"Believe me, not the place to go with the thoughts."
"I could understand Riley or even Xander...maybe even Giles..."
"Please, ick..."
"But Spike? Was it him personally, or the vampire thing?"
"The vampire thing?"
"Isn't that what it was with me, the Slayer and the vampire?"
Buffy was silent for a moment as she processed this. Then she said, "Are you jealous or just stupid?"
Angel's lips remained open for a moment, but then he closed them. A vampire emerged from a nearby grave, and he picked up her stake where it laid on the grass and heaved it straight into the heart of the vampire, which was immediately reduced to dust. "This isn't about me," he said finally.
"It seems like you want it to be," Buffy said, trying to keep her feelings of anger and betrayal out of her tone. He looked at her then, and she could see all the way through him to that soul that ached and loved, that soul she loved. "Do you really think what we had was the same as what happened with me and Spike? Do you really think the motivations were the same?" He looked away without responding. "Damn it, Angel..."
"I can't understand why you would do it. I can't understand why you would pick him."
"Rather than you," Buffy said. It wasn't a question.
"Explain this to me."
"I was hurting. I needed to do something that my friends wouldn't agree with, because I was furious with them for bringing me back to life. I wanted to make them pay - and I needed to feel something, even if it was a passion mixed with shame and disgust."
"You could have come to me."
"And done what? What we feel is too strong; you know that. We would have only hurt each other."
"We can't help each other as friends?"
"I don't see how. We both want too much from one another."
The look in his eyes was softer when he brought his gaze back to her. "Both of us?"
"Yes."
"You still love me?"
"I will always love you. You were my first love. You have a place in my heart that no one can ever remove you from. Is that what this is about? Did you think I replaced you with Spike as the vampire of my dreams?"
Angel sat for a moment in silence. "I didn't know what to think," he said finally. "It just...bothered me."
"I've heard you had a new romantic interest of your own...not to mention the night with Darla that led to Connor."
"None of that is the same."
"The same as what?"
"Us."
"I know."
"If it could be different..."
"Don't do that."
"Then this one...if it could have been me rather than Spike - if there were no possibility of Angelus returning - would you have come to me?"
"There's no contest between the two of you."
"Just..."
"Yes, I would have gone to you."
"I am still in love with you."
"I know."
"You have to meet Connor. He's going to be a great man."
"I'm sure he will be. It was a great blessing that you could have a child - even if it was with Darla."
"You should have a family, Buffy."
"Maybe someday when the world isn't so crazy."
"Except it always will be for you."
"For both of us. You're as much of a Slayer as I am."
Angel laughed. "I'm hardly a chosen one."
"Bull," Buffy said, entwining her fingers with his. "I've heard of the prophecies, about you being the champion..."
He pulled his hand away from hers slowly. "I'm just a vampire trying to do something that isn't destructive."
"That is heroic. And you know you are doing more than that."
Angel looked up at the sky, which was scattered with stars. After another brief moment of silence he said. "I wish wishes really came true," he said.
"What would you wish for?"
"I think you know the answer to that."
"Maybe we should give it a try."
Angel smiled. "I don't think I'm naive enough to believe..."
"Everyone can have moments of innocence. Even us." She looked up at the sky too, and tried to pick out something that wasn't a planet or something else other than a star. "You see that one in the middle of Orion's belt?"
"Buffy..."
"Just believe it. On three. One, two, three." In the silence that followed she focused intensely on that middle star, sending it her hopes, desires, and faith. Just a small window she thought, just an hour - enough time to forget...and remember. He looked over at her, and she saw the fresh hope reflected on his face. She knew they would have to be fools to try this out, to think that this kind of wish could come true.
But then the thinking stopped and they were coming together, the vampire and the Slayer, soft lips meeting, then bodies joining in gentle passion, cleansing tenderness, and soothing love, in a moment where time didn't matter and the rules of reality didn't apply.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Buffy laid for a long time with her head against his chest, listening to the lack of sound from within him. It was strange and wonderful that there was so much more to this ancient vampire than there was to most mortal men. He was like no one else she would ever know; even with a soul Spike could never be like Angel. No one could ever be like Angel. "You are still Angel, right?"
