A/N: So. I pitched this idea to Mila and, I think a few other people. At first I thought it was dumb, and kinda under-developed. But, then, during a stupid as fuck language arts test, I started brainstorming. And before that fuckery test, I wrote some of it in social studies, because we do nothing in that waste-of-time-and-money of a class. So, I'm challenging myself, I'm gonna use Kenny's P.O.V. I may be madly in love with the character, but I dunno how he sees the world. Will he be OOC? Maybe. Will the other characters be OOC? Kinda likely. Will I do my best? You can count on it. So, I mentioned this would be an OC story. I..might have already chosen my OCs. So. Yeah. Yous guys mights has tos gives mes the informations? I'll send you the form at the end of this chapter, Hence hence. Anyway, damn, on with the story.
Mysterion.
Who was this masked hero who courageously swooped our town in order to protect us? Is he South Park's personal batman but is not as cool or womanizing? What does he hide underneath that cheap mask and cape, that is obviously some raggedy-ass excuse of a bed-sheet? Who is this 'Mysterion', and what does he have to hide? And speaking of this crusader, who are his allies? Who is this Human Kite, Toolshed, Thee Coon, The Mosquito? How are we supposed to truly trust them with our city, if we do not know who they are? And how are we supposed to take them seriously, with their lame costumes and super hero names? Seriously, these kids must be like, nine years old or something.
Well, excuse me. I'm eleven and a half, you moron.
I frowned at the newspaper I was currently holding, then I tossed it, watching it dance in the wind. I save the world from crime, not litering. I was perched on a building, the drug store, if you wanted to get all specific. I was watching for crime, scouting if you must, while my friends played endless video games and ripped on each other for no good reason. Nothing was going on in South Park lately, yes, you heard me 's been pretty normal. Kinda weird, but I didn't believe in crime resting for a split second. So I watched. And I waited. Until I realized I was missing a new Terrance and Phillip episode.
God damn it, Crime always gets in the way.
The sky was blue, the mountains were still purple, according to science class, and everyone was shopping or talking. I scanned the horizon, almost wishing that something would happen.
"OHHHHH MYYYYY GGGOOODDDD!"
Be careful what you fucking wish for, Kenny.
I noticed the scream coming from around the corner. What was around the corner? The bank. I jumped off the drug store roof, and ran across the street, earning stares from the civilians. I broke the bank door open, realizing the alarm just going off. I saw several people on the floor with their hands behind their heads. I searched for the perpatrator, the dastardly fiend who could just openly rob innocent people. That's when my eyes fell on a little fat person, grinning madly at the woman behind the counter.
And thus, I facepalmed.
"Cartman?" I said, dropping my arms to my sides as if they suddenly turned into useless linguinie. He turned around, bewildered.
"FOOL! I AM THE CCCOOOOONNNNN!" He hissed, flaring his arms out and making a claw shape with his hands. I sighed.
"Whatever. What the hell are you doing, fat ass? I thought you were some sort of, retarded..sick twist of a hero?" I questioned, staring him down. He confuses me to a point of no end, of course, and the whole thing with Cthulhu wasn't a surprise. But a real crime? Robbing a public bank? Where his ass can actually get into real trouble? Never thought he had it in him.
"None of your business, Mystery-fag, I'm robbing this bank to protect the people!" He turned around and demanded more money to be put in his sack- haha, his sack- and the woman obeyed, pouring endless amounts of cash into the brown bag. I frowned.
"Cartman, I don't know what sick logic your using, but you're putting people IN DANGER."
"No I'm not, you poor asshole! I'm protecting them!"
"How the hell are you doing that?" A civilian asked, looking up for a split second. "You're trying to kill us!"
"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Cartman roared, throwing plastic daggers at the man. The crowd gasped.
I noted that one of the hostages slowly pulled out his phone. I glanced outside, the police were already here, what could he possibly be doing?
"You there, in the green mickey mouse shirt!" Cartman called. He looked up
"Yes?"
"The fuck do you think this is man? What are you doing?"
He man with the mickey mouse shirt looked confused, then realized Cartman was gesturing to his cell phone. He slowly turned it towards Cartman, and we both squinted our eyes to see what was on the little, flashing screen.
