A Detention at Hogwarts: Marauders Style
by Padfoot
I suppose a person like Minerva McGonagall might consider it poisoning, but really, it was just a harmless prank. A way to celebrate the winning of the Quidditch cup, because those Slytherin gits are such bad losers, we thought to have a bit of fun with them. The idea of rainbow colored, opera singing pimples was just too good to pass up. And so we coaxed and charmed the house elfs into letting us slip the Pimple Potion into our favorite Slytherin's morning glasses of pumpkin juice. It was also very helpful that Lucius Malfoy, the Slytherin Seeker, treated house elfs very badly, which further convinced the house elfs that the lot of them needed a good bringing down. And so the next morning the Great Hall roared with laughter, as shrilly singing pimples erupted on the flawless face of Lucius Malfoy, and others.
Now we might not have gotten caught. If James and I hadn't found this so funny that we laughed right off of our benches and onto the hard floor of the Great Hall. And it didn't help when McGonagall came to question us, that we couldn't quit laughing. But other than that, I'd say we were pretty cool and collected. But that women can just sniff out a prankster, and so we found ourselfs in detention. And poor Moony confessed to having helped in the prank, him being an honest bloke and all. And so he found himself right beside us.
Now I know I'm McGonagall's favorite and all, so I really didn't expect the woman to give us more than lines. But it was to my great disappointment that we were forced to clean the floor of the Great Hall. Without magic. And with something that the muggles call toothbrushes. It seems that we have our dear Lily Evans, prefect and anti-marauder to thank for coming up with the idea. And suggesting it to McGonagall. Annoying girl. And so with resigned dislike, we started scrubbing.
"Psst. Prongs!" I half yelled, half whispered. Well at least I thought it was a half whisper.
"Mr. Black! I said no talking!" McGonagall's voice rang out sharply, as she graded papers the staff table. I sighed and dug my tooth brush at a moldy piece of bacon. I was so bored! Now I'm not the kind of guy who needs entertainment every five minutes... okay so I am. But the bacon was just sitting there, and Moony was scrubbing so hard I thought he needed a break... A break that would amuse me.
And so I picked up the strip of bacon by the greasy edge and flung it towards Remus. And started scrubbing like crazy. I sniggered as I heard a sickening slap, and looked up to Moony's confused expression as the slick bacon stuck to his cheek. Across the room I heard James turn his laughing into a coughing fit, as McGonagall looked up, her eyes narrowed.
"Remus J. Lupin, quit messing around and start scrubbing!" McGonagall said crossly. Moony muttered something about 'Yes Mam' and glared over at me before continuing his work. Now a normal person, might consider this enough for one day and finish his detention peacefully. But not me. So five minutes later my hand was just itching for that Filibuster Ffirework in my robe pocket.
No, Sirius old bloke. Don't do it! The woman is already on to you, my good side told me. But unfortunately, my bad side was more convincing.
Do it! Do it! James won't mind, and it is entirely to quiet in here anyway. And so I listened to my evil side and with careful precision tossed the water activated firework into Prong's scrubbing bucket.
Water and soap exploded everywhere, drenching all. I just had time to congratulate myself, before I heard McGonagall's shrieks. Opps. What was she saying?
"DUMBLEDORE'S OFFICE NOW!"
I guess McGonagall figured that Dumbledore could better handle three Marauders. For thats where we spent the rest of our detention, writing lines, in Dumbledore's office. I slipped out me and James' two-way mirror, with this mirror we can see each other and talk. We usually only use them when we are apart, but I just couldn't yell across the room and ask if James knew Professor Dumbledore's fly was down. You see, in the evening Dumbledore takes to wearing muggle slacks and shirts, to show unity between customs, at least that's what he say. And so I whipped put my mirror.
"James Potter." I whispered to it. And there, reflecting in the glass was a round face with abnormally messy black hair.
"What do you want Padfoot?" Prong's asked, looking over his shoulder to make sure Dumbledore was not looking.
"James... Albie's barn door is open." I say back into the mirror, grinning as a confused James looked back at Dumbledore.
"Sirius! What are you talking about?" Prongs asks thickly. Really! That boy never notices anything.
"Prongs! Dumbledore forgot to zip his pants up." I say slowly, as though he is mental. The prat looks back, as dawning realization hits.
"So?"
"Mr. Potter we can not let our dear Headmaster go out into the world with unzipped trousers! Think of the humiliation!" I whisper practically. After all Dumbledore didn't give us any more detention.
"Mr. Black, he probably won't even leave his office tonight... And I'm not telling him."
"James someone has to tell him. And it would be better if it was you."
"Why me? If I told him, he'd know I was looking!"
"You were looking Jamsie!"
"Not because I wanted to Siri!"
"Well you were still looking and its-" But I never finished my conversation because at that moment Professor McGonagall entered the room. She still looked a bit cross, and I watched in horror as Dumbledore made to stand up. And I suddenly knew my life mission. To protect Albus Dumbledore, from himself. So with a unhappy determination (I'm being sarcastic, anything to get me out of lines) I ran skidding to block Dumbledore from McGonagall.
"Mr. Black, well I never! Kindly take your seat." McGonagall said, lips a thin white line and eyes narrowed. A lesser man would have run away, I'm sure.
"I cannot do that Professor." I reply with a resigned tone.
"And why not?" McGonagall said her voice becoming more high pitched. And I watch in amusement as James rolls his eyes and walks behind me. After a whispered conversation, Dumbledore clears his throat.
"Ah, I'm afraid Mr. Black was only protecting me from my open barn door, Minerva." The Headmaster says in amusement. And I see Moony blush to the tips of his ears, poor bloke blushes so easily.
"Well. Well then." McGonagall says in a flustered voice. "You all are dismissed then." And the three of us go happily to the Gryffindor common room, to plan our next prank.
FIN.