"I'm me."
Buffy smiled. "How do you feel?"
"Good," he said softly. "Better than I have in a long time."
"Me too," Buffy said. "Except for the audience." She stood up and went into action against the vampires lingering about; Angel fought beside her, like old times. When all of the soulless vampires had been disposed of, they stood for a moment looking at one another, a yard of space between them. "I'm glad you came. I should have gone to see you."
"We'll keep in touch," Angel said with gentle irony.
"Yes, we will."
"Be safe...and try to be happy. You do deserve it, Buffy."
"So do you."
Angel smiled. "Hasta la vista." He turned and headed away, west, back toward the City of Angels. Such a beautiful creature, Buffy thought, twirling the stake and bringing it backward quickly to dispatch the vampire who had popped up behind her.
She headed back toward the house feeling better than she had in a long, long time.
By Morganperidot
Buffy woke with a start from her first real deep sleep in a long time. She looked around the room and saw nothing out of the ordinary; no one was there. But she could feel the sturdy, solid presence of someone who wanted to be noticed.
She dressed in a t-shirt and jeans, pulled on her shoes, and headed out into the night with a stake grasped firmly in her hand. She walked toward the cemetery at a steady clip, not too fast or too slow, just at a comfortable pace. The sensation of being followed - of being watched - grew stronger with every step.
I know you, she thought, and a smile curled her lips.
At the edge of the cemetery a female vampire grabbed hold of her, and Buffy dispatched her quickly with a few punches, a kick, and perfect stake placement.
And then she turned around and saw him.
He stood with the soft, silver moonlight glistening on his black leather jacket, and for a moment Buffy was a teenager again, a high school girl with her first real crush on a creature of the night, a vampire with a soul. "Angel," she said.
"Buffy."
She dropped the stake and walked over to him, and then they were embracing. She held him as tightly as she could, tight enough to stop his breathing if he were a person who breathed. It felt so good to hold him. "Damn you," she said softly.
"You already did that."
Another smile curled her lips as she stepped back and looked at him. "You can joke about that?" she said.
"I sort of have to," he said. Before she could respond he added: "It's good to see you."
"And you," Buffy said. "You look fantastic."
Angel smiled. "Thanks."
"What brings you to Sunnydale?"
Angel held out his hand, and after picking up her stake Buffy grasped his hand with her free one. "Do you think you need that for me?" he asked, indicating the stake.
"I know you're not Angelus."
"But I was again."
"I know."
He led her into the graveyard, and they sat down together on a patch of grass. "You know about the whole thing where my soul was missing?"
"I know Cordelia was involved somehow."
"Not exactly her."
"And your son was involved."
"You know about Connor?"
"The Slayer sort of has to know everything."
"I heard about Spike," Angel said softly.
Buffy wasn't sure what he meant. Had he heard that Spike had a soul or that she had - slept with him?
"Both," Angel said.
"You read thoughts now?"
"I know you," he said, "even now. Though I can't say I can really imagine you with Spike."
"Believe me, not the place to go with the thoughts."
"I could understand Riley or even Xander...maybe even Giles..."
"Please, ick..."
"But Spike? Was it him personally, or the vampire thing?"
"The vampire thing?"
"Isn't that what it was with me, the Slayer and the vampire?"
Buffy was silent for a moment as she processed this. Then she said, "Are you jealous or just stupid?"
Angel's lips remained open for a moment, but then he closed them. A vampire emerged from a nearby grave, and he picked up her stake where it laid on the grass and heaved it straight into the heart of the vampire, which was immediately reduced to dust. "This isn't about me," he said finally.
"It seems like you want it to be," Buffy said, trying to keep her feelings of anger and betrayal out of her tone. He looked at her then, and she could see all the way through him to that soul that ached and loved, that soul she loved. "Do you really think what we had was the same as what happened with me and Spike? Do you really think the motivations were the same?" He looked away without responding. "Damn it, Angel..."