You've got to be shitting me.
"...You're updating you FACEBOOK status?" I asked, mentally faceplaming myself. Facebook? DURING A ROBBERY?
"Hell yeah, man, The fucking coon and Mysterion are BRAWLING. I'm going to get so many likes!" He started typing again, and I felt my jaw clenth. People are idiots. IDIOTS!
"Jesus Christ, he has a point!" Another man said suddenly, taking his phone out of his pink shirt. He looked kind of gay, what with his blonde hair and blue highlights. "I must tweet about this!"
"Fuck twitter. TUMBLR ALL THE WAY!"
"HELLZNAW. MYSPACE."
"Myspace? Really? That's so lame."
"Yeah it really is."
"SHUT UP! SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP! THIS IS MY ROBBERY! FUCK YOU GUYS AND GET ON YOUR KNEES!" Cartman stomped, having a mini tantrum in front of everyone. Dude, you're eleven years old, get a damn grip. You're embarrassing yourself.
"Uh, yeah, you were telling me why you're robbing the bank, Fat ass?" I waved off the internet-crazed people and directed my attention to Cartman again. He sneered.
"I'm robbing the bank so that it doesn't get robbed. DUH, DUMB ASS. It's all quite simple. You see," He jumped off the stool and dropped the bag of money on the ground, leaning casually on the white-washed wall. I backed up two paces. I knew what he was capable of, the sneaky bastard.
"If the bank has already been robbed, it can't be robbed by poor people. Or Jews. Or black people. Or Asians. Or poor, black, half Asian Jews. I'm protecting them! If the bank is already robbed, it can't be robbed again! Don't you see, you idiot?" Cartman replied, swinging his foot back and forth and smiling. In a way, he had a point, but his dumb ass will always be wrong.
"Cartman, that's bullshit." I sighed, slumping in my position for awhile. My god, he's stupid.
"Also, with the extra money, we can buy new equipment for the team. We can be better heroes, and totally kick more ass with better equipment! God, why don't you assholes think!" He sighed dramatically, sagging in his stance and grabbing the sack of money. I twitched. These are for selfish reasons, the idiot.
So Cartman, or whatever, decided to stroll like a bad ass out the banks revolving spinny door, which, I might add, was awful confusing to get into, with the stolen money slung over his shoulder. He waved casually to me, and the hostages, and I stared after him.
Well, my work here is done.
What do you mean, shouldn't I go after him? Have you not been paying attention? I'll even count for you. Three. Two. One.
"AYE! LET GO OF ME, YOU PEDOPHILE COPS!"
I casually strolled outside, waving to the officers nonchalantly and quietly laughing at Cartman's attempt to escape. Even if by some miracle he managed to get away from the cops for a split second, his fat racoon ass couldn't run anywhere. I bent the closet alley to the left, as I heard him cry "WHAT? A BLACK COP? No, this is wrong, I'M supposed to be arresting YOU! Get the hell off ME!"
For some reason I decided to visit the ''coon and friends'' lair. I don't know why, but I felt like it. Maybe there was work to do somewhere else, and besides that, it's Saturday. I'm kinda bored, and Myserion needs some exercise. I bounded down the stairway, leading into Cartmans basement. I looked around and shrugged. The place didn't look like it had been lived in in years. You know, besides all the super hero junk that was cluttered around it. The list of ''Top Bad Guys'' was still behind the huge red siren, you know, the one that let us know if trouble was around. There was still the black board with the super hero names and identities, basically everyones profiles. Nothing seemed disturbed, so I turned around to the closet.
Usually the closet is where I change. Myseterion doesn't always wear his costume, you know. I stood in front of the door, since there was no one in here, and took off my hood. Gross, my hair was showing. I mean I for one love blonds, like Bebe Stevens. She was my bitch for awhile, but then Craig came over and showed her this finger trick, and Bebe being the slut she was, was intrigued by it. But whatever. I flung the hood on a nearby coat hanger, and continued to take off my shirt. I poked my stomach, it was thin. Kinda rock hard, it was creepy. I tilted my head down to look at my stomach, but my hair fell in my face. I'm too lazy to brush it out of my eyes, so I just left it there. I was about to take off my shoes, when I heard something.
