Hi, here we are for my second english OS, I think I'm going to get back to french writing, because I'm not sure it's good, but anyway, I hope you'll enjoy.
Lukas hasn't been out for days. He was staying all day in his bed, under the cover. He didn't want to see anyone, even his brother Emil. He wasn't eating, or drinking anymore. He just stayed in his room, wrapped in his cover, and holding his pink bunny in his arms, with this terrible feeling inside his heart.
It was like his chest was blowing up, again, and again, and everytime it was hurting more and more. It was also like someone was jabbing thousands of swords in his heart.
He couldn't move. He couldn't speak. Every thought was just so hurtfull, that he would rather turn off all his emotions. If he only could. Feel nothing. That would be so great. But he couldn't. He has to suffer every emotion passing through his heart.
The others nordics were really worried about him, and one day, they all came to see him. All of them, except Matthias. They came to his house, and tried to make him smile, to change his mind, but in vain. Lukas stayed silent, just starring at them, with this empty look. Berwald, and Tino decided to leave him alone. They thought that he may need some time, alone. But Emil stayed. Emil looked really worried, and he tried to talk to him, to tell him that he couldn't see him like this, without trying nothing. But it seemed to him that Lukas wasn't even listening. So, he got a bit mad. "He was also my brother, you don't have the right to think that you are alone. You're not the only one to miss him, he was my brother too." Lukas wasn't doing anything, and his look was still empty, just like if he wasn't here. "I know it's hard for you, but you have to move on ! I lost a brother, I don't want to lose another one." And then, he left. As soon as his brother passed through the door, tears started to stream on his cheeks. He went back in his room, feeling like his heart was breaking into pieces. He whish he could move on, like Emil said, but it was just too hard, too hard to speak, too hard to move, too hard to think about something else. And he was afraid. Afraid of thinking about something else, because he was afraid of forgetting. Lukas didn't want to forget him. He closed his eyes, and wrapped himself in the covers. He cried, cried, again and again, finally letting go the tears he used to hold. He cried, until he felt something soft, and warm, pressing his cheek. He opened his eyes, and saw Matthias, smiling widley. He blinked, to make sure it was real. "Matthias ...?" He asked, surprised. "Hey, min Norge, whats'up ? Why are you crying ?" Lukas sat up straight, and rubbed his eyes. "Is that really you ?" Matthias seemed surprised, and rised an eybrow "Yeah of course why.." Suddenly, Lukas pounced on him, and put his arms arround him, to pull him close. "I thought you were gone… I thaught I would never see you again…" Matthias smiled gently. "I'm here, I'll always be here" Then, he passed his hands in his hair, while Lukas was burrying his face on chest. He didn't care, about being ridiculous, he was just so happy, to feel him. It looked like he hasn't smelt his odor since a thousand years. But the more he was trying to pull him close, the more he felt like Matthias was getting away. He was vanishing. When Lukas opened his eyes, he saw Matthias getting transparent, like a ghost. The more he was trying to see him, the more he was wearing away. "No ! Matthias what's going on ? " He looked paniked, and Matthias was still smiling. "Don't worry, I'm always here" He showed his heart "I'll always be here" He disappeard, ans Lukas woke up. He shouted, he scremed like he never did before. He bellowed, to tear his voice out of his throat. He needed to express all the pain he used to keep inside. No he was angry. Why dit Matthias leave him all alone ? Why did he take this stupid plane ? He should have stayed home. Why did he leave ? He was gone, gone, gone, and he would never see him again. Matthias was gone. Matthias was dead. And nothing could bring him back. But he couldn't admit it. It was just too painfull. Just the thought that he will never see him again was breaking his heart. Matthias was gone, Matthias was gone, Matthias was gone. He was dead. Dead. Dead, and his body has been burried. It was probably just dust now, or just meal decaying, eaten by disgusting insects. But why was it hurting so much ? Why was he even crying, for someone who didn't exist anymore ? Why Why Why ?
Lukas was still crying, when the sun came through his window. When he saw it, he got up, and went at his window, to look outside. He clunched his fists. Why was the nature so beautiful, while he was feeling like shit ? The real world was moving on, while his own world was totally destroyed. That was unfair. He was seeing everyone, acting as usual, while he couln't even get out of his house.
He started to remember the funeral. The sun was shining, and the birds were tweeting. It has been like the nature didn't care about the pain everyone had. Today was the same. Then an idea came in his mind. Slowly, he decided to get dressed. This was a first, since the funeral. Then, he got out. For the first time since the funeral, Lukas went out. He took his car, because he didn't wanted to see anyone, and he drived to the cemetery. He walked to Matthias' grave, and looked at it. "This is stupid. I'm talking to a stone. But I didn't know where else to go. At least, your body is here, so, it's a bit like you are here.. " He couldn't hold the tears, streaming on his cheeks. He was shaking. "I-I should have told you to stay home… I sh-should have told you so many things Matthias, and now, it's too late. Now, you're gone, and I feel like I can't live whithout you. I just can't. I should have told you. You know.. You always were the sun of my life, and you were the person that allowed me to go on, every day. You were the one who could comfort me, when I was afraid... But now, you're not here, I'm afraid, and I can't. Who will protect me in the dark ? It's just too hard without you. Why did you left ? I-I need you Matthias. I need you now, and I wish you weren't dead. I wish I could go in your arms like I should have done more often. I wish I could tell you I love you, again and again. I wish you were with me now. I'm so afraid Matthias, I'm alone now, and I'm afraid. I can't live in a world where you're not. In a world where I can't be protected by you. I've never told you all of this, and.." He fall on his knees, and he busrt into tears. He couldn't speak anymore, he just could repeat the name of Matthias, again, and again. Then, he layed down on the grave, and he cowered. He was still crying, even if he hasn't tears to drop anymore, and his body was shaking.
Then, he closed his eyes, wishing it was forever.