Hey! OzoneDragon here, ready to bring you another story!

This is gonna be a series of oneshots. Genre can vary, though most will be Humor. Hence, the word Randomness.

Anyways, enjoy! R&R!

I can never own anything mentioned. I did join many, many long lines, though.

Mother Earth Joins the Queue

Gaea was going to give up.

Normally, she would stay persistent, doing anything she could to achieve her plans. But, after defeat after defeat, failure after failure, she was getting some doubts.

That Valdez kid vaporizing her in her grandson's domain was the last straw.

Though she didn't completely disperse, she was just put into an awkward position, literally. But, she was getting bored with this charade. It was time to retire.

She would admit defeat, but not without some revenge. 'If I'm going down, might as well take them down with me' she mused. What was it the kids say nowadays? 'Go out with a bang?' That was it.

The Earth Mother will have final moment of blazing glory and revenge before resting for eternity.

So, now she knows what she wants, who to take revenge on, then?

Not the gods, even the earth herself has to bide to the ancient laws.

Not the mortals, even if she would love to torture the foolish creatures for defiling her domain, they wouldn't be important enough to make the final revenge...satisfying.

How about the demigods that humiliated and destroyed her every being? Yes, that would be excellent.

The Earth goddess decided to exact revenge on the Seven, they were the only ones who actually did anything against her (as in her, not her cause) anyways. Including the meddlesome son of Hades and his two companions, maybe even the Apollo child he obviously likes, and a few others.

If she strikes one of them, it would lead to a chain reaction of grief and pain. Yes, this was a good plan. She won't kill them, no. That defeats the point of revenge, in her eyes. Besides, she couldn't kill them if she wanted to, she was either too weak or they were well defended.

She did have just enough power left to do this. She needed to make haste, she was getting tired. Maybe a nice retirement in Africa would be nice. She could finally write those fanfictions that popped in her mind. Although she hated those demigods, she loved their stories. She shipped Percabeth herself. That was the reason why she wanted them as the sacrifice to awaken her. But, back to the progr- point. Yes. Point. Good word. Not program. This most definitely was not a means of entertainment devised by someone behind a screen. Definitely not.

Where were we? Oh yeah.

Writing fanfiction inside one of the last strongholds to represent the earth. A wonderful retirement.

Now, to work.

Annabeth was walking around Central Park with Thalia. They were just reminiscing about old times. About their adventures with Luke, with Percy, and the war against Gaea.

They were sitting on a bench when it happened.

The grass started around their area crawled up their legs. Birds were amassing in the skies. The trees were bending towards them.

Thalia pulled out her bow. "Something's up."

Annabeth followed suit, and unsheathed her sword. "Someone or something with nature magic."

"You are correct, demigods." An all too familiar voice echoed throughout the park.

Annabeth's eyes widened. "No, you can't be here. We defeated you. We burned you."

"I can never be eliminated, child. Now it is time." The grass shot out at the girls' legs as they tried to run. Leaves interlocked and wrapped around their torsos. Soon, they were wrapped in green, struggling against the plants.

"Give up, save your energy. I want you to see my final act." Gaea said with a soothing voice, laced what could only be a sleeping spell (not an actual spell sleeping).

Groggily, Thalia asked "What is this final act, if I may?"

Gaea, being the villainess that she was, said "WHY IT IS TIME FOR MY REVENGE!"

Camper and Hunter soon fell asleep. Though, Gaea thought she could hear giggles coming out of their puny little mouths.

Must be a dream. Good. It will make the torture much more fun.

Leo, Hazel and Calypso were at the Central Park Zoo watching a lion 'talk' to a hippo, giraffe, and a zebra.

"Why are they talking?" Hazel asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Maybe they're planning escape." Calypso replied.

"They remind me of that movie. What's it called? Mada-hoo-ha? Madagascar? That's it." Leo said while licking his ice cream cone.

Then, as if the animals heard them, they looked straight at the three.

"Leo..." Calypso started.

"I did nothing!"

Hazel was about to say something when suddenly the zebra ran towards them, jumped over the fence, and wrapped what looked like a large rainbow wig around them.

Leo, alarmed, tried and failed to spontaneously combust. "It's fireproof."

Hazel tried to get her spatha out, but couldn't.

