A/N: happy AkuRoku day!! too bad there isn't a 13th month, or else we'd have a RokuAku day, huhu.
okay, about this AkuRoku day entry... it's a threeshot. it was going to be just this one, in Axel's POV (which i write for a lot; i love writing as Axel), but i wanted something more. so i began writing in Roxas's POV, too. but when i was done, there still was no real fluff, no contact. so i wrote a third shot in neither POV and had them meet.
inspiriation for this weird setting in limbo: it just sort of... happened. i was writing for Axel as he reflected things around himself, Roxas, and his death(s) ((like i've done before, come to think of it...)) and suddenly i had this whole thing going on. so strange... but oddly, i like it. and i hope you do, too.
It tears me apart. Every single time there's a goodbye, it tears me apart. It was like a continual chain of endings. Closings. Things that involved never seeing him again, or when I did, not seeing him for long.
Sometimes I wonder if it's my own damn fault this keeps happening. It probably is. I was never very good at staying true to my best friend. I begged and I pleaded with whatever forces drove us apart to let me try to stay true, to let me try and be with the blonde, but the forces must hate me because I never get what I want.
It's been three lifetimes now. Three attempts at living, three chances I took for granted. Why I keep being reborn, I doesn't know, but maybe the so-called forces are being generous. I'm going to steal Xigbar's phrase… As if.
As I sit here in limbo, waiting to see if another life will appear, it doesn't seem to be happening any time soon. That last life must've been my final one. Great.
How will I reach Roxas now?
That's his name. Roxas. Commit that to memory, because he's really important to me.
In his original life, he didn't have much of one. Just like me. We were Nobodies, empty shells with no hearts and names stolen from their Somebodies. Roxas was Sora's other. And as for me? I never met my other. I think his name was Ale, but it's most likely something weird like Lae or Eal. But I can't be sure. The possibilities were limited. For all I know, there was gender confusion and my other had a woman's name: Ela or Lea. Tch, it hardly matters.
Another thing about Somebodies: as far as I can tell, a Somebody holds the same figure and face as you, even the same eye color, but not the same hair, personality, or voice. At least, that's what I saw between Sora and Roxas and Kairi and Namine.
Speaking of Sora, that's twice now I've died in front of the poor brunette. In my most recent life (my third), I had been shot while trying to save Sora. I mean, I couldn't very well leave Roxas's twin brother to die, now, could I? I'd felt compelled to, anyhow. Like it was familiar. Turns out, I did the same in my first life: a swarm of Dusks were going to destroy Sora, but I had swooped in and stupidly saved the day. But at what cost?
I never remembered any of that stuff, though, until I reached this pool of blurry color and mist they call limbo. Everyone else thinks it's white because of that damn "light at the end of the tunnel" phrase, but that's a load of bullshit. There is no light at the end of the tunnel. There isn't even a tunnel; there's a blink of an eye, a gentle warmth, and this place. Where ever this place is.
I sigh to myself and decide to stand. Maybe take a look around. When I'm here before another life, usually I'm not here long enough to do anything. But hey, it looks like I'll be here for a while, so I might as well do something.
Out of nowhere, I start to hear music. Now, considering that this is limbo, hearing music seems more than out-of-place; it's downright weird. Also intriguing. Better wander that way.
Which reminds me… wandering seems to be the lone thing I did in any of my lives. Still can't remember my life as a Somebody for some unknown reason, so I dunno if I was a wandered then, too, but I remember the wandering afterwards. As the 'Nobody Axel', I mostly worked within my own interest; in other words, not committing to the Organization as much as I should. As 'Next Life Axel' I pretty much had no family. I was an orphan to start off with, hated the XIII Orphanage I lived at, and was a constant street dweller and runaway. And then as what I now call 'Last Life Axel', I had an older brother named Reno, but that was my only family. Our parents had died one night after coming home from a club. So he and I were left to fend for ourselves in high school, and later in college. Reno finished college; I didn't. I dropped out. It's a miracle I didn't drop out of high school to begin with. But, I digress; point is, whether it was Reno or alone, I wandered place to place. Nothing was constant.