"And I was like, Justin Bieber should really grow upppp, It's not like he has Turner syndrromme, but, if he doesn't, the world will run ammuccck, with Jonas Brother gagging sluts, sslluttts- OH!" I grabbed my t-shirt from the floor and covered myself, realizing that someone was here. A girl, if I had to be specific. But it wasn't any girl. It was-
"Hey, Kenny"
Tuesday.
I was about to put my t-shirt back on, when I noticed the thick red coat over her cheeks. She was blushing? Why? She's seen me shirtless before, I think. But, I can use this to my advantage. Tuesday in her embarrassed mode never ever happens, so this was an opportunity. I smiled my smug smile and walked towards her slowly. She blinked a couple times and dropped the paper-work she was holding, hen bent over to pick them up. I decided to help her, but we both reached for the same thing, and our hands touched.
Fuck you, corny chick flick movies, fuck you.
"N-no, I got it. T-thanks Kenny." She twitched her nose a bit, much like a rabbit, but picked up the papers and put them on a desk. She sat down in that desk, and began working. What I wanted to know was what she was doing, and how she got into the lair.
"Tuesday?"
"Y-Yes?...Damn it Tuesday stop doing that." She mumbled the last part under her breath, scribbling furiously on that poor piece of paper. I crooked my eyebrow up.
"What are you doing here?" I asked, standing next to the desk and leaning against it, looking at her with my killer blue eyes. She blinked her hazel ones, then smiled.
"I am...the THAT girl." She smirked, gently placing her hands on her hips. The what?
"The what?" I said out loud, not understand what she meant by the 'it' girl. The hell is an 'it' girl? This isn't Skins!
"The THAT girl? You know, like, the girl that's REAL smart and does like, all the science work for the super heroes and makes all the reports and stuff and always gets her ass into trouble because she's so nosey but she's really smart? You know, the girl that's secretly in love with the super hero and the super hero knows it but they both don't wanna say anything necause they're pansies and end up pissing off the readers? Because they know they love each other but just won't freaking KISS already? Yeah, I'm THAT girl!" Tuesday replied, grinning madly as I tried to comprehend what she was saying.
"Tuesday, you just morphed Lois Lane with Betty Ross."
"EXACTLY! Can I be the THAT girl? Please?" She adjusted her fake, thickly black nerd glasses and straightened her white coat, which, I briefly noted, really hugged her hour-glass shape. She was really hot for an eleven year old, pedophiles everywhere must be going crazy.
Woah, Kenny, you don't like this girl. Knock it off. Ew.
"No." I shook my head and walked towards the ''Top Bad Guys'' list, thinking of all the freaks out there. I frowned.
"WHY?" Tuesday huffed, looking devastated that I had said no. I wrinkled my nose.
"To dangerous. You could get seriously- wait, I don't care. You could get- I couldn't- If you-I couldn't forgive my- DAMN IT. JUST NO." I exasperated, throwing my hands in the air. She pouted her lips.
"Please Kenny? I'll do anything you ask me too! Pretty please!" Damn it, she was whining. Sexiest voice ever. And I won't lie, when she said she'd do anything, google results couldn't compare to the amount of things I imagined her doing. Particularly on her knees.
NO, KENNY. GROSS.
"Noooooo! No no no, no. No!" I sat in the old red coach that was behind the board, and decided to kick my feet up and lounge in it. I laid my head back and closed my eyes, my head hurt now. I heard movement in the background, thinking Tuesday must have left. Good, she didn't need to be here. I didn't want her blood on my hands, especially not her blood. I mean, we already had Sadie on here, I don't want another woman on my team unless she's giving me a blow job. End of. Suddenly I felt something heavy on my lower torso, my dick, if I have to be specific, and my eyes snapped open. Tuesday was perched directly on top of my man-hood, her hands placed gently on my chest, leaning towards my face. I felt her hot, peppermint breath on my face, as her hair tickled my cheeks. She smiled a little bit, because she knew that I was blushing. It was really uncomfortable, her sitting on me like this. It was strong sexual tension, but she didn't move.
