It started off as a display of strength. Of a way to prove him wrong, to show that he wasn't a weakling, to prove his dominance, to show that he was the alpha male. All Eren wanted to do was prove Jean wrong. So he did, he took it out on Mikasa. But now he found himself in quite a predicament, Mikasa slammed between his body and the wall and just like that it turned into a display of affection, a way for Eren to show her the feelings he's pushed down for nine years. The feelings she's deserved to know ever since he saved her that day nine years ago, the words that didn't slip out when he wrapped the scarf around her, the forgotten three words that would never escape his lips, even on the brink of death. This was his way of telling her.
.
.
.
It started three hours ago, outside the barracks after training. Eren had just finished his usual brutal training with Annie. Eren always asked himself why he put himself through the vicious training of Annie Leonhart. He never knew why he agreed to her offer a few weeks ago.
'Well, I could teach it you, if you want'
Eren just shook his head thinking about it now.
'If I'd known I'd be beaten to a pulp after every lesson, then I'd never have agreed to it.'
He had been lost in awe of her technique and couldn't stop the words of excitement from slipping from his lips. Despite the cuts and bruises, he really was getting better each day and was actually learning her technique. However one particular girl didn't think so.
Mikasa approached Eren as he made his way back to the barracks to clean up and eat dinner. Eren put with her worries and protectiveness at first, he actually appreciated it when she helped him clean his wounds after he sparred with Annie. But after two weeks of it, he was sick of her over-protectiveness.
Today wasn't any different than the others. Mikasa caught up to Eren, pulling on his arm so he would face her. She stared into his eyes, worry spread all across her obsidian pools and a hint of frustration. She was really sick of Eren training with Annie, if you could even call that training, more like assault if you ask her. She never understood why he chose to train with Annie instead of her, she had always offered to train with Eren since day one and all it took was one move for Annie to get all his attention. She was jealous to be honest, although she would never tell Eren. He was always oblivious to her feelings, everyone in the world noticed it and commented on it, but it seemed like Eren's brain couldn't comprehend her love or something. It always ended the same way, with him getting mad and storming off. Again, today was no different.
"Mikasa leave me alone, I'm fine. They're just a few cuts and bruises."
"Eren just let me clean and bandage them… please." She pleaded.
"No Mikasa! I'm not a child, I can do things myself. I told you I'm not your brother, so stop treating me like one!" he yelled at her ripping his arm from her grasp.
"Eren… I really think you should stop training with her…" Mikasa whispered, but Eren heard it.
"Fuck off Mikasa! You don't control me, you aren't my mother! She's fucking dead!" Eren screamed in her face, his face becoming bright red, spit spewing out his mouth.
Eren's screaming caused the entire survey corps to turn and look in their direction. Eren didn't react, continuing to glare into Mikasa's eyes which had dropped to the ground below.
Eren then did something that he would regret for a very long time, he shoved her. It wasn't like they had never had physical contact or fought, they did train together from time to time and neither had a problem throwing punches and kicks at each other when it came to training. But when Eren shoved her, he saw something in her eyes, something that he hadn't seen for a very long time. That same look of desperation and pain that was on her face when he saved her nine years ago. Then he saw them, the tears that began to fall from her eyes. He had seen her cry before, many times, but not because of him. His glare slowly turned into a face of regret and shock. He couldn't believe what he'd just down, he hit Mikasa.
"Mikasa-" but before he could say anymore she sprinted past him colliding with his shoulder as she ran off towards the girls barracks. Eren saw Sasha, her roommate, run after her out of the corner of is eye.
Eren couldn't move, he was frozen in his spot. He couldn't believe what he had just done. His fists clenched by his sides and there was nothing more he wanted to do right now other than punches himself in the face. He felt terrible about his actions and immediately regretted it. He dropped down to his knees, slamming his face into his hands.
At that moment, the last person in the world Eren wanted to see right now, showed up.
"What the fuck is your problem, you piece of shit!"
Eren looked up to see the boy with the horse face, with light brown shaggy hair, black on the sides and back, his worst enemy, the biggest douche in the world, Jean Kirstein.