Until I met Roxas each time.
Hmm, that music's getting louder. I must be getting close…
Anyway, what was I talking about? Oh! Roxas, right. How could I forget him? In each of my lives, he was the highlight of it. At first, when we were Nobodies, I thought we couldn't feel. And I thought when we did feel, it was echo, hollow, false. Boy, was I wrong; some of the Organization thought we could feel, that we did have hearts, but only half of one. Some like Demyx. I love that kid; he's like the annoying little brother I never had. In all my lives, he was one of my best friends. And always someone I knew before Roxas. Which leads me to say this: even as a Nobody when I couldn't understand my feelings, I knew I was in love with that bedheaded blonde. Yeah, I know, that sounds utterly lame and cheesy. But it's true. We start off as friends each time, but somehow I keep falling for the younger brat.
That's another thing: the age always differs. In my first life as a Nobody, I have no idea how big the age difference was. I looked old enough to be seventeen or so, but he looked only fourteen or so. And then in my first life as a full human, a Somebody of my own, we were only one year apart. We met when I was nine and he was eight. In my life after that, we met when he was fifteen and I was twenty-two. Yeah, bigger age difference there. By kind of a lot. Reno was twenty-six at the time, and told me I had a jail bait boyfriend. Not that Roxas and I were even going out yet; Reno likes to tease. Yet he ended up being right. Weird, huh?
No, not weird. The weird thing is me reflecting where I'm wandering here in limbo. And even weirder is how I never had an orientation; girls were fine, guys were okay, but after I met Roxas, I fell for him and didn't want anyone else. Like some kind of magnetic force, sucking me into him; like some drug addiction, unable to get off my mind.
Oh, hey, looks like that music is coming from around the bend. I swear, limbo is looking more and more like a city by the second.
"Demyx?" I say, looking curiously. Man, who would've thought he'd be here with me? And playing music on a guitar, no less. I'm surprised it's not his old Sitar. "What're you doing here? You die again, buddy?"
"Yeah," he says lamely in that high-pitched voice of his. Never got over that; he sounded so childish no matter what his age, and so gay, but he was never gay for anyone. Xigbar went relentlessly after the poor kid in our second life, but Demyx had none of it. He was crushing on Namine at the time. Didn't get her, though… "Got in a crash on my tour bus with my band."
"That sucks, man. How long ago was that?"
He shrugs his shoulders and sets his guitar down. "Dunno. Been here a while, though. It's daytime all the time so I can't tell how many days ago, but it was before you died, I know that. Because I didn't know you died! What happened this time, Axy?" he asks me, his light blue eyes bright. But he used that nickname that I hate. He uses it for every member of the Organization… takes off the last half of their name and adds a 'y'. So childish, yet again. But adorable when he does it, even if it's annoying.
I sigh and rub the back of my head. "I, er, protected Sora. Again. Got shot with a handgun by Larx."
"Larxy killed you this time?!" he gaps. "But in every other life, she had a crush on you…"
"Yeah, well, not this time. She was a druggie this time. And a crazy bitch to boot." I shake my head. "You see anyone else that we know around here?"
Demyx nods. "No one you'd like to talk to, though."
"Like…?" I offer.
"Like Xemnas. And Saix. And Xaldin. But I think I saw Pence, you know, one of Roxas's friends? Poor guy died of diabetes. It makes me sick inside," he whimpers. Demyx always had a soft spot for sickness and death. Never his own, but everyone else's. He's very empathetic, and was a vegetarian in both his second lives.
I pat Demyx's shoulder. "What about Zex?"
Demyx's face twists up at his best friend's name, Zexion. The two were polar opposites, but completely compatible because of it. "He was our band manager in that last life. He wasn't on the bus, though. So he's back there," and he points off to the side, towards where he guesses Earth would be. "I miss him already."
I nod and give him a quick hug. "I know, man, I know. Even I miss Shorty." I call Zexion short with love, of 'course. He's a great kid, really smart and into books. But kind of emotional. And a little fem in our second life when he was a member of the drama club at the high school.