Calypso looked about, then screamed when she saw the lady approaching them.

She had many unnerving features, the worst were the eyes. Pure leaf green orbs.

Leo and Hazel looked in Calypso's direction and gaped.

"Oh schist."

Nico dragged Will into the nearest McDonald's after hearing that the healer had never tried a McFlurry before.

"Come on, it's worth the calories." Nico said as he practically dragged the blond into the 'restaurant' as Nico so proudly acclaimed.

"But, it might be processed!" Will whined with a look of absolute disgust.

"It'll be fine. If you eat one, I'll give you a hug."

That got Will's attention. He practically ran over to the counter, and ordered the icy treat.

Sadly, Will never got his ice cream because the cashier brought out a golden rope and threw it like a lasso at the two boys, tying them together.

Luckily (for Will at least), the two were tied front to front, so they were facing each other in what could've been a tight embrace if there wasn't rope wrapped around them. Or if their arms weren't strapped to their sides. Or- On second thought, it was more of somebody pushing the towards each other so they would be stuck. Oh...

While he smiled at being close to the smaller boy, Nico narrowed his eyes at the cashier, as if his glare could melt her on the spot. Though, the blush on his face completely ruined the trademark death glare.

She just shrugged it off, got one of the loose ropes and pulled them out the door.

"This is normal, everyone." She assured. "It's a millionth customer prize." Everyone shrugged and went back to their business.

"What?! Kidnapping your customers is a prize?" Nico shouted.

"No, but giving the filth that you call heroes what they deserve is." The cashier replied with a sinister smile, and dragged them again with ease.

"This is why I don't go to McDonald's..." Will grumbled.

Nico looked at him with a raised eyebrow, still blushing. "Care to explain? We're just hanging here anyway."

Frank came from the vendor cart with the ice cream Hazel and Calypso wanted. Only, where were the girls and Leo?

The son of Mars walked around until he saw a zebra dragging the people he was looking for wrapped in what looked like a...wig?

He blinked twice. "Umm..."

The zebra stopped and looked at him, then at his prisoners, then back.

Leo looked at him. "Don't ask."

"I don't even want to know."

Hazel looked up and smiled. "Can you help us?"

Frank looked at the zebra again. The thing growled, if that was possible. "Maybe I'll join you. That zebra scares me. It might attack me if I try to break you guys out."

The three frowned at him as he approached the zebra, who knelt. That was weird. Maybe because he was a descendant of Poseidon?

Then, the zebra stood up and gestured him to follow.

The prisoners looked at him oddly.

"Umm...I have ice cream?"

They shrugged and told him to follow them and feed them ice cream.

Except Leo though, he dropped his.

Jason was on a date with Piper in a cafe overlooking the Hudson River. It had been weeks since he came back to Camp Half-Blood, and he wanted to spend his time with his girlfriend.

They were about to leave the cafe when a giant net dropped on them. They tried to cut the weave, but alas, it worked to no avail.

Suddenly a waiter came up and dragged them off outside, maybe to throw them out. Perhaps, he thought they were a trash bag.

Piper was screaming protests, but the waiter didn't even hear them. The net must be made of Celestial Bronze or Imperial Gold if Piper's charm speak couldn't even reach the other guy's ears. Either that or the guy just had earplugs.

When they got outside, the man kept dragging them until they reached a large warehouse, and handed over them to a woman that looked like she worked at a McDonald's.

She then tossed them into the center of the room, and the lights flickered to reveal everyone else who went out to Manhattan that day, trapped in birdcages.

Annabeth groaned, bored? "You too?"

Hazel spoke up. "Who's left?"

"There's Reyna, Coach, Grover, and Percy."

"We can count on Reyna and the others then." Calypso said reassuringly.

Everyone let out a sigh of relief that was rudely interrupted by...

Coach Hedge and Reyna falling from the ceiling.

"At least we have Gro-" Nico started as Grover was tossed in from a window.

"We're doomed!" Leo exclaimed.

"I think Percy will push through." Reyna said.

"You won't believe who we're dealing with, then." Annabeth whispered, giggling? Seriously, what was up with Annabeth today? Thalia too.

"How do we escape?" Piper asked.

