An exploration.
Exploration
He tucked the boy's head gently under his chin, and patted down the cowlick awkwardly with his free hand. The boy's shoulders were shivering – tremors held in check by the tautness of the muscles bunched under the thin shirt.
"Come on, now, tantei-kun," he murmured. A little awkwardly, because he wasn't entirely sure how to react to this show of vulnerability and trust. "Sh..." he added, because the choked, high sound the detective was making made him feel ill, unreasonably mad, and unbearably sad. Emotions too far removed from his life on the rooftops, skirting the edges of societal conscience, appearing in lives like the brief brilliant flash of a firework. But he never stayed – never lingered emotionally or physically in a place long enough to grow attached.
And trust only thrived on reciprocity.
He felt small hands bunch into his shirt. The head shifted against his hand, and he met the shiny gaze of two blood rimmed blue eyes. A frown was pulling on grade schooler lips.
He watched as an emotional war enacted itself on the boy's expression. It settled into a tentative truce with a sigh. It was the release of a full of breath that must have stretched his young lungs, before joining the night breeze gusting over Kid's shirt.
"I've been thinking too much," Conan – Shinichi – said.
Kaito looked at the detective's rumpled clothing, tousled hair, and the tear flushed face and almost quirked a grin. Way to state the obvious, genius.
A quick flash of reprimanding cold blue met his eyes before sliding away again.
"Time's slipping away from me, Kid..." Bitter frustration laced his voice. "I thought I'd accepted it before – solving cases in the shadows, pretend I'm an immature, helpless, idiotic child, watching my friends move on in life. Watching Ran move on." He paused, before continuing quietly. "I thought we'd have a chance once. The cure... somewhere along the line, it became more than just getting my body back. I would give me back my life, rewind the clock, so I could make up for all that I've lost."
He gave a short laugh. "I'm a fool. An idealistic fool."
Kid settled himself back on the wall and wrapped his cloak around him. The chilly winter air was only exaggerated by the wind and the night. Shinichi stayed where he was, fully exposed to the weather of the rooftop. He faced the wind, letting it bath him in a cold induced numbness.
"It wasn't all for nothing," Kid said quietly. "You met the kids, Haibara... me."
"It's not so simple." Shinichi was hunched into himself, the little body a solitary protrusion off the flat roof. He was gazing into the distant lights of the city skyline, teeth gritted against the wind and the cold. "Look at me – I'm a teenager trapped in a child's body. And when my body is of a teenager? I'll be in my late twenties mentally. When other boys of my 'age' are chasing after girls, I'd be into books on theology and philosophy." He snorted. "Surrendering my wordly woes, so to speak."
He gestured down at himself. "Even now, there's conflict. My body is tired – it's ready for a nine o'clock sharp bedtime. My mind's still sharp, roused." His gaze flickered to Kid and scrutinized the man. Kid smirked inwardly. The jewel was a solid presence digging reassuringly into his waist. Shinichi sighed. "Everything's misaligned. I never feel... right."
"Nor do I," Kid put in.
"That's because you're a lunatic."
Kid crossed his arms. "Perhaps I am. Perhaps that's why I also feel out of place – as if my body cannot contain me. I also live a double life, which may, in many ways, be more difficult than yours." He quirked a brow from beneath the shadow of his hat. "Being a child can be so nifty sometimes. Oh, the heists that could have been done, if only I were so pint sized."
Shinichi rolled his eyes. "Try having your cells deconstructed," he remarked dryly. "I assure you, the feeling's so pleasant it's going to make you smell flowers for an entire week."
Kid smiled. "What if I already do?" he said softly. And before Shinichi could move, Kid was before him and reaching a gloved hand out into his hair. He withdrew a blue rose and sniffed it cautiously, grinning as he waved it in front of Shinichi's nose.
"It's perfumed," Shinichi said in surprise.
"The roses blooming in Winter are shy about their scent," Kid said with a shrug, and took a deep breath. A warm aroma of grass, ginger and lavender wafted in. Closing his eyes, he could detect the soft smell of laundry powder mingled with a scent like honeyed peppermint – Shinichi. "And besides, I can customise."
Honey peppermint was definitely an option.
"Constructed reality. I see," Shinichi said. Kid could feel the boy's breath blowing against the body of his suit. With a sigh, he carefully drew his cloak around the two of them, a protective barrier against the wind.
"Take it as it comes," Kid murmured to the air – and he hoped by proxy – to Shinichi's ear. "Do what you can. You can't hasten the cure, can't you? Everyone is doing the best they can. And that's all that can be done."
The press of a rapidly warming body against his chest was Shinichi's response. Kid gave a small smile as he felt Shinichi climbing up him, small hands grappling at his chest for purchase as the boy poked his head out of the opening of the cloak to face the receding skyline.
Faces exposed and freezing in the cold air, Kid tried in vain to tug the boy down, with each attempt rebuffed by a scowl and a sharp pinch to his glove. Then a strange expression worked its way across Shinichi's face and left a trail of blankness.
"Is it strange, that I should trust you so much?" he whispered hesitantly.
"Yes," Kid said immediately, and winced. "I am, in essence, a liar after all. It comes in the job description – you don't find honest magicians, where honesty is transparency, truth, undistorted perception. We are the opposite of honest, and most people simply don't trust those who make dishonesty their existence. Not saying that's my personal opinion." He grinned sharply, showing a row of white teeth. "It's up to you."
Shinichi tipped his head up, and Kid felt the shoulders relax against his torso.
Then after a while - "Thank you," he said simply, two words which made Kid feel suddenly light and bubbly and loose as if he could just float away.