"Jean now is not the fucking time for your shit."
Jean grabbed Eren's collar and pulled him to his feet, "then when is the time Eren! I'm not going to let you keep treating Mikasa like shit! She deserves way better than you! She deserves me! Not your ignorant, obnoxious ass!"
Eren connected a fist with Jean's jaw forcing him to release his collar and stumble back.
"You piece of shit Jaeger! I'm going to kill you!"
Jean charged Eren and they battled for dominance. They grabbed each other's shoulders and pulled on the sleeves. As they physically battled, Jean continued to throw insults Eren's way.
"You are an oblivious idiot! What I would give to be in your shoes!" Jean yelled giving himself an extra boost of strength which he used to throw Eren to the ground.
"You treat her like garbage! You don't deserve her care and love! You don't deserve her passion and worry! You don't deserve her! You're just a pussy boy who just uses her! She has to save you all the time; you're nothing but a useless coward! You're a joke!"
With that Eren had enough. He wasn't going to let this piece of shit talk to him like that anymore. He knew what he did to Mikasa was wrong, but he didn't need this douche telling him that.
"Who do you think you are?!" Eren yelled flipping their position and pinning him to the ground and throwing three hard punches to his face.
"That's right hit me, just like you hit her!"
"Shut your goddamn mouth!" Eren yelled throwing more punches to his face and gut. Tears were now streaming down his face, he knew he was a piece of shit, he knew he was a monster and he would never forgive himself for letting his anger take over and hurting Mikasa.
Jean's face was bloody and bruised; one of his eyes was so swollen that you couldn't even see his eyeball anymore. Eren got off Jean's body and started to walk away, his fists still clenched by his sides when he heard Jean's quiet but menacing voice.
"I'm just waiting for the day when she sees what everyone else does… How much of a piece of shit you are, and then she will realize how she's wasting her time on you, that you don't deserve her. Then she will come running to someone who cares about her and doesn't need her to save him all the time. Then she will come running to me, you'll see," he said with an evil, yet seductive voice, his eyes glaring into his.
Eren just spat on his face and walked away. No matter how much he beat on Jean, he knew everything he had said was true.
He was a piece of shit, he was a monster.
.
.
.
Eren found himself in his room now, Armin his roommate had left him alone to grab some dinner, Eren stating he wasn't hungry. His appetite was lost after today's events. He lied on his bed with his face in his pillow, sobbing. He hadn't cried like this since he was a child, he couldn't help it though, his heart was aching. He hated himself for what he had done. How could he ever face Mikasa again after that, she probably hated him. His friend, his adoptive sister, his hero now hated him.
That's when Jean's word echoed in his head.
"She deserves way better than you! She deserves me!"
"You treat her like garbage!"
"You don't deserve her care and love! You don't deserve her passion and worry! You don't deserve her!"
"You're just a pussy boy who just uses her! She has to save you all the time, you're nothing but a useless coward! You're a joke!"
"I'm just waiting for the day she sees what everyone else does. How much of a piece of shit you are, and then she will realize how she's wasting her time on you, that you don't deserve her. Then she will come running to someone who cares about her and doesn't need her to save him all the time."
"Then she will come running to me, you'll see."
That was when Eren realized how much he needed her, she didn't deserve him but he needed her. It was selfish yes, but she was the only family he had left. She did deserve way better than him, he was a piece of garbage but she did not deserve Jean. No one knew her as well as he did. No one cared about her as much as he did. Even if he didn't show it... he loved her.
Then realization hit him like a brick. He couldn't lose her, he couldn't let this tear them apart, and he needed her. He loved her, she was all he had. He had to do something. The next minute Eren found himself running through the barracks and came to a halt in front of her door. He didn't bother to knock; he busted into the room and saw something that shattered his heart. Mikasa was curled up on her bed, her knees pulled into her chest and sobs coming from her lips. They had their fight three hours ago and she was still crying. Sasha was by her side holding her, rubbing her back whispering to her, telling her it was going to be okay. She was comforting her and all Eren could think was how it should have been him comforting her, like he did when they were kids. Except this time he was the causing of her sadness. Eren dropped his eyes to the floor in sadness.
