Italics are either thoughts or telepathic conversations.

Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who or its characters. I think I own Jamie, but don't tell her I said that. Her punches hurt.

Walking home alone was another way of telling the world that I can never be loved. Okay maybe a little dramatic, but what's life without the little theatrics?

Another day at college in for the books, and now I'll be able to watch my favorite season of Doctor Who, Donna Noble and Ten. What should I watch? They all seem very interesting.

My musing are cut short as I approach the door for residence hall, I fish out the keycard for the door and my id for the desk security. Almost to home base, I thought.

The lift was—the LIFT? Probably too much British television…

Anyway, the elevator was uneventful as it always was and stops at the 9th floor. Walking to my room, my musings from before come back to the forefront of my mind.

What if I was suddenly landed in the TARDIS through a crack in my laptop or something equally ridiculous? I giggle to myself; unfortunately the long hallway kind of amplified that sound. So it sounded like a maniacal laughter coming back from the echo.

So much for making new friends.

I then opened my door thanking the heavens that I no longer have a roommate. I quickly get into my sleep clothes, because I know for sure I'm not going out anyway. Well at least nowhere exciting. Or so I thought.

I was finishing "Partners In Crime" with Ten and Donna, when my microwave went off. I get up to get my early dinner of pizza rolls from the microwave and ice tea from the fridge.

'It goes 'Ding' when there's stuff. Oh Ten, you make me feel too geeky for my own good.'

As I was going back to my bed where my laptop and said episode was coming to a close when I noticed that there was a glowing jagged line across it. When I looked closer for further inspection, it suddenly clicked. So my next move was to be utterly useless and question the crazy-dangerous-line-of-erasing-myself-from-this-universe-of-death-ish. And it went a little something like this:

'Wha-What? This can't be happening. ISN'T THAT SCIENTIFICALLY IMPROBABLE? I say improbable, because Doctor Who has kind of made that word useless in the English dictionary.'

Apparently, when everyone else was passing the fight or flight test, I was that one dumbass that did nothing and never got retested for crazy; or more or less just observed.

'I really should get the hell out of here or else I'll be erased from time and become just like Rory except maybe not Roman. Probably should be running instead of just—'

That thought was cut off as I was pulled by the crack with it's wispy tendrils and try as I might, nothing I did was letting me out of it's grip but just making it stronger the more I struggled.

I screamed and fought for my life, literally, as I was dragged in to the Crack. It felt like I was being thrown into Mt. Vesuvius on volcano day and then dunked into the icy waters of Antarctica. I then proceeded to taste bananas, hear yodeling (don't ask me why, I just thought that's what it sounded like), and the smell of roasted turkey. The sensations were just all over the place. And weird. Definitely weird.

Then all of a sudden everything just stopped and was replaced with a gentle hum and face first on a cool metal grating with a resounding THUD.

'I wonder if that's how it feels to regenerate. Ugh, my body.'

"What?!" was the first and horribly familiar voice to cut through my semi-paralyzed state. If I think hard enough, it might go away.

I squint my eyes and pinch myself. I hissed from the stinging pain and the aches that ran throughout my body.

Damn. No such luck. So instead of just lying there on what looks like the grating, I picked myself up, rather clumsily, and looked at my surrounding.

"Uh…" I uttered eloquently. My brain just short-circuited and currently not functioning.

'Cuz this can't be happening!'

I continued to just stand there and taking in that I'm no longer in my room but in the console room of the TARDIS during the 4th series.

'Shit,' I aptly thought.

"Oi! How hell did you get here? And who are you?" An irate Donna Noble demanded, walking away from the console towards me, slightly/a lot threateningly. I was in my jammies and this is how I'm going to die.

"Um… Ah… Dunno…" I start to panic, and land on my knees abruptly. I'm slightly hyperventilating. I put my head between my knees to stop myself from passing out.

Shitshitshitshitshitshit. NoNoNoNoNoNo. Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.

Whatever is going around me, I'm blocking it all out. I mean who wouldn't freak out. I don't want to be here. This place is the stuff of nightmares and scary-ass shit. I'm not one the main characters, I don't belong here. I'm probably going to die a horrific death, I can almost see it now—

"OI!" I startle from thoughts from the really loud bellow. I look at Donna with wide-eyes.

"Y-yes?" I stutter out. My mouth feels dry and I swallow noisily.

She hesitates walks slowly toward me, like one would with a skittish animal. I suppose that is rather apt as an analogy to myself. She sits next to me carefully, after a few moments of staring at my stiff form, ignoring the way the Doctor tried to pull her back.

"Are you alright?" she asks softly.

Uh. No. "Not really," I stare at her trying not to freak out again.