"We can't everything's enchanted. From the cages to the doors, even the floor is enchanted so we can't escape unless its master (or mistress) releases us." Leo replied.

"What was that?" asked Coach Hedge.

"N-nothing." Leo stuttered. He didn't want to 'scare' his friends any further, the others that saw her could agree.

"Oh well. What now?" Jason said glumly.

Leo grinned excitedly. "Who's up for 20 Questions?"

Everyone groaned.

There goes the proper reunion they were having.

Well, technically they did get a proper reunion, only the old-fashioned way.

Percy was at the meeting place everyone agreed to go to when they finished, the Starbucks close to the Empire State Building. For the first time, he was early.

He just finished visiting his mother and Paul when he arrived, early.

From that alone Percy knew something was up. Normally, Reyna or Annabeth or Jason would be there first. But, no one was there, except him, early.

Holding on to Riptide in his pocket, he stood up and scanned the store. Nothing was suspicious except for the lady in the corner. She had ebony black hair, ivory white skin, and pure leaf green eyes. Gaea.

Percy pulled out his sword and moved into a defensive chance. "What are you doing here. We watched you explode."

"I can never be completely destroyed, child. Now it is time for you to-"

At that Percy bolted.

Gaea obviously annoyed, went after him. He didn't even let her finish her speech! She had it all planned out too. Oh well, let the chase begin!

Percy was freaking out. Why was Gaea still here? Is she the reason why everyone is gone? Probably. He needed find them, but he had to get away from the primordial goddess.

He was on his own. Even the gods can't interfere with Gaea. He tried to take the most confusing route as possible, ducking between alleys, going in random directions just to shake of the earth goddess. But, she was the earth goddess. And where was he? Earth. Another moment for Percy to add to his 'How lucky would I be if I was an alien' list.

He also tried to contact Grover through their empathy link. 'GROVER! Where are you? Gaea's here!'

Luckily, Grover replied. 'In a warehouse. I can hear a river close by.' Unluckily, that didn't narrow it down at all. There were warehouses by rivers, everywhere.

He needed to find them. If he couldn't- No, he wouldn't even think of the outcome if he failed to find his friends.

The son of Poseidon tried to think of his options. He didn't have many.

Just as he was about to think of something he came up to a dead end.

"Schist."

"Language dear child, you are making this too easy." Gaea's voice boomed throughout the alleyway. "Do not bother struggling. I want your full attention for what I have planned."

Tendrils of concrete and brick sprung up and coiled around Percy wrapping him up like industrial wontons.

As much as Percy struggled he was trapped.

Gaea pressed a finger to the son of Poseidon's forehead and in a blinding flash of white, they were in a dark room.

The warehouse.

When Percy came to, he was on alert immediately.

He was in a dimly lit room, lying on the floor. The room was quite spacious, a few light bulbs, half of them dead. He could make out several bars that resembled over-sized umbrellas. When he focused on one he realized they were birdcages.

Birdcages holding his friends.

He jumped to his feet and ran to the nearest one, which was Grover's. "What's going on?"

Grover was about to speak but another voice answered for him. "It is time, Perseus Jackson."

There was a long pause. Percy turned in the direction of the voice.

"You may have defeated me. But, I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE!" Gaea said with a perfect villain's posture and villain's laugh in the center of the room.

As much as Percy should have been terrified, he couldn't. He dropped to the floor and laughed as much as his lungs could allow.

Soon, everyone else was laughing their podexes off. Even Reyna was giggling to an unprofessional level.

"What? Why are you laughing? Are you not terrified?" The earth goddess exclaimed, bewildered.

When everyone quieted down, Thalia spoke up, giggling. "When you mean revenge, do you plan to torture us and give us pain for as long as possible?"

"Of course, how can I do it any other way?"

Everyone broke into laughter again.

Coach Hedge questioned the primordial goddess. "So, you don't want to take over the world again? Just revenge?"

"Yes, I must get revenge."

Everyone just kept cracking up.

At this point Gaea was getting annoyed. "If you do not take me seriously I will-"

"What? Smite us?" Percy said between chuckles.

Gaea was about to rant about how she should be respected when the son of Poseidon said "Look if you want revenge, you need to go to Camp Half-Blood. There we can talk about revenge."