At that moment both Sasha and Mikasa both looked up at him, startled by his sudden intrusion.
"You need to leave. Now!" Sasha told Eren immediately.
Mikasa's eyes dropped back to her knees and she resumed her position from before he busted in.
"I said now Eren!" Sasha was getting upset, Eren needed to leave, now was not the time for an apology.
Eren considered her demand for a second, but instantly dismissed it remembering that he couldn't lose Mikasa.
"No. I need to speak with Mikasa."
This made Mikasa look up from her knees, she had guessed that was the reason Eren was here, but the desperation and need that was in his voice surprised her. She stared at him for a couple of seconds before he spoke up again.
"Sasha leave," he said awfully calm.
"Excuse me?!" Sasha exclaimed standing from the bed and getting face to face with Eren. The two growled at each other for several seconds before Eren spoke up again.
"Sasha this doesn't involve you. I don't have any issues with you, so please leave."
"I'm sorry, but this is my bedroom, my roommate and my best friend so it has everything to do with me," she spat.
"Sasha I don't want to argue with you, please just leave. I need to talk to Mikasa."
Sasha seemed to have calmed down a little, seeing that Eren was less demanding and was almost pleading.
"I'm sorry Eren but I can't trust you with her alone. Not after today."
Sasha's words were like daggers to his heart, 'she couldn't trust him alone with her.' The girl Eren grew up with, his own sister, she couldn't trust them to be alone together. The worst part was that she was right. Eren felt defeated, he hung his head in shame and started stalking towards the door.
Mikasa saw the regret and shame in Eren's eyes and body. She knew he didn't mean his actions, it still hurt her but she at least needed to talk to him about it.
"E-Eren wait," she said causing him to spin around and stare at her. "Sasha, thank you for comforting me, but please let me and Eren talk."
"M-Mikasa? You can't be serious!" Sasha screamed. "Even after today you are still defending him, Mikas-" she was cut off by Mikasa however.
"Yes Sasha, now leave. Please."
With that Sasha stalked out of the room glaring in Eren's direction, slamming the door closed. There was no way she was leaving the proximity though, she leaned her ear against the door trying to eavesdrop. However she heard nothing, even after a couple minutes, there was not a single sound from the other side of the door.
Eren and Mikasa stared at each other, not a word being exchanged between them. Neither knew what to say, Mikasa had kicked Sasha out as if she was ready to say something, but when she left, Mikasa just stared into Eren's eyes.
Eren could see all the hurt and sorrow in Mikasa's eyes. He knew how much he had hurt her back then, but he still never imagined it would destroy her like this. He came in with a plan, but all was lost now, he was speechless. Mikasa looked like she would never forgive him; he was ready to leave when she stopped him at the door. Now what was he supposed to say?
Eren took a deep breath.
"Listen Mikasa, I came to apologize for what I did earlier. I didn't mean to harm you in any way, I feel terrible and-"
"Why did you do it?" Mikasa interrupted with all but a whisper.
"W-What?" Eren stuttered.
"Why did you hit me?"
Mikasa's words were like daggers to Eren's heart, just hearing the fact that he hit her, made him sick. He could almost feel tears pooling in his eyes.
"Mikasa… I lost control and I was sick of you babying me around and I-I just lost it. I didn't mean it all, I would never mean to hit you, I never ever wanted to hurt you. I-I'm so sorry…" Eren said with his head hung, tears now cascading down his cheeks.
Mikasa was speechless. It had been so long since she had seen Eren cry. He hadn't cried since that day on the boat when he first swore to kill all the titans in the world, after Carla had been killed. She could only stare, her lips slightly parted as he continued.
"I realized though, how much I actually care for you. Don't get me wrong I've always cared for you. Ever since I saved you, you have been my family, you have been the closest person in my life, and you are everything I've got. You are my everything."
Mikasa was still speechless, but she found herself standing from the bed and making her way over to the boy. All she wanted right now was to feel his embrace, his strong arms wrapped around her, to forget the image of his hands pushing her.
