I guess this could be slightly AU, depending on which way you look at it. I know that in HBP Tonks goes to Dumbledore's office to talk to him, but he isn't there. So you can either think of this as AU, and Dumbledore what if had been in his office that time, or just think of it as another time that Tonks goes to see Dumbledore during HBP.
Oh, and a little rant: If you're going to add my stories to your favorites, that's really quite wonderful of you. However, if you do that and don't even review it, I'd kind of rather that you didn't. Because if you like it enough to add it to your favorites, then am I really asking too much for you to just say "cute fic," or whatever? Seriously guys.
Okay, done ranting. I don't own Harry Potter, and I'm absolutely terrified to have just written about Dumbledore.
"Toffee éclairs," Tonks said clearly to the stone gargoyle. She raced up the spiraling staircase and before she was ready to be there, was in front of Dumbledore's griffin shaped knocker.
She knocked several times, half hoping that Dumbledore would answer immediately and half dreading that he would.
"Come in," said a deep voice that seemed to increase Tonks' anxiety even more. Slowly, she pushed the door open and walked inside.
Professor Dumbledore was sitting at his desk with a very long piece of parchment in front of him. Fawkes was sitting on his shoulder; the two seemed deeply immersed in the piece of parchment. However, as soon as Tonks walked in they both looked up simultaneously.
"Why, hello Nymphadora," Dumbledore said with a surprised yet welcoming smile on his face. Fawkes soared off his shoulder and flew to his perch on the other side of the room. Usually Dumbledore's feeling of calmness spread throughout the room, but Tonks had been too upset, stressed, and worried for months for his sense of serenity to seep into her.
"Professor– I'm sorry to bother you, and I know that I should be at my post, but as you probably know, being alone like that for too long…and thinking of the Death Eaters that are supposed to be swooping down on you…well, you can't help but worrying…um…you haven't heard from any of the other members of the Order recently, have you?" Tonks was determined not to look the old man in the eyes for fear that she would feel even more foolish for barging in on him.
"I hear from many members of the Order quite frequently, is there anyone that you wish to know about in particular?" Dumbledore asked with a look of interest and slight worry on his face.
Tonks could tell immediately that she'd been mistaken, if something had happened to anyone, Dumbledore would have already told her. "Well…you know…the ones that might…not have reported to headquarters recently?"
Dumbledore smiled slightly. "If you are referring to Remus–" –here, Tonks couldn't help but look the headmaster in the eyes– "–then I am happy to report that, while I have not heard from him in the past few days, I can assure you that he is– not necessarily happy, but at least safe from any immediate danger."
Tonks let out a sigh of relief.
"And you should know," Dumbledore continued, "that any mention of change in his status, you would be the first to be made aware."
It took a moment for what Dumbledore had said to sink in, but when it did, Tonks' eyebrows shot up. "How– how did you–"
"My dear girl, when you have come to be my age, you learn to pick up on minor details that other seems to either ignore, render as insignificant, or are simply too careless to fit together."
Still looking the professor in the eyes, Tonks felt more than ever as if she was under a microscope.
"Your patronus, for one thing, was a dead giveaway, while your new appearance–" –Dumbledore gestured toward her hair, which had been a mousy brown for the better part of a year– "–and this visit to my office, have only made matters more obvious."
Tonks stood for a moment, stunned, before speaking again. "Well…thank you, Professor, I guess I'll just…be going then." Feeling almost worse than she had before entering the office, Tonks turned to leave.
She had placed her hand on the doorknob before Dumbledore spoke again. "Nymphadora–"
"It's Tonks," she interjected warily, as she most often did. Instantly, the realization that she has just contradicted Albus Dumbledore, of all people, hit her, and Tonks felt as if she might burst into tears.
"Of course, I'm very sorry, Tonks," Dumbledore correctly himself. He took a long, deep breath. "I've known Remus Lupin for a very long time." Here, Tonks couldn't help but turning around to face him. However, Dumbledore looked not offended, but only worried and slightly pitying.