"I can't understand why you would do it. I can't understand why you would pick him."
"Rather than you," Buffy said. It wasn't a question.
"Explain this to me."
"I was hurting. I needed to do something that my friends wouldn't agree with, because I was furious with them for bringing me back to life. I wanted to make them pay - and I needed to feel something, even if it was a passion mixed with shame and disgust."
"You could have come to me."
"And done what? What we feel is too strong; you know that. We would have only hurt each other."
"We can't help each other as friends?"
"I don't see how. We both want too much from one another."
The look in his eyes was softer when he brought his gaze back to her. "Both of us?"
"Yes."
"You still love me?"
"I will always love you. You were my first love. You have a place in my heart that no one can ever remove you from. Is that what this is about? Did you think I replaced you with Spike as the vampire of my dreams?"
Angel sat for a moment in silence. "I didn't know what to think," he said finally. "It just...bothered me."
"I've heard you had a new romantic interest of your own...not to mention the night with Darla that led to Connor."
"None of that is the same."
"The same as what?"
"Us."
"I know."
"If it could be different..."
"Don't do that."
"Then this one...if it could have been me rather than Spike - if there were no possibility of Angelus returning - would you have come to me?"
"There's no contest between the two of you."
"Just..."
"Yes, I would have gone to you."
"I am still in love with you."
"I know."
"You have to meet Connor. He's going to be a great man."
"I'm sure he will be. It was a great blessing that you could have a child - even if it was with Darla."
"You should have a family, Buffy."
"Maybe someday when the world isn't so crazy."
"Except it always will be for you."
"For both of us. You're as much of a Slayer as I am."
Angel laughed. "I'm hardly a chosen one."
"Bull," Buffy said, entwining her fingers with his. "I've heard of the prophecies, about you being the champion..."
He pulled his hand away from hers slowly. "I'm just a vampire trying to do something that isn't destructive."
"That is heroic. And you know you are doing more than that."
Angel looked up at the sky, which was scattered with stars. After another brief moment of silence he said. "I wish wishes really came true," he said.
"What would you wish for?"
"I think you know the answer to that."
"Maybe we should give it a try."
Angel smiled. "I don't think I'm naive enough to believe..."
"Everyone can have moments of innocence. Even us." She looked up at the sky too, and tried to pick out something that wasn't a planet or something else other than a star. "You see that one in the middle of Orion's belt?"
"Buffy..."
"Just believe it. On three. One, two, three." In the silence that followed she focused intensely on that middle star, sending it her hopes, desires, and faith. Just a small window she thought, just an hour - enough time to forget...and remember. He looked over at her, and she saw the fresh hope reflected on his face. She knew they would have to be fools to try this out, to think that this kind of wish could come true.
But then the thinking stopped and they were coming together, the vampire and the Slayer, soft lips meeting, then bodies joining in gentle passion, cleansing tenderness, and soothing love, in a moment where time didn't matter and the rules of reality didn't apply.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Buffy laid for a long time with her head against his chest, listening to the lack of sound from within him. It was strange and wonderful that there was so much more to this ancient vampire than there was to most mortal men. He was like no one else she would ever know; even with a soul Spike could never be like Angel. No one could ever be like Angel. "You are still Angel, right?"
"I'm me."
Buffy smiled. "How do you feel?"
"Good," he said softly. "Better than I have in a long time."
"Me too," Buffy said. "Except for the audience." She stood up and went into action against the vampires lingering about; Angel fought beside her, like old times. When all of the soulless vampires had been disposed of, they stood for a moment looking at one another, a yard of space between them. "I'm glad you came. I should have gone to see you."
"We'll keep in touch," Angel said with gentle irony.
"Yes, we will."
"Be safe...and try to be happy. You do deserve it, Buffy."
"So do you."
Angel smiled. "Hasta la vista." He turned and headed away, west, back toward the City of Angels. Such a beautiful creature, Buffy thought, twirling the stake and bringing it backward quickly to dispatch the vampire who had popped up behind her.
She headed back toward the house feeling better than she had in a long, long time.