"That's not possible!" the Doctor exclaims while diagnosing me with the sonic screwdriver.

We both look at him like he's grown two heads.

"Yeah and so is time travel, but I'm not trying to disprove that," I mutter to myself, though Donna hears and stiffens.

"How do you know that?" she hisses at me suspiciously.

I shrug, confused on what to say and knowing I can't really tell them much.

"Who are you and how did you get here?" the Doctor asks with narrowed eyes.

"Oliver. Jamie Oliver," I supply honestly. Why lie about a name? It's better that way. I gulp at the second question, not really understanding how I got here myself. "I don't have a concrete idea. Just some theories."

Both look at me expectantly.

"I'm not exactly sure," I hedge. Damn it all!

The Doctor's eyes narrow further, he knows something. But it's Donna who asks a valid question.

"What's that supposed to mean?" she all but demands.

"I-I-uh," I stutter incoherently. I don't know what to say, I mean they both could very well just think I'm a nut-job that was dosed with something to be pulled into the TARDIS. Like the case with Donna.

"You're a Time Lord," the Doctor tells us abruptly.

What.

What?

What?

"WHAT?" I yelped. Good, my brain sort of works.

"Well, it says here you have a binary vascular system and the regenerative energy…" He said pointing to his sonic screwdriver.

"Are you saying that I'm not human anymore?" I asked trying to keep a level tone but from the way Donna looked at me sharply, it didn't work.

The Doctor looked piercingly for a moment, before finding what ever was in my expression to know that I was being truthful to him. He nodded curtly.

"That's not possible," I murmured. It seriously wasn't. I was human to begin with. At least I think I was, my parents did say they had a hard time conceiving and had to adopt.

'This isn't good. I'm not—I can't be—I would know if—I' my disjointed thoughts cause me to start hyperventilating again.

Soft but firm hands pulled me from the grating onto a lap and arms ensconced my trembling form. Nonsense words and a hand making a soothing motion on my back slowly loosened my rigid body and actually remember on where I am. Red hair blocked my view of the outside world.

'I'm probably on Donna's lap,' I thought muzzily. I should probably be mortified that I broke down in front of essentially, strangers. But I could care less. 'I'm comfortable damn it! I would do whatever the hell I pleased!'

I encircled the red head's torso with my arms and buried myself into her neck deeper. The woman smelled like lavender and a hint of was purely Donna. The woman relaxed her hold, running a hand into my pixie cut hair and massaging my scalp. If I didn't focus, I'd fall asleep and I needed answers. So I moved off the lap from my personal giant teddy bear and turned to the Doctor. He was frowning with an expression I couldn't decipher, and at the moment, didn't really care to.

"I'm human, at least last time I checked," I informed him. I put two fingers on my pulse point and my eyes narrowed that the seemingly fast beat under my fingers

Then my eyes widened as I felt the double heartbeat in my chest from the rush of panic I could still feel, though not as bad as I first felt.

'That still doesn't explain my current predicament nor how I came to my supposed "parents" in the first place.'

"Well, technically my sonic says you were never human to begin with," he said with the tact of rampaging elephant.

"Great, that's reassuring," sarcasm dripping from my voice. The man had the grace to look sheepish and scratched the back of his head.

'That was a bit mean, it was hardly his fault. But still, the man needs tact,' I thought with a scowl towards the man. Donna cuffed the man for his graceless tact. The man looked indignant for all of two seconds as Donna raised an unamused brow, but grinned weakly back and cleared his throat uncomfortably.

I suddenly felt a painful jolt to my system and I double over my seated position. My companions look rather alarmed from the looks on their face. Donna puts an arm around my shoulders to steady me and I could hear the distinct whine of sonic screwdriver diagnosing my body. I clutch my stomach as another convulsion made itself known and golden wisps escape my mouth. I looked dazedly at them, not understanding what's going on.

'Hey! Stay focused! Think of the pain it'll keep you grounded,' a distant part of my mind thought.

"Ugh. What the hell… What's happening?" I said grimacing from the pain. The Doctor, it seemed, was done and put an arm under my seated form to haul me up to stand with my arm being placed on his shoulders to brace myself.

"It seems that from where ever you've come from, you've just regenerated," he said softly.

He guides me toward the jump seat and Donna follows. "What do you mean regenerated? I can't… I really can't… I mean that's not possible where I come from…"

"Where do you come from?" Donna asked softly in a mothering sort of way and pulled me to her side for comfort.

"I came… I came from a parallel universe… where this is all a show…" I said haltingly. God, can this post regeneration trauma end already? I would really like to have my motor skills again.

And of course the Doctor had to contradict what's already in front of him.

