Disclaimer: I don't own it. Everything you recognise belongs to Joss. No infringement is intended and I'm not making any money from this story.
Summary: River catches Mal at a moment when his guard is down, and he isn't happy about it. Short ficlet set during the aftermath of the events in the movie.
Author's note: Written for erinm4600.


Aftermath
by Hereswith

She can't hear them, Serenity's dead, though she listens hard, her mind tuned to the noise. There are no ghosts in the metal, no lingering echoes, except those she can sense in the living, in Zoe, who carries her sorrow unbent. The captain secretes his pain, hides it, so it might appear as though he doesn't care, but it isn't true, even River-That-Was would have guessed—she was always good at reading the signs—but River-That-Is, she knows.

She finds him on the bridge, holding the Tyrannosaurus Rex, his face controlled, but the bleed of emotion draws her, sways her towards, and her response to it is instinctive. "Don't have to be strong alone," she says. "No one else is blaming you, so you shouldn't."

He stiffens, and she flinches before he speaks, stung to a gasp by the concentrated flash of his anger. "Get the hell out of my head."

Or out of my ship. He doesn't shout, and that makes it bad, worse, she meant no offence, and she could explain, but he's locked and shuttered, fingers white-knuckled around the dinosaur. She backs, turns and runs.

She plans her movements to avoid him, the hours after, hoping her absence from sight will calm his temper, aware that if he demands her gone, Simon will come with her, and her brother is happier with Kaylee than she's seen him since the days before, she won't be the reason it's ruined.

In the evening, tired, she forgets she isn't supposed to be there, and drifts into slumber on the couch outside the infirmary. She doesn't have dreams she remembers, but some change of atmosphere filters through to disturb her, and when she wakes, the captain sits close, regarding her. She bolts up straight, caught unprepared, her thoughts failing to connect.

He leans forward, elbows on his knees. "Ain't gonna apologise for wanting my privacy," he says, his voice firm, but not cold. "That's something you need to respect. Leastways as much as you can."

"I understand," she replies, rubbing the sleep crust from her eyes. "I was trespassing. Meddling." The breath she takes hurts in her throat. "I'm sorry."

He looks at her a long moment, assessing her, she can't mistake that. "Reckon you can't help your abilities none. But I'll deal with things my own way, dŏng ma?"

It's a boundary set down, delineated for her, and she nods acceptance, though she argues inside, and what she said to him on the bridge, she believes. "I miss him too," she offers. "I liked him."

"Yeah. Gorram it. And Zoe's walking 'round like she's—"

He doesn't finish the sentence, swallows the words and clenches up tight around them. The urge to touch him is unexpected, a show of sympathy, a pat on the arm, perhaps, and she's about to, but it feels awkward, not something they do, so she stills her hands in her lap. But she wonders if he rests at all, if he allows for it. Suspects that he doesn't.

He sighs. "I was going to put them dinosaurs away, so she wouldn't have to, but it seemed downright wrong somehow."

"It is," she says, her tone filling with conviction. "You should let them stay. Stand guard. They can watch over us for him." She hesitates, frowning. "Unless Zoe would like them near her."

He's silent, then says, "I'll ask her." Stretching, he rises, signalling the end of conversation, a this far and no further. "Dinner should be ready. Best we go have ours 'fore Jayne gets any ideas."

He doesn't move to leave, and oh, she jumps to her feet, realising he's waiting for her, blundering out, "I'm hungry."

"No wonder, when you're bird-pickin' at the food. You could do with eating more."

He says it in passing, a casual observation, and she opens her mouth. Closes it. Lightens, because he's noticed. Counts her in and keeps an eye. She's crew, in spite of everything, he hasn't thrown her out, and he won't.

She starts for the stairs, and he follows.