There was once a young girl named Sakura. She was a happy girl that day, because Sasuke had talked to her that morning. It had been such a wonderful moment in her life!
FLASHBACK!
"Hey, Sakura, can you move, I need to get through." Sasuke asked; his arms loaded with an incredibly heavy package.
Sakura's eyes glowed with joy. "WOW! SASUKE TALKED TO ME!" She squealed excitedly, not actually moving aside. Sasuke let out a cry of frustration and collapsed under the package, which crushed him to death. But Sakura was so caught up in La-La-Land that she didn't notice her crush die.
Kakashi strolled by, and noticed the heavy package on top of Sasuke's body. "Oh no!" He cried, rushing to the box. "I hope my order of 'Entirely Useless Bricks" weren't out here too long! Come with me, bricks!" And the sensei heaved the load away to… wherever he keeps his useless junk.
END FLASHBACK!
Sakura sighed happily and started to hum a little tune. She wasn't looking at where she was going, and tripped on something. After landing face-first in the grass, she got up, and saw a computer lying on the forest floor. Cha! What's a computer doing out here? She took a better look at it, and turned the machine on.
Cha! It's Windows 95! Sakura grumbled to herself. "Well this stinks…." She was ready to get up and leave, when she saw some words flicker across the screen.
"Wake up."
Wake up? Sakura squinted at the monitor. What was going on?
"Wake up, Sakura."
Cha! What's going on? How does a Windows 95 know my name?
"The Matrix has you…."
Now this was just too weird for our pink-ninja friend. What was "The Matrix"?
"Follow, Sakura, follow…."
Sakura watched the screen-
"Follow the white rabbit…"
Cha! A white rabbit? Sakura scoffed. What a stupid thing for a computer to say!
Just then, a white rabbit hopped by. "Bunny!" Sakura smiled widely and chased the small mammal. "Come to me!" She begged it. But the white rabbit hopped along, and eventually led her to Naruto, who was, for some odd reason, standing by a tree calmly, wearing a large pair of sunglasses.
"Sakura." He gave her the thumbs up. "I see you've followed the white rabbit to me. Now we can get to the author's horrible parody of the 'red pill or blue pill'." Sakura stared at her teammate in disbelief.
"What are you talking about? What author? What pills?" Naruto just shook his head, and revealed two bowls of ramen he had been hiding behind the tree.
"If you choose the chicken ramen, you will wake up to your normal life, like none of this has happened. But if you choose the beef ramen, you will face the matrix. What do you choose?"
Sakura groaned. Cha! Naruto and his ramen! Well, this must be some sort of ninja mission, and Sakura couldn't turn one of those down. She picked the beef ramen.
"ALRIGHT! NOW I CAN EAT THE CHICKEN RAMEN! HA!" Naruto jumped for joy, and then shoved the yummy ramen down his throat. After both of our ninja friends had eaten their ramen, Naruto felt funny. "This can't be good." He declared, before disappearing into thin air. All that was left of him were his sunglasses, which Sakura decided to pick up and wear herself.
"I wonder what happens next." Sakura wondered to herself aloud. "I have a feeling that if this were some normal parody, Naruto was supposed to train me or something."
"Did somebody say, 'train'?" A familiar voice asked. Sakura froze. Cha! It better not be who I think it is!
Sakura quickly spun around to see the dreaded bushy-browed boy, wearing sunglasses. "Lee!" She gasped, more out of horror than anything else.
Lee gave Sakura his "nice guy" pose. "Sakura! It is wonderful to see that you've realized we are in the Matrix! I must train you in taijutsu so that you can look really, really cool in the fight scenes! And I will also try to win your heart once and for all with my skills, determination, and attractiveness!"
Sakura gave him an evil glare. "Fine, Lee. Whatever. Just… do what you're supposed to and leave me alone." She stared at his glasses. "Why are we wearing these, anyway?"
"Because they make us look really cool and mysterious!"
"Eh…. I see…"
There was a bit of a silence stretch.
"WILL YOU BE MY GIRLFRIEND?"
"NO, LEE."
Lee looked hurt and disappointed. "Oh…. Well, I'm going to teach you taijutsu now!" He pulled a laptop out from behind a tree and started typing some things into it. "There! Your brain should now understand taijutsu!"
"Um… that's all? No fighting, no nothing?"
"Well, we will have to fight next, but that's most of it. I can just program any skill I want into your brain, and you learn it."
