DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN AVATAR. THIS IS JUST FOR FUN.
Jake wakes up after his first night with the Na'vi. He gets out of his hammock and stands naked in Home Tree. Jake feels his face, noticing that there is a significant growth of facial hair, probably provoked by his human DNA.
When Neytiri sees the growth on his face, she is alarmed.
"Jake? What is that horrible ugly furry creature growing on your face?"
Neytiri picks up a large club.
"Don't worry Jake I'll get it for you."
Neytiri smacks Jake over the head with a club. Jake falls dazed to the ground.
"No Neytiri." Pleads Jake. "You don't understand. It's just a beard."
Neytiri doesn't seem to hear. She continues to smack Jake repeatedly in the jaw in an attempt to kill the furry creature. Peyrall comes rushing to see what all the commotion is about.
"What's wrong, Neytiri?" Asks Peyrall.
"There's a horrible alien creature attached to Jake's face". Replies Neytiri. "I am trying to kill it."
Neytiri hits the Jake hard in the face again
"Oh, my God." Screams Peyrall. "There is another one on his groin. I'll get it."
Jake grunts in pain as Peyrall kicks Jake hard in the balls, while Neytiri smacks Jake around the head. More Na'vi come running.
"What's going on here?" Cries Tsu-Tey.
"There is a horrible alien furry creature growing on Jakesully's face and groin." Replies Peyrall frantically. "Neytiri and I are trying to kill them."
Jake continues to grunt of pain as Peyrall continues to kick him in the balls and Neytiri smacks him repeatedly around the head.
"Ahhhh!" Cries Tsu-Tey. "There are more of these creatures under his arms. They are everywhere."
The rest of the Na'vi swarm round Jake trying to kill the furry alien creatures, attacking them vigorously with bare hands, kicks and an assortment of blunt weapons.
Later at the lab, Jake's link unit opens earlier than expected. Grace looks with a concerned expression at Jake.
"Are you alright Jake? is the Avatar OK?"
"No." Replied Jake. "I've just had the shit kicked out of me. You can certainly call me numb-nuts now."