"But that's not possible! The walls were closed off, nothing can get in and out from each universe without the a total event collapse!" He shouted.

It made me jump from being shouted at a bellow in close proximity. I whacked him on the arm for said action.

"Ow! What was that for?"

"That was for giving me heart attack." I snapped. This man is just too damn hyperactive. "Getting back to the topic at hand, of course it's possible, it just happened. I was there," I said pointing to myself.

"Prove it," Donna proposed.

"What?" I ask confused. How does one go about proving something like that?

"Yes, prove it," The Doctor agreed. "Prove that you're not here to just kill us and steal the TARDIS."

I ponder this dilemma. I could spout all the facts about him. Or I could embarrass him.

Weighing out the options, embarrassment it is. I grin, something tells me it wasn't a very nice one, what with the way warily looks that come in my direction.

"Do you think Sexy would like that very much?" I say smiling and tilting my head in 'innocence.' "Oh yeah, I know. The boy and his box."

The Doctor begins blushing, hitting my target right on the nail. And he begins to sputter nonsense around the console room and then toying with the console itself, but Donna cuts him off from further embarrassment. He then decides to just stand near Donna, trying to regain his composure.

"And what about me, Sunshine? Am I important?" She asked pointedly.

I hesitate. This could either way, a nut-job or she believes me.

'As the British say: In for a penny, in for a pound,' I thought breathing deeply to center my chaotic thoughts.

"Donna Noble. The temp from Chiswick," I said with some hesitation, gaining confidence as I kept going. "An oppressive mother named Syl-sylvia Noble and an adoring grandfather named Wilfred...um. Mott… yes, Mott! Donna, you think you aren't smart, but you are. You see things that most people, including this knuckle head," I point to the Doctor, "Because you are a just brilliant! Not only that, but ginger! Bloody brilliant, that!"

"I… I don't know what to say," she said a little flushed from either the compliment or the embarrassment.

I snort. "Well, that's a first." I mumbled.

She playfully whacks me up side the head.

"Hey! I just complimented you. I thought that deserves a hug, not violence against children!" I mockingly scold her and give her my best puppy dog pout. She rolls her eyes indulgently and pull me to her side once more.

"Thank you, I really mean it." Donna said with sincerity. "No one really says nice things about me."

"Donna, you have to know this about me." I say looking into her eyes. "When I compliment someone, it's done with sincerity and without any bullshit. I really do believe you are smart!"

She was blushing furiously and averted her eyes from mine. I smirk in amusement, but the Doctor frowns again at the interaction. I raise brow in turn. He narrows his eyes and looks at me speculatively.

'What's his problem?'

Silence fell in the room and the only sounds were coming from the hum of the time rotor.

"So…" I coughed awkwardly, then stopped not knowing how to continue. Both of the other occupants look at me expectantly. I clear my throat nervously.

"I think I'll get myself a cup of tea and get some sleep before I go into a regenerative coma," I said standing slowly, knowing I might still be working through the regeneration and I don't want to fall ass over teakettle for something so basic as standing. I move towards the hallway.

"Are you sure you should be up and about?" Donna asked halting me.

"We can get the tea for you," The Doctor offered with an unreadable expression.

'Again, weird,' I thought but said nothing about it.

"No it's fine and I need to gather my thoughts anyway," I instead heard myself say to them, then adding conspiratorially. "Plus you'll be able to talk behind my back about my evil schemes about trying to steal Sexy."

Walking away, I distinctly heard an 'I like her' and a 'That's because she adores you.' I chuckled and continued with my mission of Operation Not-Going-Into-A-Coma.

While in the corridors for only a few minutes when the kitchen door appears. I pat the wall appreciatively.

"Thank you, Sexy," I said to the ceiling.

'You're welcome Jamie,' She said back to me.

I jumped, startled from the immediate response. I rest my hand on my heart. Well one of them. "Shit!" I exclaimed in surprise, propping myself against the wall.

She made a tutted noise, but mostly sounded amused. 'Language.'

"Well… I didn't mean for you to answer back!"

'Jamie, you have made my Thief very happy that he is no longer alone,' The TARDIS said with all her sincerity, though it sounded like she wanted to laugh.. 'Therefore I must thank you personally.'

I walked in the middle of the room and plopped myself in to a chair near the island counter in the middle of it all.

"You're welcome for whatever I've done. But seriously, it's not as if I came here out of my own free will. I mean it is pretty cool to be here and all. Maybe the constant imminent doom is kind of clouding my awe. But I guess it's the thought that counts," I tell her.

'Yes, that would cloud anyone's awe, Guardian,' she laughed.

I feel my body spasm in pain while I hold onto the edge of the counter in a white-knuckled grip, to prevent me from falling off my chair. I breath through my nose explosively.

