First of all, i'd like to thank properly my friend (i'm lucky enough to be able to call her my friend) and beta : shallow-sea-we-sails ! Thanks to her, that story isn't full of my crappy english. Thank you for your time and support ! Means a lot =D
And now, the story :
[Jane POV]
...
I wouldn't leave her.
A car crash, a shooting, an escape through the woods and becoming an impromptu surgeon wasn't her idea of how their trip would end.
Nor the part when the bad guys caught up with them and she had to surrender, or being stuck in a car on the verge of drowning in toxic water.
Nope.
That definitely never crossed her mind. But it happened; with her best friend no less who was delirious with fever cause by her injured leg; the same leg she had to cut open.
She stills hear those screams. She just has to close her eyes, and the cries and the pain are all but too present.
Luckily, through her delirium, Maura was still a genius. And when her phone had decided to show signs of life, she had been able text Korsak their position. By the time he arrived, she had freed herself and was cutting on Maura's seatbelt.
They hopped out of the woods. Maura finally collapsed near Korsak's car. They drove directly to the hospital.
And there she was. Stuck in that chair. In the same room since Maura's been out of surgery. She was still unconscious and she didn't know if she wanted her to wake up or to keep sleeping, to bide a bit more time.
Her hands were knitting together in a silent prayer. She just wanted her to be okay. To be fine. But would she? Would she be fine when she wakes up and see's? When she wakes up and understand what have been done ? What she has done ?
Head in her hands, Jane Rizzoli was praying. For her best friend. For her health. For her forgiveness.
Then she heard a grunt.
She snapped up.
" Maura ?"
Nothing. Just silence again. Just when she thought she had dreamt it, she heard it again.
"Jane.."
It was a tiny whisper, but that was all it took.
"I'm here. I'm right here."
She leaned forward and grabbed her hand so tightly she was afraid she break it.
...
The doctors came in. They did the talking. They explained why they had to cut it off. And she just sat there, elbow on her knees, clutching at her own hands, her head down against them. Trying to disappear. It doesn't take a genius to come up with the equation: leg, cut wide open, soaked in toxic water equals a really bad infection and ultimately the loss of said leg. That leg Maura really liked. That leg she, Jane, had cut open. If she hadn't, if she had said no to her, that leg could have been saved.
But now, it's too late. It's gone. And she was responsible for it.
Maura didn't say a word through all the process. The doctors left the room and the silence fell again.
She didn't dare to look up. She didn't dare to face up reality. To face up her friend and what she had done to her. She was so afraid.
She didn't know how long they stayed like this but finally Maura spoke again.
"It's okay."
Still a whisper. A strangled one.
She tightened her jaw.
"It's okay."
She said it more firmly, with more confidence.
Finally, Jane decided to look up and she saw her, staring at the ceiling.
"It's okay. I'm alive. It's okay. It's gonna be all right... right ?"
That was the moment Jane lost it. Her head sunk down in her hands. Her evil battered scarred hands. The same ones that did this.
She didn't see Maura looking at her. She didn't see what she was seeing. Trembling shoulders, muffled cries, under a curtain of dark hair. She didn't know how this vision brokes Maura's heart.
"Jane..."
She called her.
Her shaking doubled. Her voices seems so little. So fragile. And it was her fault. She knew by it that Maura was on the verge of crying too. That didn't make her turmoil better.
"I... I need a... minute. Just give me... a... minute."
Jane muttered through her hands.
She had to be better than that. She had to be tougher than that. She needed to calm down. To be there for her. If she wasn't so deep in her own living hell, she would have chuckled by the thought that crossed her mind. "Take a deep breath. Relax" Maura's soothing voice filled her. Her yoga teaching voice.
It seems like a lifetime ago.
But she complied. She tried to take deep breathes one at a time. And finally, she calmed herself down. Her shoulders stopped trembling. She lowered her hands, putting them calmly on her knees. One more intake and she finally looked up.
And what she saw, she almost couldn't took it.
"Oh Maura."
She launched herself out of that chair to sit on the bed and wrap her arms around her. To hold her like her life depend on it. Like their life depend on it.
"I am so sorry."
She apologized in the crook of her neck.