"I wanna be the that girl, Kenny." She bit her bottom lip, after whispering her request again. I shook my head no. She groaned.
"Fine, you wanna play that game? Mama Tuesday'll play it rougher!" She stated, and to my utter horror, she started rocking her hips back and forth. You know, I'm not one for science, or anything school related, but girl + rubbing = erection. And having one while she was on top of me was not exactly a good idea. I instinctively bucked my hips forward, and she sighed.
"Kenny, you're not supposed to enjoy this. You're making it too hard." She frowned, realizing her plan to seduce me wasn't working the way she wanted it to. I smiled.
"You're making Mally hard, too"
"Excuse me?"
"Mally. It's an inside joke, don't worry about it."
She sat up a little bit, adjusting her waste line and moving a bit again, making me even more uncomfortable. She pouted, and I blinked. Why the pouting? What did I do now?
"I just want you to know, that I l-"
"WOAH WOAH WOAH" We snapped our heads around and faced the owner of that voice, a red headed girl with hands on her hips, shaking her head in disgust and amusement. That, of course, was Sadie Broflovski. You know, the girl I mentioned earlier. She has green eyes, much like her cousins' and red hair. She has the biggest crush on Cartman ever, everyone knows that. You know, except for Cartman. He had no clue that Sadie made a complete idiot out of herself just to impress him. He didn't deserve t, if you asked me. But, girls are weird. What can I say?
SHIT SADIE IS IN HERE AND TUESDAY IS ON TOP OF ME OH GOD.
I pushed Tuesday off and sh landed with a surprised shriek and a THUD. I mentally cursed myself for pushing her off that hard, but it was still funny as hell. Sadie cocked her eyebrows.
"So, I can either pretend that I didn't see you guys dry humping, or I can rip on you two for eternity just because it was in as obvious of a place as the lair. Like damn" Sadie shk her head and winked at Tuesday. Tuesday frowned slightly, trying to cover up her obvious blush. I rolled my eyes
"We weren't dry humping, Sadie. God." She scoffed, crossing her arms over her chest. "He was choking on his bullshit, I was trying to punch it out."
"Whilst on top of him. Grinding. With a red face. Sure."
"Shut up, Sadie, it's not even like that." I interjected. I don't like Tuesday, even if she's the hottest thing ever. And I'd be damned (again) if she liked me. Sadie needed to get it straight, an not put any ideas into anyones' heads.
"When will you guys give it up and make out already?" Sadie asked. Tuesday and I turned green.
"EW. THAT IS DISGUSTING." Tuesday scrunched up her face, pretending to gag with disgust.
"I WOULD NEVER KISS HER. WHAT THE HELL. I'd rather NOT kiss some frenchie!"
"YOU SON OF A BITCH. I AM FROM ITALY."
"ITALY SHMITALY. THE ONLY THING ITALIANS ARE GOOD FOR IS PIZZA AND SEX!"
"AND HOW WOULD YOU KNOW, MAN WHORE? THE CLOSET THING T SE YOU'VE EVER RECEIVED IS A BLOW JOB FROM SOME BITCH WITH AIDS IN HER MOUTH!"
"HEY! Blame her, the bitch bit me. That hurt."
"Fuck you, Kenny."
"And I thought Wendy and I fought a lot." I saw Stan walk down the stairs, shaking his had while smirking. He was in his toolshed costume, flipping his screw drivers around between his fingers.
"Shut up, Stan. At least don't vomit on her when I talk to her." I leaned on Tuesdays' desk again. He shrugged.
"Hey, love is funny. And in a way, yo have a weird little reactant toward Tuesday, too." Stan stated, high-fiving Sadie, who was now sitting crossed legged n the floor.
"What?"
"You constantly argue with her and show some sort of physical contact towards her when you see her. Duh. Besides. You know you like her."
"Oh my god, Stan, shut up. I swear to god." Tuesday grimaced. Sadie chuckled.
"Served. And hey, NO ONE NOTICED ME YET. FUCK YOU." Sadie shouted, crossing her arms over her chest. Noticed what?
