A/N: I'm sorry about adding to the growing pile of finale related stories. I can't seem to help myself. I've loved reading everyone's take on what unfolded in Red John's Footsteps and you guys have given me such great inspiration. Special kudos go to kathiann and Gatekeeper. This is a departure from my other two post-finale fics. It's not as fluffy. I'll try not to give too much away. Please leave a review, I want to know what people think as I'm still unsure with the concept of it. Oh and please let me know if it's too wordy. The length is giving me some problems. Okay, some quick logistics and then on with the story. Enjoy!

Spoiler: I don't want anyone to get upset with me, so just watch the Season 1 finale, 1x23 Red John's Footsteps, first and then you can proceed.

Warnings: This is dark, really dark, at least for me it is. There is some language too, if that bothers you, stop reading here. The rating may or may not go higher, but I will warn you beforehand.

Disclaimer: Sadly I don't own anything. I'm hoping for my birthday, Bruno Heller will show up and hire me to write an episode of the Mentalist. Now that would be a birthday gift!

Chapter 1 - Lisbon Was Naïve

When Lisbon turned around and found Jane no where to be seen, she immediately felt irritated. But the feeling subsided just as quickly as it came. She understood his need for some time alone. Even if every fiber of her being wanted to run to him and thank him for what he did, not that she would admit that to anyone. There hadn't been a spare moment yet to process the past twenty four hours. Between driving to the morgue, going to the hospital to get Maya checked over, and filling out paperwork at the station, Lisbon realized that she hadn't had a minute alone with Jane since he shot and killed Hardy. The memory of it all still made her feel sick to the stomach. Staring down that barrel and knowing there was nothing she could do about it, had been terrifying. Then, Jane saved her life. She had to admit, she did not expect him to do what he did. She did not expect Jane to shoot and kill the only definitive connection he had with the psychopath responsible for taking the lives of his wife and only child, especially after she broke her promise to wait for Red John. At the time, in a sick, twisted way, Lisbon was secretly glad Red John escaped. She wasn't sure if she could stop Jane from murdering the man if they did manage to lure him out. But not only did Red John get away, they didn't even have Hardy as a consolation prize and deep down inside, Lisbon knew, it was on her. She shouldn't have gone down that slippery slope of blaming herself for what had happened, but she did anyway. If she had just taken that stupid key away from Hardy, he would have been behind bars instead of lying on a cold metal slab. Not that he was going to say anything useful. When she was convincing Jane that Hardy would talk, before the events that unfolded, the words sounded ridiculous to her own ears at the time. How ironic it was, that Lisbon, who was trying to prevent Jane from having the blood of another person on his hands, ended up accomplishing just that anyway. In bitter frustration, Lisbon slammed her fist into the dash board, earning a startled reaction from the deputy sitting beside her.

"Sorry," she apologized sheepishly.

"No worries, ma'am," he said with a smile. "It's been a long evening."

Lisbon nodded her head, not trusting herself to speak. Her silence, however, didn't deter Deputy Rohen.

"Look, I know you've been through the ringer the last couple of hours but I wanted you to know that Sheriff Hardy was a decent man."

She wasn't sure if she heard him right. If she did, she didn't want to hear the reason. Hardy nearly killed her, Jane, Maya and on top of all that, he was associated with Red John. Sheriff Hardy was the scum of the earth as far as Lisbon was concerned.

"You're angry," Rohen continued, noticing the expression on her face. "God only knows I would be too. But he wasn't as evil as you think he was. He was kind..."

"He kidnapped Maya Plasket and locked her away at an abandoned farm against her will," she interrupted, her voice eerily calm. "That was neither decent nor kind."

"I'm not condoning what he did to that poor child or to you," Rohen paused. "I guess all I'm saying is, he was a good sheriff."

Lisbon looked over at Rohen as he stared out of the front windshield. She had to admit that from his perspective, after working with Hardy for nearly ten years together on the right side of the law, it must have been difficult to understand the carnage that his colleague and probably friend had caused. Suddenly Lisbon wondered if she would feel the same way about Jane, if or when he got his ultimate revenge. Would she have been able to tell other people that Jane was a decent and kind man, just as Rohen did for Hardy? The question burned in her heart. Why was she doing this to herself? It wasn't even a fair comparison between Jane and Hardy. Mercifully, Rohen spoke up, distracting her from her tormented thoughts.

"So, are we just going to sit here and wait?"

She wanted nothing more than to just go back to the office, but she nodded her head.

"Yes, we are," she replied.

"I'd like to get home."

"I know."

"We should look for Mr. Jane, then."

"He'll be back soon."

Lisbon realized she was on autopilot. The words were coming out of her mouth but nothing was being processed.

"We've already been waiting for half an hour, ma'am."

Looking at her watch, Lisbon frowned, had it been only thirty minutes? She felt as though she had spent days in the vehicle, trapped with nothing but her guilt.

"If you don't want to go look for him, I can…"

"No," she said, a little too forcefully. "It's okay. I'll go."

He smiled gently at her.

"I really am sorry that you got caught up in all this."

Lisbon couldn't help but smile back, touched by his words.

"Thank you."