Demyx sniffs a little, tears being impossible in limbo. "Come on, I'll show you around. I found a lot of stuff here after having time to explore it."
"Are we stuck here, Dem?" I wonder as we begin strolling through the mist. Some of the colors are less blurred, and I can make out some shapes and a face or two. Huh, Xigbar is here… "Is this like our permanent resting place or something? A place that's not Heaven and not Hell?"
Demyx glances sideways at me. "I don't know…" he says airily. "At first I thought all the Nobodies were doomed to keep having new lives and not rest, but that was silly of me," and he laughs bitterly, a sound I'm not used to hearing come from the hydromaniac. "So who knows, maybe this is where we end up. Or maybe we'll get sorted to Heaven and Hell later. We were originally Nobodies, so I have no idea what's going to become of us."
I frown. "Come on, Demyx, what happened to the optimistic friend I knew?"
He gives a crooked smile. "He's somewhere, but right now I'm too tired to find him." Suddenly he freezes. "Is that… Riku?!"
I turn my head and glance at where Demyx is staring. I catch a glimpse of Seifer and Rai and someone else from Twilight Town I recognize. Then… "It is Riku," I mutter.
"Riku! Riku, what are you doing here?" Demyx calls out.
The silver-haired guy turns around and stares at us for a long moment. Makes me feel self-conscious, like I shouldn't've died again. Then he smiles. "Hey, you two…"
"When did you get here?" I find myself asking.
"Recently. I heard about your death, Axel, and had barely enough time to cope with it before I died, too. Sora was a mess from it. He was crying on me, saying it was all his fault that you died. I'm just sorry I had to leave him so soon." Riku is saying. We begin walking together towards one giant, white building. I don't bother to check what the building is for.
"Then how did you…" but Demyx drifts off before he can finish.
"Larxene. She's going crazy. I don't even think she'll end up here; she'll probably go straight to Hell. I almost pity her." Riku replies.
"I don't," I grumble. I never liked her. Not in any of my lifetimes.
"Well I do," Demyx murmurs. "Poor Larxy… it can't be her fault…"
We enter the building, and the ground feels soft like cotton underneath the mist. There's someone working at the front desk. She smiles. "Welcome to Limbo Hotel and Resort. We've been waiting for you, Riku, Demyx, and Axel."
"You know our names?" Demyx asks curiously, his head cocking to the side.
The woman nods. "Limbo is for drifting souls with no where to go. And for souls who need a purpose, like me. And since it's not Heaven and not Hell, we try to make the best out of it by creating places like this resort," she explains gently. I've never seen a more honest face. You'd think this might be awkward or creepy, but it's not. I find myself relaxing.
"So do we need to check in or something?" I venture with my hands on my hips.
She giggles, and reminds me of Namine: jingly and light. "Nope, you're already checked in. Here are your keys. Enjoy your stay here in Limbo!" We begin to walk as though we know where we're going, when she stops me. "And Axel…"
I pause to look at her. "Hmm?" I hum as Riku and Demyx walk ahead of me.
"Goodbyes aren't always so hard. He'll meet you here when he's ready."
I raise an eyebrow and am about to ask what she means when she waves me away. I shut my mouth and continue walking. Is she referring to Roxas? How does she know that? Then again, this is limbo; I bet being a worker here gains her access to anything she needs to know about the residents who come to stay here. Strange.
But she has a point. Even if every goodbye tears me apart, and even if each goodbye ends differently, at least I know I can see Roxas again. There's always a chance.
The first time I could only tell him goodbye through Sora. The second time, we parted ways long before either of us died… although we did have a chance to live and express how much we loved the other. That second life was the one time Roxas showed that he loved me back; and jeez, what a night that was. I still remember the feel of his skin against my own…
Ahem. Anyway. The goodbyes weren't easy, and however long ago it was that I took the bullet for Sora, I didn't get a chance to tell Roxas goodbye directly. But at least he knows how I feel. And that receptionist said he'd come to limbo when he's ready…
So like we've told one another in the past: I'll be waiting.
Sitting here in limbo.