"I realized how your over-protectiveness is sweet. How it's your way of showing me love. I had thought you just felt indebted to me, but that's not all of it. You truly care about me, more than just an unpaid debt and I am truly thankful for it. No matter how many times I get angry and push you away, I will always be thankful for it, for you. I will never forgive myself for hurting you; I really don't know what I would do without you…"
"…Eren."
"…And Mikasa I… I think, I-I think I love you."
"E-Eren…"
Mikasa could only squeak out one word, his name. She was once again at a loss for words, the three words she had always wanted to hear from the boy she always loved, the boy that saved her nine years ago, the boy that she would give her life for. She finally heard the three words and she had no response. She just stood there with his emerald eyes staring back at her, awaiting a response. Awaiting anything, but all she could give him was a whimper. She began to cry again. Tears flowing down her face, her bottom lip quivering madly.
"Oh fuck it," Eren whispered and with that he viciously attacked Mikasa's lips. He threw her against the wall pressing his body against hers. He shoved his knee between her thighs and pressed upwards as he smashed his lips against hers in their first kiss.
Mikasa could feel her lips swelling and her face and entire body burning up. Her core was pooling up below and she couldn't help but let out another whimper. She wanted to push him away. He was hurting her, but frankly she liked it, she liked it a lot. She did attempt to give him a slight push, but Eren easily grabbed her wrists and threw them above her head pressing them against the wall.
Sasha heard Mikasa's muffled cries and the sound of body connecting with wood. She instantly barged through the door, but the sight she saw was not what she expected. She was expecting Mikasa on the floor and Eren towering over her, or even vice versa. What she did not expect to see was Eren pressing Mikasa against the wall, attacking her face and grinding on her body. All she could do was shake her head in disbelief, she stuttered around in place, trying to make sense of the situation. When she had come to the conclusion of what was going on, she let out a scream and ran out the door, slamming it shut in the process and running down the hall.
Both parties in the room turned to the door at the sound of the slam. Neither had even heard the scream, both lost in lust. Eren had broken the kiss to look behind him, but once he realized no one was there, he turned back to continue his mission.
This time Mikasa had the leverage and slipped her wrists loose of his grip and place them on his chest. She held Eren in place not allowing him to connect their lips again. But once again she didn't know what to say, she was speechless.
"Eren…" Once again all she could spill out was his name.
Eren wasn't in the mood for talking right now and he latched his lips onto Mikasa's neck instead, tossing her scarf aside in the process. He sucked hard causing Mikasa to grip his shirt tightly. He continued to lick, kiss and suck on her neck leaving marks all over her. Mikasa protested, not wanting hickeys all over her neck for the entire squad to see, especially the higher ups, but then Eren said something that made all the worry, nerves and any bit of doubt leave her body.
"I want everyone to know your mine."
He says it with such passion and desire that it causes Mikasa to melt and her hands slid down to his abs. She lets a moan slip out of her mouth when he sucks again leaving a very distinct mark to prove his point and she can't help but explore his body with her hands. He pulls away after a few more kisses however and picks up her scarf from the floor.
"Besides what do you think I gave you this for," he tells her, clumsily wrapping the scarf around her neck like he had the first day they were united.
Mikasa blushes feverishly, her entire body warms up with love, Eren's love.
This action seems to spark something in Eren and the anger that seemed to drive his kiss before lessens. He becomes more loving, caring and sweet. He cups her cheek in his hand and brings her into another kiss. This time soft and gentle, he pecks and nips at her bottom lip and allows her to lead the kiss. However he seems to get eager and begins pressing at her lips with his tongue demanding entrance. Mikasa is happy to oblige him and parts her lips giving him access.
This time Eren is more gently pressed against Mikasa, almost afraid to lean his weight on her, he balances himself over her with his forearm and towers over her. His nerves hit him and when he begins to explore her body with his hands shaking. The feel of her lips brushing against his, the feel of her body lightly rubbing against his is enough to send his mind spiraling into euphoria. He shakily runs his hand down her sides caressing every inch of her.