"Sexy costume, baby" Tuesday purred, smiling at Sadie. That's when I noticed her new super hero costume. I won't describe it, because I'm too lazy, but, let's just say it was tight and yellow. Kinda like the flash's costume.
"Oh, right. You're Bionic Red." Stan remembered, sending Sadie a glance. She nodded.
"I have mad super power skills. My hair changes color based on my emotions." Sadie tapped her head, which was currently red.
"What does red mean?" I asked, now curious to what her powers are. She smiled
"That's just me, you idiot."
"Oh."
"Okay, Sadie." Tuesday interjected, straightening her white coat again. "I need to write your adjustments in the log. Okay?"
"Sure thing, Day. I'll tell you whatever you need t kno- What's that?" Sadie pointed towards the window, which was open. Everyone directed their attention towards the open window, and took in what they saw. It was a bright, yellow symbol. Like the one in the batman series. Only this wasn't the bat signal, the logo was not a damn bat. It was a bird. A black, very large bird. Another knew super hero? Not if I had anything to say about it.
"Well, I gotta go." I said, grabbing my shirt and hood, pulling them on as I walked passed everyone. "See you later."
"Kenny, you're not going out there by yourself." Tuesday said, firmly, clutching her clipboard close to her chest. I sighed.
"Yes I am, Tuesday."
"Too late. I already called some reinforcements to help you." She smiled. I frowned.
"Why?"
"Oh fuck your loner crap, Kenny. Stan and I are coming with you. If some newbie, hero or villain, is hopping around South Park, we have to at least see what his or hers' motives are. Okay? Okay." Sadie huffed, blowing her bangs out of her face and running towards the door with Stan behind her. I stayed for just a second, and look at Tuesday.
"Are you gonna be alright? Here. By yourself, I mean." I didn't care, I just wanted to. Make sure. So her brother wouldn't kick my ass. Yeah.
"Don't worry about me, Kenny. I'll be fine." She nodded her head towards the door, and took her glasses off. "Besides, You're not getting all soft on me now, are you?"
"N-no. Not at all. And by the way, that's what she said." I ran out the door, leaving a confused Tuesday behind, and trying to catch up with Stan And Sadie. I didn't know what that cheesy bird signal was for, but I- we, we're going to find out.
a/n: Yeah, there was a lot of unnecessary Kenday crap there but, yeah, thought it would be a cute conflict to start off the short story. Kenn needs something to distract him, Tuesday is the distraction, along with a whole lot of other stuff. Shut up, I know I got Kenny OOC. Kinda don't care, but, I'd love some pointers on how to keep in IC. And Sadie? Fucked her up. She was so OOC, I almost died. But enough wallowing. Ffft. Now, for the OC form. I WILL NOT accept more than NINE ocs. And Yeah, that's it. So here;s the form I want y'all to fill out.
Name:
Age:
Birthday:
Family:
Relationships:
Personality:
Looks:
Extra:
Super Hero Name:
Super Hero Powers:
How They Got Their Powers:
Super Hero Weakness:
Super Hero Looks:
In case you're confused, which is likely, Here's an example. (Some things stated will not be true. And yes, I'm skipping a few. )
Name: Kyle Broflovski
Age: Eleven years old
Birthday: May 26th
Family: Sheila Broflovski (Mother) Ike Broflovski (Adopted Brother) Gerald Broflovski ( Father )
Relationships: Stan Marsh ( Best Friend ) Sadie Broflovski ( Unofficial Original Character Cousin as stated by MilaDreamer )
Personality: A sexy ass Jew. No, I'm kidding. Very wise, considered the 'nerd' of his friends, has a wide imagination, strong beliefs and when forced to question them, becomes very angry.
Super Hero Name: The Human Kite.
Super Hero Powers: The ability to fly and shoot lazers out of his eyes.
And I'm too lazy to write the rest. Simply state how they received their powers, weither it be because they fell into a vat of goo or they had sex with a radioactive tree. I dunno, get creative. Maybe they shoved a microchip up their ass just too ''See what happens''. I dunno, play with your imagination a bit. Dueces.