The Earth Mother blinked, and said something intelligent like "wat"

"We'll show you if you let us go, we won't run away. Swear on the Styx." Annabeth added.

The earth goddess just gaped. If only she knew it was that easy. She could've been knitting and writing hours ago!

It was really funny to see the look on Argus' face when they arrived at the meeting point with the goddess that tried to destroy them a few months ago. But, once Coach Hedge explained the situation, his eyes glinted with amusement. Which, if anyone could say, looked really, really weird.

It was a really tight fit in the van, though. Even with Nico still strapped to Will (Surprisingly, Gaea secretly asked everyone not to untie them, until later. She shipped Solangelo).

When they arrived at Camp, everyone went to the arena while Percy grabbed something from Chiron.

After a few minutes, the Hero of Olympus arrived on the back of his mentor. Percy got off Chiron, thanked him and walked up to Gaea.

He presented to the earth goddess what looked like a miniature gun with some paper sticking out of it.

"If you're going to shoot me, you're gonna have to do better than that." She deadpanned.

Percy smiled impishly. "Oh no, we won't shoot you, you need this for your revenge."

He handed her a piece of paper that said '#4963' on it.

"What is this? How many ways of torture I get to try out?" She asked confused.

Chiron said, barely hiding a chuckle. "No, grandmother. That is your number."

"My number?"

"Your number indicates when it is your turn to try to get revenge." Hazel replied.

"Excuse me?"

They just pointed behind her. When she looked over her shoulder she could only flinch in horror as a line as long as this chapter snaked through the forest. The start of it at the base of the stairs of the arena, the end directly in front of it. The middle went through the entire forest. She could sense it. How could she not notice before?

It was 'that' long.

She could see a wide assortment of patrons in the line. From telkhines to dracaena to mortals to her own children. Even Hera was there. She was second from the front behind the ghost of that weird blond that shot himself at the earth goddess several months ago. What was his name? Octagon? Octopus? Octavian.

"Umm..." She had no words. Maybe this revenge thing was not worth it. She should've just retired early. She should've just let one of her minions do it for her, but it turns out...they were in the line too. So that's why Mark cancelled on Tuesday, she realized.

"No, you can't back out. Not until you reach the end. Then you can decide if you really want revenge. Think of it as your 'payment'." Annabeth said almost sadistically.

At this Percy looked confused, "Annabeth you know you can-" Thalia and Jason practically jumped on him. Percy realized there that the siblings were quite heavy. He would never admit it though, they would join the line, and he couldn't bear giving them that kind of torture.

Before Gaea could notice, Reyna pushed her in. "Have fun! And I hope you've learned your lesson. There is Wi-fi so you can use the internet-"

Gaea let out a sigh of relief. Then Reyna continued.

"-once you reach the forest."

The Earth Mother finished the sigh in disappointment. She should have listened to Flipsy. He would say 'I told you so', she thought in a shrill voice. Damn puppy was always right.

She went in line anyway. Behind a familiar person.

"You too, grandchild?" She asked Poseidon.

Poseidon smiled at his grandmother (who he had a child with. He didn't really have a problem with her, world domination aside). "Percy forgot to give me that sea-shell print tie for Father's Day, again."

Oh boy, this would be a long...how ever long this took.

She looked up at a screen, thinking it had a movie, but it only said 'Now serving: #078'.

She looked at her ticket, then the screen, then back.

The demigods could only stop themselves from dying of laughter as they watched supposedly one of the most powerful immortals on the planet scream like a five-year old.

Percy looked his friends, once the heavy siblings got of off him. "You do realize you can leave the line at any time, right?"

"Not anymore." Piper replied, smirking.

Percy frowned.

Annabeth first noticed. "What's wrong?"

Percy looked up at them. "Dad's not gonna be happy."

Hoped you guys like that one!

Introducing my new headcannon: Gaea writes fanfiction

And: Gaea ships Percabeth

Also: Gaea goes into retirement after the second Gigantomancy

Tune in next time on ~THE RANDOMNESS OF OLYMPUS~ (Insert catchy jingle here)

"I am going to give Chiron a beating when we finish this."

"Come on, it's not that bad."

"IT IS A LIST THICKER THAN YOUR HEAD, SEAWEED BRAIN."

"Oooooooooh"

Ta-ta for now!