When Mikasa takes his hands into hers and places them under the hem of her shirt he is startled. When his hands make contact with her skin, it is so hot, she's on fire, but it feels so good. He feels comfort in her and when he runs his hands up her stomach, up each ridge of her toned abs and when he realizes she isn't wearing a bra, he lets out a gasp, making contact with her breasts.
Mikasa lets out a moan at the feel of him. Her entire body is flowing with burning passion and desire. All she wants right now is him; the feel of his touch is the most comforting thing in the world. He is her home and when he makes contact with her breasts she lets out a loud gasp and presses her body into his chest.
"Eren." She moans.
She feels the bulge in his pants growing on her thigh. His knee still precariously placed between her legs and his crotch rubbing against her. She wonders if he wants her as bad as she wants him. When he makes contact with her nipple and gently massages the mound between his fingers, her questions are answered, he is oozing with passion. She uses this moment of pleasure to rub her thigh on his crotch gaining a low grunt from his throat.
Eren pulls her tight into his body, he squeezes her breasts harder. He finds her lips and connects their mouths again. He works at her chest, making her moan and whimper into his mouth and periodically bite on his bottom lip. He finds it extremely sexy, the way she moans and presses into him, her desire not hidden behind her scarf anymore. Her wants and needs are clear.
He can't take it anymore and he runs his hands down her curves to her hip bones. Her body is amazing and he can't believe how strong she's become over the years. He squeezes her love handles hard and grinds himself into her eliciting a moan from both of their throats. He continues his onslaught on her mouth with his tongue as he slips his thumbs under her waist band.
Mikasa opens her eyes and stares into Eren's. The feel of his hands slipping into her waist band is euphoric and she can feel her womanhood pooling. She needs him, she wants him, and she will have him. So she tells him, she tells him that she needs him… right now. Her words seem to spark something inside him and she feels his smile against her neck.
Before she knows it he is working at her pant zipper and in another second he is shoving her pants down her thighs to her ankles. He sees the pool of liquid that has formed in her underwear and runs two fingers along her slit through the fabric.
Mikasa screams into his chest, digging her nails into his back. She feels his cock getting so hard in his pants and she reaches down, it is her turn to work at his buttons. She gets his pants off in no more than ten seconds and when his rock hard cock swings up in his boxers she can't help but gasp in disbelief. He is so hard for her. The fact that she caused his arousal makes her even wetter and she can't withhold any longer. She needs him now. She tears off her panties and helps him remove his boxers, throwing them across the room. She grabs onto him pulling him into her.
Eren is desperate, he can't hold back anymore and he shoves her down onto the bed. He crawls his way on top of her and positions himself at her entrance, on his knees leaning over her. He asks her permission before entering, it is their first time after all, and when she nods and all but pulls him into her, he knows that's a yes.
He enters her slowly at first allowing her to adjust to his length. Once her grimacing seems to fade, he begins to slowly thrust into her. He sways his hips back and forth, penetrating her softly. She begins to moan and bites on her scarf to muffle the noise. He can't help but smile at the fact of bringing her pleasure and the image of her biting down on his scarf because of him is the hottest thing he's ever seen. He starts to speed up, thrusting in and out of her, grunting and squeezing her hips with each push. He can already feel himself nearing climax.
So can Mikasa, she feels herself reaching the edge and she feels Eren throbbing inside of her. The pleasure is reaching into her core and she screams out in satisfaction as her slit clenches onto Eren. Her walls suffocated his cock, liquids spewing out of her and onto him. Her body shakes and she feels Eren nearing his end.
She can't help herself when she does it; her dominant demeanor takes over when she uses her strength to flip their position. Eren gasps in surprise when he finds himself suddenly on the bottom and Mikasa smiling down at him. But before he can protest, Mikasa begins to move her ass up and down on his cock as she rides him towards climax, reaching her second orgasm in the process.
.
.
.
When Mikasa opens her eyes she is lying next to him. His arms wrapped tightly around her waist. His eyes are closed and there is a smile on his face. She leans up to place a kiss on his face and when she does, he opens his eyes, his emerald orbs are sparkling.
"What was that for?" he whispers to her.
"No reason, I just wanted to… I'm so glad to be with you and I'm thankful for every moment with you." His smile brightens and he plants a soft kiss on her lips.
