Disclaimer: I don't own Judging Amy. If I did they never would have canceled it!
A/N: This takes place after the episode where they're eating the cake and then Bruce is notified that he has been fired.
Like it says in my profile I can't see, so the scene details may be a little off, but I think it works well enough to get the point across.
To Call Her By Name
Bruce stood in the middle of Judge Amy Gray's chambers, staring around at what had practically been his life for the past 3 or more years. There were pictures of Lauren on Amy's, Judge Gray's, desk, along with a half full cup of cold coffee from that morning. There were papers scattered over the rest of the desktop, memos from higher up the judicial latter along with case folders, which made the desk look used. The other desk in the room was bare.
Bruce let out an involuntary sigh as he looked at the desk that had once been his. He never could have imagined that day would change everything. He had not meant to hit the guy, it had just happened. But what he had meant to do really didn't matter. What mattered was that he had hit him, which resulted in charges filed against him and losing his job.
Bruce sighed again as he sank into Amy's, Judge Gray's, desk chair. That loss of control hadn't just lost him a job, it had lost him his self respect and the respect of most of his colleagues. He could no longer look in the mirror without seeing himself reaching out to hit a man. He could hardly look at his daughter knowing what kind of influence he was on her. She looked up to him as a role model. He was supposed to be the responsible one, unlike Rebecca's mother, and yet he had hit a man. What kind of example was that for a 9-year-old?
And maybe most painfully he could no longer look at Amy, Judge Gray. "I didn't know the man who could do that," she had said to him several days ago in the hallway between the courtroom and her chambers. And he could see in her eyes the hurt and disbelief that she had tried to keep hidden. He had also seen a glimmer of shame. He had come in early this morning to collect his things because he wanted to avoid seeing that look on her face.
No matter what he said to her he had counted Amy, Judge Gray, as a friend. He had never felt exactly worthy of her friendship, maybe because of having lived as a black man in a mostly white world, but he at least felt that he wasn't completely beneath her. She had respected him, had listened to his advice about both her professional and social lives. Now she could hardly look at him, much less respect him. She had tried to be supportive of him, she had even risked the judge's wrath to pose as a character witness which, he knew, had had a direct effect on the fact that he wasn't in jail right now.
"Bruce!" Her voice from the door startled him, and when he turned he saw, just for the briefest of moments, that flicker of shame. And he knew in that instant that he would never have the privilege of calling her by her first name.
A/N2: Please review! I finally figured out how to except anonymous reviews, so make my time worth it please! Let me know if I should try to continue this or not, I have a few ideas so it's all up to you guys.