"Um, then Lee…. Can't you just program yourself with ninjutsu or genjutsu? And be cool?"
"No, because I am trying to prove that you don't need ninjutsu or genjutsu, and if I did that my character would not be as unique."
"Okay, then…."
Sakura was very confused, and she and Lee stood around doing nothing for a very, very, very long time. Finally, after what seemed like forever, Lee ran towards Sakura as though he were about to attack.
"Yaaah!" He cried, kicking Sakura in the gut. She screamed and fell backward.
"OW! WHAT WAS THAT FOR?" She sobbed. "YOU'RE CRAZY! I'LL NEVER DATE A CRAZY PERSON!"
Lee panicked. "I am so sorry, Sakura! Let me help you up! Please forgive me, Sakura-Chan!" He rushed over to his beloved's side, to check that she was alright.
"GAH!" Sakura, in frustration, punched Lee in the chest as soon as he approached her. "HOW DO YOU LIKE IT WHEN IT'S DONE TO YOU?"
No reply.
"Uh… Lee?" Sakura forced herself up and checked his pulse.
Cha! He's dead! Great going, Sakura! You killed your new sensei!
Sakura still wasn't sure of what she was supposed to do. She had been walking around forever, but couldn't find a familiar face anywhere. When she was just about to give up, she saw a figure approach her, one unlike any she knew.
"Mr. Anderson…." The man said, still walking towards Sakura. "I'm Mr. Smith, and I'll have to kick your butt now."
Sakura clenched her fists. "What did you just call me?" She demanded.
"Mr. Anderson…" Mr. Smith glared into her eyes. "It's time for you to die." And he whipped out a gun and started shooting at Sakura.
But Sakura had the speed of Lee now, and got her own gun to shoot with. They had a shooting match for awhile, and eventually they both ran out of bullets.
"You're empty." Mr. Smith commented.
"No duh, Captain Obvious."
They threw the guns aside, and struck fighting poses. Cha! Now I get to use some of my new taijutsu! The ninja-girl attacked Mr. Smith in a way similar to how Lee had attacked her. Mr. Smith fell backward like she had. Infuriated, Smith got right back up and leapt at his enemy. Sakura, being fast, followed suit. The two hung in the air like you-know-how, before Sakura slapped Mr. Smith across the face.
"Ah!" Smith fell to the ground. "I'm growing impatient with you, Mr. Anderson."
Sakura growled. "My name…. Is SAKURA."
All of a sudden, Lee appeared on the set. "I will protect you, Sakura!" He declared.
"LEE?" Sakura's jaw dropped. "I thought you died!"
"Well, Sakura-Chan, this is the Matrix, and nothing in the Matrix is real, including my death, somehow." And he did some pretty sweet moves on Mr. Smith, who was soon lying crumpled in the dirt.
"Mark my words, Mr. Anderson, I'll get you. And your little friend, too!" He threatened, just before a subway zoomed by and crushed him.
Cha! What's a subway doing out here?
Lee smiled triumphantly. "Did I do good, Sakura? Did you fall in love with me yet?"
Sakura had an anime-sweatdrop and sighed in annoyance. "Well, you didn't let me use very much of MY taijutsu, and no, I don't love you. In fact, I HATE you. You ruined the parody… I think."
"Whaaaaat?" Lee stuttered. "B-but I saved your l-life!" He started to cry.
"I'm sorry Lee, but since nothing in the Matrix is real, then that means Sasuke is still alive, and I'm still overly-obsessed with him! See ya!" And she ran off to go hug Sasuke.
"Lee stood watching her in disbelief. "How can she resist me? Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"
"Nooooo!" Lee's eyes snapped open, and he was panting heavily. "What? Oh, it was just a dream." He groaned. "I need to stop drinking saki before bedtime…" He told himself, stretching. Lee got a better look around him, and realized he had fallen asleep on at his computer. "Interesting…" He mumbled.
"Wake up…"Lee stared at his computer monitor. This looked familiar.
"Wake up Lee…"
Lee moaned. "Not this again!" He complained, putting on his shades and grabbing a nearby leather coat. "Better get this over with…." He decided, heading out the door, just as the words flashed on the screen:
"The Matrix has you…."
Okay, that's that! Please review, based on the idea and content. I'm quite aware the wording wasn't my best work. I hope you had fun reading! And free muffins for all!