"180 pound… PHOENIX," Zoro's muffled yell startled Sanji who was testing out new recipes in the kitchen. The Sunny shook violently under the combined force of Zoro's attack and the tumult of the midnight storm. Sanji sucked his teeth agitatedly and turned the stove on low before going outside to tell off the swordsman.
"Oi! What the fuck do you think you're doing marimo?! It's late and you're going to wake Nami san and Robin chan with all of that shitty noise!"
"Good," Zoro yelled over the throes of the storm as the Sunny jerked again. "Let 'em wake up- tell 'em the marines are here."
Sanji sighed and took out a fresh cigarette to light. Taking one long drag, he exhaled and looked up at Zoro who was intently scanning the night sky. "Oi…" he laughed softly. "This shouldn't be something that we need to wake the entire crew over, right? One… if you're feeling tired… maybe two pirates should be enough to get the job done."
"I think you might be right about that," Sanji heard the dark sneer in the swordsman's response. "One is more than enough!"
"Sure, sure! Just keep it down." Sanji turned to the kitchen door.
"It'd be quiet if you would keep your damn mouth shut once in a while," Zoro retorted through the sword in his mouth. Shutting the door, Sanji returned to the broth that was now happily simmering on the stove. As he started to wash some carrots in the sink, he noticed someone fall from the sky towards Zoro's blades which were glinting in the night with the same bloodlust that the Straw hats often saw in their owner's eye. Sanji snickered to himself.
"Not your lucky day, is it, Marine san? You could've at least come while he was napping which is like any other time of the day… oh… but then you'd have to fight me instead which is about the same thing." Taking the carrots out of the sink he lined them up on the cutting board. He glanced back at Zoro who had sliced the intruder out of the air, too impatient to wait for them to land. "How unl…l…LA…LADY?!" The intruder had risen, their limbs shaking violently, hesitantly taking a step back from Zoro as he advanced like a crouching tiger, all three swords on the offense. A flash of lightening revealed an enraged caramel face that was streaked with blood and rain, long damp black curls, and what looked like a green and gold cape that adorned the muscles of a trained fighter. She stumbled as she tried to take a step back and just as Zoro lifted his swords to deal a finishing blow, Sanji kicked the kitchen door down, leapt, spun in the night's thunder, and landed a flaming leg on Zoro's head.
"ZOOOOOOOROOOOOOO!"
Zoro yanked the sword out of his mouth and whipped around to face the fuming cook. "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR, FUCK BROW?!"
"A LADY, YA DAMN MARIMO, A LADY?! WHY ARE YOU CUTTING DOWN A CUTE LADY LIKE THAT?!"
"SHE'S A MARINE DUMBASS, WHAT ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?"
"YOU COULD'VE VERY GENTLY TAKEN HER PRISONER!"
"WE DON'T TAKE PRISONERS ON THIS SHIP!"
"WE DON'T HURT LADIES ON THIS SHIP!"
"OH YEAH?! YOU WANNA TELL LUFFY YOU'RE GOING EASY ON A MARINE THAT INVADED OUR SHIP AND PROBABLY HAS MORE FRIENDS WAITING FOR US?!"
"YOU WANNA TELL CHOPPER TO COME OUT HERE SO HE'LL BE READY TO PATCH YOU UP ONCE I FILLET YOUR GREEN, SHITTY, DRUNK, GOOD FOR NOTHING A- "
"No one's coming! I… I promise!" the Marine coughed from the floor of the deck. "Just please… let me go… I didn't mean to fall on your ship!"
"I understand, my love." Sanji who had quite literally been butting heads with Zoro a moment before, was now on one knee before the fallen intruder, softly kissing her bloody hand. "I know I'm not worth it, but please find it within your beautiful heart to forgive me- if I had known that it was you who had blessed our ship with your presence, I would never have let that filthy pirate harm you."
"You're a pirate too, idiot," Zoro growled in front of the two.
"Pirate…? You two are… pirates" she panted.
"You must be dense… you really didn't notice?" Zoro smirked and pointed his sword at the sky as a bolt of lightning briefly illuminated a black flag, its skull and crossbones proudly sporting a straw hat.
The intruder gazed through bleary eyes at the Jolly Roger fluttering in the rain. "Pirates…"' she spat, her whole body quaking. Yanking her hand out of Sanji's, she staggered to her feet. She raised her gory fists and glared at Zoro as she swayed precariously under her own dead weight. She struggled to speak "Give… me…"
"More? Gladly~" Zoro purred, returning his sword to his mouth.
