Author's Note:
So of course it's been literally forever since I posted anything. I was reading some fanfics and decided I absolutely hated reading angst (yet I write it so much) so I decided to try some comedy! With the perfect idiot couple. Yeah, so please review, I wanna know how I did ('cause I suck at comedy and no I didn't proofread this, I just wanted to write and upload a one-shot real quick and it's almost 2 AM so.)
It's not every day that you wake up and think you're going to die.
BOOM.
"Shit, what the fuck," Kagami jolted up, quickly rubbing the sleepiness from his eyes. Next to him, the bed was empty. "Aominee," Kagami drawled, hastily pulling on some pants. His mind was racing. Terrorists? Did the kidnap Aomine? Fuck what did Aomine do now? Steal some shitty ass boob magazine? Damn it, why would terrorists want him? Grabbing his phone, he sent a quick, Shit, Kuroko, some kind of explosion just happened in my apartment. If I don't text you back in 15 min call the police. Tossing his phone onto the bed, he crept slowly towards the sound of the explosion. Hiding behind the wall, Kagami carefully peered towards the kitchen, searching for the source of the explosion, and whoever may have caused it. To his surprise, his blue haired lover stood alone in the kitchen... surrounded by walls of black smoke.
"Fuck," Aomine coughed, waving at the smoke, "What'd I do wrong?" Shielding his watering eyes, Aomine stumbled towards a window, fumbling with the latch. When he finally got the window open, Aomine slumped on the window sill, taking a few breaths of fresh air.
"...Aomine?"
He whirled around in a flash, wide-eyed. "Kagami. I thought you were still asleep," Aomine mumbled with a weak chuckle.
"I was. Until something exploded," Kagami stated matter of factly, crossing his arms and staring down at the tan male.
"Hey, it didn't explode," Aomine insisted, the more defiant, arrogant look returning to his eye. He straightened out, crossing his arms mimicking Kagami.
"Oh, that huge noise and all this smoke wasn't an explosion? Then what was it?" Kagami asked, stepping forward. He knew he had the upper hand and the overconfidence was oozing from it. Aomine definitely felt it.
Leaning back against the wall, Aomine mumbled, "Me... frying eggs." At this Kagami couldn't help laughing.
"EGGS? FRYING EGGS?" Kagami burst out, almost crying from the laughter, "I've never seen anyone fail so hard at frying eggs, you basketball idiot." After a few moments, Kagami managed to regain his composure a bit. He looked with amusement at the sulking blue haired male. "What were you even doing in the kitchen?"
Aomine had turned his head to the side so he wouldn't have to watch Kagami scoffing at him. And even if he did fail at frying eggs, that idiot didn't have to laugh so much. "I thought I'd make breakfast... for a change," Aomine mumbled.
"But you suck at cooking. You can't cook shit," Kagami stated bluntly. It was true... but it still hurt.
"Well," Aomine drawled, moving only his eyes to lock gazes with Kagami, "Since I... pushed you really hard last night..."
"WHA-" Kagami lost his advantage, "You. Idi-" A blush as bright as his stupid two-toned hair tainted his cheeks.
Smiling his sexy ass 'You're fucked' smile, Aomine turned his head to stare at Kagami straight on. "Y'know, how we fucked until you came three times and passed out from the pleasure of having my dick inside of your tight, tight ass."
"You... IDIOT," Kagami yelled, still blushing. His movements stiff, Kagami turned and stammered, "I-I'm going to make breakfast... D-don't get in my way you big i-idiot." He stumbled towards the kitchen.
Aomine stared, still smirking. Kagami was blushing so hard even his ears were bright red. How cute, Aomine thought. He quickly reached out and caught Kagami's wrist, pulling him into a tight hug from behind. He whispered seductively into Kagami's ear, "Love you too."
"Wha-", Kagami whirled around, clutching at his ear. But Aomine was already walking towards the bedroom.
"Lookin' forward to breakfast," he called over his shoulder at the still bright red Kagami.
Getting up early was exhausting for Aomine, so naturally as soon as he reached the bed, he fell asleep. Whatever, Kagami'll just wake me up as usual.
BAM.
"THIS IS THE POLICE, EVERYONE HANDS UP."
"...the fuck," Aomine mumbled sleepily, "Kagami roleplayin'?" Yawning, Aomine wearily sat up. Until some actual police busted into the room and threatened him with a gun. Since he was still tired, Aomine grudgingly obeyed without too much complaint. The police lead him into the living room where Kagami was sitting with a terrified grin on his face. "Kagami? The fuck is go-"
"YOUNG MAN, WHERE'S YOUR ID AND WHAT IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH THIS MAN?" Some butthurt police officer shouted, gestering towards Kagami at the end.
"My ID's in my wallet over in the jeans I wore yesterday, they're probably over in the bedroom," Aomine stated, rather compliant, "And this man," Aomine smirked, "Is my lover." Some other officer ran into the bedroom to find my wallet and ID.
Some minutes later he returned. "Sir, they don't seen to be the culprit," the officer reported.
"Shit, we must have missed him," the lead officer dude muttered. He (grudgingly) stopped threatening me and Kagami with guns. "We'll have to go after him! Do you know anything?" Lead Officer Dude turned to Kagami.
"Um... about that..." Kagami chuckled.
It took roughly an hour and a half to convince Lead Officer Dude that there wasn't actually any culprit and that everything was a big misunderstanding, and if he would just return to the station because everything was fine here.
When Lead Officer Dude finally left, I finally got my chance to ask Kagami, "What the fuck was that."
"You see," Kagami mumbled vaguely, "That time you fried eggs. Yeah I thought some kinda terrorist attack... so I texted Kuroko to call the police if I didn't text him back in 15 minutes and um... (he blushed as he remembered what happened) then... yeah."
"And you call me an idiot," I muttered, "Well, waking up to police breaking into your house, same old same old. Wake me when breakfast's done as a sexy police and give me a blowjob." I yawned and headed back towards the bedroom.
Quietly I heard Kagami mumble, "Idiot."