Disclaimer: All I own is the cover art, and even that used the actual anime as a reference.
I'm drawn to him. He tells me to leave him alone, but I can't. There's just something about him. I can't place it, because it's not from my conscious thought.
It's not his silent charm, his natural intelligence, or his striking looks. Although I can logically see all of these appealing qualities, his allure calls to a deeper part of me—one seemingly comprised of raw emotion. Some force, deep within me, has claimed him as its obsession.
He pushes me away, but I can tell, with gut certainty, that it's because he's experiencing the same thing. The same captivating fear that intoxicates my senses and has me begging for more, has him running away.
I think it's our demons. They've sensed salvation and have awoken.
They are our deepest desires. They are the parts of ourselves that we wish didn't exist. That we're convinced shouldn't exist. All of our darkest qualities gathered and shaped into a seemingly separate entity—given a form and a personality. If they're not ourselves, then we can fight and cage them.
Deep within the depths of my mind, are the demons I have faced. Years of silence had left them forgotten, almost entirely, in the cage they had once fought. If I'd been asked back when we had first met, it would have been my sincere belief that I had grown past the turmoil of self-discovery. However, as I stand here now, fighting for his acknowledgement of both me and himself, I realize there is still so much I have to learn, and that my demons have been far from erased.
The closer to him I get, the stronger I feel them thrashing, screaming, and reaching for the realization I'd silenced so long ago. I find that my inner, darkest desires crave the haven of the mirrored darkness within him. Do his thrash about within their cage like mine do when we're close? Does his mind buzz with the intense energy they radiate in an attempt to reach each other?
I can see the chaos beneath the surface of his control, and I have to fight the impulse to shake the hornets' nest that is his mind. I continue my fight with words, but the constant battering of wants has finally broken down my walls of willful defense.
I fail.
The desires that were once safely hidden in the shadows from the light of conscious thought, have now resurfaced and melded into my current words and actions. They are no longer separate from me. In this moment, I realize that when I give in to my desires, I become free.
He gives in as well, unable to deny the intensity of the emotions swirling around us—connecting us. My demons are free from their prison, and I'm dazed by the ease of our interaction when I feel him give his arms as their home, and his body as their salvation. However, in these moments where I fluently accept him, I am also forced to accept myself.
I see in his eyes that I am not alone in this. We have both been beaten and battered to our core in our anticipated conquest of each other, and, in this moment of climax, I've finally been broken far enough down to hear the words that have been screamed from the depths of my mind all these years:
He is my sanctuary, because my demons are me.
Author's Note:
Hello Lovely readers! I really want to improve my writing, so any critiques or advice are both welcomed and encouraged!