"…My…" the marine almost fell over before reassuming her fighting stance.
"I don't know what you're going on about, but I'll make sure you're satisfied this time."
"Oi- ZORO WAIT!" Sanji yelled, but before he could stand again, Wado, Shusui, and Kitetsu had completed a pristinely lethal Tora Gari, but instead of meeting flesh, they ricocheted off of a 6 foot boulder like object that stood where the heavily wounded woman was just seconds before.
"What the…" Zoro muttered through Wado's hilt as Sanji gave him a swift roundhouse kick to the back of the neck.
"WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY BEAUTIFUL LADY, JACKASS?!"
"I DIDN'T DO SHIT!"
"THEN WHAT THE HELL IS THIS ROCK- SHIT?!"
"HELL IF I KNOW, I WAS JUST GONNA CUT HER!"
"WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU TRYING TO CUT HER WHEN I TOLD YOU NOT TO?!"
"I DON'T TAKE ORDERS FROM YOU, SHIT COOK, SO YOU CAN GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR PANTS AND LOOK AT THE BIGGER PICTURE HERE!"
"YOU OF ALL PEOPLE ARE TELLING ME TO THINK?!"
"WANNA FIGHT ABOUT IT?!"
"DIABLE JAMBLE…" Sanji rekindled his leg and Zoro whipped his swords to rid them of the blood so that they would be ready for their new prey. Before they could lunge, the door to the boy's dorm slammed open.
"SAAAAAAAAANJIIIIIIIIIIII! FOOOOOOOOOOOD!" Luffy shuffled out of the room rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. Blearily staring at the deck, he seemed to notice the huge rock getting drenched in the storm.
"AH! WHAT'S THAT?!" Stretching his arms, he got a grip on the ledge of the ship and snapped over to the structure, smacking into the two to send Sanji and Zoro flying into the sea. He knocked on the boulder like thing. "Hmmmmm…. Hello~~~ anybody home~~~? Hmmmmm…. It's a mystery rock!"
"IT'S A MYSTERY WE HAVEN'T KILLED YOU YET!" Zoro and Sanji shouted in unison as they strained to board the swaying ship again. Once on board, they landed a solid punch that would have cracked the skull of a normal human, but, unfortunately, the rubber boy simply bounced off the wall and back to their feet.
"SHI SHI SHI SHI SHI SHI! My bad!" he crawled closer to the boulder and sniffed it. "Sanji… cook this."
"LIKE HELL, DUMBASS!" Sanji sent him flying again.
"But I'm hungryyyyyyy!"
"I'll make you something else, but we don't cook ladies, Luffy."
"The rock is a lady? Sorry Boulder san, I didn't know…"
"No Luffy, she's inside of it," Zoro unsheathed Wado Ichimonji and pointed it at the structure. "And she's a marine."
"MARINE?!" So this boulder is a bad guy?! Oi, Boulder San! Get the hell off of Sunny!" Luffy got up and turned on Zoro. "ZORO! What the hell?! You were on watch- why'd you let a marine stay here?!"
"I DIDN'T LET HER! SHE CAME OUT OF THE SKY AND THE IDIOT COOK STOPPED ME WHEN I WAS ABOUT TO FINISH HER OFF!"
"HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU, YOU DON'T FINISH OFF LADIES! IF YOU WANT SOMETHING FINISHED OFF, I'LL FINISH YOU OFF RIGHT NOW!"
"FINE LET'S GO, SHIT BROW!"
"SWORD JERK!"
"I'M HUNGRYYYYYYYYY!"
"NOBODY CARES!" Zoro and Sanji snapped at Luffy again. The library door suddenly opened and Robin's head peeked out.
"Luffy, Zoro, Sanji, come inside. It's raining really hard and you'll catch a cold like that," she paused and turned to the mysterious object on the ground. "Bring Boulder- Marine san too, please."
"AYE, AYE ROBIN CHWAN! ROBIN CHWAN IS SO COMPASSIONATE!"
Hoisting the marine onto his shoulder, Zoro and the others headed to the library.
"Oi! Don't just carry her like a potato sack! If I find a single crack in that boulder, I will end you!"
"Shut up, I know what I'm doing!"
"Saaaaanjiiiiii, can you make potatoes?"
"Just wait a minute! Sheesh!"
Author's note: And that's a wrap for chapter one. Please tell me what you think in reviews! Thanks for reading!