"Eren, I hope you know that I lo-"
"Don't Mikasa," he says cutting her off. His smile disappears from his lips, he knows exactly what she's going to say and doesn't want to hear it. She sees a single tear cascade down his cheek, but when she reaches up to brush it away, he gently pushes her hand.
He stands from the bed, leaving Mikasa in a state of shock and confusion. They had just shared the most intimate experience any two people in the world could go through and he was still pushing her away. He was still denying her love, he was still running away.
He proceeded to put his clothes back on and walked towards the door without a single word. Mikasa stared at him, tears threatening to fall, her mouth open in despair, all she wanted was him and he was running again. Before she could protest, he turned to her, tears pouring out his eyes.
"I'm a monster Mikasa; I'll always be a monster… I don't deserve your love and you surely deserve better than me." He tells her, struggling to hold in his sobs and with that he turns around and leaves out the door.
Mikasa can't hold in her tears any longer, she cries herself to sleep that night, hugging her scarf against her chest, wondering why the boy with the emerald eyes, the boy she loves so dearly, is always running away.
A/N(1): I'm really sorry for the angst at the end there, I'm sure you guys wanted a cute cuddling since where they confess their love, but nope, Eren will never forgive himself and I love reading and writing angst so my apologies. I hope you guys liked this story anyways and for those of you upset or possibly crying if I wrote this well enough (hopefully), here is an extra funny scene to lighten the mood.
BONUS SCENE
Eren opens the door eliciting a creak from the hinges. He was welcomed by the sight of all his fellow corps mates huddled together behind the door.
Connie who was leaning against the door fell flat on his face upon opening. He looked up at him from the floor was a huge grin on his face and eyes bright with amusement.
Armin had a similar expression on his face, one of excitement and longing relief. He had wanted his two friends to be together for a long, long time.
Reiner had a small grin on his lips and a glint in his eyes as he gave Eren thumbs up.
Berthold just laughed at Reiner's gesture and gave a small smirk of his own.
Sasha on the other hand was glaring at Eren, not a trace of a smile on her face. She was still upset with him for rudely kicking her out. Although, she seemed to have the faintest blush on her cheeks, which Eren had no idea why.
Annie looked unamused at first glance, she always looked unamused. However Eren knew her well enough now to see the indifference in her eyes. Although her body and face said she was unimpressed, her eyes were telling him something different, I call next.
Eren blushed at this and was ready to escape his moment of embarrassment when someone finally spoke up.
"Well, well, well, I guess I was wrong about you Eren. Looks like you're a bigger man than I thought," Jean said with envy burning in his eyes. "You still don't deserve her!"
Eren was ready to swing at Jean when Connie spoke first, "Oh shut up Jean, everyone here could see your boner."
Jean's face turned bright red and he tried to counter with an insult of his own, but was unsuccessful as it just came out as a slur of stutters. After a few seconds of awkward tension, Eren couldn't hold in his laugh any longer and with that everyone else in the hall, even Sasha and Annie burst out into laughter causing Jean to flee in shame.
FIN
A/N(2):
Okay so for those of you who are following my other story Love Hurts – Titan Ache, I'm really sorry I posted this instead of a new chapter. I've got writer's block right now and a lot on my plate and can't find the time to write the next chapter, I'm so sorry for the delay. It will be out in May, I promise. But my EreMika feels have been too strong to contain them, so I wrote this oneshot. Sorry!
For those of you just viewing because you like EreMika, I hoped you enjoyed the read. It is my first EreMika fic so I hope it was decent enough to hold up to your standards. I know it isn't nearly as good as some of the EreMika fics out there, trust me I've read them all haha. I also apologize for any grammatical errors because I edited this really quickly, I liked to edit my stories a lot but this was more of a rant fic so.
Anyways please drop a fav or review on this story! It would be extremely helpful. I am planning to write a big angsty EreMika fic in the future and any help, advice or praise would be much appreciated. Thanks! And for those of you who like Eren x Annie check out my other story "Love Hurts – Titan Ache" (shameless self-plug oops ;P). Alright peace!