"His life has been not what you might call an easy one," Dumbledore began. "He has been mistreated and discriminated against for an infliction that he has no control over. For years, his life has been solitary and thoroughly discouraging, and the three greatest, and few, friends that he has made have all left him– one betrayed them all and murdered another, while the third, who did his best to keep Remus young for so many years, has recently been killed. His death, however, brings not only sorrow to Remus' life, but guilt, as Remus mistrusted the man for so many years, which led to the misdirection of finding the real culprit."
Tonks opened her mouth to speak, but found that she couldn't think of anything to say, and if she could, was too scared that speaking would only result in sobs. It seemed to be too much to stare at the headmaster's face; instead, she chose to stare at his hands, which were clasped on the desk in front of him.
"And now, someone new and invigorating comes into his life, someone who overlooks all of his past troubles and flaws, and who only wants to be close to him, as so few have."
Once again, Tonks felt defeated and useless, and couldn't help but looking into Dumbledore's eyes. "But then– why– why–" she began, and although her voice cracked and tears began to fill up her eyes, Tonks continued. "Why can't he just…let go and…try?"
"Sit down, my dear," Dumbledore said kindly, gesturing to the seat facing him in front of his next. Slowly, Tonks walked over and sat down, only to finally burst into tears, burying her face in her hands. It was stupid, she couldn't help but think to herself, to have come here, to distract the professor from what he'd been doing, and now to force him to counsel a sobbing girl at his desk.
"From all of these inflictions, Remus seems to have put a– a barrier of sorts, in front of his feelings." He paused, giving Tonks time to wipe her face off with the back of her hand and look up at him. "He is very different from most werewolves, who have turned to violence and hatred as a result of their mistreatment. Instead, he is calm and collected, and appears to be unfazed by most abuse he sees." Dumbledore paused again, and for the first time Tonks voiced what she'd realized almost a year ago.
"I– I think that's why I– fell in love with him," Tonks said quietly, looking at her hands and trying to ignore how her voice continued to crack. "This– this is going to sound awful– but I think that with everything that's– happened– within the past two years…and when Sirius was…killed…it was like, everyone– everyone was always so nervous, and crazy, I know I've been, but he– Remus– he…hasn't. He just…stays calm." She looked down at her hands again, not wanting to see Dumbledore's reaction.
"And that," Dumbledore began in a very kind voice– Tonks couldn't help but look up into his sad, yet comforting eyes– "is why this is so unfathomable to him. One might think that the Sirius' death might have presented him with a new outlook, but alas, I'm sorry to say that it's only increased his need to be alone."
"It makes me sound so stupid," Tonks muttered, once again finding it easier to talk to her hands than directly to Dumbledore's face. "I knew– know– that he's been hurt more than I have, but I just haven't stopped. ...It's a wonder he doesn't just curse me away from him."
"I am quite, quite certain that Remus will never result to that tactic," Dumbledore replied. "And if I'm not very much mistaken, at some point, I am sure that what you've said to him will break through his protective shield– but I can't say that I know when it is." He paused before finishing, "And I suppose the saddest part is that it will take more than the death of his two best friends to bring him to such a point."
Tonks looked up at Dumbledore one last time, afraid to fully process the last thing he'd said. "But then– shouldn't I just leave him alone then?" she asked, as the sinking feeling returned to her stomach. "I don't want to be– waiting for something bad to happen. That just makes everything worse…"
"Oh, no," Dumbledore answered. "If it brings more love into this world…well, I don't think that that could make anything worse, now could it?"
The two were quiet for a second before Tonks finally managed a weak smile. "Th– Thank you, Professor."
"You're quite welcome, Tonks." He stood up and walked around the room and opened up the door for her. "And now, I'm sorry to point it out, but I do believe that you should be covering your post outside of Hogwarts right now?" Tonks immediately felt guilty for disturbing the headmaster, and opened her mouth to apologize, but when she looked up he was smiling.
"Of course– I'm sorry to have troubled you sir– we'll be in touch soon?" Tonks said as she rubbed her yes one more time and walked over to the door.
"It's been no trouble at all," said Dumbledore kindly.
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