A/N: Okay, I got really bored while talking to my friend, so I asked her for some ideas for a new fic. She's really weird, so this is what we came up with.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything, and I'm not making any money.
Warnings: Okay, my friend is really really really odd, so this has absolutely no plot and is completely sick humor.
1. Itch
"Rain drops are falling on my head…I had a little cat with the sun. I told him I didn't like what he had done. Raindrops keep falling on my head. Just like the guy who's feet are too big for his bed. Nothing seems to sit, and…Raindrops are falling on my head! Something something falling…" Captain Holly Short sang off tune as she walked along the LEP corridor towards her cubicle. She was in a surprisingly good mood this morning. She just hoped that…
"SHORT! GET IN HERE!"
Oh well. She straightened her uniform, and walked into Commander Root's office.
Root was standing in the middle of his office. Behind him was a pile of discarded items; a gnome bobble head toy, a stapler, a giant paperclip, a framed picture, his triple acorn badge, and a calculator. As she watched, he snatched a bottle of water from his desk and rubbed it against his behind, then threw it at the other items on the floor.
She blinked several times. "Um…Commander?"
He looked up at her, clutching his rear. "There you are. Captain Short. Holly, my butt itches. I need you to scratch it."
She blinked several more times, her mouth hanging open. "You want me to…"
"Yes Holly, I want you to scratch my butt."
"…"
"So, will you scratch it?"
She smacked him hard across the face, making him fall backwards into his desk. She turned and stormed out of the room, her face as red as his had ever been.
A/N: More sick, twisted, plotless mini-stories to come. Review and please don't kill me.