Full (of crap) House
By yellownotepaper
Disclaimer: We do not own any of the Full House characters. Thankfully. We would probably end up commiting suicide to take away from all the fluffy happy crappy crap.
Chapter One
"DEE JAY!" Steve shouted, slamming the back door very loudly and stepping inside the kitchen. He threw his coat over the kitchen chair, brushing a fleck of dust off his shirt.
"DON'T!" came a shout from inside the living room. A very harassed looking Danny came storming through the door, staring murderously at Steve.
"Er…don't what?" said Steve, looking a bit scared at Danny's current state.
"THE DUST!" Danny yelled hoarsely, gesturing towards the tiny particle of dust that was now floating towards the ground. "GET IT! BEFORE IT TOUCHES MY PERFECT FLOOR!"
Steve hurriedly scrambled to pick up the speck of dust, frantically looking around for it. Then he decided, using up his last brain cell, to simply pretend to pluck it out of the air.
"Aha! Yes, here it is." Steve exclaimed over-exaggeratedly, before falling to the ground in his excitement. His brain needed recharging.
"Thanks," Danny grumbled, before taking out the flame thrower and burning the dust. "There!" he said, looking around at his spotless kitchen.
"Ok, then" said Steve cautiously. "Is DJ home?"
"Yeah, she's upstairs," said Danny, now very cheerful. "But make sure to put on a rubber suit before you go! I just vacuumed the carpet."
"O…k" said Steve, jumping into a nearby rubber suit. Unfortunately for him, it was bright pink, and obviously belonged to Stephanie. Steve, however, was oblivious to this, and bounced up the stairs to DJ's room.
"Hey Deej," said Steve, waltzing into her room, thinking he looked very suave.
"Hey Steve!" exclaimed DJ, jumping up and giving him a hug. "Why the visit?"
"My brain needs to be recharged," said Steve sexily. "You're the only one I trust, baby."
"Steve…." DJ trailed off as Steve captured her lips with his. "Steve…" she moaned, as they shared a fervent bout of French kissing. Suddenly, Steve went slightly limp and fell off of the bed.
"Oh god! I forgot to recharge his brain in all of the… excitement!" DJ cried.
Steve sat up, rubbing his head.
"Who are you…?" He slobbered groggily.
"Don't worry, Steve," said DJ kindly, propping his head up on a nearby pillow and grabbing a large needle. "I'm just recharging your brain, like I do everyday at 9, 3, and 8." With that statement, DJ stuck the needle into Steve's cranium and injected roughly 2 gallons of fluid.
"Duh…" said Steve, drooling all over Michelle's pillow.
"HEY!" Came a voice from inside the closet. DJ looked over at the closet curiously, while Steve fell off the bed again.
"Michelle," said DJ, standing up with her hands on her hips. "Stephanie,"
The closet door burst open, revealing Stephanie and Michelle wearing all of DJ's clothes. Michelle appeared to be wearing all of DJ's socks, for her feet were nearly four times their normal size. She was also wearing about six sweaters, and was red all over, but was looking very smug. Stephanie was wearing all of DJ's pants, and she looked like she was wearing numerous pairs of ski pants. Dangling around her neck and wrists were countless necklaces and bracelets, and it even appeared that Michelle was wearing a condom on her nose.
"MICHELLE! STEPHANIE!" DJ shouted, fuming. Steve stood up, but DJ got so angry that she flung her hands out to the sides and knocked him over again.
"DJ, what's this?" Michelle wondered innocently, pointing to condom on her nose.
"Uh… well… it's something you definitely shouldn't tell Dad about. It's a girl secret. In fact, if a boy finds out, the person who told will DIE!"
IN THE KITCHEN
"Oh DANNY!" cooed a feminine voice from behind Danny.
"Who is that? Who's there?
"Guess!" said the voice, coming up behind him and covering his eyes with bright pink nails that scraped his cornea.
"Um…Joey?"
"No, silly!" said the voice, turning him around so he could see the mysterious person. "It's me! Vicky!"
"Oh," Danny mumbled. "It's just you."
Vicky frowned. "What do you mean, just me?"
"I mean, why didn't you tell me that you were a day older than I was?" Danny said, his heart broken. "I was always taught that the male should be older than the female, and now…our relationship is terminated!"
Vicky's eyes filled with tears. "Danny, don't do this!"
Danny ignored her, and grabbed her by the scruff of her ugly faux fur coat, tossing her out of the house and right into her car.
"Aahhhh!" Vicky screamed as she broke the windshield glass. It scraped against her eyeballs, digging into her burning flesh. Her skin was screaming in agony, her eyes were rolling, her mouth foaming.
"Bye, dear!" said Danny cheerfully, looking at her. "Don't bother calling, I've just discovered that I'm gay! That might explain why I invited Joey and Jesse to live with me in the first place," he said thoughtfully.
"Danny…" screamed Vicky, her legs twitching and bending in contortionist-like poses. "I love youuuuuuuu…." Then she died.
Danny, however, did not hear this last plea because had already slammed the door and was inside…watching Jesse on the couch. He was watching football, his hand running time after time though his long, silky, black hair. Danny often admired how his hair fell over his eyes in that sexy way, but before he had thought it was just jealousy. Now he knew that it was something else…
A:N/Hey, guys! This is Erin and Laur reporting for duty! We've decided to take a break from HP faces (due to lack of inspiration), so we wrote a Full House parody. We watch this all the time and nearly piss ourselves laughing. So, review away, my lovelies!
Erin and Laur