Getting out of the patrol car, Lisbon got onto the sidewalk and walked back towards the Plasket property. She tried to focus her mind on something more cheerful as she went on the search for her missing consultant.

She didn't have to go very far to find him. About a block away, Lisbon spotted him lying on his back in the middle of an open grassy field. His jacket was discarded and his sleeves were rolled up to his elbows. He had his hands folded under his head for support, his eyes closed under the bright sunlight. Lisbon watched him from afar, not wanting to disturb him. From where she stood, he looked at peace. She could only guess what feelings were hidden just below the surface of that calm exterior.

Almost frantically, Lisbon tried to think through what she wanted to say to him. She wanted to be prepared. It was clear that when she spoke with her emotions so raw, she inadvertently exposes too much of herself. She didn't want to sound as pathetic as she did when she revealed that she cared about him. To be fair, she didn't explicitly voice her feelings, but she knew Jane could see through her words. Nothing she came up with seemed adequate. She had been an English major for her first two years of college and words were failing her. Because she was in such deep concentration, she didn't even realize she was now standing just a foot away from him.

"Are you just going to stand there and stare at me all day?"

His voice startled her out of her semi-trance. She wasn't ready to speak, so she tried to focus on anything but his face. Her distraction came in the form of a half eaten orange lying in the grass next to Jane.

"What's that?" she asked.

Jane cocked one eye open, peered down at where Lisbon had been pointing to and immediately shut it.

"It's an orange."

"I know it's an orange. Where did you get it?"

"From a tree."

He was being typical Jane, a tentative wave of relief washed over her.

"A tree?"

"You know, living organism that bears fruit, produces oxygen…"

Smiling slightly, Lisbon interrupted him midsentence.

"I know what a tree is."

"Then why ask the question?"

For some strange reason, Lisbon didn't seem annoyed by his behaviour but rather more at ease than when she was alone with only her thoughts.

"You stole fruit off of someone's tree."

"What are you going to do, arrest me?"

"I could, that way we can get home and I can get some sleep."

Not that she could, even if she tried, but she didn't voice it.

"If you want to go, just go."

"And what about you?"

"What about me?"

"How are you getting home?"

"I can hitchhike, it's not that far. Besides, I'm a big boy."

"Don't be ridiculous, Jane. I'm not leaving you."

"Suit yourself."

She didn't want to bring it up, but she knew she had to. She braced herself for his reaction.

"We should talk."

"About what?"

Immediately, she noticed an almost imperceptible change in his light tone but she pressed on.

"You know about what."

"No, I don't, that's why I asked the question."

"Jane…"

"And even if there was something to talk about, I don't want to talk about it," he said before casually adding. "But seeing that you want to talk about it, no matter what I think, just talk."

That was definitely the last thing she wanted to hear from him. Lisbon exhaled a shaky breath before continuing. She hated herself for being so vulnerable at this moment, desperately wanting to be the same self-assured Agent Lisbon she was pre-Patrick Jane.

"Fine," she paused, wringing her hands together. "I guess, I should thank you."

Jane started to laugh and for some inexplicable reason, it had hurt her.

"What's so funny?"

"You and your predictability."

As the words left his mouth, it snapped the tiny shred of power she had left on her emotions.

"I gave you some alone time to think and collect yourself. And I know that under this façade, you're furious with me because I cost you your only real chance of getting revenge on that sick son of a bitch. But I wanted to thank you anyway for saving my life. I'd like to think that you did it because you cared enough about me."

"Oh Lisbon," he sounded almost patronizing. "You can be so naïve sometimes."

Closing her eyes, she felt a single tear threatening to trickle down her cheek. She swiped it away with her sleeve before it could fall. There was no way she was letting him see her cry. He was being cruel on purpose, he had to be. She wanted so much to believe that. Maybe Jane was right, maybe she was naïve. She should have known better. Sinking down on her knees, Lisbon freed one of his hands from behind his head. The action clearly surprised Jane as he sat up, his eyes immediately snapping open. Reaching into her pocket, Lisbon placed what she had hoped would be a peace offering into his palm. Jane, still somewhat stunned by her touch, stared at the bright orange in his hand before he settled his blue gaze on her.

"I guess I'm not as predictable as you think."

Her hands fell from his, as she straightened up and turned away. She half expected him to stop her, but he didn't. When she made it back to the patrol car, Deputy Rohen looked confused that she was alone.

"Where's Mr. Jane?" he asked as she slipped into the passenger seat.

"He's not coming."

"Oh."

"Can we just go please?"

"Sure."

Lisbon leaned her head against the window as Rohen pulled out from the curb. She could feel his concern whenever he flicked his eyes off the road to check on her.

"Thanks again," she said.

"You're very welcome."

"Do you mind if I turn on the radio?"

"Knock yourself out. If you want I have a CD of classical music. It might help you get some sleep."

"That's the best idea I've heard all day."

Leaning over, she pressed play. The lovely sound of the piano filled the car. But as the track progressed, Lisbon realized that the melody sounded oddly familiar.

"Who is this?" she asked.

"Bach."

Her heart nearly stopped.

"Bach?" she repeated, trying to keep her voice steady.

This time, Rohen didn't respond. Lisbon tried to reach for her gun but it was too late. Her world suddenly went black.

TBC