AN: My first DW fic. I have to admit, this is a bit terrifying, but this story has been hiding in the depths of my laptop for long enough. So I guess this is it ... I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it.
WATERFALL
25th of July, 2098
Dear Diary,
Wait, this sounds stupid. I'm not an angsty teenager anymore.
Dear whoever you are,
I have no idea why you're reading this. It's not your property, so paws off! Did you close the notebook? Yes? Good. Now I can at least think without someone picking around my brain, thank you very much.
It's been 10 hours since he left me here. I don't really know what happened, it's all a bit of a blur. One moment we're on New Earth, walking towards the 15th New York since the original, and in the next we're back in the Tardis, swirling through time and space. The Doctor didn't even have the time for one of his usual explanations. He just told me to shut up. I've never seen him so worried – no, terrified – before. He just kept on running around the console, pressing all those buttons, while saying it was impossible, that they couldn't be back.
Sometimes I wonder how much the Doctor is really telling me. How truthful is he? We agreed not to lie to each other after everything we've been through. Getting the second chance was a miracle, but wouldn't it be easy to slip back into lies?
Anyway, he dropped me off somewhere under Italian Alps, at the Smith residence. He introduced me to Ian, who is directly related to his past companions, Martha Jones and Mickey Smith. His family moved from England a few years ago in search of inspiration. He's a composer and a conductor, and his wife, Elle, is a world known novelist. They have a daughter and a son, Rose (11) and Jack (13). Both are named after friends of the Doctor and their names were carried through generations as a reminder of them.
After quick introductions, the Doctor left. He promised to be back in a day or two, at least from my perspective. For him ... when he'll be sure that I'll be safe with him, when he deals with the problem. That was all he told me and for once I didn't argue.
27th of July, 2098
He's still not back and I'm starting to worry.
I'm just gonna blame it on that stupid old cow for now.
I hope I'm right, and it's really just his idiotic ship, having a tantrum.
31st of July, 2098
The Doctor is still not back. Time to panic? I think so.
I hope he's okay. I know he wouldn't do anything like that intentionally, so that just makes me think of how worried he was when he left me here. It makes me think of all the worst case scenarios.
I hope he's okay. I know he wouldn't do anything like that intentionally, so I'm not mad at him, but ... I'm a bit scared. He was so worried when he left me here, I've never seen him like that before. I'm trying not to think about the worst.
I think the kids figured out that something's wrong. Or maybe it was Elle who asked them to distract me from thinking too much. We went for a hike up the hill. A few minutes before we reached the top, we passed a huge, powerful waterfall. An insanely huge drop when you look down from the top, but a breathtakingly gorgeous, never ending view.
I wish the Doctor was there to see it.
Although he'd probably complain all the way and suck the fun out of everything.
15th of August, 2098
Okay, I'm stuck here.
Doctor, please ... come back.
29th of August, 2098
I don't know what to do. I really don't.
For the past month, I've been trying not to worry. I know how unpredictable the Tardis can be, but this ... this is not supposed to happen. He'd never just leave me a hundred years in the future! I know he wouldn't!
I know all the paths around here now. Jack is quite an expert for shortcuts, and Rose knows all the spots with the best views, but I still like the one on the top of the waterfall best. The sound of the water calms me down. It's hypnotizing, the rhythm of it, as it's flowing over rocks, shaping them into pieces of rounded perfection.
I'm helping Ellie with the kids a lot. She's about to publish her fifth novel and things are starting to get a bit crazy. I've had the time to read her books, her writing is simply amazing.
When the Doctor comes back I'll ask him to get me her future works too.
3rd of October, 2098
I think he's not coming back.
Something bad has happened. That's the only reason why he's not back.
Please, Doctor, don't be dead.
7th of October, 2098
Elle's book is out. She convinced me to go to a reading with her. I really didn't want to go, but somehow her smile can get a person to do anything.
She's really worried about me. Doesn't say much about it, but I can see how she's looking at me and how she's always trying to distract me when my mind drifts away.
Starting tomorrow, Ian will be off on a tour with an orchestra, so I'll be really needed around the house and with the kids. I guess that's good for both of us. She won't have to worry about leaving them alone, and I'll be kept busy.
You know what, Doctor? I'll be fine. Don't worry about me.
17th of November 2098
It snowed. There is a thick layer of white wonder all around, which means that all the hiking is off now.
I miss it already. It kept me sane.
24th of December, 2098
Merry Christmas, Doctor.
Funny, how it turned out. At first, writing was just something I did to pass the time. Now it's turning into some sort of a letter to you.
28th of December, 2098
I really don't know what to do. I wish you were here to at least give me a hint or something, but I guess then I wouldn't have a problem in the first place.
1st of January, 2099
It's your fault that I had no one to kiss at midnight.
14th of February, 2099
They say I'm depressed. I'm not.
Or maybe I am.
Getting up in the morning is hard. And I've lost weight. And I really don't care about looking picture perfect anymore. There's no reason to.
Why can't they just get it that I don't want to go out with them and that I just want my peace and quiet. It's not like there is anything left for me out there. I've been dead for decades now, probably, at least if I managed to get back to the past. Is my body out there in the ground somewhere? What have I left behind?
I tried to look it up on the internet. Just check if I could find any information about my future. Elle caught me and made sure I didn't do it. The internet is under a code now. She said it's too risky, that just knowing about my future could change it.
Honestly, I think she thinks I'll kill myself if it turns out I'm stuck here.
Can't say that I haven't thought about that.
Yeah. Maybe I am depressed.
5th of March, 2099
The snow melted away. I started going out again. The sun on my skin feels nice, like there might be something better waiting for me outside.
So, when are you coming back?
10th of March, 2099
I'm walking by the river a lot. I haven't been up to the waterfall yet, I'm still a bit weak, but I'm working on it. The weather is perfect these days. Pure sunshine. Everything is coming back to life.
Why do I still feel dead inside?
3rd of April, 2099
I reached the waterfall a few days ago. I'm walking there every day now. It calms me down. The water reminds me of you.
Always running.
I don't even know why I'm still writing.
10th of April, 2099
DAMN YOU.
IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT.
Danny was right. I should've left when I still had a chance.
11th of April, 2099
I'm sorry. I didn't mean that.
I know that you are probably dead now. Only a scar in the fabric of reality left of you. Why didn't one of my echoes save you? Why couldn't I save you? It's why I was born. It's all my fault, isn't it?
So ... what is the purpose of me now?
17th of April, 2099
Doctor ... I'm up at that waterfall again. The sun is bright and the spring is showing me all her glory.
And I'm standing on the edge. Just one step from freedom.
I'm done, Doctor. I'm done.
I know you wouldn't want that for me.
I love you.
But I'm done.
18th of April, 2015
I wasn't supposed to open my eyes again.
But I did.
Instead of hitting the rocks beneath the ice cold water, I landed on top of you when I fell through the open doors of the Tardis.
You caught me.
AN: Thank you for your time! I hope you liked it!