They say "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger". Well, whoever "they" may be, I'd like to beg to differ. You see, in my experience, what hasn't killed me hasn't made me stronger, on the contrary in fact. What hasn't killed me has only made me build higher walls around my heart. I'm no mason of course, but throughout my life, I've learned that if you don't create that barricade, if you don't build those walls higher and higher, they'll crumble to the ground and you'll be left to pick up the pieces of your heart that shattered with it.
Sure, I could open myself up again, I could knock down a few of those purely metaphorical walls, but why would I risk it? Why would I risk putting my heart out there, loving someone only to have them let me go? Why would I even want to open myself up to that much suffering?
"They" also say that it's worth it. That when you meet that person, you'll just know. But how can I know if this person is worth it, if I can't trust them enough to let them climb those ivy covered walls? How is any amount of pain worth the limited connection you feel? Emotions, love, that's all transient, fleeting. I may not be a mason, but my walls will stand strong.
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I know, I have a thing for angst. But let me know what you think about this one. It was about a twenty minute excursion that I'm not sure about, but I may continue. Thanks for reading!