I asked, "Also, is it possible for you to make the tea for me? I think my body is about to give."

She gives a small hum and a mug materializes on the countertop. It was lightly steaming and yet at the right temperature.

'Mmmm… A cup of tea always makes people better and this is no different.'

I feel my body beginning to relax and the pain just ebbs away. I then a strength returning exponentially, a strength I didn't know I had. Now that's what I call a good cup of tea.

"Thank you, Sexy. Guardian? Is that my nickname?" I asked curiously looking towards the ceiling before taking the cup into my hands and drinking more of it.

'Yes and no,' she informed me. 'Yes, because that's what you want to do when you meet new people and there are people who are out to hurt them. But also no, because it is what you must be and what you must do.'

"And what might that be?" I ask cautiously. Just a few hours in this universe and I feel foreboding tingle zip down my spine. "Is it bad?"

'I cannot tell you the ending. You must live it,' she responds cryptically.

"So, you're telling me 'spoilers' then?" I ask knowing the answer already.

'Yes, spoilers,' she laughed.

"Ugh. Sentient ships and their all knowingness," I grumbled.

'Hush you,' she reprimanded and a steaming pot materializes. 'Here. It's a kettle of tea for you. Super-heated infusion of free-radicals and tannin, just the thing for healing the synapses.'

"Oooh, Sexy. I love it when you talk nerdy to me," I flirted with her. I then poured another cup for myself. No wonder the Brits love tea so much. It made me relax even more and contented sigh left my lips.

'I can easily suck out the oxygen the out of this room, you know,' The TARDIS threatened.

"Geez Idris, no need to get tetchy. It's just some harmless flirting," I said placatingly, before sighing and continuing in a somlemn voice. "Was I erased from my universe?"

She sighed. 'Yes, unfortunately you were erased,' She replied softly. 'Are you okay Jamie?'

"Wow," I mumbled despondently, then quickly rambled. "I mean I'm okay. I know I'm not fine, just… okay… for the most part. It's a bit depressing but at least I have you guys to help me out."

As I finished the pot, I begin leave and stroke the wall in thanks and I receive a hum in return.

Out in the corridor, I see my door in High Gallifreyan writing.

'Wow, I can read circles,' I thought nonsensically. That's going to get some getting used to. I wondered what else is new.

"Sexy, is there anything I should know about me?" I ask tentatively and proceeded to enter the room.

It's a nice size room. The bed is a king sized one and has Star Wars bed sheets: it's the scene where the x-wing fighters are have a space dog-fight with the TIE fighters amidst the Death Star.

My life is complete.

That's slightly sad, I know. But I've always wanted it since high school. I'm a simple Time Lady with simple Time Lady tastes.

The walls themselves are of the universe with spiraling galaxies and colourful nebulas. To call it a life-like projection is an insult to the TARDIS.

It's almost as if you are in a space suit and walking among the stars. There's also a desk next to the bed that has the exact same stuff on my desk in my room in the other universe, even down to the random scraps of paper.

Then the TARDIS decides to give me a slight panic attack, because you know, that's what I need after this day I'm having with new information.

'Well first of all, you're about 900 years old. 918 to be exact,' She casually informs me.

If I had been drinking something, I would have done a spit take. But I didn't.

So, I did the most rational thing at the time; I started hyperventilating again and went slightly hysterical.

"WHAT? I'm nine HUNDRED and eighteen years old? What the fuck? Daaaaaaaaaaarrrghhhh!" I squeaked out in a very shrill pitch.

Okay, a lot hysterical. Give me a break, being essentially immortal is very disconcerting. I landed abruptly on my knees, trying very hard to breath like a normal person.

'Language, Jamie. And yes, you are nine hundred and eighteen years old,' she said in an amused tone. If she were any other person, I would have smacked her arm. As it was, I just scowled at the ceiling, knowing that she knew my thoughts. 'Breath. I don't think your respiratory bypass can hold out for that long.'

Yes, breathing was good. It's what keeps you from doing that thing where you black out because of the lack of oxygen entering your brain! Deep breaths girl. Inhale and exhale.

"Okay. I think I'm good," I take a deep breath. "Thanks again. Umm. Maybe I should sleep," I said in a much calmer voice. I move closer to the bed and laid down. My eye lids grew heavy from the exhaustion.

'Yes, I think that's a good idea,' I hear the TARDIS say, although slightly distant.

"Goodnight, Idris," I mumble.

'Goodnight, my Guardian,' She replies.

As I fall into deep slumber, a few questions still linger: what am I supposed to be and what am I supposed to do?

A/N Thanks for reading. Please review and tell me what you think. Be specific.

-HuonParticlesAreHarmless